# Stupid things said by customers etc...



## Twiglet

Just read a post started by someone who had been told by a non rep keeper that leopard geckos live to be over a hundred and it got me thinking about all the utter tripe i've heard from people recently. 
Others here work in shops, i cant be the only one that gets the eegits (please tell me i'm not the only one that gets the eegits...)
I work in an aquatics show with a very small reptile section. 

The Boa Story - you'll all have heard this one, I'm getting a different version every few weeks now. You know the one i mean, the "snake laying next to owner, vet says to get rid of it as its measuring to see if it can eat you" story. The boa has grown from 6 feet to 40 feet in a matter of months if the stories are to be believed. people always look so disapointed when you point out the idiocy of that story.

"can I have some Crocusts/Lucus?/locus/locustses?" 
No, but you CAN have some LOCUSTS!

"Excuse me, do you sell marine turtles?"
Yeah, sure, I've got six arriving tomo. I though I'd keep them in that tank with the great white shark and the orca...

"will the frozen smelts come back to life when i defrost them for my lion fish?"
pray REALLY hard...

"look son, a BEARDED dragon! They can't breathe fire though. Thats just Komodo dragons"
I'd quite like to meet a fire breathing komodo. or actually, maybe i wouldn't. 

"excuse me, do you sell water pistols?" No sorry, try the garden centre "well, thats rediculous, you're a water shop aren't you???"
ok...

"wow, is that A REAL snake?!?!?" No, its a deck chair. "Really?!" sigh.

"some one told me they get big, but i figure I wont really need a big vivarium because greckos only grow the the size of their tank"
No i wouldn't have sold him a gecko either. or a grecko for the matter. 

"I've got this lizard, its not eating. Whats wrong with it?" what species I ask... "oh just a normal basic lizard, you know, those long ones."
keh?

"Are the snakes poisonous?"
well, i dont suggest you try and eat one but no, they are not poisonous. they are not VENOMOUS either.... If i had a quid for every time i get asked this i could retire. or buy a gun and shoot every cretin that asks me if ingesting a snake will make them ill. 

I saw a gentleman looking a little confused recently (see alot of them actually) so i went over to him and said "are you ok there sir?" he looked at me like i was pile of faeces and replied "no" before storming out of the shop. 

and the best one ever:

"can i buy some quality weed please?"
yeah ok so they really want a bunch of elodea for their long suffering goldfish but the sight of a tiny old woman wearing a bobble hat asking me for joint never fails to make me smile. I'm easily amused!

Any one else??


Kat


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## Nick417

Twiglet said:


> Just read a post started by someone who had been told by a non rep keeper that leopard geckos live to be over a hundred and it got me thinking about all the utter tripe i've heard from people recently.
> Others here work in shops, i cant be the only one that gets the eegits (please tell me i'm not the only one that gets the eegits...)
> I work in an aquatics show with a very small reptile section.
> 
> The Boa Story - you'll all have heard this one, I'm getting a different version every few weeks now. You know the one i mean, the "snake laying next to owner, vet says to get rid of it as its measuring to see if it can eat you" story. The boa has grown from 6 feet to 40 feet in a matter of months if the stories are to be believed. people always look so disapointed when you point out the idiocy of that story.
> 
> 
> Kat


I was actually told that one by a girl who worked in a Rep shop (won't say which one to spare their blushes.....well it was in Bristol........and it wasn't Reptile Zone.....) I did try to point out it was total b*ll*cks but she swore it was her best friends snake etc. etc..
So it's not just the people who go in the shops, sometimes they are already there.
Best one I heard was on wednesday at work (not a reptile shop, a proper job...only joking) one of the women was asking about the hatchlings and I said that one had tried to bite me but couldn't break the skin. And she asked why not "doesn't it have one of them forked tongues?" because "I've seen a program on the telly and the tongue stabs you and injects the poison". Bet David Attenborough's rolling over in his grave, except he's not dead but he would do if he was. All those weeks/months making Life in Cold Blood and still the numpties think that snakes bite with their tongues...........

Nick


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## Twiglet

Venom injecting tongues... did she not believe you when you explained that pokemon aren't real...??

The other one we get alot is people waltzing into the shop and asking for random items. wellies, lawn mowers, pate, carpet cleaner. 
Even better is when someone comes in asking is we sell rabbits... its just TOO tempting to slap a stiff one on the desk. 

Kat


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## Ozgi

Twiglet said:


> and the best one ever:
> 
> "can i buy some quality weed please?"
> yeah ok so they really want a bunch of elodea for their long suffering goldfish but the sight of a tiny old woman wearing a bobble hat asking me for joint never fails to make me smile. I'm easily amused!
> 
> Any one else??
> 
> 
> Kat


I used to work in an aquatic shop and absolutely loved this. So many people would come up and ask for weed! haha. "Excuse me, can I buy some weed please?". LMAO


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## Matt Northampton

We have had a few, here are some I can remember,
"do the mice come back to life when you defrost them",

" my mate had a 15 foot boa but it was safe coz it had had the venom removed",

" do chameleons explode if you hold them up to a tartan background",

" I am after a fan tailed lizard, you know like the one that spits venom on Jurassic Park",

"is a rat snake a rattle snake thats had its rattle removed ?"

"I know what Im talking about Im a qualified reptologist"

"do corn snakes eat corn"

" Im after an Albanian rock python" and she was insistant it wasnt an albino rock python and really argued the point, then left in a strop.


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## Ozgi

Twiglet said:


> Kat


I see you are from Bucks, which rep shop do you work at?


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## Twiglet

PM'd...

Kat


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## xXFooFooLaFluffXx

Ozgi said:


> I see you are from Bucks, which rep shop do you work at?


as if shes gunna admit that after shes just called 99% of her customers cretins :lol2:

i cant say some of the stuff our customers say cos most of our client base is on here :lol2:


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## Harbinger

Great idea for a thread 
I cant stand one i keep getting asked while holding a stick insect, 



> Arent you worried it`ll fly alway?



IT DOESNT HAVE WINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## quadrapop

i got asked the question about the mice coming back to life today by a customer lol


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## Barney_M

we are frequently told how big the snakes we have get. 'oh thats a such and such, i hear they get like 10 foot long and eat lambs'


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## Issa

Twiglet said:


> "look son, a BEARDED dragon! They can't breathe fire though. Thats just Komodo dragons"
> I'd quite like to meet a fire breathing komodo. or actually, maybe i wouldn't.


I actually managed to convince my old boss that my beardie did actually breath fire when you annoyed him and the black beard display were actually scorch marks, but he only has stumpy little wings so can't really fly well. Worst bit, the silly cow actually believed me and asked honestly how I could keep a pet like that.


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## strictly_scales

A couple of my favourites...

1) A woman is intently looking into every Viv at work. I ask her if she needs any help. By this point shes stopped to look at the adult Corns, who are every morph except for a wild colour. She shakes her head, and says... "I think its really cruel... they would be much better off in the wild".

I point out that most of the livestock are captive bred, many are albino's, and then explain the glorys of parasitism, competition and predators...

2) I hear a bloke chatting to his girlfriend round the corner from where I am holding a 6 foot Boa. He's telling her that all this animals are actually really harmless, and how he once held a 12 foot python at a zoo. He walks round the corner, spies the snake I am holding, screams and runs out of the shop.

And at number 3, my all time favourite...

"Excuse me, but that tortoise is on its back".
_"Oh, ok."_
"Well, aren't you going to do anything?"
"_No, it'll sort itself out."_
"No it can't."
_"Uh, yes it can."_
"NO IT CAN'T"

Oh yes, you're right, you numpty. I'll just phone Tort-Rite- the professionals in Tortoise Tipping. They've been righting Tortoises for the tens of millions of years that Tortoises have been falling over.


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## Hannah81

Twiglet said:


> "wow, is that A REAL snake?!?!?" No, its a deck chair. "Really?!" sigh.
> 
> Kat


I love this one. I get asked it a lot by people who see my phone as the wall paper on the screens a snake. Quite like that response :2thumb:

I once opened the door to a few mates, one of which had never been to my house before, with one of the corns around my neck, he came in and said 
"why do you have a fake snake round your neck?" 
I just passed it him without a word :lol2: 

He actually turned out to be quite interested and was checking out the rest of my collection once he came in.


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## Twiglet

> 1) A woman is intently looking into every Viv at work. I ask her if she needs any help. By this point shes stopped to look at the adult Corns, who are every morph except for a wild colour. She shakes her head, and says... "I think its really cruel... they would be much better off in the wild".


Yeah because when you're so pink that you practically glow in the dark the best possible place to be is the wild...
I love that line, people are so misinformed its almost cute! I've had people say stuff like it about snow corns, crazy coloured leopard geckos, albino glow light tetras.... give me a warm cozy viv, friendly keepers and free food over the big scary outside world any day!!



> I actually managed to convince my old boss that my beardie did actually breath fire when you annoyed him and the black beard display were actually scorch marks, but he only has stumpy little wings so can't really fly well. Worst bit, the silly cow actually believed me and asked honestly how I could keep a pet like that.


aw, did he have his wings clipped as a hatchling? Its such a cruel practice... removing our little fire-breathers favorite mode of locomotion... But then its so hard to get your DCA (Dangerous Combustable Animal) Licence without doing it these days. 

On an unrelated note, that is as good as the day that i convinced me ex that you purchased farmers at a farmers market.... well, he was welsh, it was all too easy for him to believe....



> "Excuse me, but that tortoise is on its back".
> _"Oh, ok."_
> "Well, aren't you going to do anything?"
> "_No, it'll sort itself out."_
> "No it can't."
> _"Uh, yes it can."_
> "NO IT CAN'T"
> 
> Oh yes, you're right, you numpty. I'll just phone Tort-Rite- the professionals in Tortoise Tipping. They've been righting Tortoises for the tens of millions of years that Tortoises have been falling over.


Well DUH! where would we be with out those legendary TORT-RITE heros... they've been tipping toppled tortoises for ever and long may they continue to do so.
I hear that there is a possiblility that they might be branching out into the world of pest control too... protecting unsuspecting herpers whos frozen food has been resurected as it defrosted. 
because we all know that there is nothing worse than going into your kitchen to find that you have undead pinkies singing at you and throwing peanuts from that hard to reach spot behind the fridge freezer...
God bless Tort -Rite.

I think they deserve their own theme tune.


Kat


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## BeckyL

Twiglet said:


> "wow, is that A REAL snake?!?!?" No, its a deck chair. "Really?!" sigh.
> 
> 
> Kat


Lol that happened to me once. I was in the shop holding one of the snakes and a bloke came in and went "Wow! Is that a snake!?"

Not sure what else he was expecting it to be :lol2:


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## Twiglet

> Lol that happened to me once. I was in the shop holding one of the snakes and a bloke came in and went "Wow! Is that a snake!?"
> 
> Not sure what else he was expecting it to be :lol2:


I mean seriously, who WOULDNT recognise a snake FFS?!?!?! I can never help myself, i have to say something stupid when asked if its real... 

another one i've had is: "what sort of snake is that?"
its a boa
"what sort of boa?"
feather
"what a lovely name for them... isn't it pretty!"

Me? Enjoy taunting the stupid...? Never....!

Kat


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## TCReptile

The thing that really annoys me, and you all must get about 20+ times a day:

Customer: 'Does it bite?'
Me: 'It has teeth doesn't it?'
Customer: 'Well yeah'
Me: 'So that surely means it can bite'
Customer: (waking backwards from the counter) 'So does it bite?'
Me: (sighing) 'No, I bite'

At this point they usually leave.

Others that also annoy the hell out of me:

'Why do you sell mealworms? Don't you know they eat their way out of the reptiles stomach?'
Really? Oh :censor: I better take the pot of mealies out from my adult leos viv who have been eating them for the past 2 years.


'Oh you don't want a Royal Python, they don't eat you know'
And thats how I have 2 adults is it? Because they've lived the past 4 years on nothing but air.


'Do you have to feed a snake mice? Thats yucky!'
No you can also feed them rats, chicks, hamsters, gerbils, some even eat eggs and frogs'


Gosh there are so many I could be here for days


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## Mujician

But the world would be a dull place without such cretins, idiots, and noobs to keep us entertained!


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## KJ Exotics

I have some funny ones (cant remember some) such as:

Customer: what will happen if i eat a dartfrog ? 
Me: I would not suggest it, or try it. 

Customer: what do they eat? 
Me: deforsted mice 
Customer: why not live mice ? 
Me: as it is against the law. 
Customer: (turns round to little girl) im going to buy a snake to eat your mice (girl runs off crying lol.


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## Twiglet

i got asked a few months ago by a customer if i could go and catch her "that sushi koi in one of the big vats"
SUSHI KOI!?!?!?!?!


Kat


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## strictly_scales

I always love it when you have the customer who intently looks into the Viv at the snake for about 5 minutes, and then jumps when it moves its head.

Regarding the whole frozen rodent thing, I remember one day this family came in, and the mother asked if we had Guinea Pigs. I said that we didn't normally stock them, but we can order them in. I then asked her what kind of snake she had. The womans daughter started to well up, at which point I said, "Oh, live Guinea Pigs? No, sorry, we only have dead Rodents here, try down the road." I love seeing children cry.

Ok, so I know that Guineas aren't rodents...

I've also lost track of the amount of times I have been asked whether an animal on display is dead, because it isn't moving... what the hell do you damned people want? Do you want the flipping Snake to jig for you?


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## TCReptile

Customer: 'Wow their really lively!'
Me: 'Thats because their alive'


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## Jesse

I just did my work experience at a reptile shop for a week and the ammount of idiotic questions I got was hilarious.

This one guy came in, asking how much the Cuvier Caiman was, and all the animals that were display only. Pretty much all of these had 'Not for sale' or the like on them.
He must of asked me about fifteen times, repeating some of the things he had asked before. I was ready to rip his head off :lol2:

One person walked in, saw a common boa and went 'Woaaahh. That's a MASSIVE snake' The boa wasn't even fully grown. She then looked to her left and saw an 18ft burmese python, looked rather scared and asked me if it was real. I was just like 'Well, it's moving isn't it?'

Silly silly people, amusing though x3


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## Twiglet

> Regarding the whole frozen rodent thing, I remember one day this family came in, and the mother asked if we had Guinea Pigs. I said that we didn't normally stock them, but we can order them in. I then asked her what kind of snake she had. The womans daughter started to well up, at which point I said, "Oh, live Guinea Pigs? No, sorry, we only have dead Rodents here, try down the road." I love seeing children cry.


I'm going to give you a medal...

another excellent one... we write little notes regarding a species temperament/diet/etc on their labels to aid customers in making a decision... they still get quized because no matter how big the words "NIPS FINS" are written on a label people still ask if they can keep them with their guppies... 
Amusingly, one of our newest members of staff recently had a customer ask her (on her first day) if she could buy "some of those May Nips"
Poor girl came up to me sheepishly requesting where we kept the May Nips because a customer was looking for them. Twenty minutes of trying to wrangle out of the woman what she was on about i discovered that she'd ignored the printed type on a label detailing the price of the Diamond tetras and had decided that the hand written words "may nip fins" was the fishes name. what a nonce!!
the other one that bugs me is seeing a mum spend twenties minutes looking at a marine fish with her kids.. there can be a couple of clowns, a fire shrimp, a hermit crab and a yellow tang for example and she'll point at the fire shrimp and say "can you see the lovely 'yellow tang' kids?"
jesus...

Kat


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## maddragon29

I get this one alot... 

(talking about a beadie) "Ooooh no that looks like it would bite... cant we just get our iguana instead?"

Some people are out with a death wish... talking that way about iguanas in front of me.

The other good one is when people come in and tell you the story of the woman who's snake stopped eating... and she found it lying straight out beside her bed... you all know the one :whistling2:


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## Rum_Kitty

Nothing said, but we have a huge green sign with big black letters in front of our chinchilla cages saying do not disturb because they are getting funny tempers on them. Naturally the first thing people do is walk up to it and poke their fingers through.

"Can we touch the animals" even though there are signs everywhere saying you cant.

"Oh look its a chihuahua/squirrel/rabbit/guinea pig/ [and the most hilarious] monkey thing". We have chinchillas. :hmm:

"They look like rats". CHINCHILLAS??? Are you BLIND?

"Can I pay a tenner a week until I've paid for a chinchilla?" No. We dont do hire purchase.

A guy comes in asking for dog food. We ask which brand. He says "You know, a bag of dog food". Any idea what colour the bag is, what the picture on it is. "Well if you're not intelligent enough to sell dog food to me, I'll go elsewhere". WTF????

Another guy comes in ranting about gerbil treats, saying they are the only thing his kid's rabbit will eat. Goes on and on about these gerbil treats for about ten minutes, whilst we keep telling him we cant think of any specific gerbil treats off hand, most of them are hamster ones also suitable for gerbs. He describes the packet, and I say "Oh, do you mean guinea pig crunchies?" And he says extremely rudely, "Guinea pig, gerbil, whats the difference". At this point I was dumb enough to advise him that guinea pig treats alone are not a good diet for a rabbit. "Oh the rabbits 19 years old already, the vet has told us this we're beyond caring we must do something right". So we own the worlds oldest rabbit, do we? Found out later the rabbit was 8. Clown.


There are loads of much better ones, people say dumb stuff to me every day...but I cant remember any of it god damnit. TBH I love people saying dumb stuff, I usually laugh with them about it, its rude people I hate.


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## Corn-Znake-Neil

I hear stupid things by the shop keeper instead. :lol2:
He tried to tell me that my year old jungle carpet python could break 3 of my ribs if it struck at me, and that they're constricting power is so huge that they're bringing in licenses to England. :bash:


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## Darklas

I get stupid questions every single day. 
Todays favourite was:

Customer: "Oh, can I have some of these fish?" (Points to guppys)
Me: "Well they are tropical fish so you'd need to buy a heater for your tank."
Customer: "Can't I just pour in some hot water?"

:bash:


*Every day!!*


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## jodie181

strictly_scales said:


> No, sorry, we only have dead Rodents here, try down the road." I love seeing children cry.
> 
> Ok, so I know that Guineas aren't rodents...


no you were right the first time they are rodents so you weren't telling lies 

my fave i've heard so far is

"are blackmoors (type of goldfish) coldwater or the other kind you know aquatic?"
pmsl when she left.


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## ingle

makes me wish i workd in a shop js for da amusment of it. i did have one women i work with sayin how she once saw this see through snake. i tried telling her dat ders no such thing as a see throguh snake, but nooooooooo she rele rele rele did soo 1!! and it was abou 7 foot long. so abou month l8r im reading reptile keeper mag and she points at an amelanistic corn snake!!!! i then look at her bemused and say "i thought u sed it was see throguh??" 
"well it is kinda"
..........saying that this is from the women who told me my royals could eat me............. priceless</P>


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## ingle

wot da hell is all dat infront off my thread??


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## Harbinger

Maybe you clicked new post instead of new topic


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## TCReptile

'Look son, that's a very pretty gecko isn't it?'

'Actually thats a Chameleon'

'No it isn't it's green, everyone knows they change colour'


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## Twiglet

not related to where i work now but i used to work on an alpaca farm with a friend. people would pull up by the fields and peer at the animals and often stop and ask you questions. My friend phoned me in hysterics one day because she'd be accosted by some random joe publics as to why she was tending to a field of bears...
My friend (naturally) played up to it and calmly explained that the 'bears' graze the field, scare off wolves and are farmed for their fleece and teeth...

another classic...

"hi, my sons are interested in buying some of those Nemos... They'll be alright in our pond wont they?"

BAN THAT BLOODY FILM!!!!!!!!!!! seriously if i had a quid for every customer that asks if they can keep some nemos I'd use the proceeds to build a massive cattle prod with which i could jab subsequent "nemo'ers".

Kat


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## jodie181

the whole thing of the sea being salty is a very hard concept to some :roll:


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## vetdebbie

Not quite on topic, but my favourite dumb customer thing is:

"We're really worried, our hamster has grown a lump/lumps near it's tail!"

No dear, your hamster is a boy.

Happens at least once a year around spring, without fail.


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## gaz0123

lol i had my old bannded cali king out on a field on a hot day and some little kids came over and were convinced that it was fake so i put it into the grass let it slither and then they said. . . . thats a *robot* snake
i laughed so hard i almost wet myself


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## Becky Wheeler

Ok this one made me smile....a couple of years ago I sold a beardie to someone and mentioned it was good to give your beardie a bath once a week in luke warm water and she replied "do i use some bubble bath!". She was serious too! no joking about! PMSL.


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## MissCat

Sorry, this isnt shop related, but still funny.
when i got my first snake (a royal python) i told my friend that i had one.
he looked at me like i was insane and said:
"aren't you worried it will eat your kids....?"
to which i replied..."uhm...no...should i be...?"
he then went on to explain in great detail how ROYAL pythons (he was quite insistant on that fact) were actually the largest known snake on earth, and not only that, but they were the most "venomous constrictors".
I eventually gave up arguing with him, but he refuses to come round my house any more and told me i was irresponsible keeping such a snake around kids/cats/dogs etc.
not sure i am that worried about not seeing him again actually....


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## strictly_scales

Twiglet said:


> not related to where i work now but i used to work on an alpaca farm with a friend. people would pull up by the fields and peer at the animals and often stop and ask you questions. My friend phoned me in hysterics one day because she'd be accosted by some random joe publics as to why she was tending to a field of bears...
> My friend (naturally) played up to it and calmly explained that the 'bears' graze the field, scare off wolves and are farmed for their fleece and teeth...
> 
> another classic...
> 
> "hi, my sons are interested in buying some of those Nemos... They'll be alright in our pond wont they?"
> 
> BAN THAT BLOODY FILM!!!!!!!!!!! seriously if i had a quid for every customer that asks if they can keep some nemos I'd use the proceeds to build a massive cattle prod with which i could jab subsequent "nemo'ers".
> 
> Kat


Too right on the "Nemo" front there... how many Saturdays have your ears rung to the cries of "Nemo... look, its Nemo"... and of course, you get the twats coming up with some spazzy plastic tank, wanting a Clownfish for their 2 year old...

I once had a 25 minute debate with some freak who wanted a Lionfish... That isn't the problem. The issue was that he had never kept fish of any kind, although his parents had a pond. He said it would be fine because he had once been SCUBA diving; that he had a 75 litre tank, and that all they need is tap water with some table salt... I seem to remeber that, having tried to be courteous and explain to him the ins and outs of keeping Marine Fish for 15 minutes, I told him to "Naff off", and hung up. Gibbon springs to mind.


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## Demonique

LOL at this thread


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## sanderson

Well this was something stupid said to me by my local shop. 

Me: "can I please have one of your Habistat thermostats" 
Women in shop: "whats it for" 
Me: "a heat mat..." 
Women in shop: "no I mean what type of animal?"
Me: "A snake, why?"
Women in shop: "No you can't have one, you cant use a thermostat with any snakes if they are on a heat mat" 
Me: "I just spent a almost 150 quid on a snake and its thermostat has broken, it is just a baby why can't you just sell it to me" 
Women in shop: "I can't sorry it might harm your snake, what type of snake is it?"
Me: "A flase water cobra" 
Women in shop: "you do you *know* you need a license!!"

:bash::bash::bash::bash:

Same woman different day.

Me: "I need a faun please"
Women in shop: "oh what have you got this time?"
Me: "a African house snake" 
Women in shop: "a what? are you sure you haven't been miss-sold it, I don't think they exist.."


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## Twiglet

> Well this was something stupid said to me by my local shop.
> 
> Me: "can I please have one of your Habistat thermostats"
> Women in shop: "whats it for"
> Me: "a heat mat..."
> Women in shop: "no I mean what type of animal?"
> Me: "A snake, why?"
> Women in shop: "No you can't have one, you cant use a thermostat with any snakes if they are on a heat mat"
> Me: "I just spent a almost 150 quid on a snake and its thermostat has broken, it is just a baby why can't you just sell it to me"
> Women in shop: "I can't sorry it might harm your snake, what type of snake is it?"
> Me: "A flase water cobra"
> Women in shop: "you do you *know* you need a license!!"


Bugger... I'd better rush out and get a licence for mine then!!!
thats pretty worrying, how many people wanting stats has she turned away and told that they are dangerous?!?! terrifying!

Kat


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## Exotic Mad

you all forgot the best one. Do you sell reptiles? No this reptile shop just sells kittens lol


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## Twiglet

^^^^ excellent!!!

Kat


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## TCReptile

Upon seeing the locusts that have turned into adults the customer exclaims:

'Argh I'm not buying those, you have to cut the legs off as their sharp like knives and will cut the lizards throat'


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## Corvidae

sanderson said:


> Same woman different day.
> 
> Me: "I need a faun please"
> Women in shop: "oh what have you got this time?"
> Me: "a African house snake"
> Women in shop: "a what? are you sure you haven't been miss-sold it, *I don't think they exist*.."


Hahahaha! What is it then, an African bungalow snake?


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## sanderson

Corvidae said:


> Hahahaha! What is it then, an African bungalow snake?



well she is clearly the most expert herpetologist so obviously house snakes in fact do not exist... what I have is a very very small brown python of some kind.

This same women also would not sell me a king snake because they are "too aggressive"... erm


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## chriscommunist

"Corn snakes are 1ft as adults"

"Locusts will eat your Gecko!!!"

>.<


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## snakeboy101

'Do Water Dragons evaporate when you take them out of water?'


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## Issa

snakeboy101 said:


> 'Do Water Dragons evaporate when you take them out of water?'


Well of course they do, that just make loads of sense. :whistling2:
Bit like Fire Skinks being flame proof............


----------



## jimjam1977

Matt Northampton said:


> " do chameleons explode if you hold them up to a tartan background",
> QUOTE]
> 
> 
> :lol2: explode????:lol2:


----------



## Patmufc

lol - nice post.
They made me smile.


----------



## Twiglet

loved the "african bunglow snake" comment... perhaps what you really have is an african mobile home snake. 
and i'm glad i'm now informed of the risk of evaporation in water dragons... I never knew!!!

Kat


----------



## Darklas

Becky Wheeler said:


> Ok this one made me smile....a couple of years ago I sold a beardie to someone and mentioned it was good to give your beardie a bath once a week in luke warm water and she replied "do i use some bubble bath!". She was serious too! no joking about! PMSL.


 
When I was selling a rabbit one day I was telling the woman how to clean the cage. I told her to spray it with disinfectant. She somehow misunderstood and asked if she should put the rabbit into a bowl as she sprayed the rabbit. She also asked how wet the rabbit should get. 
:gasp:

People are odd.


----------



## strictly_scales

I had the best one EVER today... never heard anything like it in all my life, and I've heard some crap from people about reptiles...

I'm spraying a Chameleon at work...

Pillock: "Is that poison you are spraying?"

Uh... wtf?? Are you real?? 

"Yes, we dose all our reptiles with DDT on a daily basis... now, GET BACK TO WHATEVER DANK SEWER YOU CRAWLED OUT OF, YOU CLASS "A" SUFFERER OF MENTAL LEPROSY. 

I was also asked whether the Retic I was holding had had its venom removed, and that Chameleons can change colour because of "something to do with the blood". 

God, I love working with the General Public.


----------



## glidergirl

A panicked phone call one night from a customer.

"I'm bathing my snake for mites and it's just started bleeding from the mouth - what should I do"

Rich asks what they're bathing it in

To which the 'customer' replies, 

"a friend told me to bathe it in DETTOL!!!" :bash:


----------



## Twiglet

DETTOL?!
ouch! I bet the snake was sitting there thinking "it burns!!!!!!!!"

Kat


----------



## retri

Darklas said:


> I get stupid questions every single day.
> Todays favourite was:
> 
> Customer: "Oh, can I have some of these fish?" (Points to guppys)
> Me: "Well they are tropical fish so you'd need to buy a heater for your tank."
> Customer: "Can't I just pour in some hot water?"
> 
> :bash:
> 
> 
> *Every day!!*


Love it!:no1:


----------



## retri

sanderson said:


> Well this was something stupid said to me by my local shop.
> 
> Me: "can I please have one of your Habistat thermostats"
> Women in shop: "whats it for"
> Me: "a heat mat..."
> Women in shop: "no I mean what type of animal?"
> Me: "A snake, why?"
> Women in shop: "No you can't have one, you cant use a thermostat with any snakes if they are on a heat mat"
> Me: "I just spent a almost 150 quid on a snake and its thermostat has broken, it is just a baby why can't you just sell it to me"
> Women in shop: "I can't sorry it might harm your snake, what type of snake is it?"
> Me: "A flase water cobra"
> Women in shop: "you do you *know* you need a license!!"
> 
> :bash::bash::bash::bash:
> 
> Same woman different day.
> 
> Me: "I need a faun please"
> Women in shop: "oh what have you got this time?"
> Me: "a African house snake"
> Women in shop: "a what? are you sure you haven't been miss-sold it, I don't think they exist.."


where is this shop? i have to go there!


----------



## maddragon29

^^^ I think we should all go there... sounds better than going to the cinema :lol2:


----------



## POAGeckos

-I have had many people come to my house and when they go in the reptile room the look at the lizard cages and say "Why are all your *Iguanas *in such small cages, I heard they get to like 10 feet long!" the animals they are talking about are my leopard geckos, sakalava and bearded dragon. I have no Iguanas.

-Had another man look at the bearded dragons at the rep shop and said, "so when do these begin to fly and breath fire?" 

-Other customers where looking at the *tortoises* and seeing there water dishes, they said "you people are cruel, don't you know *turtles* need water to swim in", after trying to explain this, they said "there is not difference between a tortoise and turtle." Ummmm am I missing something here?

The worst I have seen is:
~Had a women come into the rep facility awhile ago and said;

Women: runs in with a box "these geckos have gone cannibal!"

Me: "what do you mean?"

Women: "Well my leopard gecko had babies, and after they hatched I put them in with they're mum and dad. The babies looked like they wanted to be with their family, and then the parents ate them, what made them go insane!?"

Me: "Well, you are not supposed to have adults and hatchlings housed together, the adults will attack them."

Women: Hands the box over "I can't have these geckos in my breeders, they need to be able to live with there babies, I don't have anyother places to put the babies."

Me: Tryed to explain to her as she left that they can't be housed together and she can buy rubs at a hardware store said she doesn't want to pay more money for them and they will have to learn to live together.. 

The dense women went on to bringing in all her geckos due to them not getting along with their babies.


----------



## TCReptile

Customer: I would like to buy one of your turtles
Me: I'm sorry we don't have any turtles in stock at the moment.
Customer: Yes you do (points at the tortoises)
Me: Those are tortoises
Customer: What's the difference?

Needless to say I didn't sell her a turtle or a tortoise.


----------



## sanderson

maddragon29 said:


> ^^^ I think we should all go there... sounds better than going to the cinema :lol2:


Its in Bath, come along :2thumb:


----------



## POAGeckos

sanderson said:


> Its in Bath, come along :2thumb:


 Wish I lived in the UK, would go a long distance to see that lady .


----------



## samroyal2

To be fair the woman i know at work has no idea about snakes but a while ago when they had mites she asked me do i scrap all of its scales off to clear the mites I couldn't even ansewer what i wanted to lol.


----------



## sanderson

I should mention that this particular women is (from what I gather) the head of the reptile section


----------



## POAGeckos

Here is a page I just read, this isn't reptile related, it is tech support calls, but none the less really funny.
LOL: Real tech support calls | sync :: the tech & gadgets blog


----------



## Kerriebaby

Not reptiles but anyhoos

Halfwit; I have been looking at your animal section, and would like to purchase one of your syrian hamsters 
Me; Okies, ( go through the care of Syrian hamster, what it needs, food, cage etc etc etc )
Me; do you know which animal it is that you wanted, or do you want to have a closer look
Halfwit; Its a black and white one
Me ( goes to get a box and birth certs for hamsters, goes over to animal unit
Halfwit; I would really like that hamster there, why is he so much bigger than normal Syrians?
Me; (trying my hardest not to cry with laughter) thats not a Syrian Hamster, its Guinea Pig
Halfwit; whats the difference?

I kiid you not...even had a big sign on GP's saying Gp's


----------



## Greenwich

Thanks for the great laugh guys!! Sadly I work in customer service (I'm a glutton for punishment) and I'd say 50% of the population, at least, are liable to ask insanely stupid questions at any given opportunity. It's not just limited to their pets... which is the truly terrifying thing. I've had MPs as customers before and let me tell you... they are just as stupid as everyone else. So very worrying. 

Bathing your snake in Dettol. What sort of numpty would even think of that??? Some people should not be allowed pets/children/plants. The poor thing must have been in agony.


----------



## Boothy

We had a woman come in to the shop tonight asking us to look under her car and by her engine as she said she heard a blackbird under her car. After she had us looking around for 5 minutes without finding anything, she finally decided to buy some cat litter. 

and then there are the customers that do the complete oposite, and don't say a thing. 
A man walked into our shop...
me: hi
customer: ....
(I just ignored this thinking he hadn't heard me)
(customer then gets a bag of dog food, and walks into a load of stuff on the way to the counter, knocking it all over)
me: ....(waiting for an apology and for him to pick things up)
customer: ....
THEN...he spoke, and said thanks after paying for his dog food while the other guy working at the shop was picking up the stuff the customer had just knocked over...
me: bye
customer: ...... 

:devil: :lol2:


----------



## Kerriebaby

In pet shop earlier.....Boy asks Dad; Whats that in there "bearded gecko son", oh wow, look at those Turtles, didnt know they could live on land


----------



## Moshpitviper

One of my favourites from work.... I had a lady come in and spend no less than 5 minutes looking in all the vivs, watching the critters do they thang. eventually i catch her attention and say 'Can i help you?' to which she replies 'is this "catch a tan"?' now many years ago the shop WAS a tanning salon. but come on.... srsly?!?!?


----------



## PSYCHOSIS

Where are Your experiances with Nooby people who Want to buy inverts ? what ? do they ask .


----------



## TCReptile

Customer: Do you have any spiders?

I go and get some spiders down for them to look at

Customer: Arghhhh don't show me, I'm afraid of spiders. I'm never coming in this shop again!


----------



## M.Holmes

*Working in aqautics mainly you get afew ....*

My Fancy Goldfish, Koi and Grass carp keep on chasing each other around in their 17L tank

"Ill have that one" in a sarcastic mannor and pointing aimlessly at the tank and you feel like saying "gimme a break you either want a fish or you dont!"

I feed my fish 3 times a day and my husband does it when he comes home, my nitrites are sky high and the waters murky :s

Ive got a smallish pond with afew fish in, i dont know the dimensions or what/how many fish are in there, what filter will i need to make the water clean?

can i have a Weed Carp/rush carp/green carp No u cant! and its grass carp and that pointless attempt at sarasa you make is not pronounced sarosa, sahara or sarazer

nd the most annoying... can i have a fish, yep what was it, koi/ goldfish? "not sure" (u dont go and buy a dog and say i wana dog, just a dog, gimme a god damn dog!)


----------



## Ally

Twiglet said:


> its just TOO tempting to slap a stiff one on the desk.
> 
> Kat


You actually wrote that... did you notice?! :gasp:



Matt Northampton said:


> " do chameleons explode if you hold them up to a tartan background",


I actually love this one. Lots.


----------



## strictly_scales

I had the best one ever today... the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

Blokes in the Tropical department, looking at an Axolotyl, and says to his mate, 

"Woah, a pig fish. My mate has one of these. It's actually a cross between a pig and a fish."

For real...


----------



## Corvidae

And an axolotl looks like a pig how?


----------



## Squirrel

TCReptile said:


> Customer: I would like to buy one of your turtles
> Me: I'm sorry we don't have any turtles in stock at the moment.
> Customer: Yes you do (points at the tortoises)
> Me: Those are tortoises
> Customer: What's the difference?.


My standard answer had become 'Tortoises sink' until I saw one on youtube swimming dammit!


----------



## strictly_scales

I had a woman on the 'phone today- conversation went something like this...

Woman- Can I put the catfish from my Cold Water Tank into my pond?
Me- What type of catfish is it?
Woman- A catfish.
Me- Ok, how big is it and what does it do?
Woman- It's about 11 inches long and sucks on the glass.
Me- It's a Plec. It's from the Amazon. It won't survive outdoors in Britain.

...I hung up.

I seriously don't know how long I can keep on being polite and courteous to these people. Something snapped in me after the "pig fish" conversation, I swear.


----------



## Squirrel

Other questions like:

'is that one of them Boa Pythons?' AAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

'Could that kill me?' Right now I could only dream of that happening

'Is that one of the spiders from Arachnophobia?' NO! My tarantulas do not giggle, although they seem to be smirking at you now!

'Do you sell Garden Tortoises?' Please F*@$ off now!


----------



## fishboy

I wish work was still as simple and amusing as cleaning a few fishtanks and laughing at stupid customers all day while i act all high and mighty with my vast and unceasing knowledge of all that is fishy. Oh for the good old days........:flrt:


----------



## Erinaceinae

i  this thread!!! Is there a RFUK calendar these can be quoted on?


----------



## Squirrel

Elsa said:


> i  this thread!!! Is there a RFUK calendar these can be quoted on?


I agree, this is a quality thread :no1:


----------



## jamestheball

I went to a pet shop the other day and a bunch of Chavs were walking round and one of them kept reading the signs and one said Royal Pythons and read out loud saying "Royal phantoms in this one" then said "do they turn into ghosts?"
He then saw a hatchling corn and said" a corn snake! They're so dangerous they are going to make them illegal, did you know thousands of people get killed by them each year, my Friends auntie got eaten by one":lol2:

He walked around the shop for ages with things like can i see that cobra (While pointing at a rainbow boa) and can i see that bored dragon (His bad reading of bearded dragon) fly and roast his food (He said this while pointing at the birds).

The thickness of some people is unbeleivable.:whip:
We should make an RFUK calander of stupid customers:lol2:


----------



## blood and guts

jamestheball said:


> I went to a pet shop the other day and a bunch of Chavs were walking round and one of them kept reading the signs and one said Royal Pythons and read out loud saying "Royal phantoms in this one" then said "do they turn into ghosts?"
> He then saw a hatchling corn and said" a corn snake! They're so dangerous they are going to make them illegal, did you know thousands of people get killed by them each year, my Friends auntie got eaten by one":lol2:
> 
> He walked around the shop for ages with things like can i see that cobra (While pointing at a rainbow boa) and can i see that bored dragon (His bad reading of bearded dragon) fly and roast his food (He said this while pointing at the birds).
> 
> The thickness of some people is unbeleivable.:whip:
> We should make an RFUK calander of stupid customers:lol2:


While they where plainly thick as shit, after all they are chavs they where more likly taking the pee... More evidence chavs need shooting:devil:


----------



## jamestheball

we should round them all up and then play torture game 3 on them...: victory:


----------



## Glaurung

blood and guts said:


> While they where plainly thick as shit, after all they are chavs they where more likly taking the pee... More evidence chavs need shooting:devil:


I concur! Unfortunately they would probably consider it good street rep! 

"YEH BLOOD! I GOT SHOT! I IS WELL GANGSTA!" 

Oh **** off and die...


Chavs = ******** of Britain.


----------



## strictly_scales

TCReptile said:


> Customer: I would like to buy one of your turtles
> Me: I'm sorry we don't have any turtles in stock at the moment.
> Customer: Yes you do (points at the tortoises)
> Me: Those are tortoises
> Customer: What's the difference?
> 
> Needless to say I didn't sell her a turtle or a tortoise.


I actually heard this one for myself today- I couldn't control the tears of laughter...


----------



## carisma02uk

We had someone today and came up to me and said ''excuse me, will the meerkats spray me if i get too close?'' my respose was ''the meerkats?!!!'' he said ''yeah'' so i explained the fact that meerkats dont spray... i think he eventually understood, they guy was being deadly serious bless him, it did make me laugh:lol2:


----------



## ern79

it amazes me how many people keep or enquire about; chillards, chillids, chickalids, kitchlids, chinchillids and plectamus, plectotomus, plocky, pleckasaurus or just "a brown one what do 'ang, a window licker".

one guy told me about his mates 26' retic that he keeps in his conservatory that plays with the guys grand kids thats so big (bigger than the u.k record as i pointed out to him) that he apparently has a license for it (not sure when they started issuing licenses for boids) Apparently the guys party piece was to hold a rabbit while the retic coiled around him and the chair to take the rabbit, sounds pretty insane to me!

then theres the other guy with a 27' king cobra, it has a room sized vivarium (dont all snakes over 10'?) and was brought up from a baby and always fine with the guys brother until one day it tried to bite him so they had to sell it, they put it in the free ads and got over 200 phone calls for it and ended up selling it for a grand!!!!

customer: whats that?
me: a royal python
customer: python!
?????? yes python, they dont all get big, infact most python species are fairly small.

2 customers talking, theyve got a python in there, whats the difference between a python and a boa? a python crushes you to death but a boa suffocates you.

Customer: (looking at my 13' retic) what would you do if that got out?
me : put it back!

other comments to do with my 13' retic
you dont get that out do you?
who feeds that?
how long does it take to eat?
who would want to keep that? (me!!)
does it bite?
is it poisonous?

ive got 2 adult beardies (shows with hands the length- about 2' long!)


customer: whats that?
me: a dwarf monitor
customer: they get massive dont they
me: no the name kind of gives that away!

have you got a cat fish?
what type of catfish?
you know a catfish, with whiskers

will those fish go with mine? excellent question would help if i knew what you had.

Im sure ill remember more, ill update them as i do


----------



## MarkB

Mockery is brilliant. 

It's also really brilliant how all of us were born with all this knowledge about animals and never asked a naive question in our lives... we are marvels of modern science!


----------



## ern79

MarkB said:


> Mockery is brilliant.
> 
> It's also really brilliant how all of us were born with all this knowledge about animals and never asked a naive question in our lives... we are marvels of modern science!


shit yeah!!!!!!


----------



## TCReptile

I remember when I first got into reptiles, walking into a shop and seeing all the 'CB02' 'WC' etc and came out with something rediculous that got all the staff laughing. If there had been a thread like this at the time I'm sure I would've gotten a mention!


----------



## strictly_scales

I had a bloke come in and ask what could be kept with his Piranhas. I said that if they are adults, it may be possible to keep a shoal of small Tetra in there too, but I wouldn't offer a guarantee because its high risk. He seemed to understand, and off he went with a mixed shoal of Tetra.

He came back in today to say that only 5 we're left. He had neglected to tell me, despite me asking whether anything else lived in with the Piranhas, that he had an Oscar. 

When I explained that it was the Oscar that had eaten them all, he asked if he could have a replacement... 

...No, we aren't here to feed your Oscar...


----------



## sophs87

O.k so this isnt reptile related,but im looking after a chihuaua for a friend, she was told by the breeder, to NEVER let it walk in a park as a bigger dog WILL eat his head!!! it happened to her once you no ..... :bash:
Also it will never get along with any other dogs apart from its own breed. WTF are some people on??!!!:bash::whip::devil:
Funny thread by the way


----------



## midnite3006

brilliant thread, brings back memories.
I worked in a rep shop one summer whilst at college,
one day was cleaning out one of the spids, think it was a pink toe we used to take to schools etc.
was taking some pieces of wood out so i could catch her n she went up my arm, not bothered so i left her a min whilst I finished clearing,
customer walks round corner as she starts to move down again
" is that real"
yes, thats why shes moving"
"aren't you scared"
"obviously not"
"you should be"
"why"
"they're dangerous, you need a liscence"
"really?, why are they so dangerous"
"my mates dad has his finger eaten by one, he only has half of that finger now, bit almost straight through"
"oh right"
pissed myself laughing when he'd moved off


----------



## ern79

A woman came into my shop when we only did aquatics, she walked arounds the entire shop, up and down each aisle, into the pond section, ,looked at all the fish then came to the counter and asked if we sold boooks on dogs, i said no we only sell fish, she said but do you sell books on dogs.........NO!


----------



## *H*

Shop staff can be just as bad, I was in my local a few months ago and they had their resident bosc walking around. Another visitor to the shop asked the lad working there who was looking after the bosc if it was hot or cold blooded, to which he replied "Hot blooded"! I also overheard another member of staff in the same shop telling a customer that albino Burm's "Don't get that big mate cause of the albino in them" ...*Sigh*


----------



## strictly_scales

MarkB said:


> Mockery is brilliant.
> 
> It's also really brilliant how all of us were born with all this knowledge about animals and never asked a naive question in our lives... we are marvels of modern science!


Evidently you don't work in a Reptile or Aquatics shop... Even the most patient of us will eventually snap...


----------



## Dave W

*This is brilliant.....love this thread............*


----------



## TCReptile

Almost everyday we get someone coming in having a look around then they eventually come up and ask 'Do you sell fish?' well lets see... the shops called TC REPTILES every enclosure has a REPTILE in and your asking if we sell fish? Try the shop up the road.


----------



## tokay

overheard a customer in the shop today , taking about the blue tongue skink we have....
Customer taking to his mate...
blue tongue skink tongues are blue because they contain cyanide and if the lick you with it you die within 20 seconds :lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2:


----------



## Dave-Flames

Are they the ones that spit acid in your face like in jurrasic park??

got to love frilled dragons!






i find it funny getting asked for random things... wd40, mops, glue, paint....


----------



## lizard wizard

i get the (is that real)as people walk past me with a 4 ft iguana on my shoulder i even had one woman ask me if ollie was real and when i replied no its a mechanical toy she asked me where i bought it i said here(as i was in the reptile shop )to my disbelief she walked up to the counter and asked to buy one i laughed so hard i really wished i had recorded it 
:lol2:


----------



## NightGecko

I just get asked all the usual stuff at work...


is it real? - no, we just sell plastic reptiles, of course it's real...

but its not moving? - it's asleep

but its eyes are open? - they don't have eyelids

then how do they sleep? - please leave the shop before I stab you..



or


is it poisonous - I don't know, never eaten one 



or the usual retarded pronounciations like locrust and grecko. Not to mention every boa being a boa constrictor. "Hey mate come look at this brazillian rainbow bow, it's a boa constrictor".... no, its a rainbow boa...

(although it is a constrictor, I guess, but not by name..)




and the amount of kids that think hermit crabs are snails is unbelievable.

And all the chav kids seem to think all the snakes are the Egyptian sun God, they point at all the vivs going 'Raa man look at this snake'




best one was when I convinced two girls that the dwarf crocodile that wasn't moving was actually a robot and we hadn't turned it on yet :lol2:


----------



## Darklas

This is a great site, full of stupid customers.  

Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes

Some animal ones. But mostly other stuff. Still funny.


----------



## lizard wizard

Darklas said:


> This is a great site, full of stupid customers.
> 
> Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes
> 
> Some animal ones. But mostly other stuff. Still funny.


 
ive just read a few of them its an awesome site


----------



## Corvidae

That link is awesome! I'm surprised how many of them are in bookshops.


----------



## Ricki123

Lol, i've had a customer say before......

"I should know, i'm a reptile expert and that bearded dragon has been taken away from its mother too early, it should still be on its mothers milk"

"right.......":banghead::banghead:


----------



## Sarah-Jayne

Ricki123 said:


> Lol, i've had a customer say before......
> 
> "I should know, i'm a reptile expert and that bearded dragon has been taken away from its mother too early, it should still be on its mothers milk"
> 
> "right.......":banghead::banghead:



Oh, My, God

Some people are so stupid lol


----------



## ex0tics

Sarah-Jayne said:


> Oh, My, God
> 
> Some people are so stupid lol


agreed lmao.

best one I've had;
"hi, I bought a water dragon and have got him in a fish tank now I think he's doing ok. Is he not breathing fire yet because the water?"

Sounds so unrealistic needless to say I was stood behind him waiting to pay for some hides in hesterics.


----------



## nixynoonoo

Twiglet, thank you for that post, I work in an aquatics/rep/pet shop near Bristol (not the girl in the man-eating boa story!) and reading this made my day (especially the damn tortoises).
My personal fav is everyone pointing at the blue tongued skink, shouting "look at that snake!". I think maybe a price hike is in order for the "miraculous walking snake, a modern evolutionary wonder".


----------



## Robbie

I work in an aquatics turn reptile shop. Best yet happened only yesterday:

ME: Hi, how can I help?
CUSTOMER: Got any crystal balls in stock?

Needless to say I was floored.


----------



## Ally

Robbie said:


> I work in an aquatics turn reptile shop. Best yet happened only yesterday:
> 
> ME: Hi, how can I help?
> CUSTOMER: Got any crystal balls in stock?
> 
> Needless to say I was floored.


Hope he had some pennies saved for that, they're gorgeous!


----------



## TWGarland

Whilst i was working in a reptile centre in Australia:

Woman walks up to Saltwater Crocodile enclosure, turns to me and says "How do i get in there?".... 
Erm, 

Another customer looking at Thorny Devils, "Those are them Horny Devils they are!". 
Brilliant.


----------



## Robbie

Ally said:


> Hope he had some pennies saved for that, they're gorgeous!
> 
> image


I did wonder if he was asking about the Royals but when you live in this part of Edinburgh you soon come to know that everything asked is very literal.


----------



## shell2909

there was an idiot on here who got banned within 10 mins, he asked how long it takes for a corn snake to grow legs....
yeah he was a troll but it was fun to read


----------



## CoinOperatedGirl

I don't work in a shop, but t'other day I spent well over an hour trying to explain to a mate why reptiles & amphibians are not 'the same thing really' :whistling2:


----------



## oddsleepjunkie

Was in my local rep shop with some friends, showing them the bearded dragon i have reserved,my
friend looked at my beardie for ages then said "Aww, look, it has a beauty spot!"He was talking about her ear. Then, he proceeded to stare for a long while at a chameleon. Him"What's that?"
Me "It's a chameleon." Him "No it isn't, it's not blending in right."It was in front of the glass vivarium, he thought it should go transparent! :lol2:


----------



## alexandkelly

Loving the rant about 'Nemos' - I used to work in a reptile/aquatics shop and the sheer amount of times that I heard the words "Do you have any Nemos?" used to drive me insane! This was not helped by the fact that we had a big regal tang in the display tank which immediately gave rise to cries of "Look at the Dory!" ACK!!

There was one woman who was a regular, and she never got it into her head that it's called a Wrasse, not a RASP.
"I love rasps, they're my favourite!"
Well go to a tool shop and get one you daft b:censor:ch!

My personal favourite was a man (I call him a man, but neanderthal is nearer the mark) who wanted a tortoise. I'd given him the spiel about heating/lighting/feeding etc and was showing him the vivs. He seemed set on a glass viv that was way too small and when I told him that tortoises need much more space, he told me that he was wanting to take it on holiday with him and needed something more portable. Suffice to say that he did not walk out with a tortoise that day.

And I've probably heard the one about animals only growing to fit their vivs about a million times. I have no hope for the human race...


----------



## Morphene

Worked in (what was at the time) a small animal park/zoo, now bigger. Not a shop but the people/visitors would say things like:

"Do bearded dragons eat live food?" :gasp: 

...when they see me feeding them live crickets.



"Tortoises love lettuce don't they, my nans one used to eat it all the time"

...I see...



"Is it true snakes sting you with their tail?"

...No they're not wasps.



*points at green iguana* (Info Tag on enclosure) "Look at the chameleon"

:2thumb:


"Do snakes only eat meat or can you feed them veg?"

:no1:...no we have corn snakes 


*points at corn snake* "I've seen one of them on TV eating a big deer" (actually meaning an antelope)

...cool that's one very lost & enormous corn snake. 


Anything that's in a viv/enclosure.... "can they get out?"

...Yeah that's why we keep them in a viv/enclosure just waiting for them to escape :roll:


*looks at chameleon* "Why isn't it changing colour?"


*looks in viv/enclosure* "Don't they get bored in there?"


*sign saying do not touch* (etc) "Can I touch them"

...er yeah seeing as you can't read, stroke their teeth...


A viv with the light off/dark & empty ie. no decor/substrate.... "I can't see anything in that one."


All snakes are poisonous or venomous & slimey.


"How do we keep the lizards warm in the winter?"


----------



## TCReptile

Greedy-Gecho7 said:


> A viv with the light off/dark & empty ie. no decor/substrate.... "I can't see anything in that one."


That reminded me... we had a class visit and the teacher has all the kids in front of a viv trying to find the 'Invisible gecko' we were p:censor: ourselves laughing. It was even more amusing when the kids starting 'seeing' said invisible gecko :lol2:


----------



## herpzane

aha that is hilarious!


----------



## kennyshere

Exotic Mad said:


> you all forgot the best one. Do you sell reptiles? No this reptile shop just sells kittens lol


i'm afraid i did have a moment in a post office a few weeks ago where i asked if they sold stamps. in my deffence they hadn't had any the week before but... propper senior moment, shame i'm only 22!


----------



## kennyshere

alexandkelly said:


> And I've probably heard the one about animals only growing to fit their vivs about a million times. I have no hope for the human race...


it's true though, like people. we only grow to the sise of our house, which is why v becham is a gaint and... oh wait...oh dear oh dear!:lol2:


----------



## Lee56

loving this thread some of the things people genuinely come out with is hilarious


----------



## vetdebbie

No heard by me directly but was told a funny story at my local reps shop about some customers who came in and asked - 
"How many frozen mice could you fit in 1 of those cricket tubs?"

"Er don't really know, they are not really designed that."

"But could they escape from it?"



Huh?????


----------



## Tarn~Totty

:lol2: This thread has kept me amused for weeks...LOVE reading it, cheers me up on crap days :lol2:


----------



## lizz79

Fantastic thread, i pmsl the whole way through.


----------



## karlh

*daft arse*

i have a friend who runs a reptile shop and a customer came in wanting a 1oow bulb. he came back a few days later and said 'my kingsnake is very cold, he keeps trying to climb the couch to get closer to the bulb'what? he thought.THE CUSTOMER FITTED THE BULB IN HIS LIVING ROOM AND LET THE SNAKE HAVE THE RUN OF HIS LOUNGE-NO VIVARIUM!duuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrr!!!


----------



## Andy b 1

iv read through all of this thread and i swear some people must be mentally retarded to ask some of those questions. all it takes is to look on the internet and find a care sheet but they are so spasticated they cant even do it. 
if i ever work/own a reptile shop i will probably have that website where it shows the snake trying to eat the person in the bed story is fake printed out and on the wall somewhere


----------



## midnite3006

someone earlier asked how to look after a gardner snake, 
huh
a gardner snake
you mean a garter snake?
no one of these (shows pic) I want one but don't know what I need for it

pic was of a cali king


----------



## Straight-Up

Darklas said:


> I get stupid questions every single day.
> Todays favourite was:
> 
> Customer: "Oh, can I have some of these fish?" (Points to guppys)
> Me: "Well they are tropical fish so you'd need to buy a heater for your tank."
> Customer: "Can't I just pour in some hot water?"
> 
> :bash:
> 
> 
> *Every day!!*


Funniest thing I've heard in ages


----------



## laurencea

this is fun!

thought i'd share one... almost in the wild... at the london wetlands centre. It's spring, the lizards are coming out of hibernation and i have my camera. after a lot of patience and sneaking up i have managed to get within inches of a common lizard... i have the camera in its face an it's content as it's figured i'm safe by now...

old lady wanders up...

"what are you taking a picture of"

me - lying on the ground, next to a log with an adult lizard basking on it: "that" (trying not to move too much in case i spook it)

she peers. "what is it?"

"it's a lizard"

she peers some more. looks at me. looks at the lizard. looks at me... "is it dead?"

my preferred response was "yes, i often lie on the ground on a sunday wasting memory cards on deceased reptiles".... but i just sighed and took some more shots and she shuffled off.


i've also had numerous "is it real?' comments. to which the answer is "no, none of the animals here are real". 

one man told a warden he didn't believe they had lizards as he'd never seen a lizard in london. luckily the warden knew me and where'd i'd gone and found me so i could show the man.... he arrived as i was stroking the basking lizard under the chin! the man bent down and stared at it... the lizard stared back... and the man said "well, i guess there are lizards in london" and then shuffled off.


----------



## luke2702

This has been the best thread i have ever read just read it from 1st page to last bloody brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Sarah1340

Just finished a placement in the education centre of a zoo, where we did handling sessions with snakes and a variety of inverts. Had some real corkers in the space of four weeks, some I have had to try really hard not to laugh at and some that just made me sad.

(About corn snake) "If it licks me, will I die?"

"Can it bite?" "Yes, but it won't." "Why not?" It's almost like they WANT to get bitten!

"Can it squeeze me to death?"

"Oh, it's not slimey!"

"How would you pick up a poisonous snake in the wild?" (Just would not accept "you wouldn't!!!")

And of course, "Is that a real snake?"

I also got very sick of saying "Don't grab the snake's head"


----------



## bluejon91

funniesst thread on here thats have some more stupid comments


----------



## bluejon91

yahoo answers is also a funny thing to look at someone just asked if they can there king snake mate with there corn snake :lol2:
was in my local pet shop and was talking to friend bout how geckos are the only lizards that bark. they then asked do they wag there tails. i said yes and they will even come up and lick your face. they believed me the owner was trying not to laugh


----------



## bluejon91

Can a female corn snake mate with a male califonia king snake? - Yahoo! Answers 

omg some people are idiots even the answers are wrong you cant bread snake of different species :bash::bash::bash:


----------



## Daniel1

Yeah you can there called Jungle Corns and Corns have been bred with a few lampropeltis.


----------



## TCReptile

They're right, kings and corns can be breed together, but is not recommended.


----------



## bluejon91

fair enough i werent to sure thought they were two different species and asumed you couldnt because some one asked if they could breed there king with there ball python so i thought it would be the same with them


----------



## bluejon91

we all make mistakes


----------



## dusty cricket

strictly_scales said:


> "Excuse me, but that tortoise is on its back".
> _"Oh, ok."_
> "Well, aren't you going to do anything?"
> "_No, it'll sort itself out."_
> "No it can't."
> _"Uh, yes it can."_
> "NO IT CAN'T"
> 
> Oh yes, you're right, you numpty. I'll just phone Tort-Rite- the professionals in Tortoise Tipping. They've been righting Tortoises for the tens of millions of years that Tortoises have been falling over.



every single time i spend time in the shop i sell my geckos to, thats the one i hear most.

or just people that don't know the difference between tortoises and turtles.

:lol2:


----------



## Pono

Just read through the whole of this thread and it was hilarious!



Greedy-Gecho7 said:


> *sign saying do not touch* (etc) "Can I touch them"
> 
> ...er yeah seeing as you can't read, stroke their teeth...


LMAO!!!




vetdebbie said:


> "How many frozen mice could you fit in 1 of those cricket tubs?"
> 
> "Er don't really know, they are not really designed that."
> 
> "But could they escape from it?"
> 
> 
> 
> Huh?????


:lol2:


:no1::no1::no1:


Ed


----------



## Ailurus

i work in an aquatics store, here is some that i have had: 

Customer: excuse me do you know anything about fish 
Me- no i just work here to pay the bills. WTF of course i do. She wanted to know whether she could keep different kinds of tetra together, i mean ffs.

Customer: I went to another store and they sell nemos (grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr) which of the fish that you sell could i keep with a nemo. 
Me - None (we only do tropical, coldwater and pond)
Customer: Why? 
Me: nemo is a clownfish they come from the sea on coral reefs. 
Customer: so? where do other fish come from? 
Me: Rivers and lakes, such as the Amazon. 

He honestly did not realise that not all fish lived in the sea.

Could i keep a nemo with my goldfish 

could i keep a discus with my goldfish

could i keep and agelfish with my goldfish 

excuse me do you see turtles? 

excuse do you sell rabbits 

excuse me do you sell Japanese fighting fish? 

Best one i have had is about piranhas.

We have a shoal of 5 adult piranhas in a 5 foot tank, which came back unwanted from a customer. I was cleaning it so i had left the lid off. I customer came in to ask me about guppies. So i left what i was doing with the piranhas and spoke to him. 
A woman comes over looking a bit worried. And says 
'excuse me, do you really think you should leave the lid off that tank, piranhas are dangerous and their are children in here' 
'No i think it will be ok, but thanks for your concern' I turned back to talk to the guppy man. 
Woman starts talking again. 
'I really think you should close the lid' 
'No they are fine look' I put my hand into the tank so the water reached my elbow and waved. The womans face was a picture she sort of screamed but didn't make any noise and then walked away very quickly and left the shop. 
I laughed and so did the guppy man.

we had another customer who wanted advice on setting up a tank for clownfish (at least he didnt call them nemo) so me and a colleague were going through everything necessary, large external filter, heater, live rock, powerheads, coral sand substrate, skimmer etc. We do not have a marine section, but we both know about marine fish, and my colleague keeps them. 

The guy looked very shocked and confused, and eventually we asked him what size tank he had. The reply was 50L, uh oh. ok so you are setting up a nano reef. 'Whats that?' have you ever kept fish before? 'yes goldfish' 'Oh god oh god.....' 

So we said well if it is your first marine tank it would be alot easier to have a large tank as then the water parameters are alot easier to control because of the larger volume of water. To which his reply was 'Ok, is 60L ok?' 

Errr no 150 to 200L would be best. Then he said he didnt have the space. so we said well your tank is not really big enough to house many fish. you could probably only have one clownfish. because the stocking density of marine fish compared to water volume is alot less than in other types of fishkeeping. he was not impressed. 

i think people should have to pass a test to walk into any shop that sells animals. 

i used to work in a reptile shop, so i can probably think of some more from there lol


----------



## Evie

Customer: I had 2 goldfish but one has died so I want another one.
Me: Why did the goldfish die?
Customer: I don't know but the other one is sick too.
Me: You shouldn't put another one in with a sick fish and you should find out why the first one died.
Customer: Why
Me: blah blah blah (I think that's all the woman heard anyway)
Customer: But I think the other fish is sick because it's lonely
Me: No it won't be lonely - if you put another fish in it will caus stress and make your fish worse.
Customer: I believe it it. I believe that goldfish have souls
Me: Huh? They eat their own babies - no souls at all. :bash:


----------



## joe_oasis

Boy1 : (concerned look on his face) them two toytoises are doing something really rude
Me: nah there not there too young to be doing anything.
Boy 2: (punches his mate in the arm) i told you they cant do it with there shells on!

Man : excuse me do you sell conkers?
Me: :S conkers????????
Man: you know the birds.... conkers
Steve : oh you mean CONURES


----------



## joe_oasis

thought of a another one

this guy rung up the shop, he sounded like a chav so ill refer to him as one.

Chav: hiya mate ive jus bought one of those iguana thingys off me mate
Me: yeah, right....
Chav: and it wont use its front leg is just keeps it close up to his chest
Me: well dont you think you should take it to a reptile vet?
Chav: why?
Me : because its sounds like its leg is broken
Chav: nah its alright me mate said its always bin like that *hangs up*

poor iguana


----------



## kemist

Not a shop comment but I had my friends beardie in a plastic faunarium to take it to the vet for a check up. We were on a petrol forecourt while she went in to pay on the next pump i noticed the bloke filling up behind uss was a policeman i know i got out and went to say hello, the beardie in his box still in my hands. The 6 and a half foot tall muscular policeman steps back looking scared but asks what it is, i explain what it is and that we are off to the vet thats why its out in the car. The policeman asked if it ate live rabbits??????? :gasp: WTF!!!!!!!!!!! The beardie is 12 months olds 19 inches nose to tail and 500 grams. 

I wonder if he will ever make a detective!!!!!!mg:mg:mg::roll2::roll2:


----------



## TCReptile

Got a phone call from a giggling kid the other day:

Kid: (Giggling) Do you sell A Nols
Me: Pardon
Kid: (Still Giggling) Do You Sell A Nols?
Me: Do you mean Anoles?
Kid: (stopped laughing) Oh thats how you pronounce it?
Me: Yeeeessss
Kid: Oh, well thats not funny then!

WTF? I mean I'm really sorry that our reptiles don't have names that make you giggle.


----------



## laurencea

I was explaining about my new baby royal to someone today... they were perplexed by the feeding technique. i'd mentioned the frozen mice, etc, but left out the vivid details...

"so how does he get the food?"
"i feed it to him"
"can't he feed himself?"
"no, he can't get to the freezer."

i then walked away.


----------



## Corvidae

^ If that person has any pets, I feel sorry for them. They're probably just given a tin of food and a can opener!


----------



## moonstruck

Thank you all you wonderful people :notworthy: i was feeling rubbish and this has cheered me right up.
It's the first thread i've read all the way through!



NightGecko said:


> And all the chav kids seem to think all the snakes are the Egyptian sun God, they point at all the vivs going 'Raa man look at this snake'





Robbie said:


> I work in an aquatics turn reptile shop. Best yet happened only yesterday:
> 
> ME: Hi, how can I help?
> CUSTOMER: Got any crystal balls in stock?
> 
> Needless to say I was floored.





Greedy-Gecho7 said:


> "Is it true snakes sting you with their tail?"
> 
> ...No they're not wasps.
> 
> "How do we keep the lizards warm in the winter?"


:notworthy::notworthy::notworthy::notworthy:

thankyou for making me laugh!


----------



## Twiglet

> Originally Posted by *Robbie*
> _I work in an aquatics turn reptile shop. Best yet happened only yesterday:
> 
> ME: Hi, how can I help?
> CUSTOMER: Got any crystal balls in stock?
> 
> Needless to say I was floored._


I actually just cried with laughter... I'm really pleased that this is still going, Its made my day!


----------



## pigglywiggly

my ribs are hurting from laughing so much.

best ones i`ve heard are when getting livefood from local shop and you can hear the staff giving `advice` from the other side of the shelf.

apparently you put baby leopard geckos in with theri parents, and the little ones should be eating crickets on the day they hatch

priceless!

:mf_dribble:


----------



## madshawty

:lol2: i love this thread!!!!


----------



## TCReptile

You must all get this one everyday: Have you got any job vacancies? But the one I just had made me :lol2:

Young Lad: Do you have any job vacancies?
Me: Not at the moment, but we will be looking for some staff soon with the run up to christmas and holidays. If you want to drop in a CV and we'll let you know.
Young lad: What's a CV?

How the hell is he ment to get a job when he doesn't even know what a CV is? I ended up telling him what it was, and giving the names of some places where he can get help in making one :bash:


----------



## Snake-Assault

Barney_M said:


> we are frequently told how big the snakes we have get. 'oh thats a such and such, i hear they get like 10 foot long and eat lambs'


lol I don't even work in a shop but get that a lot when people see my tiny little corn snake. 
'omg they grow huge don't they?!' 
just get out! lol


----------



## bluejon91

i have heard someone ask can snakes play fetch :lol2:


----------



## fishboy

I used to like it when people came in and asked for tiger roaches, clown roaches and leotard danios :2thumb:


----------



## Danny_mcr

great thread, loving some of the quote's :2thumb:


----------



## joeyboy

yeah ok this isn't reptile related..but...working in retail..you get all sorts!

Here's a flavour of what I experience each day at work, bar the daily "excuse me miss/young lady" "all right sweetie?"..when I'm a guy.:bash:

1) Customer: "I'm looking for a vegetable"

Me: "..right. Do you know what it's called?"

Customer: "umm no.."

Me: "...ok, is it from the freezer(we do a lot of frozen products, at Iceland), or fresh?"

Customer: "I'm not sure...but it's a green one!"

Me:"...right..well I'll show you which ones are green..."(shows her all veg which is green or has green leaves...)

Customer: "hmmm no I don't think it's any of those. Oh wait! It's this one here!"

...she goes and gets a bag of APPLES!:bash:

2) Chinese guy asks me...

Him: "excuse me sir, do you sell COCK?"

Me: (trying to keep a straight face)..cock?"

Him: " ya ya cock. HE MAKES HIS HAND INTO A FIST AND DOES AND IN AND OUT MOTION IN FRONT OF HIS MOUTH!."

Me: (Dieing inside)...urm do you mean coke, like coca cola?"

Him: "yeah yeah cock! cock! The big ones!(does a gesture showing me it's really long...)

Me: (going to explode..) Yes ok, You probably mean the big 3ltr bottles we sell.

3) (I'm near the till)

Customer(to women on till): "you got deliveries for tomorrow?" (his trolley is at the other end of the isle, he's asking if he can get it sent for tomorrow)

Her: " yeah we do, first one is 11-1?"

Me: "yeah, we also still have some today(it was near cut-off, I thought he might have assumed he was too late to get it to come this evening.). We still have ones for 5-7pm if you'd like?

Him:"...nah it's ok" and walks off

Me: "sir..you can still get one tomor...(he's walked away too fast and he seemed like the kind of guy best left alone lol)

Me and women on till: "lulwot?"

there's a lot more which come to mind.


----------



## Erinaceinae

Work in a vets as a receptionist...
(woman asking for tablets that i need to get details out for)
Me: So whats the surname?
Customer: Mine or the cats? (it's her own cat)
Me: Well the name the cat's registered under? 
Customer: Connor
*looks it up - no Connor in the book"
Me: Sorry what surname did you say?
Customer: *actual surname*
Me: *finding it* ohhh ok. thanks.


I mean, since when have cats had their own surnames!?


----------



## Lil Skiddy

Hi Kat, I work in a Reptile shop in Lincoln & I know all about the "eegits"!! Always getting asked if we sell rabbits/guinea pigs, they seem disheartened when I show them our "cold stock". As for the "are those snakes poisonous" question, customers always argue the toss with me that venom & poison are the same...I'd LOVE to be able to personally show them the difference


----------



## Lil Skiddy

Yeah you can breed Kings & Corns, just make sure the Corn is male, because there's a high chance the King snake will eat it - & it would be pointless to have them breed, then the pregnant female eaten.


----------



## 39761

Twiglet said:


> Just read a post started by someone who had been told by a non rep keeper that leopard geckos live to be over a hundred and it got me thinking about all the utter tripe i've heard from people recently.
> Others here work in shops, i cant be the only one that gets the eegits (please tell me i'm not the only one that gets the eegits...)
> I work in an aquatics show with a very small reptile section.
> 
> The Boa Story - you'll all have heard this one, I'm getting a different version every few weeks now. You know the one i mean, the "snake laying next to owner, vet says to get rid of it as its measuring to see if it can eat you" story. The boa has grown from 6 feet to 40 feet in a matter of months if the stories are to be believed. people always look so disapointed when you point out the idiocy of that story.
> 
> "can I have some Crocusts/Lucus?/locus/locustses?"
> No, but you CAN have some LOCUSTS!
> 
> "Excuse me, do you sell marine turtles?"
> Yeah, sure, I've got six arriving tomo. I though I'd keep them in that tank with the great white shark and the orca...
> 
> "will the frozen smelts come back to life when i defrost them for my lion fish?"
> pray REALLY hard...
> 
> "look son, a BEARDED dragon! They can't breathe fire though. Thats just Komodo dragons"
> I'd quite like to meet a fire breathing komodo. or actually, maybe i wouldn't.
> 
> "excuse me, do you sell water pistols?" No sorry, try the garden centre "well, thats rediculous, you're a water shop aren't you???"
> ok...
> 
> "wow, is that A REAL snake?!?!?" No, its a deck chair. "Really?!" sigh.
> 
> "some one told me they get big, but i figure I wont really need a big vivarium because greckos only grow the the size of their tank"
> No i wouldn't have sold him a gecko either. or a grecko for the matter.
> 
> "I've got this lizard, its not eating. Whats wrong with it?" what species I ask... "oh just a normal basic lizard, you know, those long ones."
> keh?
> 
> "Are the snakes poisonous?"
> well, i dont suggest you try and eat one but no, they are not poisonous. they are not VENOMOUS either.... If i had a quid for every time i get asked this i could retire. or buy a gun and shoot every cretin that asks me if ingesting a snake will make them ill.
> 
> I saw a gentleman looking a little confused recently (see alot of them actually) so i went over to him and said "are you ok there sir?" he looked at me like i was pile of faeces and replied "no" before storming out of the shop.
> 
> and the best one ever:
> 
> "can i buy some quality weed please?"
> yeah ok so they really want a bunch of elodea for their long suffering goldfish but the sight of a tiny old woman wearing a bobble hat asking me for joint never fails to make me smile. I'm easily amused!
> 
> Any one else??
> 
> 
> Kat


:lol2::lol2:


----------



## CoinOperatedGirl

Today someone phoned my Mum to ask about the '7ft long chicken you've got for sale' 
The Bargain Pages had left the word 'run' out of the advert. The woman on the phone genuinely wanted to know about this giant chicken we apparently have :lol2:


----------



## bluejon91

there must be more funny things customers said


----------



## Robbie

Lady at work a few weeks ago said she loved getting wet - I work in an aquatics and reptiles shop. Same lady also mentioned whilst in a talk about DIY that 'She loved screwing things'.

Yeah, colourful folks in my shop.


----------



## berkshirereptile

i had to restrain myself one time when i worked at a pet aquatic and birdfood shop. a old lady walked in and said 
"young man (no one calls me that anymore) do you have fat balls"
i nearly died and a few moments later she nearly did to:blush:


----------



## Darklas

lol, similar to that a woman once walked into our pet store and asked the manager "I'd like to talk to you about your balls."
He smiled and said "I'm not going to lower the tone here so do you mean tennis or rubber?" 
She went bright red!

Also we sold small red crabs for fish tanks. People would come in all the time saying "Do you have crabs?" haha. :whistling2:


----------



## berkshirereptile

Darklas said:


> Also we sold small red crabs for fish tanks. People would come in all the time saying "Do you have crabs?" haha. :whistling2:


yes i went to the shenham show and got 2 hermit crabs when i returned i told every one "i went to essex and got some crabs" which raised a few eyebrows


----------



## niliano_05

right i got a few which was said by one of my old friends:

Him: Whats that?
Me: O Its My Chinese Water Dragon
Him: Where does he come from???

then i had

Him: Why are you putting a fish tank in his viv? they dont like water!
Me: Ummm Ill repeat the name WATER DRAGON!!!

Then He told me that my other mate was looking after her emerald wrong because she was misting the cage and apparently they dont need humidity.....So i reply THEY COME FROM THE RAINFOREST!!! where funnily enough it rains...

Bearded dragons dont like hot temps they prefer it cold

His gf said to me "wont that bit of drift wood cut your beardies stomach up?" i sigh and walk off.

Her" Why do you need a UV tube for your beardies"
Me: " to prevent MBD and calcium dissficiencies its the way they get their calcium
Her: "why dont you give her a bowl of milk"

I walk off.....

She then asked did it hurt when biten by your beardie?

The best by this person who says he has done level 3 Animal care course "all snakes only have 2 fangs they dont actually have any teeth" 
needless to say he never looked after my reptiles!!

thats just some i can think of from top of head... lol


----------



## annarism

sister in law - "rspca were at my daughters school today do you know all your snakes have salmonella" 
me - are you sure? lol

sister in law came into our home knowing we have reps and spiders and sat right next to them a few minutes later she jumps up and runs to the otherside of the room i hate them get them away from me. she wasnt that bothered when she was right next to them.

father in law after being woken up by my OH and my royal - ergggghhhh get it away thats well pervy lmao

son looking for an excuse to stay up - mum do tarantulas have ears? and mum do tarantulas have noses?


----------



## laurencea

a work colleague was interested in my royal, so i emailed them some pics... back came a reply

"it's not as big as i imagined"

"he's only 4 months old"


----------



## Croesy

*Funnies*

Thanks for a great laugh guys and I think this is a great idea .......
Is there a RFUK calendar these can be quoted on?


----------



## adamntitch

Robbie said:


> Lady at work a few weeks ago said she loved getting wet - I work in an aquatics and reptiles shop. Same lady also mentioned whilst in a talk about DIY that 'She loved screwing things'.
> 
> Yeah, colourful folks in my shop.


:lol2:thats gorgie for ya :lol2:


----------



## sonia74

omg i have never laughed so much in 1 thread!!!
im in the wrong job!!!


----------



## Robbie

Again I work in an Aquatics/Reptile shop. Yesterday a lady came in and asked if we stocked Golf Balls. 
Yes - Our Leopard Geckos are partial to a round of golf...


----------



## Dave-Flames

a customer looking at turtles basking on there rock asked me "Won't them tortoise die if they fall in that water?"


----------



## Katie_Scarlett

This a conversation I had with an employee of my local (now closed) reptile shop

Me: Do you have any medium crickets?
Employee: Yes, What are they for?
Me: My tarantulas
Employee: You keep tarantulas then
Me: (Well Duh!!!!) Yeah, I have 5
Employee: So you know a bit about them then?
Me: I guess so
Employee: Would you mind taking a look at one of our Chilean Roses for me?
Me: Why?
Employee: He's been very lazy recently and hasn't eaten any food
Me: Okay, no problem
Employee: Tarantulas aren't my speciality, but I've been told they don't eat when shedding
Me: Some do eat some don't. Most of mine do eat though
Employee: Here he is, he's been like this for about 2 weeks now
Me: Ah right....................He's dead!
Employee: Are you sure?? He couldn't just be shedding
Me: ummmm....No, he's definitely dead. If he was moulting he would be on his back.
Employee: Okay then, I best remove him from sale then!


Just as the bloke went to pick it up, I quickly said well I think he's dead anyway  You've never seen someone jump so far in your life!! :lol2:

I was speechless when I left the shop, didn't know whether to laugh or cry!

Surely it's not hard to tell if an animals dead or alive! Poor T 


Another time in the same shop, I was looking at a nearly fully grown Amel Corn. Different employee this time!


Me: Why is this one reduced price?
Employee: She's very fierce. Was brought in for rehoming.
Me: Ok, is it possible for me take her out and have a look at her?
Employee: If you really want to, but she'll take your hand off gasp
Me: I'll take the risk! 
Employee: I'll just have to get the gloves and snake stick to get her out!
_He goes away comes back with the thickest pair of gloves you've ever seen!_
Employee: Here goes then, are you really sure about this?
Me: Yeah, I'm sure
_He gets another customer to guard the door as he opens the viv. He then went in all guns blazing with the stick and grabbing at her. She promptly makes a break for it!_
Employee: I told you she was a fierce one. I can't see we'll ever rehome her with a temperment like that!
_By this point I've picked up the poor little thing, and she's disappear up my sleeve._
Me: I can't see anything wrong with her to be honest. I'll take her!

His face was a picture! I only had one issue with her being a bit tempermental with me and that was the first time I had to clean her out. After that not a problem!


----------



## candoia aspera

we had a next door neighbour come in to swipe some milk and she heard the mice drinking - she looked very confused. i said the mice are just having a drink and she said - and i quote

"Really - i thought it was just humans and dogs that needed to drink..."

i was struck speachless - i thought to myself - this woman has two kids, how are they still alive???


----------



## Morgan Freeman

Some fo you work in rep shops near me, be prepared for some stupid questions just to annoy you:Na_Na_Na_Na:


----------



## Twiglet

candoia aspera said:


> we had a next door neighbour come in to swipe some milk and she heard the mice drinking - she looked very confused. i said the mice are just having a drink and she said - and i quote
> 
> "Really - i thought it was just humans and dogs that needed to drink..."
> 
> i was struck speachless - i thought to myself - this woman has two kids, how are they still alive???


See I have visions of a bunch of tipsy mice sipping cognac and smoking cigars round a table... wonder what that says about me??

I'm quite impressed with the idiocy of this one... so of COURSE other animals dont drink... they sit in puddles and absorb water by osmosis...

*makes absorbing sponge noises*

Kat


----------



## aliconda

Twiglet said:


> See I have visions of a bunch of tipsy mice sipping cognac and smoking cigars round a table... wonder what that says about me??
> 
> I'm quite impressed with the idiocy of this one... so of COURSE other animals dont drink... they sit in puddles and absorb water by osmosis...
> 
> *makes absorbing sponge noises*
> 
> Kat


oh lol, n there's me thinking that was why my snake needed a water bowl....d'oh! got it wrong again :whistling2:


----------



## George_Millett

BeckyL said:


> Lol that happened to me once. I was in the shop holding one of the snakes and a bloke came in and went "Wow! Is that a snake!?"
> 
> Not sure what else he was expecting it to be :lol2:


 Slow worm? :Na_Na_Na_Na:


----------



## LoveForLizards

Not me but this was a conversation I had with a mate over msn once, I was crying with laughter :lol2:

*[email protected]* says:
*hehe
**shudder* that reminds me of something that happened yesterday......ugh.
*M//* says:
*Go on....
*[email protected]* says:
*right well you know i help out in that pet shop sometimes?
*M//* says:
*Yhh
*[email protected]* says:
*well i was behind the counter talking to Jess and this guy comes walking into the shop, admires the guppy tank for a few minutes, sighs and starts wondering around...
*i called over...can i help you?
*he sighed again and walked up to the counter... "can i have some of them guppies please?", i asked him the usual have you had them before, what equipment do you have, what size tank, etc
*all seemed fine, so i grabbed a bag and a small poly box to put the guppys in and got some out for him, i was having trouble getting the last one out, he sighed again. huh??..i continued trying to get this bloody fish out of the tank lol and then he randomly asks "i was just wondering, can fishes have sperm? i mean will it harm that?" i nearly fainted *well ermmm.....ummm....i suppose umm....but why?* "oh i just gave some to my guppys at home and they went mad for it, i just wondered if it would hurt them" umm.....errrrmmmm...i looked over to Jess a bit puzzled, she comes over seeing my face in a state of shock "Hello Sir, Tae? what's wrong?" ermm...uhhh...it doesn't matter. "so, can they have it? will it hurt them?" Jess says "have what? what's wrong?" "sperm, i gave some to my guppys at home and they really enjoyed it so was wondering if it would harm them", she was floored with laughter. i sent him on his way with his fish and advised him that masturbating over his fish was not ideal....

:lol2::lol2:


----------



## Exotic Mad

i have had the ultimate ever today!!! 

asian guy walks in. spots a bosc monitor and as usual asks. is that a komodo dragon? nothing new there lol
he then goes on to tell us how when he lived in pakistan he used to see komodo dragons wandering about all the time. he also adds that he was once chased by a cobra but a komodo dragon fought it off for him.

or and he used to have pythons and boas come tapping on his door so he used to give them some milk and they went away. 

never laughed so hard in my life :lol2:


----------



## ChloEllie

after a small incident with me male flowerhorn killing the whole of my tank, i ran in to pets at home...u can see whats coming.
bear with me as it was over a year ago. 

i knew what i needed, just a lil 2x1x1 tank and a heater. already had a filter and could use the water from other tank which was already cycled.

i spoke to the lil fish guy and asked which heater to go with the lil tank i was getting. he had no clue (im rubbish with watts etc so just needed that advice) 
he said he didnt know as he didnt keep cichlids and would go and get his manager who was the expert.
so after waiting for 5mins and listening to her finish her *** and her chat to her other friend, this huge butch crew cut lady (i think) walks round the corner and asks whats up.
she wants to know why im getting etc etc. i explain and she has no idea what a flowerhorn is.
after lots of explaining she egts stroppy and chucks a heater at me.

put that down to bad eperience.

go in a week later wanting some tetras, ok it was to put in my other tank which already had tetras in it...but yes they woul go missing.

she refused to sell them to me coz i had a flowerhorn in there (i had the female which only just survived the males attack, and was as soppy as anything. even now at 10" she scared of everything else) i explained that last week she didnt have a clue what a flowerhorn was, she then told me it was the same as an oscar and would eat everything in site!!!!

not an amazing story but considering she was the manager i was pained. i handed my CV in the next day and told them i actually knew about fish and could maybe help....never heard anything.


----------



## bigdaddyboa

I had a gentleman come round the other week to buy a corn snake off me. He was looking at the other snakes in the reptile room. Then he turns round to me and 
him. I have had snakes for years from corns to boas and different pythons
I was like ok then, so she will be at home
Man. Yeah and I know one of your snakes is really ill
Me I dont think so
Man yes (pointing into my bottom viv) That royal python is on it's last legs that is why it's gone that strange colour"
Me no she is fine and for your info she is not a royal python she is a hogg island x boa
man you are wrong u know nothing about snakes my brother is a reptile vet and he has taught me all i know about snakes
As he left (without the corn) he told me he was phoning the rspca on me as I knew nothing about snakes. When the inspector arrived he was having a giggle about the stupid man as well. As he could see I do not have any pythons of any sort in my collection.


----------



## bluejon91

bigdaddyboa said:


> I had a gentleman come round the other week to buy a corn snake off me. He was looking at the other snakes in the reptile room. Then he turns round to me and
> him. I have had snakes for years from corns to boas and different pythons
> I was like ok then, so she will be at home
> Man. Yeah and I know one of your snakes is really ill
> Me I dont think so
> Man yes (pointing into my bottom viv) That royal python is on it's last legs that is why it's gone that strange colour"
> Me no she is fine and for your info she is not a royal python she is a hogg island x boa
> man you are wrong u know nothing about snakes my brother is a reptile vet and he has taught me all i know about snakes
> As he left (without the corn) he told me he was phoning the rspca on me as I knew nothing about snakes. When the inspector arrived he was having a giggle about the stupid man as well. As he could see I do not have any pythons of any sort in my collection.


 
haha well his brother must have done this on purpose so he could embarras himself and end up on a site like this


----------



## laurencea

this vaguely falls into this category...

i was at the London Wetland Centre yesterday (a regular haunt of mine) and a couple of us spotted a great crested grebe surface with a fish. they got some shots, but i didn't bother, due to its position to me, etc and nothing to do with slow reactions, no siree...

anyway... where it was was near a clearing in some plants and could be seen clearly by a group of people walking along a path. they stopped and watched. as my friends and i walked past them we heard one woman say...

"oooh, that was disgusting, that poor fish"

we did wonder why she was vising a wildFOWL and wetlands centre.


----------



## HalcyonInverts

i work at a public aquarium and the amount of people saying utter nonsense is amazing! never a dull conversation...

Some of the best have been...

'look hunny, its a shark!' (referring to very large tiger shovel nose catfish)
'look hunny, its a catfish!' (referring to the carp)
'oh wow, scallops!' (dont you mean Nautilus?)

and my personal fave...

'Oh my god, tadpoles!!!' (no you moron, those are four eyed fish) how big do some people think tadpoles are? like 7 inches?

People are funny!


----------



## bluejon91

so right blonkers out there


----------



## Molly75

Oh I loved my shop working days : victory: this was the convo I had with an old 78 year old guy who used to come in  

Can I have some of your good weed the last lot was rubbish I need to buy the good stuff this time :2thumb:

Not so sure he was talking about something for his fishes after all :whistling2:

Paula


----------



## damien1010

the best one i heard a couple days back was- 'what would happen if they all got out mayte'
to which i rapidly replyed 'well,i wouldnt be stood here talking to idiots such as your self ,answering stupid questions about impossible things'

now you may think this was bad customer care, but this idiot comes in EVERY saturday and asks the most outstandidly annoying questions EVER the week befor was 'can anyfin in ere kill yah mayte'- yes, i risk life and limb,day after day for 5.55 an hour, on your bike son beam.


----------



## -matty-b-

there was an old lady in front of me the other day when i was gettin some crickets from my local pet shop when she seen em in my hand and asked what they were, crickets for my pets i said to her, after staring at em blankly for 5 minutes she started asking me what theyre like to keep, how to keep em and whether you can 'play' with em:bash:she thought i said that they were my pets lol


----------



## bluejon91

haha a mate of mine want to keep locust as a pet pmsl:lol2:


----------



## naz_pixie

joe_oasis said:


> Boy1 : (concerned look on his face) them two toytoises are doing something really rude
> Me: nah there not there too young to be doing anything.
> Boy 2: (punches his mate in the arm) i told you they cant do it with there shells on!


this made my day!!! cheered me up no end lol x x


----------



## mariedeery

> i'm afraid i did have a moment in a post office a few weeks ago where i asked if they sold stamps. in my deffence they hadn't had any the week before but... propper senior moment, shame i'm only 22!



I've done this before, the cashier just jumped up and said yes i sell lots of stamps, i have this one, and this one, and this one...

(I lived above the post office so he knew my clumsyness/idiocy well)


----------



## mustang100893

Not shop related but convinced my Dad's partners daughter (Who is 17) while in Welsh mountain zoo that spider monkeys have eight legs, there was a crocodile in a pond about 10 foot lond by the pathway and many other things lol, also my Dads partner asked whether the caiman(i think, not too sure was a while ago) would eat the guppies that were in with it as it's diet. :devil::censor::censor:


----------



## Samanthaa

:lol2:

I love the public. They make life fun
I don't work in a rep shop (i wish) but i do work with the public


----------



## repteen

Not a shop one, but the animal man came into my school and was explaining about tarantulas. He was saying that in the forest, you could eat them if you wanted, then he went on to say that they - like all spiders - are poisonous.:bash: I was actually shocked, he's not usually that bad!


----------



## bluejon91

repteen said:


> Not a shop one, but the animal man came into my school and was explaining about tarantulas. He was saying that in the forest, you could eat them if you wanted, then he went on to say that they - like all spiders - are poisonous.:bash: I was actually shocked, he's not usually that bad!


all spider are venomus its just different levels are venom spiders arent poisionus there venomus lol. unless he meant deadly


----------



## Dragon84

How about when a customer notice all the reps in the vivs "are those for sale"
No we're just pretending to be a shop:roll:

Also had a family in and the younger lad asked if we take all the fish home with us on a night:bash:


----------



## Straight-Up

Bump


----------



## becky89

Really entertaining thread :lol2:


----------



## hephev

This has had me crying with laughter and reading them out to my work mates. they don't get any of it as they are the kind who say such dense stuff too!!!!!


----------



## DaveM

I renenber being told by someone that they had to get rid of their Pictus cat because it hit 7 foot, then he told his GF that he loved watching them when he went scuba diving off the great barrier reef...


----------



## Dykie

one that always gets me mad is

Customer: Do you sell such a thing?
Me: No sorry we dont stock that...
Customer: Yes you do!
or you hear them asking someone else the exact same thing just to be told no again


----------



## Gough

This one isnt funny but thought i'd get it out there....
The other week my uncle had a 'chav', as he described, come into the pet shop where he works with a really obese royal in a plastic bag. The chav asked, "Why is he so fat?" My uncle said he is obviously feeding him too much, what are you feeding him and how often. The chav then said that he had been feeding the royal a LIVE rat when ever his mates were round. My uncle said you shouldnt be feeding live as your obivously doing it for your own personal benifit, its against the law. The chav then said "oh well" put his snake back in the plastic bag and walked off...


----------



## Kat91

Gough said:


> This one isnt funny but thought i'd get it out there....
> The other week my uncle had a 'chav', as he described, come into the pet shop where he works with a really obese royal in a plastic bag. The chav asked, "Why is he so fat?" My uncle said he is obviously feeding him too much, what are you feeding him and how often. The chav then said that he had been feeding the royal a LIVE rat when ever his mates were round. My uncle said you shouldnt be feeding live as your obivously doing it for your own personal benifit, its against the law. The chav then said "oh well" put his snake back in the plastic bag and walked off...


WHAT?! I would've taken the snake from him! what an absolute :censor:


----------



## Gough

Kat91 said:


> WHAT?! I would've taken the snake from him! what an absolute :censor:


I know, i reckon there should be some sort of checks before selling any reptile, or any animal, such as on the spot questions ect. But that would be classed as harrasment i guess lol

Also, sorry if i just ruined the tone of the thread, it was going all so well untill i posted :whistling2:


----------



## moodyblue1969

not a shop but here goes. my sister visited last week,took one look at my baby boa and asked if i was worried about it eating me. i informed her if it tried it would be the most lumpiest,mis-shapen snake with chronic indigestion ever known to mankind. then she asked if it was *poisoness* .i said only if you fry it in cyanide


----------



## tazzyasb

I had a customer in the shop today who told me that they got rid of their cali king because when the wife was lying on the bed with it, it straightened up next to her because it was sizing her up to eat. I could not believe it.

I was speechless :bash: then told them snakes aren't stupid they know what they can eat and can't its the owners who are stupid :devil:


----------



## Dragon84

tazzyasb said:


> I had a customer in the shop today who told me that they got rid of their cali king because when the wife was lying on the bed with it, it straightened up next to her because it was sizing her up to eat. I could not believe it.
> 
> I was speechless :bash: then told them snakes aren't stupid they know what they can eat and can't its the owners who are stupid :devil:


 It's quite possible, sounds like you didn't ask any questions. His wife could have been rat sized:whistling2:


----------



## Kat91

Dragon84 said:


> It's quite possible, sounds like you didn't ask any questions. His wife could have been rat sized:whistling2:


:lol2::lol2:


----------



## Twiglet

moodyblue1969 said:


> not a shop but here goes. my sister visited last week,took one look at my baby boa and asked if i was worried about it eating me. i informed her if it tried it would be the most lumpiest,mis-shapen snake with chronic indigestion ever known to mankind. then she asked if it was *poisoness* .i said only if you fry it in cyanide


Excellent! Next time I get asked if my snakes are poisonous I shall be using that line... Priceless!!


----------



## Slackey

I lived in Cyprus for a while and my next door neighbour had just moved in from the Uk. We were talking about what snakes etc were on the island and I pointed out to her that '....out of all the snakes found in Cyprus only 3 were venomous'

Her reply.......


'Well why doesn't some one just catch them then?'

And yes she was blonde

(not this is a blondist comment in any way:whistling2


----------



## LoveForLizards

Slackey said:


> I lived in Cyprus for a while and my next door neighbour had just moved in from the Uk. We were talking about what snakes etc were on the island and I pointed out to her that '....out of all the snakes found in Cyprus only 3 were venomous'
> 
> Her reply.......
> 
> 
> 'Well why doesn't some one just catch them then?'
> 
> And yes she was blonde
> 
> (not this is a blondist comment in any way:whistling2


:lol2::lol2: Absolutely brilliant! :lol2::lol2:


----------



## Twiglet

> I lived in Cyprus for a while and my next door neighbour had just moved in from the Uk. We were talking about what snakes etc were on the island and I pointed out to her that '....out of all the snakes found in Cyprus only 3 were venomous'
> 
> Her reply.......
> 
> 
> 'Well why doesn't some one just catch them then?'
> 
> And yes she was blonde
> 
> (not this is a blondist comment in any way:whistling2 Today 08:47 PM


Lol... Just... Lol!


----------



## tazzyasb

Dragon84 said:


> It's quite possible, sounds like you didn't ask any questions. His wife could have been rat sized:whistling2:


I walked away when she started to tell me that the cali got aggressive when she was at the end of her period. Well thats a lie I said it must be the smell then walked away.


----------



## Twiglet

When your wife or the cali was at the end of her period?! :gasp: 




:shock:







​


----------



## tazzyasb

Twiglet said:


> When your wife or the cali was at the end of her period?! :gasp:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :shock:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ​


not my wife! I have a husband thank you. No it was a couple in the shop with their daughter HE told me about the cali sizing her up and SHE told me that the cali used to go for her when she was at the end of HER period. All very strange and I have never seen so many shag marks on a grown womans neck in my life. Delightful couple they were


----------



## vickylolage

There was this bloke used to come into the shop I worked and he was just inbred is the nicest way of putting it. He bred beardies. He came in asking about line breeding so we tried explaining it to him but pointed it that if dont too far it can cause problems and that if your doing normals its pointless etc etc.

So he stood for a while and pondered this. Luckily he was talking to one of the other lads I was just listening. Then he said "So er its like if you and your sister (the guy he was talking to has no sister) mated it would be a, a..........MONGOLIAN!"

I went out the back cause I bust into laughter. It was just the way he looked as if he'd discovered gravity. Pure "Eureka!" moment.


----------



## mr gooch

well i dont have a real job, reality scares me a bit really, Anyway,

I work in a garden centre, I could write a book on stupid questions,

Picture this, -5degrees and snow on all plants outside,
Customer= Are these for growing outside? yes you :censor:!!!

Or the best one,

If i buy this will it grow???????
No im afraid it will only grow if you steal it,
once you have worked in retail you realise there is no hope for mankind,


----------



## punky_jen

Matt Northampton said:


> We have had a few, here are some I can remember,
> "do the mice come back to life when you defrost them",
> 
> " my mate had a 15 foot boa but it was safe coz it had had the venom removed",
> 
> " *do chameleons explode if you hold them up to a tartan background"*,
> 
> " I am after a fan tailed lizard, you know like the one that spits venom on Jurassic Park",
> 
> "is a rat snake a rattle snake thats had its rattle removed ?"
> 
> "I know what Im talking about Im a qualified reptologist"
> 
> "do corn snakes eat corn"
> 
> " Im after an Albanian rock python" and she was insistant it wasnt an albino rock python and really argued the point, then left in a strop.


Going in my sig!!!! Cant..............stop.................laughing!!


----------



## Kat91

Some of these are just priceless :lol2:


----------



## Darklas

Robbie said:


> Again I work in an Aquatics/Reptile shop. Yesterday a lady came in and asked if we stocked Golf Balls.
> Yes - Our Leopard Geckos are partial to a round of golf...


People used to mistake our pet shop for other shops all the time! I don't understand why though. 
"Do you guys do the lotto?"
"I'm looking for dishtowels"
"Potatoes?!"

And a man who wanted lightbulbs. We initially thought he might mean for an aquarium or vivarium, but no...he wanted a standard bulb for his house.


----------



## KXC

Twiglet said:


> Venom injecting tongues... did she not believe you when you explained that pokemon aren't real...??
> 
> The other one we get alot is people waltzing into the shop and asking for random items. wellies, lawn mowers, pate, carpet cleaner.
> *Even better is when someone comes in asking is we sell rabbits... its just TOO tempting to slap a stiff one on the desk. *
> 
> Kat


:lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2:


----------



## KXC

*" do chameleons explode if you hold them up to a tartan background",*

OMG!!!! This is magic! Sometimes I hate the human race and sometimes a marvel at the fact we have managed to survive on this earth so long.


----------



## samurai

We had a puppy brought in today that belonged to a bit of a crazy lady. She wrote a list of all the terrible things he was doing, heres a few...

he wags his tail so hard that i terrified something will get broken!
he eyes up her art table looking for stuff to steal and destroy!
she said how terribly off putting it is when he eyes up their food when they are eating, as they feed him his own food and treats, and is given toys! (he so ungrateful)
he sits and whines and shivvers!

What a terrible puppy he is :whistling2:


----------



## mustang100893

Matt Northampton said:


> We have had a few, here are some I can remember,
> "do the mice come back to life when you defrost them",
> 
> " my mate had a 15 foot boa but it was safe coz it had had the venom removed",
> 
> *" do chameleons explode if you hold them up to a tartan background",*
> 
> " I am after a fan tailed lizard, you know like the one that spits venom on Jurassic Park",
> 
> "is a rat snake a rattle snake thats had its rattle removed ?"
> 
> "I know what Im talking about Im a qualified reptologist"
> 
> "do corn snakes eat corn"
> 
> " Im after an Albanian rock python" and she was insistant it wasnt an albino rock python and really argued the point, then left in a strop.


I would just say dunno go get some tartan paint and we'll find out.


----------



## Crab Man

This is a flippin' classic thread :no1: :lol2:

Can't get over the tartan chameleon one. That is just epic!


----------



## Kat91

mustang100893 said:


> I would just say dunno go get some tartan paint and we'll find out.


LOL! tartan paint! classic.


----------



## Robbie

A lady came in crying the other day. Apparently her Goldfish 'Spongebob' had died and she wanted us to look at the body. It's in the freezer. I'm not looking at it.


----------



## Nicola McKay

I used to work in a pet shop a few years ago and some of the things people came out with were ridiculous.

Teacher to group of schoolkids: "Wash your hands after you've stroked the rabbit as you can catch myxomatosis from them". Really?!!!!!

Child looking at a chinchilla: "Look at the skunk". Eh?

Grandparent to child: "Rats are disgusting and dirty and they'll give you the plague". The black death is making a comeback!

Woman worried about her dying fish: "I've been singing to it. Can you say a prayer for it?" Em, no!

People coming into the shop and looking at the rats: "Oh cute. What are they?" They read the huge sign on the cage stating what the animal is.
Cutomer: "Yuck they're rats. That's disgusting". So they're only cute when you don't know what they are?!

And not shop related but last year my boyfriend and I were selling baby Western Hognose snakes. I was asking people at my work if they would be interested.
Colleague: "No I can't get a snake. It'll eat my dog". That would be the most amazing sight ever to see an 8 inch long snake eat a Cocker Spaniel! 

People scare me sometimes!


----------



## samurai

:roll2::roll2::roll2::roll2::roll2:LMAO i love this thread!! Today we were asked:

"What does GSD (german shepherd dog) stand for? Does it mean Good sized dog?"

tried hard not to laugh they looked like they'd been thinking about it for a while!


----------



## x_firefly_x

Nicola McKay said:


> I used to work in a pet shop a few years ago and some of the things people came out with were ridiculous.
> 
> Teacher to group of schoolkids: "Wash your hands after you've stroked the rabbit as you can catch myxomatosis from them". Really?!!!!!
> 
> Child looking at a chinchilla: "Look at the skunk". Eh?
> 
> *Grandparent to child: "Rats are disgusting and dirty and they'll give you the plague". The black death is making a comeback!*
> 
> Woman worried about her dying fish: "I've been singing to it. Can you say a prayer for it?" Em, no!
> 
> People coming into the shop and looking at the rats: "Oh cute. What are they?" They read the huge sign on the cage stating what the animal is.
> Cutomer: "Yuck they're rats. That's disgusting". So they're only cute when you don't know what they are?!
> 
> And not shop related but last year my boyfriend and I were selling baby Western Hognose snakes. I was asking people at my work if they would be interested.
> Colleague: "No I can't get a snake. It'll eat my dog". That would be the most amazing sight ever to see an 8 inch long snake eat a Cocker Spaniel!
> 
> People scare me sometimes!



Sorry not in any way shop related but it REALLY annoys me when people say things like this, I kept rats for years till recently(sadly the OH is allergic) and every time I visited home(student so go home in holidays etc) and went on the train I always got at least a few people asking what was in the carrier and upon hearing it was rats the usual response was something along the lines of "ewww why would anyone want to own such disgusting dirty creatures?!" whilst slowly backing away from me. The amount of times I had to physically bite my tongue to stop myself yelling at those blooming ignorant fools!! My rats were probably cleaner than most of those people and a damn site more intelligent than half of them.

Again not shop related but I think this is possibly even worse, took my degus to the vet, on taking them out of the carrier the vets said "awww what cute rats!"... They look NOTHING like rats! Did you pay any attention in vet school when they taught you the difference between small animal species?! Evidently not. Needless to say didn't return to that vets lol.


----------



## Nicola McKay

I know exactly what you mean firefly. That grandparent was told in no uncertain terms that everything they had said was rubbish and that rats are cleaner than most humans! They just walked away in a huff. It's ignorant people like that who pass their prejudices on to other people and then you hear all the stupid things that we've been reading about in this thread (which has had me laughing my head off!)


----------



## connor 1213

Do snakes have legs........? - Yahoo! Answers

now you are taking the piss!


----------



## DaveM

I remember once, this kid asking his mum what the cleaner shrimp were, her reply was fantastic, she said, in a a confident manner "They're spider fish"! :lol:


----------



## Dragon84

Customer buying a 100w basking light "is this bulb bright"
:whistling2:the clue is in the name "LIGHT bulb"


----------



## medusa0373

Eeeeeeh, I love this thread, it's so funny! Always astonishing the total stupidity that people display, day in, day out. I used to work in a shop as well as my main office job, and the attitude people have towards shopworkers is ridiculous - like you're sub-human or something!

:lol2:

Keep them coming!!!!!!


----------



## Ron Magpie

Agree on the rats- I've kept them myself, so I know what good pets they can be. The standard reaction came in useful a couple of years back, though- a guy who caught my regular train used to always have one climbing over him- *guaranteed* free seat!:2thumb:

I worked weekends in a petshop a few years back, and I have to say most of our regulars were both knowledgable and willing to learn- we didn't get many stupid questions, but a lot of good ones. On the other hand, we also got a lot of people who had bottled out of going into the sex shop next door- we sold a lot of big dog collars and harnesses, for some reason...:whistling2:


----------



## Twiglet

> Woman worried about her dying fish: "I've been singing to it. Can you say a prayer for it?" Em, no!


Thats actually fantastic!

One of the girls at the shop I work at text me a couple of days ago:

"stupid customer comment no. 327: "My platies are breeding like wild flowers"



Think hotter...like eyeball blisteringly hot and a bit less floral... now add flames... fire? Yes... wild FIRE honey... and I think you'll find the term is used for things that spread... 

Kat


----------



## John-Boy

I've had a couple recently...a friend came round and while she was there she spotted my mexican red knee. "oh my god, how can you keep spiders!!!" To which I replied "what's wrong with spiders?" The response to this was "oh well, at least you had it's teeth removed first"...I just looked at her in amazement and then informed her that tarantula's don't have 'teeth' they have fangs and no, I had not had her fangs removed! She then came back with "oh my god, but it could STING you!" I gave up.

The second one was an email from some random bloke informing that he had recently bought a gecko and didn't know what to call him, could I think of a good name!?!?! I have NO idea who this person was!!!

Oh and i asked my mum to get me some standard mealworms as I couldn't get to the shop. You can imagine how embarrased I was the following week when the lady who owns the shop told me that my mum had asked her for a box of 'bone meal'.....face palm!


----------



## reeve1987

ha got you all beat.

was in my usual rep store, canterbury exotics, once. and the guy who runs it had a pink toe out and a chav said you had to have a liscence because they was venomouse and he should have been wearing gloves.

so i asked the chav what species the spider was and he said mexican red knee.

now i get on well with the bloke he refures to me as skinny dude (see below for explanation) and chris, the blokes name, looked at me and i just said to the chav "mate thats a pink toe and you need to get a f'ing life and go read some books. you dont talk bout something you know nothing bout. surely he got all flustered, "dont talk to me like that bruv" and chris just chucked him out. pissed myself laughing.


funny dude explanantion.

went in one day when they had a massive monitor enclosure which was raised off the floor. it had got under its enclosure and because of all the support beams chris, being big as hell in muscle, couldnt get under it. so i walked in he turned round and called skinny dude! pointing at me. so i walked over and said "yup?" and was asked to squeeze under it and fetch the monitor back out and into his enclosure. so from that moment on i was known no longer by my real name but instead skinny dude. i think i spend to much time in that place lol


----------



## Darklas

Customer: "I'm looking to buy a budgie."
Me: "Sure all our budgies are just in here"
Customer: "You see my last one just died. He was old."
Me: "Oh, that's a shame..."
Customer: "But I knew it was his time to go. So I popped him into the oven and put the gas on so he would die. It was the kindest thing to do."
Me: :gasp:


----------



## Robbie

darklas said:


> customer: "i'm looking to buy a budgie."
> me: "sure all our budgies are just in here"
> customer: "you see my last one just died. He was old."
> me: "oh, that's a shame..."
> customer: "but i knew it was his time to go. So i popped him into the oven and put the gas on so he would die. It was the kindest thing to do."
> me: :gasp:


lmao!


----------



## Twiglet

Darklas said:


> Customer: "I'm looking to buy a budgie."
> Me: "Sure all our budgies are just in here"
> Customer: "You see my last one just died. He was old."
> Me: "Oh, that's a shame..."
> Customer: "But I knew it was his time to go. So I popped him into the oven and put the gas on so he would die. It was the kindest thing to do."
> Me: :gasp:


*speachless*


okay... slowly back away from the customer. 

PLEASE tell me you told the customer that gassing budgies isn't considered socially acceptible?? And please GOD tell me you didnt sell them a new one!!

Kat


----------



## Darklas

Twiglet said:


> *speachless*
> 
> 
> okay... slowly back away from the customer.
> 
> PLEASE tell me you told the customer that gassing budgies isn't considered socially acceptible?? And please GOD tell me you didnt sell them a new one!!
> 
> Kat


Luckily she decided against buying one because we didn't have any blue males at that point. I didn't want to have to argue with her. 

She was a right old woman who clearly thought what she did was ok. Because the vets would have "done the same thing" and charged her for it. :bash:
There was no hope for that one.


----------



## Twiglet

Darklas said:


> She was a right old woman who clearly thought what she did was ok. Because the vets would have "done the same thing" and charged her for it. :bash:
> There was no hope for that one.


No hope at all! I'd have been inclined to point out that it was clearly her time to go so she should toddle off and go stick HER head in the oven. 
It never fails to impress me how many people out there have done stuff like this and think its perfectly ok!
One guy came in to look at our reps when we had them and announced that he used to have a "big'un" (retic? afrock? conda?) and that he fed it ouside in the garden on live crows caught in his traps... probably bollocks but he thought this was an acceptible thing to tell me.


----------



## Darklas

Twiglet said:


> No hope at all! I'd have been inclined to point out that it was clearly her time to go so she should toddle off and go stick HER head in the oven.


Haha! Agreed!




> One guy came in to look at our reps when we had them and announced that he used to have a "big'un" (retic? afrock? conda?) and that he fed it ouside in the garden on live crows caught in his traps... probably bollocks but he thought this was an acceptible thing to tell me.


I first read that as "on live cows caught in his traps" and burst out laughing wondering what kind of cows he found in the wild. 0.o

Feeding it crows though? I hope he was just trying to sound big and didn't really do that.


----------



## EquineArcher

Whist at my local rep/aquatics/exotic mammal shop

(Me being fairly experienced, shop keeper being a p:censor

Having just spotted a skeletal corn, acting a noob and asked the shopkeeper over for a closer look so I could buy it:

Me: wow, he's so pretty!
Keeper: meh, corns a corn innit?
Me: do you know what morph or colour it is? (knowing full well its a Miami)
Keeper: Red and grey.
Me: how old is it?
Keeper: dunno really. Between 1 year and 3?
Me: is he due to shed? his eyes look cloudy.
Keeper: Prob'ly
Me: will he not get stressed?
Keeper: nah, they're calmer when they can't see. like when you put a towel over summats head like.
Me: right... what size mice is he on?
Keeper: medium (he's currently feeding on rat pups.)
Me: can I buy some?
Keeper: yeah, we only sell em in bags of 50 though coz they will melt real quick innit.
Me: can he live with my python?
Keeper: yeah.

Needless to say, that day he was reported.


----------



## Twiglet

SexyBear77 said:


> Me: wow, he's so pretty!
> Keeper: meh, corns a corn innit?
> Me: do you know what morph or colour it is? (knowing full well its a Miami)
> Keeper: Red and grey.
> Me: how old is it?
> Keeper: dunno really. Between 1 year and 3?
> Me: is he due to shed? his eyes look cloudy.
> Keeper: Prob'ly
> Me: will he not get stressed?
> Keeper: nah, they're calmer when they can't see. like when you put a towel over summats head like.
> Me: right... what size mice is he on?
> Keeper: medium (he's currently feeding on rat pups.)
> Me: can I buy some?
> Keeper: yeah, we only sell em in bags of 50 though coz they will melt real quick innit.
> Me: can he live with my python?
> Keeper: yeah.


Can you say "Chav"??


----------



## lisa c

Loving this thread!!! 
Can't believe some people are so stooooopid!!!
Exploding chameleons, Frozen mice coming back to life Hee Hee!!!!!!!! 


:lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:


----------



## bluejon91

SexyBear77 said:


> Whist at my local rep/aquatics/exotic mammal shop
> 
> (Me being fairly experienced, shop keeper being a p:censor
> 
> Having just spotted a skeletal corn, acting a noob and asked the shopkeeper over for a closer look so I could buy it:
> 
> Me: wow, he's so pretty!
> Keeper: meh, corns a corn innit?
> Me: do you know what morph or colour it is? (knowing full well its a Miami)
> Keeper: Red and grey.
> Me: how old is it?
> Keeper: dunno really. Between 1 year and 3?
> Me: is he due to shed? his eyes look cloudy.
> Keeper: Prob'ly
> Me: will he not get stressed?
> Keeper: nah, they're calmer when they can't see. like when you put a towel over summats head like.
> Me: right... what size mice is he on?
> Keeper: medium (he's currently feeding on rat pups.)
> Me: can I buy some?
> Keeper: yeah, we only sell em in bags of 50 though coz they will melt real quick innit.
> Me: can he live with my python?
> Keeper: yeah.
> 
> Needless to say, that day he was reported.


 
haha you should av kept it going like can i put it on a lead n take it for walkies lol 

n i agree what a f:censor:ckin clueless chav


----------



## Daylight95

Twiglet said:


> Venom injecting tongues... did she not believe you when you explained that pokemon aren't real...??
> 
> The other one we get alot is people waltzing into the shop and asking for random items. wellies, lawn mowers, pate, carpet cleaner.
> Even better is when someone comes in asking is we sell rabbits... its just TOO tempting to slap a stiff one on the desk.
> 
> Kat


I'd so love to see the day someone actually does that lol


----------



## mustang100893

Not customer but anyhoo.

Facebook group which has something to do with Turtles
Fan woman posts pic of red eared terrapin no bigger than a digestive biscuit (Asda price or Mcvities, your choice) with a bit of info:
"got this for valentines day but dunno how to look after it" :O

It gets worse:
Dumb fan, called something like punkrockersuperhotchick07 or something like that comments:
"Ohh thats cute and it won't get any bigger than that because it's not a sea or land Turtle".What the F*** is this girl chatting, and no one commented and i really didn't want to get verbally assaulted by someone possibly older and bigger than me.


----------



## pandamonium

I have been laughing till my sides hurt at this and although I don’t work in a rep shop I am an experienced owner and figured you might enjoy a recent tale of innocent stupidity J

Not long ago we took my daughter and my nephew to the reptile reserve, they where both enthralled by the size of the full grown black and white tegus as we have a juvenile one at home, there was also a rather testy one in a very high viv that even I could only just see and put my hand up to the front and was charged mouth open. Obviously this amused me greatly and I called the children over to (in my words) “Come and see this angerful sky teg!” … To which a guy who had been listening in on most of our conversations as we where walking around came over and asked “So what’s the difference between a normal Teg and that ‘sky teg’?” I just blinked as my daughter who’s 12 stifled a laugh and I said “Well you see that one’s in the sky as in high up”….

Even his mrs face palmed and sighed! 

I swear we attract them J


----------



## Robbie

I've JUST been asked how much noise a tank makes. Assuming she meant filter/air pump I asked her to clarify;

"You know, the water heater. Is it very noisy?".

I did reply with 'It's not a hair dryer' which she giggled along to. But I mean come on... a water heater? Noise?


----------



## crazysnakedude

i had a dear little child come in, rather against his will by his friends. one of his friends ask if i could get a snake out, so i did. i asked the nervous kid if he wanted to try and get over his fear by touching the tip of the tail, to which he replied....."i cant im allergic to snakes"...bless.


----------



## bluejon91

from yahoo answers

King snakes aren't the best first snake-owner pets. 
Did you know they can strike they're own body length! According to Steve Irwin, the Croc Hunter, they're bites hurt like hell!

lol yep who would have guessed that a king snake bite hurts more than a retic or burmese python

another king snake related yahoo answer 

put them in the same cage for a couple mintues and just see how they act, if it works out , put them in for a longer periode of time every day

:lol2:


----------



## knotism037

I had a shopkeeper tell me that albino labarynth burms only grow to 10ft because of their genes :gasp:


----------



## Darklas

A good one from Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes



_(Customer walks up to front desk in waiting room area and places kitty carrier on desk.)_
*Me:* “Hi, do you need an appointment?”
*Customer:* “Uh. No. I just need some acne cream for cats.”
*Me:* “What do you mean?”
*Customer:* _*pulls cat out of carrier and sets on desk*_ “See? She has acne on her belly.”
*Me:* “Those aren’t acne. Those are nipples.”


----------



## 666

*stupid customers*

lmao i used to work in a reptile shop and was asked by a customer if a bearded dragon breathed fire lmao

she seemed really seriouse too wich was worrying lol


----------



## bluejon91

the great thing is that as long as people are coming into shops asking stupid questions it wont end :lol2: cant wait to hear more stupidity


----------



## Circe

Not a shop tale, but in a similar vein I once took a CWD to a "Show and Tell". I was sitting chatting to folk with the lizard on my shoulder when suddenly a woman screamed. T'ai, the dragon had moved and not only had she not realised that he was real, she told me that she thought that he was knitted!:lol2:


----------



## Robbie

Circe said:


> Not a shop tale, but in a similar vein I once took a CWD to a "Show and Tell". I was sitting chatting to folk with the lizard on my shoulder when suddenly a woman screamed. T'ai, the dragon had moved and not only had she not realised that he was real, she told me that she thought that he was knitted!:lol2:


LOL! I've had people ask if the snakes are made of rubber. But granted the Pythons and Boas don't move that often so it may be a bit of a mystery to someone not so clued up on the herps.


----------



## mustang100893

Twiglet said:


> Just read a post started by someone who had been told by a non rep keeper that leopard geckos live to be over a hundred and it got me thinking about all the utter tripe i've heard from people recently.
> Others here work in shops, i cant be the only one that gets the eegits (please tell me i'm not the only one that gets the eegits...)
> I work in an aquatics show with a very small reptile section.
> 
> The Boa Story - you'll all have heard this one, I'm getting a different version every few weeks now. You know the one i mean, the "snake laying next to owner, vet says to get rid of it as its measuring to see if it can eat you" story. The boa has grown from 6 feet to 40 feet in a matter of months if the stories are to be believed. people always look so disapointed when you point out the idiocy of that story.
> 
> "can I have some Crocusts/Lucus?/locus/locustses?"
> No, but you CAN have some LOCUSTS!
> 
> "Excuse me, do you sell marine turtles?"
> Yeah, sure, I've got six arriving tomo. I though I'd keep them in that tank with the great white shark and the orca...
> 
> "will the frozen smelts come back to life when i defrost them for my lion fish?"
> pray REALLY hard...
> 
> "look son, a BEARDED dragon! They can't breathe fire though. Thats just Komodo dragons"
> I'd quite like to meet a fire breathing komodo. or actually, maybe i wouldn't.
> 
> "excuse me, do you sell water pistols?" No sorry, try the garden centre "well, thats rediculous, you're a water shop aren't you???"
> ok...
> 
> "wow, is that A REAL snake?!?!?" No, its a deck chair. "Really?!" sigh.
> 
> "some one told me they get big, but i figure I wont really need a big vivarium because greckos only grow the the size of their tank"
> No i wouldn't have sold him a gecko either. or a grecko for the matter.
> 
> "I've got this lizard, its not eating. Whats wrong with it?" what species I ask... "oh just a normal basic lizard, you know, those long ones."
> keh?
> 
> *"Are the snakes poisonous?"*
> *well, i dont suggest you try and eat one but no, they are not poisonous. they are not VENOMOUS either.... If i had a quid for every time i get asked this i could retire. or buy a gun and shoot every cretin that asks me if ingesting a snake will make them ill.*
> 
> I saw a gentleman looking a little confused recently (see alot of them actually) so i went over to him and said "are you ok there sir?" he looked at me like i was pile of faeces and replied "no" before storming out of the shop.
> 
> and the best one ever:
> 
> "can i buy some quality weed please?"
> yeah ok so they really want a bunch of elodea for their long suffering goldfish but the sight of a tiny old woman wearing a bobble hat asking me for joint never fails to make me smile. I'm easily amused!
> 
> Any one else??
> 
> 
> Kat


Surprising how many seemingly professional people make this mistake, my tutors in college are forever saying it's a poisonous snake and i was pretty shocked to read how many time Sir David Attenborough calls some snakes for example the banded krait, poisonous in his new book.


----------



## Darklas

mustang100893 said:


> Surprising how many seemingly professional people make this mistake, my tutors in college are forever saying it's a poisonous snake and i was pretty shocked to read how many time Sir David Attenborough calls some snakes for example the banded krait, poisonous in his new book.


 
When I'm doing my animal shows I'm dealing with kids between the ages of 4 and 10. It's just easier to say poisonous than venomous and try and explain the difference. 
If it's a small group I'll explain things more and try to educate them a little more. But with large groups I only just have enough time to tell them the names of all the different animals.


----------



## tomwilson

i was in my local store and an rspca inspector came round they had a group of young boa's in store and they had storage tubs to seperate them for feeding.

she told them to put them back in the viv because it was not natural.
staff said niether is the viv
then she ordered put "them in the viv now."
on the way out she said "and make sure that ferret gets lots of fruit and veg" yeah right because thats what a ferret wants.

and shes suposed to police this stuff idoit


----------



## della.g

While defrosting rodents to feed all the snakes in the shop i heard one guy say " awww poor mice" to which the other guy replied " it's ok mate, when they are fully defrosted they come back to life" When i had managed to compose myself i asked him why he thought that and he told me that his mum told him if you freeze any animal that dies when you defrost it it comes back to life. This was not a child either, he must have been at least 25!

Also asked a girl who was kicking up a fuss about animals eating mice if she was a vegetarian and thats why she was so upset. She said she was a vegetarian and did'nt eat any animal related products. I asked her what she had had from a local fast food place as i had seen her put the box in my bin and she said a quarter pound beefburger. Totally confused by this i asked her where she thought the burger had come from and she told me that " burgers grow on tree's in scotland and they are a vegetable " i then asked her if she ate eggs and she replied that she did but only " the ones that are made in an egg factory "

I sometimes wonder how people even survive.

Adele


----------



## bluejon91

tomwilson said:


> i was in my local store and an rspca inspector came round they had a group of young boa's in store and they had storage tubs to seperate them for feeding.
> 
> she told them to put them back in the viv because it was not natural.
> staff said niether is the viv
> then she ordered put "them in the viv now."
> on the way out she said "and make sure that ferret gets lots of fruit and veg" yeah right because thats what a ferret wants.
> 
> and shes suposed to police this stuff idoit


 
lol omg how can u forget all boas go round in a viv on wheels in the wild obviously :lol2:


----------



## bluejon91

della.g said:


> While defrosting rodents to feed all the snakes in the shop i heard one guy say " awww poor mice" to which the other guy replied " it's ok mate, when they are fully defrosted they come back to life" When i had managed to compose myself i asked him why he thought that and he told me that his mum told him if you freeze any animal that dies when you defrost it it comes back to life. This was not a child either, he must have been at least 25!
> 
> Also asked a girl who was kicking up a fuss about animals eating mice if she was a vegetarian and thats why she was so upset. She said she was a vegetarian and did'nt eat any animal related products. I asked her what she had had from a local fast food place as i had seen her put the box in my bin and she said a quarter pound beefburger. Totally confused by this i asked her where she thought the burger had come from and she told me that " burgers grow on tree's in scotland and they are a vegetable " i then asked her if she ate eggs and she replied that she did but only " the ones that are made in an egg factory "
> 
> I sometimes wonder how people even survive.
> 
> Adele


 
lol if she said burgers grew on trees i dont think i would have been able to stop myself saying. 

OMG you have just ate an innocent cow how could you do such a thing an inoccent little cow his mother is probably looking for him in a field now and you ate him! lol yes i would be that evil:devil:


----------



## Twiglet

bluejon91 said:


> lol if she said burgers grew on trees i dont think i would have been able to stop myself saying.
> 
> OMG you have just ate an innocent cow how could you do such a thing an inoccent little cow his mother is probably looking for him in a field now and you ate him! lol yes i would be that evil:devil:


Me too. Then I'd have told her that the cows mummys name was Daisy and that her son was called Martin and that she will be haunted by Martin and the 'Ghost of Burgers Past' for the rest of her existance. 

Was she really for real?? I mean, I DID once manage to convince an ex that you bought Farmers at a Farmers Market but surely no one is THAT guillable (sp)



> Originally Posted by *tomwilson*
> _i was in my local store and an rspca inspector came round they had a group of young boa's in store and they had storage tubs to seperate them for feeding.
> 
> she told them to put them back in the viv because it was not natural.
> staff said niether is the viv
> then she ordered put "them in the viv now."
> on the way out she said "and make sure that ferret gets lots of fruit and veg" yeah right because thats what a ferret wants.
> 
> and shes suposed to police this stuff idoit_


Pssst... *whispers*... Most RSPCA inspectors are like that. 
Anyway, obviously the best thing for this shop is for the boas to eat eachother and for the ferret to die of malnutrition. Obviously. 



> LOL! I've had people ask if the snakes are made of rubber. But granted the Pythons and Boas don't move that often so it may be a bit of a mystery to someone not so clued up on the herps.


When people ask "is that real?" I tend to tell them its wind-up and if they exclaim "Oh my god, is that a SNAKE?" I cant help myself.. I just HAVE to respond with something like "Nah, it's a fridge magnet/bootlace/packet of dolly mixtures/pot noodle"
Its quite scary how often the person has to think before realising you're yanking their chain.

A friend of mine heard one the other day at work about spitting cobras. "Did you know spitting cobras spit their teeth at you?? Yeah, those big fangs can be spat like, twenty feet!!"


----------



## bluejon91

Twiglet said:


> Me too. Then I'd have told her that the cows mummys name was Daisy and that her son was called Martin and that she will be haunted by Martin and the 'Ghost of Burgers Past' for the rest of her existance.


how could i have forgotten that


----------



## Twiglet

bluejon91 said:


> how could i have forgotten that


Yes indeed, how COULD you have forgotten about the Ghost of Burgers Past? What were you thinking?!


----------



## waynenoonan1234

i worked in my dads shop when i was young its was next to the beach so we sold all sea side crap spade, buckets ect ect... so i was on till one day and sold someone one of those dispossale BBQ's and about 20 mins later the guy who i had sold it to came storming back in demanding a refund!!!! so i calmly asked what was up with the item so he said in a clever voice "there are stuff missing out of the box" so i opened it and asked what missing mate then he replied theres no meat in the box like it shows on the front of the box! so i just burst out laughing at him. he looked at me for a few seconds then he turn and left without saying anything. some people have about as much common sence as a over cooked turd :bash:


----------



## kimmie86

my other half believes the snake lying down next to the owner, and feels the need to tell all his friends and they stupidly believe him!! I just sit and shake my head!! :devil:


Oh and it aint just customers, i know shop keepers who do stupid things and say stupid things aswell!!


----------



## Erinaceinae

i work in a vets, had two this morning;

Customer: I'd like to book an appointment for this friday
Me: Ok, what sort of time would you like?
C: Any time, it doesn't matter
Me: Well, morning, afternoon or evening?
C: I don't mind
Me: 9.30 am?
C: A bit later?
Me: 2 pm
C: do you have any later in the morning?
Me: uhh yes, 10am?
C: Yes, thats good, thankyou 
....???

And the other;
Customer: I'm ringing up for the results of the blood test you did on monday
(gets details out...)
Me: Ok, i'll just go and ask the nurse... (phone on hold)
(asks nurse, can't find any record of any of his 3 cats having had a blood test)
Me: we can't seem to find that, what was the cats name?
Customer: Sorry, who is this?!
Me: *name of vets*
Customer: Oh! Sorry i thought i'd phoned the doctors for my own results!
He was pretty embarrassed 


Also watching two 10yr olds play "rock paper scissors"
Girl 1: one... two ... three
Girl 2: ermmmm, i think i'll do.... ROCK
Girl 1: ok, i'll do... SCISSORS
Girl 2: you win! you get to hit me now!

they repeated this time and time again, the second one didn't always win either!


----------



## The Gex Files

Elsa said:


> i work in a vets, had two this morning;
> 
> Customer: I'd like to book an appointment for this friday
> Me: Ok, what sort of time would you like?
> C: Any time, it doesn't matter
> Me: Well, morning, afternoon or evening?
> C: I don't mind
> Me: 9.30 am?
> C: A bit later?
> Me: 2 pm
> C: do you have any later in the morning?
> Me: uhh yes, 10am?
> C: Yes, thats good, thank you
> ....???


I work at a vets to, and been getting this kind of calls every day... Really annoying....

It's also annoying when people want the veterinarian diets and not say the name of the food (like Royal Canine Urinary) but when you ask for what kind of food, they just say "Feline" cause that's on the package.... I've been having a hard time explaining people that that means cat....


----------



## Darklas

Debbie1982 said:


> It's also annoying when people want the veterinarian diets and not say the name of the food (like Royal Canine Urinary) but when you ask for what kind of food, they just say "Feline" cause that's on the package.... I've been having a hard time explaining people that that means cat....


In the pet shop we got stuff like that every single day. 

Me: "So what food is it you're looking for?"

Customer: "Dog food."
Customer: "It's little brown bits..."
Customer: "There is a picture of a dog on the front."
Customer: "The bag is yellow."

etc.


We had people come in before with a handful of kibble and they would try and get us to figure out which brand it was from that! They don't realise that most brown kibble just looks like all the other brown kibble. 

Weirdly though we got pretty good at figuring out which food they needed.


----------



## Robbie

Darklas said:


> In the pet shop we got stuff like that every single day.
> 
> Me: "So what food is it you're looking for?"
> 
> Customer: "Dog food."
> Customer: "It's little brown bits..."
> Customer: "There is a picture of a dog on the front."
> Customer: "The bag is yellow."
> 
> etc.
> 
> 
> We had people come in before with a handful of kibble and they would try and get us to figure out which brand it was from that! They don't realise that most brown kibble just looks like all the other brown kibble.
> 
> Weirdly though we got pretty good at figuring out which food they needed.


Bloodslugs are my favourite in my shop. Translation: bloodworm.


----------



## Erinaceinae

Debbie1982 said:


> I work at a vets to, and been getting this kind of calls every day... Really annoying....
> 
> It's also annoying when people want the veterinarian diets and not say the name of the food (like Royal Canine Urinary) but when you ask for what kind of food, they just say "Feline" cause that's on the package.... I've been having a hard time explaining people that that means cat....


and the fun of trying to work out what a customer means when they're on the phone attempting to pronounce some name of a drug...


----------



## becky89

Elsa said:


> And the other;
> Customer: I'm ringing up for the results of the blood test you did on monday
> (gets details out...)
> Me: Ok, i'll just go and ask the nurse... (phone on hold)
> (asks nurse, can't find any record of any of his 3 cats having had a blood test)
> Me: we can't seem to find that, what was the cats name?
> Customer: Sorry, who is this?!
> Me: *name of vets*
> Customer: Oh! Sorry i thought i'd phoned the doctors for my own results!
> He was pretty embarrassed


Bless him! That woulda made my day lol


----------



## xvickyx

waynenoonan1234 said:


> i worked in my dads shop when i was young its was next to the beach so we sold all sea side crap spade, buckets ect ect... so i was on till one day and sold someone one of those dispossale BBQ's and about 20 mins later the guy who i had sold it to came storming back in demanding a refund!!!! so i calmly asked what was up with the item so he said in a clever voice "there are stuff missing out of the box" so i opened it and asked what missing mate then he replied theres no meat in the box like it shows on the front of the box! so i just burst out laughing at him. he looked at me for a few seconds then he turn and left without saying anything. some people have about as much common sence as a over cooked turd :bash:


:lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2:


----------



## fatfecker

We had an old lady bring her tortoise into the local school to tell the children all about how it loves jam sandwiches and she wraps it up at winter and sticks it in the airing cupboard but didn't like hibernating them as they always seemed to die!!!

My wife was volunteering at the school and was a bit shocked at her advice so had a quiet word with her, when she told the lady that we put our tortoises in the fridge to hibernate them she tried to report us to the RSPCA for animal cruelty


----------



## tomwilson

fatfecker said:


> We had an old lady bring her tortoise into the local school to tell the children all about how it loves jam sandwiches and she wraps it up at winter and sticks it in the airing cupboard but didn't like hibernating them as they always seemed to die!!!
> 
> My wife was volunteering at the school and was a bit shocked at her advice so had a quiet word with her, when she told the lady that we put our tortoises in the fridge to hibernate them she tried to report us to the RSPCA for animal cruelty


lol did you hear anything from the rspca maybe that they had taken her tortoise away


----------



## fatfecker

tomwilson said:


> lol did you hear anything from the rspca maybe that they had taken her tortoise away


nope, didn't hear anything from them at all but they would probably take her side, RSPCA are pretty rubbish with reptiles around here.


----------



## tomwilson

fatfecker said:


> nope, didn't hear anything from them at all but they would probably take her side, RSPCA are pretty rubbish with reptiles around here.


they're crap with reps every where i think.


----------



## tokay

had one in shop today asking if we had any bearded leopard dragon geckos :lol2:


----------



## vetdebbie

I had officially the most amusing consult of the week today. A 3 yo hamster is bought in as the daughter thinks it is ill. Apparently it has been shaking. This is possibly the healthiest 3 yo hamster I have ever seen! This leads into the sentence "We, she [the daughter] thought she [the hamster] might be pregnant as we have a male gerbil in the cage next door. Is this possible?" I was speechless!


----------



## MattThing

Some of these are awesome, there's me thinking I get all the "special" ones working in IT!


----------



## scorp25

waynenoonan1234 said:


> i worked in my dads shop when i was young its was next to the beach so we sold all sea side crap spade, buckets ect ect... so i was on till one day and sold someone one of those dispossale BBQ's and about 20 mins later the guy who i had sold it to came storming back in demanding a refund!!!! so i calmly asked what was up with the item so he said in a clever voice "there are stuff missing out of the box" so i opened it and asked what missing mate then he replied theres no meat in the box like it shows on the front of the box! so i just burst out laughing at him. he looked at me for a few seconds then he turn and left without saying anything. some people have about as much common sence as a over cooked turd :bash:


my dads mate kept 2 of them in the freezer :crazy:


----------



## Amazonian

I work in a Small zoo, and we have a lot of free range parakeets/parrots/finches etc flying around. We deal with a lot of school groups.

Teacher: "Children, beware of the birds, if they land on you, they could peck you in the eye."

Me: "Groaaaaaan"

Another good one was a teacher telling the kids to get washed immediately if a butterfly landed on them, as I quote "Their breeding powder will make you itch"

We also get a lot of "Can a bird eating spider (Goliath) eat a human?"

Whilst looking at Caimans - "Are they real?"

"Can I touch the monkeys?"
I would love to say "Yes if you want peed and pooed on and a nasty bite, sure go ahead...."


Fooools!
I'm off to work now, so will be listening out for noobs silly questions.


----------



## Darklas

vetdebbie said:


> I had officially the most amusing consult of the week today. A 3 yo hamster is bought in as the daughter thinks it is ill. Apparently it has been shaking. This is possibly the healthiest 3 yo hamster I have ever seen! This leads into the sentence "We, she [the daughter] thought she [the hamster] might be pregnant as we have a male gerbil in the cage next door. Is this possible?" I was speechless!


I had a great hamster question once. A family brought in their syrian hamster. The dad explained they were worried it could have a tumour as they had found some lumps on it. I offered to take a look. 
Turns out it was a male hamster they were seeing the hamsters balls. :whistling2:
I had to subtly explain to the dad what it was so the kids wouldn't hear me.


----------



## Darklas

Amazonian said:


> I work in a Small zoo, and we have a lot of free range parakeets/parrots/finches etc flying around. We deal with a lot of school groups.


What zoo? Amazonia?


----------



## bennyvenom

lol amazing group , a while back in a pretty well known aquarium / pet store/ reptile store in Bolton near Matalan , if your local you'll know the one.

I was looking at their corn snakes and asked out of curiosity to see one and the "reptile expert" girl told me it was "hannibalistic" it was a normal corn , i think she was trying to say amelanystic altho it wasnt , she also told me one pinky mice a fortnight is ample feed for a juve corn .


----------



## Darklas

*Customer:* “Oh, I needed help putting in this cat food, and the young man put in the wrong brand!”
*Me:* “Okay, let’s go over there and get the right one.”
_(We walk over, and she looks at about five different bags of cat food, then goes to a bag of litter.)_
*Customer:* “I think it was this one I wanted.”
*Me:* “Wait, did you want cat food or litter?”
*Customer:* “What’s the difference?”



Another gem from Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes


----------



## Reptilover

Friday ZooLab came into our college.

ZooLab: "This is a corn snake, and it is a constrictor"
Lad in r class: "A Boa Constrictor?"

I :lol2:'d most the way through.


----------



## Darklas

*Customer:* “I want a hamster!”
*Me:* “Do you have bedding, a cage, and food?”
*Customer:* “I need all that stuff?”
*Me:* “Where did you think he would live?”
*Customer:* _*completely serious*_ “I though I would just feed them cheese and have them live in the hole in my wall like in the cartoons.”


----------



## Corvidae

bennyvenom said:


> lol amazing group , a while back in a pretty well known aquarium / pet store/ reptile store in Bolton near Matalan , if your local you'll know the one.
> 
> I was looking at their corn snakes and asked out of curiosity to see one and the "reptile expert" girl told me it was "*hannibalistic*" it was a normal corn , i think she was trying to say amelanystic altho it wasnt , she also told me one pinky mice a fortnight is ample feed for a juve corn .


 Like Hannibal Lecter?


----------



## kaimarion

I love it when customers come in and ask "is it real" while looking at the animals especially after they just seen them moving .
A couple of weeks ago in the shop we bought a pair of fake lizards and put them in an Exo-terra near the till and I was really surprised at how many people thought they were real and **** themselves when we took them out :lol2:.

I also really hate people that ask "Is that a snake mate?" while looking at one of the lizards...


----------



## joeyboy

kaimarion said:


> I love it when customers come in and ask "is it real" while looking at the animals especially after they just seen them moving .
> A couple of weeks ago in the shop we bought a pair of fake lizards and put them in an Exo-terra near the till and I was really surprised at how many people thought they were real and **** themselves when we took them out :lol2:.
> 
> I also really hate people that ask "Is that a snake mate?" while looking at one of the lizards...


haha heard the bottom one before, "yes...this is a quad leg snake!"

oh and "Embrace the delights of decay and disease.": victory:


----------



## baba o'riley

Darklas said:


> *Customer:* “Oh, I needed help putting in this cat food, and the young man put in the wrong brand!”
> *Me:* “Okay, let’s go over there and get the right one.”
> _(We walk over, and she looks at about five different bags of cat food, then goes to a bag of litter.)_
> *Customer:* “I think it was this one I wanted.”
> *Me:* “Wait, did you want cat food or litter?”
> *Customer:* “What’s the difference?”
> 
> 
> 
> Another gem from Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes


This is the best, please can we give this guy and award, I nearly choked on my tea.:lol2::lol2:


----------



## SteveCourty

Slackey said:


> I lived in Cyprus for a while and my next door neighbour had just moved in from the Uk. We were talking about what snakes etc were on the island and I pointed out to her that '....out of all the snakes found in Cyprus only 3 were venomous'
> 
> Her reply.......
> 
> 
> 'Well why doesn't some one just catch them then?'
> 
> And yes she was blonde
> 
> (not this is a blondist comment in any way:whistling2


I try to catch this thread every now and then and just found this older one...

absolute pure brilliance : victory:


----------



## reptilerich

*child:*(looking at baby red ear sliders) wow mum look!
*parent:*oh wow there so small!
*child: *can i get one please?
*parent:* no son there poisonous
*me:* there not poisonous but theyd give u a nip
*parent: *yes they are, my friend got bitten by one and died.

he he he


----------



## SteveCourty

reptilerich said:


> *child:*(looking at baby red ear sliders) wow mum look!
> *parent:*oh wow there so small!
> *child: *can i get one please?
> *parent:* no son there poisonous
> *me:* there not poisonous but theyd give u a nip
> *parent: *yes they are, my friend got bitten by one and died.
> 
> he he he


maybe they were the teenage mutant ninja ones


----------



## Bobbie

i must get this one everyday i work.

'they only grow to the size of the tank dont they, so they will be fine' :bash:

someone came in today and asked what to feed their new oscar that they just inherited from a family member this morning, and after giving them the appropriate food i asked what else was in the tank.....................oh a couple of large catfish, silver sharks and a few tiger barbs............how big is this oscar?............about 7-8 inches .....:gasp:


----------



## Darklas

The other day in the pet shop I overheard this:

Customer: "Well a cockatiel needs a larger cage than an African Grey really because although the greys look bigger the cockatiels have longer tails."

:bash:


----------



## yasminnnn

sanderson said:


> I should mention that this particular women is (from what I gather) the head of the reptile section


Oh god I know who you mean. Every time I'm forced to buy crickets from there I just want to die.


----------



## allsortsofrodents

This is a truly magical thread - pmsl all the way through 

Not reptile related but I used to have a neighbour who fed adult chickens on pasta and freshly hatched chicks on bread soaked in water - didn't like it when I wouldn't do the same to my pekins!! CLUELESS!!


----------



## masticophis

The standard 'errr yuck snakes bite, they're horrible'.... followed by 'Look, meercats.. aren't they cute !' Well I know which I'd rather be bit by.

After being tagged by a small- medium snake...' you're bleeding'... yeah funny that 'don't you want to go to hospital ?' why when it's only pinpricks.

Mike


----------



## codyman70

What about a shop owner.i was in a shop in glasgow the other week and he had two small beardies in small tanks with only a red heat bulb.i asked why there was no uvb lights and he said they dont need them,do they?


----------



## KaneDragon

codyman70 said:


> What about a shop owner.i was in a shop in glasgow the other week and he had two small beardies in small tanks with only a red heat bulb.i asked why there was no uvb lights and he said they dont need them,do they?


Yes bearded dragons need UVB, people like that shouldnt be allowed to own animal shops :devil:


----------



## quadrapop

We get the typical....

"do you have any snakes that just eat vedge?"

a child the other day (about 11) asked, "if you just keep the vivarium doors shut all the time could you keep fish in it, and could you add a turtle?" talking about a wooden vivarium.


----------



## bluejon91

quadrapop said:


> a child the other day (about 11) asked, "if you just keep the vivarium doors shut all the time could you keep fish in it, and could you add a turtle?" talking about a wooden vivarium.


 
hahaha that sounds like something sumone i know would say


----------



## Erinaceinae

bump.


----------



## Adam98150

Child: Can stingray's actually sting you?

Mother: Don't be silly!

Child: Then why are they called stingray's?

Mother: Because they're flat.

------

Ah, apparently ray's can't sting! Wonder how that Irwin fella died?


----------



## clive.jericho

I ask the shop manager if I could get some sand for my Schneider. She tries to tell me that Schneider's Skinks are from the rainforest and that sand wouldn't be suitable for them. I walk over to the book of care sheets they have and show her the page. I got some sand.


All the people I overhear asking if the aquarium fish can be eaten... (The shop does stock edible shrimp though )

reading this makes me so happy that there's no RSPCA in Canada!


----------



## dankraken2009

connor 1213 said:


> Do snakes have legs........? - Yahoo! Answers
> 
> now you are taking the piss!


 
I love one of the other answers they have for it though:

Question:
Do snakes have legs..........?

Answer:
Nope, snakes are cursed they have to waddle around on their bellies.


Firstly FML if people think snakes are cursed

And secondly....I've never seen a snake waddle? 

Some people are just a waste of existence!!! :bash: :bash:


----------



## Josh-sama

dankraken2009 said:


> I love one of the other answers they have for it though:
> 
> Question:
> Do snakes have legs..........?
> 
> Answer:
> Nope, snakes are cursed they have to waddle around on their bellies.
> 
> 
> Firstly FML if people think snakes are cursed
> 
> And secondly....I've never seen a snake waddle?
> 
> Some people are just a waste of existence!!! :bash: :bash:


I think that person was being sarcastic and an arse... They usually do on Yahoo Answers for stupid questions. Don't think he believes it.


----------



## corvid2e1

I don't work in a shop but do reptile demos and handling at shows, schools etc. I have had most of those at some point. some of the most anoying that I get constantly are (not always from kids either)

"do snakes ever tie them selves in knots?" 

"you can't stroke it backwards or its scales will come off" 

pointing at lizard's ears "are they its gills?"

"do snakes poo/give birth through their mouth?"

when I am explaining about boas being viviparous "doesn't that make them mammals?"

one I love is "does it bite?" or "is it poisonous?" while they are already holding it! its so much fun to say something like "its actuly been realy good today, only bitten 3 people so far" and watch their face trying to work out if you are serious or not.

I think one of the best ones to date must be "when that gecko gets older will it turn into a snake?"


----------



## joeyboy

Josh-sama said:


> I think that person was being sarcastic and an arse... They usually do on Yahoo Answers for stupid questions. Don't think he believes it.


yeah, unless their from the Southern States....that I wouldn;t be so sure..:lol2:


----------



## Darklas

corvid2e1 said:


> "do snakes ever tie them selves in knots?"


I get that a lot. Or people panic when they think the snake is about to get into a knot - "oh my god! it's all tangled up! What if it gets stuck?!"
:whip:

Another annoying one like that when I am doing my animal show is I have an open box of african land snails and they always venture up to the top of the box and stick their head out. And then a random person be it child or adult will repeatedly tell me "That snail is escaping! Oh no! What if it gets out?!"

I'm always like "Have you seen how slow they move? I ain't worried."


----------



## southpython

haha, some of these are funny lol


----------



## Twiglet

reptilerich said:


> *child:*(looking at baby red ear sliders) wow mum look!
> *parent:*oh wow there so small!
> *child: *can i get one please?
> *parent:* no son there poisonous
> *me:* there not poisonous but theyd give u a nip
> *parent: *yes they are, my friend got bitten by one and died.
> 
> he he he


Amazing!! Everyone knows some one that died from envenomation by red eared slider. Why on earth wouldn't you believe that. 
My friends sisters bofriends best mates aunties mothers neighbour was eaten by one. so was her dog. True story.



> Child: Can stingray's actually sting you?
> 
> Mother: Don't be silly!
> 
> Child: Then why are they called stingray's?
> 
> Mother: Because they're flat.


Ah. I'd always wondered. The sting must just be for decoration.



> one I love is "does it bite?" or "is it poisonous?" while they are already holding it! its so much fun to say something like "its actuly been realy good today, only bitten 3 people so far" and watch their face trying to work out if you are serious or not.


This does my nut! I do occasional displays too and that question makes my blood boil every time. 
Yes, of COURSE I'd bring a bitey, venomous snake for your crappy, snotty little sprongs to poke and prod. It makes me happy knowing you're all going to die...mwahahahahahahaha!

*coughs* ok... I'm back from my fantasy now...

The other common talk question is "does it have a bum? Does it poo?"

I had an adult a couple of weeks ago look really suprised when the bull snake shat in its tub. She didnt think "something as primative as a snake would need to poo".
I explained to her that they have a special release valve that needs to be emptied manually every six months of the snake dies of constipation. She very nearly believed me too.


----------



## Robbie

One of our less savioury customers has a habit of throwing in something with a strong sexual connotation. Talking about filters I got 'I love screwing things'. Whilst fishing her out a Yellow Tang I got 'This is one of my favourite hobbies; getting wet'. Most recently she was in the shop when a customer brough in his pet cat. At what could only have been 1 in the afternoon she uttered the phrase 'You know what I'm like. I love my pussies'.

Yeah. She comes in to the shop quite alot.


----------



## dozzarelli

I work at a Farm Park and am in charge of all the reptiles as well as birds of prey and meerkats. 

The one I get the most is, as im feeding one of the animals day old chicks:

Customer: Thats disgusting that you feed them on chicks, in fact, its inhumane (do they even know what that word means)!!!

Me: Excuse me sir/madam, have you ever eaten chicken nuggets.

Customer: Well....(long pause)...yes I suppose so.

Me: Whats the difference then, apart from the fact that these are probably healthier for you????

Customer: (Silence) Walks off.

Or (Slightly off topic)

As im feeding dead wild rabbits (they're brown, and look nothing like the "pet" rabbits we have) to our foxes.

Customer: How can you feed your pet rabbits to the foxes?? You're sick, they shouldnt be fed that.

Me: Well its what they would eat in the wild, and these are culled wild rabbits, not our "pet" ones.

Customer: Well they should be fed steak, or plain meat, its inhumane (that word again) to feed them other animals.

Me: Sorry but they need feather and fur as part of their diet.

UTTER CRETINS


----------



## mustang100893

Not a customer but a fellow classmate in college:
Me holding a Rough green
Lad: Oh thats that really quick snake isn't it the one that lives in grass and stuff
Me: The rough green tree snake
Lad: It's the vegetarian one isn't it?
Me: What?
Lad: The one that eats fruit and stuff
Me: Long winded debate about how no snake on earth eats veg or fruit as they are not designed etc, etc, and a few funny looks... walk away.
The snake just sat there looking at him like you stupid ar*e what i'd give to musk your face.
Please bear in mind that this is an Animal care course and we are three quarters of the way through term, any lad that stupid should not be on the course, worst thing is, one more year after this *facepalm*.


----------



## *mogwai*

when my 07 corn went missing last year i was pregnant. my poor nan was worried sick thinking that it'd eat the baby when she arrived. 

nan: what are you doing about that snake?
me: not much, still looking but it's been a couple of months now
nan: well what about when the baby comes?
me: what about it?
nan: well, it could, you know, the baby and, you know.
me: it's about a foot long and the thickness of my little finger, don't think the baby has much to worry about.

incidently the corn re-appeared after 6 months and didn't eat the baby.


----------



## deano1988

i had a customer come and ask me if hamsters were poisonus and if fish needed water seperate occasions. was rare times


----------



## corvid2e1

another good twist on "does it bite?" that I get a lot is "can it bite?", as if i have glued it's mouth shut, or maybe it didn't have a mouth to start with? poke it in the face again and see if it is capable of opening its jaws.

also, when I have the boa out I get, "oh they don't bite because they crush you instead." because obvously coiling themselves around whatever is trying to eat them is such an effective defence that boas and pythons have compleatly lost the ability to strike at a predator.


----------



## NBLADE

i got told snakes don't drink water the other day, they only drink milk, i felt bad after subjecting my snakes to water and neglecting there milk needs for all these years :whistling2:


----------



## Adam98150

Robbie said:


> One of our less savioury customers has a habit of throwing in something with a strong sexual connotation. Talking about filters I got 'I love screwing things'. Whilst fishing her out a Yellow Tang I got 'This is one of my favourite hobbies; getting wet'. Most recently she was in the shop when a customer brough in his pet cat. At what could only have been 1 in the afternoon she uttered the phrase 'You know what I'm like. I love my pussies'.
> 
> Yeah. She comes in to the shop quite alot.


Is she hot? She'd make the perfect customer. :whistling2:


----------



## Robbie

Adam98150 said:


> Is she hot? She'd make the perfect customer. :whistling2:


She is absolutely utterly not hot.


----------



## leeh1985

When I work in a shop years ago we had a customer walk in and asked us if we kept any king cobras. We said we didnt stock Kings in and asked him if he had a dwa but he didn't. He mention that he recently had been burgled and want a king cobra to scare off intruders as he would let it roam around the house while he was at work. He was asked how he would get the cobra back in the viv and he answered ' well the snake will know who i am as i will be the one feeding him every time so wont even think about biting me'.

Sometimes you honestly think about giving people like this a big slap on the head but I think if you did it still would not wake up the one brain cell these people have.


----------



## Darklas

lhreptiles said:


> When I work in a shop years ago we had a customer walk in and asked us if we kept any king cobras. We said we didnt stock Kings in and asked him if he had a dwa but he didn't. He mention that he recently had been burgled and want a king cobra to scare off intruders as he would let it roam around the house while he was at work. He was asked how he would get the cobra back in the viv and he answered ' well the snake will know who i am as i will be the one feeding him every time so wont even think about biting me'.
> 
> Sometimes you honestly think about giving people like this a big slap on the head but I think if you did it still would not wake up the one brain cell these people have.


 
0.0
Just cannot understand how some people can be so dim.


----------



## Vikki123

I was doing a demonstration once with a few of my animals. 

A group of chavs approached us while I was letting an 8 year old boy hold one of my corn snakes, the conversation went something like:

lead chav - "is that thing poisonous?"
me - "it might be if you eat it! what do you think?"
lead chav - "it's not a big python so it must be! Does it bite?"
me - "yeah, that's why I'm letting this lad hold it"
8 year old - (laughs) "Oh my god! it's only a corn snake," then whispers to me "they're really stupid!"

:lol2: I love the fact that chavs can be shown up by little kids!


----------



## SteveCourty

Vikki123 said:


> I was doing a demonstration once with a few of my animals.
> 
> A group of chavs approached us while I was letting an 8 year old boy hold one of my corn snakes, the conversation went something like:
> 
> lead chav - "is that thing poisonous?"
> me - "it might be if you eat it! what do you think?"
> lead chav - "it's not a big python so it must be! Does it bite?"
> me - "yeah, that's why I'm letting this lad hold it"
> 8 year old - (laughs) "Oh my god! it's only a corn snake," then whispers to me "they're really stupid!"
> 
> :lol2: I love the fact that chavs can be shown up by little kids!


I hope you gave this kid a medal, then a club and had a game of chav beating. Its really fun you no  Educational too


----------



## BecciBoo

Best I've heard:

Does my dog have to have an anaesthetic to be castrated? 

:bash:

Errr....let me try chopping your bits off conscious :devil:


----------



## Vikki123

SteveCourty said:


> I hope you gave this kid a medal, then a club and had a game of chav beating. Its really fun you no  Educational too


:lol2: :lol2: I'll remember to bring at least the club next time!


----------



## Vikki123

TCReptile said:


> That reminded me... we had a class visit and the teacher has all the kids in front of a viv trying to find the 'Invisible gecko' we were p:censor: ourselves laughing. It was even more amusing when the kids starting 'seeing' said invisible gecko :lol2:


:lol2: That reminds me (not really reptile related), but I used to work as an outdoor tutor and on a pond dipping visit with a class of school kids, I told them about "hairless water badgers" that try to grab the fishing nets off unsuspecting kids! 

The kids laughed, but then a while later I noticed the head-mistress and the teacher looking around the edge of the pond. I asked them if they were ok and the head-mistresses' reply was that they were trying to see the water badgers!!!
:lol2::lol2: I nearly :censor: myself laughing! (Obviously, I then explained that it was meant as a joke for the kids)


----------



## Darklas

Man came into the pet shop today having just inherited a corn snake. 
He asked for some mice then while another girl was away getting them quizzed me on snake care 'cause he'd never had one before. 

Some normal questions about how often he should clean/feed it etc. Then I was talking about the feeding..
Me: "So just leave the mouse to defrost for a while..."
Customer: "You need to defrost them?!"
Me: "Well, yeah."
Customer: "I thought he would just eat them frozen."

0.0


----------



## Darklas

Another from notalwaysright.com

*Me:* “Raptor rehabilitation, can I help you?”
*Caller:* “Yes. There’s a hawk swooping down eating the songbirds off of my bird feeder. Is there anything I can do?”
*Me:* “Well, not really. You can try moving the feeder near a bush where the songbirds can hide.”
*Caller:* “There are a lot of chipmunks where I live.”
*Me:* “Yes?”
*Caller:* “Do you think I can put up a sign telling the hawk to eat the chipmunks instead of the songbirds?”
*Me:* “I don’t think that will work, sir. Hawks don’t read well.”
*Caller:* “Oh. I’ll try it anyway.”


----------



## cloggers

Darklas said:


> Another from notalwaysright.com
> 
> *Me:* “Raptor rehabilitation, can I help you?”
> *Caller:* “Yes. There’s a hawk swooping down eating the songbirds off of my bird feeder. Is there anything I can do?”
> *Me:* “Well, not really. You can try moving the feeder near a bush where the songbirds can hide.”
> *Caller:* “There are a lot of chipmunks where I live.”
> *Me:* “Yes?”
> *Caller:* “Do you think I can put up a sign telling the hawk to eat the chipmunks instead of the songbirds?”
> *Me:* “I don’t think that will work, sir. Hawks don’t read well.”
> *Caller:* “Oh. I’ll try it anyway.”


thats quite scary


----------



## violawench

*25ft boa, with the head the size of a Bowling ball....alledgedly lol*

Well I was in my local reptile shop picking up my new Florida King Snake and White's Tree Frog and there was an older couple there who were buying a Gold Dust Motley. We got chatting and I had some pictures of my snakes in with me for the owner of the shop to let him see how they were getting on, and showed her my 18 month old GDM. The guys who work there were busying setting up and wiring my tree frogs new viv, so I had some time on my hands.

Now this couple don't live very far from me, and I know off them through another reptile store where they purchased a breeding pair of corns. Now I know they were told this before the pair were bought. Up she comes three weeks after getting them because her female had a big lump. Of course she was gravid, and the woman was informed of this, given the correct advice and told how to set up a laying box and an incubator. Now unfortunately the corn became egg bound. But there she was in this store cursing the other one because apparently the owner of the other store's advice nearly killed her snake. I nodded because I really didn't wanna get into rep shop politics nor verbally tell her she wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.

So she wandered off to ask about the 'big yellow one' which was an albino burmese, after she'd wasted half an hour of my time asking about what other snakes she could keep, as she didn't really want anything longer than a corn. I suggested a royal would be a good next step or a male boa, despite the girth, as they are generally docile, easy to handle etc, even showed her the juvenile royals they had in store (btw I dont work there, but Im in all the time). 

The laughable part of it all was her husband joining the conversation after I had mentioned the boa, and relaying to me a story that happened 'many years ago now', about him visiting a friends house and her 25ft boa (ahem) escaped its cage and came up behind him, scaring the life out of him, as it's head 'was the size of a bowling ball', and this was why they had waited so long to get a snake as it had taken that long for his fear to calm down (after a 25ft boa incident, I'd be worried too.....:lol2

Next entered a group of four men, who asked about the komodo dragon, in the big cage at the door and how much he was. It was a bosc monitor, and had to let them down by telling them you couldnt buy komodo dragons, thankfully they soon left.

I swallowed it down, collected my reptiles, thanked the wonderful guys at the store (who are really, really good), got into the taxi waiting outside, loaded it up, and spend the journey home shaking my head in disbelief. My heart went out to the guys who work there because they have to deal with this everyday. I would explode...


----------



## scarlettdecourcier

Fantastic thread! Made my day! :notworthy::notworthy::notworthy:


----------



## Adam98150

Komodo Dragon? : /

Not sure how these people manage to even breathe TBH.


----------



## Animalmadness

i did work experience at an aquatics shop once and a man came up to me and said:

'Excuse me what do toads eat'
'Well what kind of toad is it'
'I don't know, my little girl found it' :shock:


----------



## Twiglet

Robbie said:


> She is absolutely utterly not hot.


My word, you say that like you mean it... It she fugly? 
I really want her to be fugly... I'm greatly amused by the thought of some short overweight lady with a face like a bulldog with a gob full of wasps telling you how much she loves pussies.



> Best I've heard:
> 
> Does my dog have to have an anaesthetic to be castrated?
> 
> :bash:
> 
> Errr....let me try chopping your bits off conscious :devil:


Did you offer to demonstrate? 

"Well sir, if you wouldn't mind whipping out your giblets for a few moments I will demonstrate (with the help of these two bricks) how we perform castrations without the use of sedatives or anaesthetics...

Eurgh, I've got mental images of really flat human testicles... In my mind they look rather like undercooked pancakes with the occasional pube... :gasp:



> I swallowed it down, collected my reptiles, thanked the wonderful guys at the store (who are really, really good), got into the taxi waiting outside, loaded it up, and spend the journey home shaking my head in disbelief. My heart went out to the guys who work there because they have to deal with this everyday. I would explode...


Sometimes you do. A customer says something so very, very stupid that you actually spontaneously combust. 
They usually only notice the absurdity of their comment or question when they realise that you have been magically replaced by a very charred and smoking pair of shoes surrounded by a pool of blood, gack and shreds of your uniform. 
This is usually the moment that after several minutes of vacant blinking they back slowly out of the shop, never to be seen again.



> 'Excuse me what do toads eat'
> 'Well what kind of toad is it'
> 'I don't know, my little girl found it' :shock:


Baked beans. 
Only the Heinz varieties though as they are finicky eaters.


----------



## Darklas

yet another bizzare story from notawaysright.com

*Me:* “Hello! What can I do for you?”
*Customer:* “I need some more goldfish. I keep losing them.”
*Me:* “You lose them? How do you lose your goldfish?”
*Customer:* “They keep escaping when I clean the tank.”
*Me:* “I’m afraid I don’t understand. How do they escape?”
*Customer:* “Well, when I clean the tank I put ‘em in the toilet. When I come back, one of them’s always swum down the hole!”
*Me:* “I’m going to need to go over a few things with you before I sell you the fish.”


----------



## dazlle

I don't work in a rep shop, I'm a barber and the one thing that really gets me is when i ask
"so what are you having today"
customer "haircut" thinking their funny 
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


----------



## DaveM

dazlle said:


> I don't work in a rep shop, I'm a barber and the one thing that really gets me is when i ask
> "so what are you having today"
> customer "haircut" thinking their funny
> ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh




Or working in an aquatics shop and you hear "Chips would go nice with that" for th 107th time that day :bash:


----------



## Erinaceinae

when i ask for peoples surnames i keep getting the reply of;
"Mine or the dog's/cat's"
Well Duhhh?


----------



## Katie_123

I had a customer tell me he had a corn snake crossed with a rattle snake!! ha ha


----------



## selina20

The best ones are at tarantula shows where u get the people walking upto the table and going "OMG its a spider" well duh lol. Or when u go to reptile shows and the invert stands have banners with spiders on and the people are shocked when theres a spider on the table.

Funniest ones i have heard:

"I hear all spiders are poisonous and its illegal to keep them"

"If a tarantula bites you will your legs fall off"

"My mate had a tarantula that was a foot big and had to live in a room on its own"

and the best bit of them all:

"do you take your snakes for walks" so i replied no. "but thats cruel as they need walking 3 times a day for exercise" in which point i pointed out they dont have legs lmao.


----------



## snakeboy101

selina20 said:


> The best ones are at tarantula shows where u get the people walking upto the table and going "OMG its a spider" well duh lol. Or when u go to reptile shows and the invert stands have banners with spiders on and the people are shocked when theres a spider on the table.
> 
> Funniest ones i have heard:
> 
> "I hear all spiders are poisonous and its illegal to keep them"
> 
> "If a tarantula bites you will your legs fall off"
> 
> "My mate had a tarantula that was a foot big and had to live in a room on its own"
> 
> and the best bit of them all:
> 
> "do you take your snakes for walks" so i replied no. "but thats cruel as they need walking 3 times a day for exercise" in which point i pointed out they dont have legs lmao.


I feel ashamed for those people.


----------



## Anna_x

Haha! :no1:


----------



## scarlettdecourcier

These really are classic! :lol2:


----------



## CoinOperatedGirl

If there was ever an argument for letting natural selection take it's course....


Not so long ago my Dad put an ad in the paper to sell some of his excess zebra finches. The next day we had someone phoning up to ask if they could come & see the zebras we had for sale.......................she was being serious.


----------



## beardie&crestielover

joeyboy said:


> yeah ok this isn't reptile related..but...working in retail..you get all sorts!
> 
> Here's a flavour of what I experience each day at work, bar the daily "excuse me miss/young lady" "all right sweetie?"..when I'm a guy.:bash:
> 
> 1) Customer: "I'm looking for a vegetable"
> 
> Me: "..right. Do you know what it's called?"
> 
> Customer: "umm no.."
> 
> Me: "...ok, is it from the freezer(we do a lot of frozen products, at Iceland), or fresh?"
> 
> Customer: "I'm not sure...but it's a green one!"
> 
> Me:"...right..well I'll show you which ones are green..."(shows her all veg which is green or has green leaves...)
> 
> Customer: "hmmm no I don't think it's any of those. Oh wait! It's this one here!"
> 
> ...she goes and gets a bag of APPLES!:bash:
> 
> *2) Chinese guy asks me...*
> 
> *Him: "excuse me sir, do you sell COCK?"*
> 
> *Me: (trying to keep a straight face)..cock?"*
> 
> *Him: " ya ya cock. HE MAKES HIS HAND INTO A FIST AND DOES AND IN AND OUT MOTION IN FRONT OF HIS MOUTH!."*
> 
> *Me: (Dieing inside)...urm do you mean coke, like coca cola?"*
> 
> *Him: "yeah yeah cock! cock! The big ones!(does a gesture showing me it's really long...)*
> 
> *Me: (going to explode..) Yes ok, You probably mean the big 3ltr bottles we sell.*
> 
> 3) (I'm near the till)
> 
> Customer(to women on till): "you got deliveries for tomorrow?" (his trolley is at the other end of the isle, he's asking if he can get it sent for tomorrow)
> 
> Her: " yeah we do, first one is 11-1?"
> 
> Me: "yeah, we also still have some today(it was near cut-off, I thought he might have assumed he was too late to get it to come this evening.). We still have ones for 5-7pm if you'd like?
> 
> Him:"...nah it's ok" and walks off
> 
> Me: "sir..you can still get one tomor...(he's walked away too fast and he seemed like the kind of guy best left alone lol)
> 
> Me and women on till: "lulwot?"
> 
> there's a lot more which come to mind.


 :lol2::lol2::lol2:


----------



## vetdebbie

Best one ever today!

A client who fosters for one of our local charities said one of my nurses that she watned to ask a question about the "spayding" procedure, as they do. She then proceeded to ask

"So what type of spade do they use during the operation?"

:lol2::lol2::lol2::lol2:


----------



## batcode

*fantastic*

just had a bad day started reading from page 1 ive been in stiches never surprises me thu with people but will say ive seen it from both sides ie people that work in reptile shops lol not related to reps but funny one i remembeer was when i was a teen my mum owned a snack bar and i used to help we had this bloke he was admitinglymentaly disabeled in some way but every day hed be in '''asking how much a 50p milkshake is ''


----------



## connor 1213

one day i was working im my pals pet shop and this guy ask's do you actually milk this snake

(milk snake)


----------



## Robbie

An Asian man just asked me if we sell disposable cameras. It's an aquatics shop.


----------



## george of the dragons

lol some of the thing people say makes me laugh thinking theyre no it alls :lol2:


----------



## Twiglet

Robbie said:


> An Asian man just asked me if we sell disposable cameras. It's an aquatics shop.


Love it! sounds like an average customer from our shop....

Kat


----------



## Natrix

Robbie said:


> An Asian man just asked me if we sell disposable cameras. It's an aquatics shop.


The Asian man bit just jogged my old memmory.

Back in the eighties I was working in a well known (back then) London reptile importers. An Asian man walked in and asked if we could supply him with around twenty to thirty adult terrapins a week.
When we asked further questions it turned out he was from a posh London, Chinese restaurant.

Needles to say we didn’t sell him any Terrapins.

Natrix


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

i'm loving this thread, its hilarious.

I work at boarding kennels so its full of stupid cat and dog questions but the thing that drives me wild is when we answer the phone by saying "Hello, Kennels.." and they answer with "Hi, is that the kennels?"

i mean really... are you deaf...


----------



## Robbie

Quite a compus man just asked me if the snake I was holding (a hypo corn snake, adult male) was a catfish :S


----------



## scarlettdecourcier

Robbie said:


> Quite a compus man just asked me if the snake I was holding (a hypo corn snake, adult male) was a catfish :S


Ohhh dear! :lol2:


----------



## Robbie

scarlettdecourcier said:


> Ohhh dear! :lol2:


Honestly it's a daily thing in my shop.
Before I closed up today a drunk old man with a wig came in hiccuping and stumbling. Took his wig off and asked which way to the bus stop. Looked around then laughed and told me "this isn't the hairdressers!". I just accept that I work in a crazy area.


----------



## scarlettdecourcier

Robbie said:


> Honestly it's a daily thing in my shop.
> Before I closed up today a drunk old man with a wig came in hiccuping and stumbling. Took his wig off and asked which way to the bus stop. Looked around then laughed and told me "this isn't the hairdressers!". I just accept that I work in a crazy area.


Wow, that's quite special! You must live in a really crazy area!


----------



## shiro_ookami

Lol not a shop thing but it amused me as its the first time I have heard it!

Got a phone call from a friend last night and she said 'Do you know why i'm so scared of snakes?'

So naturally I said why and her reply was that she once had a friend who had a snake since it was a hatchling and she used to let it sleep in bed with her every night and one day it started stretching out next to her instead of curling up. So her friend took the snake to the vets and the vet said it was sizing her up to eat her :lol2: So she had to have the snake put down....

I told my friend that it was a load of rubbish but I don't thnk she believed it.


----------



## fishboy

shiro_ookami said:


> Lol not a shop thing but it amused me as its the first time I have heard it!
> 
> Got a phone call from a friend last night and she said 'Do you know why i'm so scared of snakes?'
> 
> So naturally I said why and her reply was that she once had a friend who had a snake since it was a hatchling and she used to let it sleep in bed with her every night and one day it started stretching out next to her instead of curling up. So her friend took the snake to the vets and the vet said it was sizing her up to eat her :lol2: So she had to have the snake put down....
> 
> I told my friend that it was a load of rubbish but I don't thnk she believed it.


Oh god not that story again.


----------



## shiro_ookami

Lol tell me about it!


----------



## tomwilson

shiro_ookami said:


> Lol not a shop thing but it amused me as its the first time I have heard it!
> 
> Got a phone call from a friend last night and she said 'Do you know why i'm so scared of snakes?'
> 
> So naturally I said why and her reply was that she once had a friend who had a snake since it was a hatchling and she used to let it sleep in bed with her every night and one day it started stretching out next to her instead of curling up. So her friend took the snake to the vets and the vet said it was sizing her up to eat her :lol2: So she had to have the snake put down....
> 
> I told my friend that it was a load of rubbish but I don't thnk she believed it.


 isn't it funny that everyone seems to have a friend whos snake has done this yet its neverbeen in the paper or on tv


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

tomwilson said:


> isn't it funny that everyone seems to have a friend whos snake has done this yet its neverbeen in the paper or on tv


it has been in the paper!! i read it first in the paper cos i remember thinking what a pile of crap...

dunno which paper it was but _it was a python that a woman got from a family member lmao_


----------



## tomwilson

Evilshiddenclaws said:


> it has been in the paper!! i read it first in the paper cos i remember thinking what a pile of crap...
> 
> dunno which paper it was but _it was a python that a woman got from a family member lmao_


 ah well live and learn lol, i just mean if it was true it would be more puplicised and not just passed around as hearsay by people ignorant of reptiles :lol2:


----------



## NBLADE

shiro_ookami said:


> Lol not a shop thing but it amused me as its the first time I have heard it!
> 
> Got a phone call from a friend last night and she said 'Do you know why i'm so scared of snakes?'
> 
> So naturally I said why and her reply was that she once had a friend who had a snake since it was a hatchling and she used to let it sleep in bed with her every night and one day it started stretching out next to her instead of curling up. So her friend took the snake to the vets and the vet said it was sizing her up to eat her :lol2: So she had to have the snake put down....
> 
> I told my friend that it was a load of rubbish but I don't thnk she believed it.


 
before the forum i had actually never heard that story, and thats in about 10 years working in the reptile industry, dealing with lots of customers, it seems the story has not reached this area, glad of that aswell as heard it so many times on here if i got it in real life aswell it would get grating very quickly lol


----------



## shiro_ookami

NBLADE said:


> before the forum i had actually never heard that story, and thats in about 10 years working in the reptile industry, dealing with lots of customers, it seems the story has not reached this area, glad of that aswell as heard it so many times on here if i got it in real life aswell it would get grating very quickly lol



Lol well im from doncaster and shes from ireland lol. So I am yet to hear it from anyone in Doncaster.


----------



## KerryLou

shiro_ookami said:


> Lol well im from doncaster and shes from ireland lol. So I am yet to hear it from anyone in Doncaster.


It has "supposedly" happened to my step-daughters friend in Thorne:bash:


----------



## Darklas

*Customer:* “Can you help me please?”
*Me:* “Yes, of course, what can I do for you?”
*Customer:* “Well, I want to buy some food for my cat, but mine doesn’t look like the one on the packet. Can I still feed it to him?”
*Me:* “Yes sir, of course.”
*Customer:* “Wow, really? Thanks!”


:whistling2:


----------



## Darklas

NBLADE said:


> before the forum i had actually never heard that story, and thats in about 10 years working in the reptile industry, dealing with lots of customers, it seems the story has not reached this area, glad of that aswell as heard it so many times on here if i got it in real life aswell it would get grating very quickly lol


 
I first heard it from a friend. Then a few times from different customers in the pet shop. >.< I tell people it's a load of rubbish but some people are adament that it's true.


----------



## Robbie

My favourite customer who is the author as it were to many of my 'stupid things said by customers' submissions is in now. After knocking off a shelf of cork bark she did express; "My big arse banging things again!".

I do like her. She brought me a Blue Tongue Skink today


----------



## bluejon91

heard this in a shop

child: look its a childrens python it so nice i want that
parent: (very seriously) no that eats children how else do you think it got its name 

i was waiting to hear boas grow 100 feet and corn are posionous, royal pythons can only be owned by people of royal blood but they left haha
:bash::bash:


----------



## R3PTIL1AN

love this thread :2thumb:


----------



## joeyboy

bluejon91 said:


> heard this in a shop
> 
> child: look its a childrens python it so nice i want that
> parent: (very seriously) no that eats children how else do you think it got its name


I find they prefer the far eastern kids, well I say kids, they don't like over 6's, toddlers are a good snack, you can buy them a pound a dozen!:lol2:


----------



## bluejon91

joeyboy said:


> I find they prefer the far eastern kids, well I say kids, they don't like over 6's, toddlers are a good snack, you can buy them a pound a dozen!:lol2:


what was funnier is they is the parents also said to the son and 

"he will eat you"

the snake was small as tho which makes it extra:lol2::lol2::bash:


----------



## Corvidae

bluejon91 said:


> heard this in a shop
> 
> child: look its a childrens python it so nice i want that
> parent: (very seriously) no that eats children how else do you think it got its name
> 
> i was waiting to hear boas grow 100 feet and corn are posionous, royal pythons can only be owned by people of royal blood but they left haha
> :bash::bash:


 I suppose carpet pythons eat carpets and rainbow boas eat rainbows, too.


----------



## Alon93

I work at no pet store but this thread is funny as hell :lol2:

Oh, and someone did ask me once if the thawed mice come back to life


----------



## bluejon91

Corvidae said:


> I suppose carpet pythons eat carpets and rainbow boas eat rainbows, too.


 
haha yeh and milksnakes drink milk


----------



## tomwilson

bluejon91 said:


> haha yeh and milksnakes drink milk


 thats how they got their name though thought to be the same for corn snakes its what people thought they ate


----------



## midnite3006

tomwilson said:


> thats how they got their name though thought to be the same for corn snakes its what people thought they ate



:gasp::gasp:OMG you mean cornsnakes don´t eat corn!!!!!!!!!!!!:gasp::gasp::gasp::gasp:

i´ve been doing it all wrong then:bash::bash::bash:


----------



## tomwilson

midnite3006 said:


> :gasp::gasp:OMG you mean cornsnakes don´t eat corn!!!!!!!!!!!!:gasp::gasp::gasp::gasp:
> 
> i´ve been doing it all wrong then:bash::bash::bash:


 lol they might have got their name because people thought their patern looked like corn though


----------



## joeyboy

tomwilson said:


> lol they might have got their name because people thought their patern looked like corn though


I'd guess Americans saw them in their corn fields a lot?


----------



## kain

Friend: How do you know if the snake is a girl or a boy
Me: One way is to probe them
Friend: What ?
Me: Bassicaly you stick a little metal probe in it and count the number of scales it goes down. (couldn't be arsed to use proper terms)
Friend: Doesn't that arouse the snake
Me: How about I get a metal rod and shove it down the end of your dick and see how 

same friend

Me: One day I would love to have an anaconda
Friend: you can't keep them as pets I saw this thing on tv where it showed you how big they got and how they eat people and attack
Me: Was it a film called anaconda
Friend: Yeah that's it
Me: *sigh*

was in a shop and heard this

Woman: Does a leopard gecko need uv lighting

Shop owner: well some people say they do, but in the years of experience i have had with them i've tried many methods such as ... (about 15 mins later) but since they are nocturnal, you only need to dust crickets, so no you don't need uv. 

Woman looks very board and more confused then she did before. 

I chuckle to myself as i picture the scene with the old women in airplane


----------



## Robbie

I had a boy who I swear to god is the lovechild of Dexter (from Dexters Laboratory) and Desperate Dan.

"Why are you washing that fish under the tap"

I was washing my hands. I questioned him;

"Why would I be washing a fish under the tap?"

His response;

"Well you work in a shop that sells marine fish I just though you would"

I :blush: for these kind of people.


----------



## madshawty

Love this thread..... cheered up a rainy afternoon!!! :2thumb:


----------



## Robbie

A man just shouted in in absolute glee "Oh wow it (a chameleon) eats!!"
Followed swiftly by his not-to-pretty misses saying "Well, obviously".
OMG - that living creature eats!


----------



## Ssthisto

kain said:


> Me: Bassicaly you stick a little metal probe in it and count the number of scales it goes down. (couldn't be arsed to use proper terms)
> Friend: Doesn't that arouse the snake


I had one male cornsnake get entirely too excited about being probed... so the answer is "sometimes, eurrrgh!"


----------



## Robbie

Ssthisto said:


> I had one male cornsnake get entirely too excited about being probed... so the answer is "sometimes, eurrrgh!"


A lady brought her two corns in to be probed at the same time a younger lady brought her suspected male in.
They were handling each other snakes for about 2 or 3 minutes whilst I cleaned probes, yadda yadda. Of the three snakes (all adult by the way) two turned out male and one female. Both males pushed out their hemipenes as if I were popping them at the slightest touch of the probe. I got covered. We threw out that hand towel.


----------



## bluejon91

i love this thread need to hear some more people being stupid


----------



## Robbie

A man pointing to the Chameleon whilst I was upstairs in the shop
"Is that a sloth?"


:whip:


----------



## Triangulum

Robbie said:


> A man pointing to the Chameleon whilst I was upstairs in the shop
> "Is that a sloth?"
> :whip:


Was that the same bloke that thought my Jalisco was venamous?


----------



## Robbie

Triangulum said:


> Was that the same bloke that thought my Jalisco was venamous?


No, but he does visit often. Snakes don't shed skin, they SHRED it apparently.


----------



## [email protected]

i dont work in a reptile shop but these are some things that i have heard...

(mum and son walk into shop)
boy: wow look at the big snails!! (african land snails#0
mum: Yes my friend has one.
boy: can i have one???
mum: no thair slime is so sticky you have to go to hospital to get it romoved !!! 

my friend: wow look at that!!! pointing to a bearded dragon)
me: yes its called a bearded dragon
my friend: OMG. Do you have to buy special shavers to shave its beard.
me: no, thats what the crickets feed on!!!

honestly what idiots!!!!


----------



## Triangulum

Robbie said:


> No, but he does visit often. Snakes don't shed skin, they SHRED it apparently.


Legend!


----------



## tazzyasb

shiro_ookami said:


> Lol not a shop thing but it amused me as its the first time I have heard it!
> 
> Got a phone call from a friend last night and she said 'Do you know why i'm so scared of snakes?'
> 
> So naturally I said why and her reply was that she once had a friend who had a snake since it was a hatchling and she used to let it sleep in bed with her every night and one day it started stretching out next to her instead of curling up. So her friend took the snake to the vets and the vet said it was sizing her up to eat her :lol2: So she had to have the snake put down....
> 
> I told my friend that it was a load of rubbish but I don't thnk she believed it.


I wish I had a £ for every time I hear this.


I also hear daily that snakes and lizards shred their skins.
Turtles are tortoises and tortoises are turtles.

Oh and we had a women in the other week who thought a chinese soft shelled turtle was a mole.

Biggest howler lately is the woman who told us her vet told her that bearded dragons suck water up through their bum. I had to walk away, what really concerns me though is this vet is thought of as one of the best in the North East.


----------



## eddygecko

tazzyasb said:


> Biggest howler lately is the woman who told us her vet told her that bearded dragons suck water up through their bum. I had to walk away, what really concerns me though is this vet is thought of as one of the best in the North East.


I'm guessing they can although i dont know about this with lizards. Certainly tortoises can take in water through their cloaca while bathing and im pretty sure this is the same for some snakes aswell. Just another method hydrating themselves in the wild as they.


----------



## Natrix

tazzyasb said:


> I wish I had a £ for every time I hear this.
> 
> 
> I also hear daily that snakes and lizards shred their skins.
> Turtles are tortoises and tortoises are turtles.
> 
> Oh and we had a women in the other week who thought a chinese soft shelled turtle was a mole.
> 
> *Biggest howler lately is the woman who told us her vet told her that bearded dragons suck water up through their bum. I had to walk away, what really concerns me though is this vet is thought of as one of the best in the North East*.


Don't know exactly about beardies but most reptiles can. That's one of the reasons they recomend you bath a dehydrated reptile.

Natrix


----------



## tommybhoy

Question; how big do royals get?
Answer; only as big as the enclosure that you keep them!

Unbelievable, what my son was told one time we were getting some frozen in a shop up this way.


----------



## MPA

iv been dying to add to this thread as we get some really comical things happen, but i thought id wait till a real cracker happened. the wait is over.

today a heavily pregnant lady came in and asked if we could sex a pair of bearded dragons for her. i opened the box and had a look. they were both females.

she looked surprised and said that she had been to another shop and had them sexed the week before and was told they were both male. she wanted a second opinion as she wanted to know if we would take one of the MALES from her. i asked how the other shop had sexed them and [this is were you need to hold on to your bladder] she told me that the lady had held a piece of string with a coin on the end over the lizard and the coin had spun in an anti clock wise direction! i burst out laughing until i saw the serious look on her face and realised she was serious!! so i looked at her belly and asked if she had gotten her self checked at the same time [just to sort of lighten up the situation]. she said "yes, and she was right about me, im having a boy!!" i nearly wet myself and had told the rest of the staff within minutes:lol2:

some people!!!:lol2::lol2::lol2:


----------



## jay-dee

Not shop related, but a neighbour tried telling me that my snakes are ill (all 13 of them) as they shit. 

He tried his best to argue his point that (his words--->) "snakes puke up their waste just like owls". 

I nearly pissed myself laughing, until he told me that thats how his pythons used to do it. ( the f:censor:ing moron):devil:

From that day on, i do my upmost to avoid him, and his irksome drivvel, to save me "lowering my standards".


----------



## Natrix

MPA said:


> iv been dying to add to this thread as we get some really comical things happen, but i thought id wait till a real cracker happened. the wait is over.
> 
> today a heavily pregnant lady came in and asked if we could sex a pair of bearded dragons for her. i opened the box and had a look. they were both females.
> 
> she looked surprised and said that she had been to another shop and had them sexed the week before and was told they were both male. she wanted a second opinion as she wanted to know if we would take one of the MALES from her. i asked how the other shop had sexed them and [this is were you need to hold on to your bladder] she told me that the lady had held a piece of string with a coin on the end over the lizard and the coin had spun in an anti clock wise direction! i burst out laughing until i saw the serious look on her face and realised she was serious!! so i looked at her belly and asked if she had gotten her self checked at the same time [just to sort of lighten up the situation]. she said "yes, and she was right about me, im having a boy!!" i nearly wet myself and had told the rest of the staff within minutes:lol2:
> 
> some people!!!:lol2::lol2::lol2:


You may scoff but you will find that it is right 50% of the time:whistling2:

There used to be a regular advert in the Cage and Aviary magazine for a guaranteed chick and egg sexer. When people sent their fiver off they recieved a peice of sting with a metal bar tied to the end of it.
The instructions said to hold the string with the bar above the egg or chick and that if the bar swung clock wise it was a cock and anti clockwise it was a hen. 

Some people swore that they had got good results from it:gasp:

Natrix


----------



## Robbie

A lady phoned about her Pygmy Chameleon. I kid you not this is the exact conversation I had;

Her, "My Chameleon is white and black"
Me, "OK..."
Her, "What would it be if it was dead?"
Me, "Erm, if it's dead it would be... dead?"
Her, "Oh, 'cos it's balancing upright but it's on it's side"
Me, "How is that possible..?"


----------



## Robbie

A guy just told me (whilst buying a bunch of frozen mice)

"My daughter normally gets a big load".

I'm sure she does.


----------



## adamntitch

Robbie said:


> A guy just told me (whilst buying a bunch of frozen mice)
> 
> "My daughter normally gets a big load".
> 
> I'm sure she does.


lmfao


----------



## Twiglet

Natrix said:


> You may scoff but you will find that it is right 50% of the time:whistling2:
> 
> There used to be a regular advert in the Cage and Aviary magazine for a guaranteed chick and egg sexer. When people sent their fiver off they recieved a peice of sting with a metal bar tied to the end of it.
> The instructions said to hold the string with the bar above the egg or chick and that if the bar swung clock wise it was a cock and anti clockwise it was a hen.
> 
> Some people swore that they had got good results from it:gasp:
> 
> Natrix


I remember this! It always astounded me that anyone wasted their money on it...

I had the cutest little kid in the shop yesterday.... a small, cheerful blonde thing.

"exscoooose me... Can I arsk a kwestion pwease?"

Yes... go ahead

"Do the tiger barbs need meat?"

I felt like scruffling his hair and feeding him biscuits. 


Oh and I also had "Hi.... I've got these dannerows..."

Turned out she had Danios AND Minnows....

And someone tell me they had a colony of danils in their tank.
Those were danios too.


----------



## Twiglet

*Stupid things said by shop staff:*

"If you don't look after your guppies they are very susceptible to death".


:shock:


Who'd know....


----------



## kellogg

mum: are corn snakes poisonous?
me: _no but i wouldn't recommend eating one_ :whistling2:
mum: why have you tried?

and she was serious


----------



## joeyboy

kellogg said:


> mum: are corn snakes poisonous?
> me: _no but i wouldn't recommend eating one_ :whistling2:
> mum: why have you tried?
> 
> and she was serious


I don't think that's so stupid as to be fair most of the time venomous and poisonous are not differentiated between in the media, generally poisonous will always be used. Hell even Zoological institutions don't always bother to use them correctly on exhibits.


----------



## jay-dee

Twiglet said:


> *Stupid things said by shop staff:*
> 
> "If you don't look after your guppies they are very susceptible to death".
> 
> 
> :shock:
> 
> 
> Who'd know....


 
:lol2: well no s:censor:t sherlock, its amazing the sheer quantity off crap that some people will swallow.


----------



## Twiglet

Me: Right, what have you currently got in your tank? 
Child: Some minnows, a siamese fighter fish, and a caplostomus...


Caplostomus has to be the cutest word for a plecostomus EVER!


Customer: Ooooh, look at that! It's one of those siamese BATTLE fish!


----------



## lambda

A customer once told me his hermit crabs were breeding, I said "How do you know?", he said "I find bodies, but the next day another crab takes its place in the shell, they're clever little things aren't they as I never see the baby ones that don't have shells..."

I could not stop laughing, and then explained to him that they shed their skins, so he wasn't actually removing hermit crabs!


----------



## Adder101

Matt Northampton said:


> We have had a few, here are some I can remember,
> "do the mice come back to life when you defrost them",
> 
> " my mate had a 15 foot boa but it was safe coz it had had the venom removed",
> 
> " do chameleons explode if you hold them up to a tartan background",
> 
> " I am after a fan tailed lizard, you know like the one that spits venom on Jurassic Park",
> 
> "is a rat snake a rattle snake thats had its rattle removed ?"
> 
> "I know what Im talking about Im a qualified reptologist"
> 
> "do corn snakes eat corn"
> 
> " Im after an Albanian rock python" and she was insistant it wasnt an albino rock python and really argued the point, then left in a strop.


ha ha, the things some people say! :lol2:


----------



## pandamonium

one of my snakes passed away recently and my mum of all people asked me....

"So how do you actually know a snakes dead and not just shedding it's skin?"

Well said I... they tend to stop breathing mum... 

I swear if she lived closer I'd have gone round and patted her on the head.


----------



## LemmyElvis

A stiff one?


----------



## bampoisongirl

God I love this thread I've jsut read the whole thing :lol2:


----------



## Twiglet

bampoisongirl said:


> God I love this thread I've jsut read the whole thing :lol2:


I re-read it from the beginning a few weeks ago. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one getting oddballs gravitating to me...

I'm pleased to see it's still going!


----------



## Twiglet

LemmyElvis said:


> A stiff one?


erm......


----------



## vogelport

A reptile shop i went to afew years ago was telling people that tortoises dont need to hibernate!!! :gasp:

SHOCKING!


----------



## vogelport

pandamonium said:


> one of my snakes passed away recently and my mum of all people asked me....
> 
> "So how do you actually know a snakes dead and not just shedding it's skin?"
> 
> Well said I... they tend to stop breathing mum...
> 
> I swear if she lived closer I'd have gone round and patted her on the head.


Lmfao!!! :lol2:
Cant stop laughing!!


----------



## mustang100893

vogelport said:


> A reptile shop i went to afew years ago was telling people that tortoises dont need to hibernate!!! :gasp:
> 
> SHOCKING!


Is this sarcasm?


----------



## joeyboy

mustang100893 said:


> Is this sarcasm?


I don't think it is....


----------



## mustang100893

Was that sarcasm?


----------



## kaimarion

Not a fail by the customer but by myself.
Told about 4 customers last week that we were doing 4 boxes of live food for £10 so they were only £2.25 a box and that it was the cheapest livefood in Ayrshire....

Double fail, not only is it £2.50 a box but PaH are selling them at 3 for £6(double facepalm :whip.


Our live food is now £2.30 a box and 5 for £10 so not too bad.


----------



## Robbie

Conversation with my most recent customer;

Me "Hiya"
Him "Awright, have you got bubbles?"
M "How d'you mean?"
H "With cocaine in them..."
M "Eh, naw"
H "Uppers?"
M "Nah nothing with uppers in them"
H "Are they hallucinogens?"
M "Hah, no, no hallucinogens"
H "Well I cannae take them then".

LOVE GORGIE.


----------



## joeyboy

Robbie said:


> Conversation with my most recent customer;
> 
> Me "Hiya"
> Him "Awright, have you got bubbles?"
> M "How d'you mean?"
> H "With cocaine in them..."
> M "Eh, naw"
> H "Uppers?"
> M "Nah nothing with uppers in them"
> H "Are they hallucinogens?"
> M "Hah, no, no hallucinogens"
> H "Well I cannae take them then".
> 
> LOVE GORGIE.


.....what sort of shop do you work at?:lol2:


----------



## otb2

father points to our yellow anaconda and say to his two sons:
Look thats one of them anacondas, their poisonous.
Son: wooah really?
Father: yeah they have massive teeth and eat people, I saw it on a film.:bash:

Bloody film!!! 

I liked seeing people faces when they used to ask for a rabbit and id pull one out the freezer. The sheepish replies of I meant a live one!! :2thumb:

One time a guy walks in and points to the piranha tank and says
Man: Oi mate, if you stuck your hand in there would they strip it to the bone?
Me: well I dunno lets see (so i stick my hand in the tank)
Man: your a bloody nutter mate! why aint it eating you?
Me: I fed a rabbit earlier so its full :whistling2:

Customer: Im looking for some toys for my snake to play with....:bash:


----------



## Feadern

Oh dear! I nearly cried laughing at some of them "Bearded dragons cant breathe fire, but komodos can" 

what...... I cant even think of the words to describe them :lol2:


----------



## Darklas

_(A young woman approaches the front register with a dead Siamese fighting fish in a cup.)_
*Customer:* “I want a refund on my fish. All the fish I buy here keep dying! This is my 3rd replacement. I don’t understand what could be wrong except that you sell sick fish!”

*Me:*“I’m very sorry for that miss. I assure you we give all of our animals, including our fish, excellent care. Could you describe to me anything you noticed wrong with your fish before it passed away?”

*Customer:* “Well when I first get one it’s completely fine. I change the water once a week, add water conditioner, and it seems happy and healthy. Then, after a couple of weeks it starts looking really sickly and one day it just dies for no apparent reason.”

*Me:* “Ok, well what were you feeding it? Was it eating well?”

*Customer:*“Feeding it? These kind of fish eat?”

*Me:*“Yes of course they do. Everything needs to eat.”

*Customer:*“Wow, really?! I thought they just ate the water.”


----------



## lambda

Darklas said:


> _(A young woman approaches the front register with a dead Siamese fighting fish in a cup.)_
> *Customer:* “I want a refund on my fish. All the fish I buy here keep dying! This is my 3rd replacement. I don’t understand what could be wrong except that you sell sick fish!”
> 
> *Me:*“I’m very sorry for that miss. I assure you we give all of our animals, including our fish, excellent care. Could you describe to me anything you noticed wrong with your fish before it passed away?”
> 
> *Customer:* “Well when I first get one it’s completely fine. I change the water once a week, add water conditioner, and it seems happy and healthy. Then, after a couple of weeks it starts looking really sickly and one day it just dies for no apparent reason.”
> 
> *Me:* “Ok, well what were you feeding it? Was it eating well?”
> 
> *Customer:*“Feeding it? These kind of fish eat?”
> 
> *Me:*“Yes of course they do. Everything needs to eat.”
> 
> *Customer:*“Wow, really?! I thought they just ate the water.”


No way. Thats insane. Im lost for words. :gasp:


----------



## LemmyElvis

x_firefly_x said:


> Sorry not in any way shop related but it REALLY annoys me when people say things like this, I kept rats for years till recently(sadly the OH is allergic) and every time I visited home(student so go home in holidays etc) and went on the train I always got at least a few people asking what was in the carrier and upon hearing it was rats the usual response was something along the lines of "ewww why would anyone want to own such disgusting dirty creatures?!" whilst slowly backing away from me. The amount of times I had to physically bite my tongue to stop myself yelling at those blooming ignorant fools!! My rats were probably cleaner than most of those people and a damn site more intelligent than half of them.
> 
> Again not shop related but I think this is possibly even worse, took my degus to the vet, on taking them out of the carrier the vets said "awww what cute rats!"... They look NOTHING like rats! Did you pay any attention in vet school when they taught you the difference between small animal species?! Evidently not. Needless to say didn't return to that vets lol.


Years ago as a teenage punk my rat used to live in my leather jacket - always good for repulsing Joe Public


----------



## Twiglet

Darklas said:


> _(A young woman approaches the front register with a dead Siamese fighting fish in a cup.)_
> *Customer:* “I want a refund on my fish. All the fish I buy here keep dying! This is my 3rd replacement. I don’t understand what could be wrong except that you sell sick fish!”
> 
> *Me:*“I’m very sorry for that miss. I assure you we give all of our animals, including our fish, excellent care. Could you describe to me anything you noticed wrong with your fish before it passed away?”
> 
> *Customer:* “Well when I first get one it’s completely fine. I change the water once a week, add water conditioner, and it seems happy and healthy. Then, after a couple of weeks it starts looking really sickly and one day it just dies for no apparent reason.”
> 
> *Me:* “Ok, well what were you feeding it? Was it eating well?”
> 
> *Customer:*“Feeding it? These kind of fish eat?”
> 
> *Me:*“Yes of course they do. Everything needs to eat.”
> 
> *Customer:*“Wow, really?! I thought they just ate the water.”


We had a very similar one recently with one of our customers. Painful isn't it?


----------



## mustang100893

LemmyElvis said:


> Years ago as a teenage punk my rat used to live in my leather jacket - always good for repulsing Joe Public


Brings a new meaning to the phrase "get your rat out!".


----------



## vogelport

mustang100893 said:


> Is this sarcasm?


EY?? No why would it be,its true?!


----------



## venomous111

when i helped at my local rep shop guys comes in and says:
Guy:are those afgahni alligators real(about the spectacled caimen)
Owner:yeh, look at its throat its breathing
Guy:No its not
Owner:Oh s:censor:t i will hold him you give him the kiss of life
(guy walks out of shop in a strop)
me and him just :lol2:


----------



## Erinaceinae

vogelport said:


> EY?? No why would it be,its true?!


Some do, some don't. It won't kill them if they don't hibernate anyway.
Ours doesn't because we got him when he was 50 and had never hibernated and doesn't eat enough in summer anyhow.


And for more stupid things, i've had about 3 people in the past few weeks asking if they can use the house spray for fleas on their cat. Its a pretty strong pesticide with "toxic" labels on it...


----------



## ink&reps

havent read every1 of he postt but i get this one loads....... Do you work here? No i wear this t'shirt with the company name on in big letters for fun!


----------



## MissCat

LemmyElvis said:


> Years ago as a teenage punk my rat used to live in my leather jacket - always good for repulsing Joe Public


 I used to do this too! It was my two pet rats, Scratch and Sniff (a berkshire and a powder blue). I wasn't supposed to have pets, they didn't have a cage, they lived in my pocket or had the run of my bedroom at night (well, they pretty much would just curl up on my bed next to me and sleep). 
They went EVERYWHERE with me 
I really miss them


----------



## Robbie

MissCat said:


> I used to do this too! It was my two pet rats, Scratch and Sniff (a berkshire and a powder blue). I wasn't supposed to have pets, they didn't have a cage, they lived in my pocket or had the run of my bedroom at night (well, they pretty much would just curl up on my bed next to me and sleep).
> They went EVERYWHERE with me
> I really miss them


Where did they piss/shit?


----------



## mustang100893

Robbie said:


> Where did they piss/shit?


She never knew, but she would always wake up with a funny taste in her mouth :whistling2:.


----------



## bampoisongirl

Darklas said:


> _(A young woman approaches the front register with a dead Siamese fighting fish in a cup.)_
> *Customer:* “I want a refund on my fish. All the fish I buy here keep dying! This is my 3rd replacement. I don’t understand what could be wrong except that you sell sick fish!”
> 
> *Me:*“I’m very sorry for that miss. I assure you we give all of our animals, including our fish, excellent care. Could you describe to me anything you noticed wrong with your fish before it passed away?”
> 
> *Customer:* “Well when I first get one it’s completely fine. I change the water once a week, add water conditioner, and it seems happy and healthy. Then, after a couple of weeks it starts looking really sickly and one day it just dies for no apparent reason.”
> 
> *Me:* “Ok, well what were you feeding it? Was it eating well?”
> 
> *Customer:*“Feeding it? These kind of fish eat?”
> 
> *Me:*“Yes of course they do. Everything needs to eat.”
> 
> *Customer:*“Wow, really?! I thought they just ate the water.”


No way! :gasp:



Elsa said:


> Some do, some don't. It won't kill them if they don't hibernate anyway.
> Ours doesn't because we got him when he was 50 and had never hibernated and doesn't eat enough in summer anyhow.
> 
> 
> And for more stupid things, i've had about 3 people in the past few weeks asking if they can use the house spray for fleas on their cat. Its a pretty strong pesticide with "toxic" labels on it...


Oh dear....


----------



## Twiglet

ink&reps said:


> havent read every1 of he postt but i get this one loads....... Do you work here? No i wear this t'shirt with the company name on in big letters for fun!


Don'tcha just love this one?

I've always wanted to respond to the "do you work here?" question with "nope, I just wear this uniform so that I can mock people who ask me if I work here.

Yesterday I had: "Hi, do you sell fish?" and "hi, erm, you've got a dead fish" *points at a fish tank*. I went to look at said dead fish to discover it was a leaf. So I said to the gentleman, don't worry, it's just a leaf. He looked at me like I thought he was stupid and said "no, it's not. Look.... it's moving"

*cough*


----------



## Chromisca

When we first got our water monitor we took him to the vet for a check-up. I'm sitting in the waiting room with him happily perched on my shoulder. Someone else looked at him and said "wow what a big snake!"

My mother was at the vet with her rabbit one day and another woman in the waiting area said "how cute! what kind of dog is that?" my mother replied, "it's a terrier, but it thinks it's a rabbit" 10 points for quick thinking!

Some of my favorites from a fun list at Rocky Mountain Herpetoculture:

 "Do these baby bearded dragons get as big as the adults?"

An iguana was for sale in a pet store, but had a sign on its cage stating "The largest iguana is recovering from metabolic bone disease and needs special care, please ask us what he requires". A customer read the sign and then said indignantly, "Why are you keeping that iguana with other iguanas? Metabolic bone disease is contagious and it is illegal to sell animals that have it!"

 Customer at a pet store demanding that she be able to return a box turtle because,"It pooped on me and I cannot possible have an animal that did that"

 "Rattlesnakes only bite if it's a full moon"-Hopefully, for the rattlesnakes this guy never tested this theory.


----------



## Adam98150

Not the best, but one customer came over and asked . .

*Her:* If you stood on a turtle would it die?

*Me: *I'm sorry?

*Her:* Would it die? If you stood on top of it?

*Me:* Ah, well . . *laughs in face* . . If it's a large sea turtle I'm sure it would be perfectly fine if you stepped on it.


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

Adam98150 said:


> Not the best, but one customer came over and asked . .
> 
> *Her:* If you stood on a turtle would it die?
> 
> *Me: *I'm sorry?
> 
> *Her:* Would it die? If you stood on top of it?
> 
> *Me:* Ah, well . . *laughs in face* . . If it's a large sea turtle I'm sure it would be perfectly fine if you stepped on it.


what a strange question...


----------



## jay-dee

LemmyElvis said:


> Years ago as a teenage punk my rat used to live in my leather jacket - always good for repulsing Joe Public


 
Your rat was a teenage punk???? :lol2:


----------



## jbateman1995

ahaha some people can be really dull:lol2::lol2::lol2:


----------



## grannykins

zaiid said:


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go away!!!


----------



## Erinaceinae

Customer: I've got an appointment booked in for today, but i can't remember the time, my names ****
Me: Err, i can't seem to find that? Are you sure it was today?
Customer: No
Me: Ok, what was it for?
Customer: Stiches out because he's been castrated
Me: Ok, when was he castrated?
Customer: Errr, a few days ago i think?
*I look in book, it was 9 days ago*
Me: Erm it was on the 5th, do you want to book in for today?
Customer: Mmmm, ok
...


Not quite with it i don't think


----------



## catalyst2005uk

i was on my way home after buying a uromastyx and i had people coming up to me telling me i need a licence to keep them and another person telling me how venomous he was lol i was like WTF laughed and just walked off.


----------



## Darklas

*Customer:* “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”
*Me:* _*pause*_ “A pikachu?”
*Customer:* “Yeah, you know. It looks like a squirrel and a rabbit put together.”
*Me:* “Do you mean a chinchilla?”
*Customer:* “Yeah! That’s it!”


0.o


----------



## Yazyaz1

I work in tk maxx and i have people asking me about everything

"do you sell menswear here?"

"i found this in clearance with no clearance tag, do i still get it cheap?"


----------



## Twiglet

Darklas said:


> *Customer:* “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”
> *Me:* _*pause*_ “A pikachu?”
> *Customer:* “Yeah, you know. It looks like a squirrel and a rabbit put together.”
> *Me:* “Do you mean a chinchilla?”
> *Customer:* “Yeah! That’s it!”
> 
> 
> 0.o



Fantastic!!

I had an excellent one yesterday:

Customer: *Pointing to a fox face which is a venomous marine fish....* "what do you do if the fish escape?"

Me: "Escape? We've had a few try to leap out of tanks over the years but..."

Customer: *cuts across me* "no I mean if they get out!"

Me: "put on the haz-mat suit we keep in the office"

Customer: *nudges husband* "see... I told you! Fish are evil!"


That was one of those conversations where I walked off afterwards and wondered what my staff had slipped in my coffee...

Another customer yesterday...

Customer: "I've got this danio"
Me: "Oh?"
Customer: "well... what do I do about it?!?!"



I remembered an old one the other day too. 
I'd mentioned to one of my brothers mates that I'd been bitten by a king snake (I think she thought I meant cobra?!?!) and her response was "OMG did you die??"

Apparently not...

I think she meant 'did I need resuscitating' but even so....



oh and a slip of the tongue but still hilarious none the less...

Customer: "some of my fish love it because they can't swim!"


----------



## DaveM

Darklas said:


> *Customer:* “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”
> *Me:* _*pause*_ “A pikachu?”
> *Customer:* “Yeah, you know. It looks like a squirrel and a rabbit put together.”
> *Me:* “Do you mean a chinchilla?”
> *Customer:* “Yeah! That’s it!”
> 
> 
> 0.o




I want a Pikachu


----------



## jay-dee

Darklas said:


> *Customer:* “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”
> *Me:* _*pause*_ “A pikachu?”
> *Customer:* “Yeah, you know. It looks like a squirrel and a rabbit put together.”
> *Me:* “Do you mean a chinchilla?”
> *Customer:* “Yeah! That’s it!”
> 
> 
> 0.o


can i have a charzard then, :lol2:


----------



## jay-dee

repti-dude2 said:


> Sounds like what most on here would say for a sale:lol2:
> theres loads of shady people on here:devil:


 
Sounds like you're getting us mixed up with "preloved" :whistling2:


----------



## Graham




----------



## Darklas

DaveM said:


> I want a Pikachu


I want one too.


----------



## bluejon91

Darklas said:


> *Customer:* “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”
> *Me:* _*pause*_ “A pikachu?”
> *Customer:* “Yeah, you know. It looks like a squirrel and a rabbit put together.”
> *Me:* “Do you mean a chinchilla?”
> *Customer:* “Yeah! That’s it!”
> 
> 
> 0.o


ROTLMAO i would rather have the pikachu


----------



## adamntitch

you could get one if you can find any for sale as he is based on this

Google


----------



## Robbie

Our shop cellar is our tropical fish room. 

Customer: "Are your fish still downstairs?"
Me: "Yes"
Customer "Where's that?"

I realise he might not remember where the stairs are (though we have plenty signposting) still, it made me chuckle.


----------



## Josh6nine

Well im a tattooist and i tend to hear the odd comment in my shop that makes me chuckle too some of my favourites are 

Are my kidneys to close to my belly button to get it pierced ?

How much is that tattoo ? £100 , oh could you do it for 35 ? no !

Whats your cheapest tattoo ? £20 minimum charge to cover all new needles and ink and stuff . oh right well what if you use dirty needles ? get out !

Can you reccommend any girls round here ? what you mean prostitutes ? yeah . er no sorry !

Hi there ive got an old vitorian window can you fix it ? this is a tattoo shop mate . oh right yeah , well can you sort it then ? no !

Do you sell picture frames/weed/fishing bait etc etc 

Its nice to know that im not the only one to get asked stupid questions


----------



## Postcard

Josh6nine said:


> Well im a tattooist and i tend to hear the odd comment in my shop that makes me chuckle too some of my favourites are
> 
> 
> Hi there ive got an old vitorian window can you fix it ? this is a tattoo shop mate . oh right yeah , well can you sort it then ? no !



:2thumb::gasp::no1::lol2: too funny!


----------



## Komodo king

I over heard one guy saying 

man: you see that crocodile son they used to eat dinosaurs 


this man generally thought it was a deinosuchas ( im 13 i cant spell it) 

it wasnt even a crocodile the stupid idiot :censor: people are odd


----------



## Komodo king

another one ive heard is

woman: my fish keep dying 
guy: that works at the shop: well did you notice anything wrong with them?
woman: well.. when ever i put them into hibernation they seem to die

WTF:bash:


----------



## Erinaceinae

Not animal related, but i simply love it when (mainly old) people say their PIN code out loud when putting it in, like loud enough for the whole waiting room to hear


----------



## tomwilson

Komodo king said:


> I over heard one guy saying
> 
> man: you see that crocodile son they used to eat dinosaurs
> 
> 
> this man generally thought it was a deinosuchas ( im 13 i cant spell it)
> 
> it wasnt even a crocodile the stupid idiot :censor: people are odd


 are you sure he wasn't just generalising for his kid you know like, 'crocodiles used to eat dino's son isn't that cool' as opossed to 'carefull son that croc used to eat dino's in its youth'


----------



## Sirvincent

I've recently started flying a redtail hawk and often get asked the same two questions

"Do you fly it?" ........ yes she's flown a few times a week on different farms etc
"Does it come back to you?" :bash::bash::bash:


----------



## CPT BJ

Ive heard alsorts from spending two years working in Aquatics lol.


----------



## glidergirl

Regarding UV lights:

Customer: Do you have a certain 10% UV in stock (he did give details of the light but I can't remember them).

Me: Sorry, we appear to be out of stock of that one, we can get you one for tomorrow or we have the 5% one in.

Customer: If I get the 5% does that mean I'll need two of them? :2thumb:


----------



## joeyboy

glidergirl said:


> Regarding UV lights:
> 
> Customer: Do you have a certain 10% UV in stock (he did give details of the light but I can't remember them).
> 
> Me: Sorry, we appear to be out of stock of that one, we can get you one for tomorrow or we have the 5% one in.
> 
> Customer: If I get the 5% does that mean I'll need two of them? :2thumb:


hmmm I don't think it's a stupid question for a newbie, if they have no idea how the rating system works.


----------



## Erinaceinae

Customer: "So after you put the frontline on, you have to put them outside don't you?"
Me: Err, you can, why?
Customer: So all the fleas can jump off.

I don't know whether its a stupid thing to say or not. :/


But on the plus side, human nature made me happy this morning:
Person 1: Brings in a squirrel they found that was nearly dead and had blood coming out its mouth and eye. Gave it to us to PTS, then came back later to pick up the carrier it was in.

Person 2: Brings in a bag, and says (very quietly), "I've got a dead cat in here i found on the road, i was wondering if you could check it for an ID chip?". Sadly, it didn't have an ID chip.

It made me smile that both people had bothered to pick up a) vermin and b)a dead cat off the road, and bother to go out of their way to bring them in, when so many people would have just a)ignored it or b) thrown it in a bin and forgotten about it.


----------



## Komodo king

tomwilson said:


> are you sure he wasn't just generalising for his kid you know like, 'crocodiles used to eat dino's son isn't that cool' as opossed to 'carefull son that croc used to eat dino's in its youth'


 
dunno could have been. :devil:


----------



## justairplants

Got a few relating to the airplants....of course the usual comment is "they just live on air" hmmmm.....but here goes:-

Customer: If I keep it in my bathroom surely I wouldn't need to water it
Me: Generally there is insufficient humidity in most bathrooms so, yes, you'll still need to water it
Customer: You've not seen my bathroom !
:gasp:

Customer: It's not true that they need watering. We've had ours for 15 years and it still looks as good as the day we bought it, never watered it, or done anything to it...
Me: Hmmmm....
Customer: (Calls to wife) She doesn't believe me that our airplant has never been watered and it still looks good
Wife: That's because it's plastic
:lol2:

Customer: I've had these before but they just died
Me: Did you water them?
Customer: Yes, and fed them as well. Think I'll try again. I've got a bit of wood, I'll bring it into tomorrow and choose the plant

Next Day
Me: (after selecting some nice small plants that matched the tiny piece of wood) What do you think?
Customer: No, I want this one (picking biggest and one of most expensive airplants we have that totally dwarves the bit of wood)
Me: OK Where are you going to keep it?
Customer: In my bathroom. It hasn't got any light but it's an airplant so should be OK shouldn't it?
Me: Hmmmmm (struggle with conscience vis a vis the cash register - conscience wins) All plants need light....
Customer: Oh....I won't bother then.....I look for a plant that can live without any light 
:bash:

Customer: Got a cloakroom that doesn't have a window and I'm looking for a plant for it....what do you suggest?
My OH: A plastic one :roll2:

Overheard in the Floral Pavillion at Gardeners' World Live.....I bow to his intelligence :notworthy:

Man: Load of f***ing cr*p this. Nothing in here but plants and flowers

Before plants I worked in tech support on enterprise software....

Customer: I'm registered blind and having problems installing this software
Tech: If you read Chapter 2 of the manual it gives you step by step instructions....

:bash:

Customer: I can't get the tape out of my tape drive. Your software has stolen it....
Me: What lights have you got on the tape drive
Customer: Hang on a minute
(I hear lots of rustling)
Customer: None, it's not plugged in

:whip:

This is a call we found on our logging system and passed around the entire company's tech support groups worldwide. One of the pieces of software was an Enterprise Management System that had a command line option for getting more advanced reports.....syntax was a bit tricky though....

Customer description:

Having spent many a frustrating hour trying to extract an urgent report for a meeting tomorrow and getting nowhere, just responses of "Syntax error" from your software, I gave up and typed in "F*ck you"....at long last I got a response:- "Your place or mine "

Think that's it for tonight....have loved reading this thread....

Gill


----------



## CPT BJ

I always think its stupid when your in a shop and someone comes in and ou hear 'is it real?' or its not moving and they think its dead :/.


----------



## Darklas

CPT BJ said:


> I always think its stupid when your in a shop and someone comes in and ou hear 'is it real?' or its not moving and they think its dead :/.


 
I was doing a petting zoo not long ago and had the iguana out. A lot of people would approach and say "I didn't realise it was real till I saw it move"

But then there was one woman, who must have been a little crazy, because she got close and started talking to me.

Lady: "It's not real is it?"
Me: "He sure is. You can stroke him if you like."
Lady: "But he's not REAL. You know...ALIVE."
Me: *stare???*
Lady "He's a robot."
Me: "No...he's real. Look he's breathing...and moving."
Lady: "Clever robot."

Then she stared at him some more and then left. 

0.o My work is always weird.


----------



## PIKMIN

Darklas said:


> I was doing a petting zoo not long ago and had the iguana out. A lot of people would approach and say "I didn't realise it was real till I saw it move"
> 
> But then there was one woman, who must have been a little crazy, because she got close and started talking to me.
> 
> Lady: "It's not real is it?"
> Me: "He sure is. You can stroke him if you like."
> Lady: "But he's not REAL. You know...ALIVE."
> Me: *stare???*
> Lady "He's a robot."
> Me: "No...he's real. Look he's breathing...and moving."
> Lady: "Clever robot."
> 
> Then she stared at him some more and then left.
> 
> 0.o My work is always weird.



pmsl is she serious


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

i got one yesterday. I work at boarding kennels and because it was pouring down with rain we had put the dogs back inside and dried them off. 

a man came to collect his dog and in the whole 3 mins of being outside the dog got drenched again from the rain.

he then asked me ' why is he wet'
to which i replied... 'because its raining?'

i didnt know what else to say lmao it had me and my work mate giggling like mad for the rest of the day


----------



## Darklas

Evilshiddenclaws said:


> he then asked me ' why is he wet'
> to which i replied... 'because its raining?'


*facepalm*

People can be so dim.


----------



## plmodel

TCReptile said:


> Customer: Do you have any spiders?
> 
> I go and get some spiders down for them to look at
> 
> Customer: Arghhhh don't show me, I'm afraid of spiders. I'm never coming in this shop again!


I GET THAT ALL THE TIME!!!

also got the other day "could i keep a bearded dragon in with my fish?" 

and "oh my goddddd, whats THAT???" *child points to a tub filled with water on the counter*

*Me*: "uhhh...its a tub of water"

_and last, but not least_

*Customer*: "is that its baby??" as he points in the direction of a basilisk
*Robert*: "where? uhh, no that's its food..."
*Customer*: "noo, the thing right next to it's stomach, it's tiny!"
*Robert*: "...that's it's leg..."
customer then walks out of shop in a huff mnuttering that he wont be back >.<


----------



## Twiglet

justairplants said:


> Got a few relating to the airplants....of course the usual comment is "they just live on air" hmmmm.....but here goes:-
> 
> Customer: If I keep it in my bathroom surely I wouldn't need to water it
> Me: Generally there is insufficient humidity in most bathrooms so, yes, you'll still need to water it
> Customer: You've not seen my bathroom !
> :gasp:
> 
> Customer: It's not true that they need watering. We've had ours for 15 years and it still looks as good as the day we bought it, never watered it, or done anything to it...
> Me: Hmmmm....
> Customer: (Calls to wife) She doesn't believe me that our airplant has never been watered and it still looks good
> Wife: That's because it's plastic
> :lol2:
> 
> Customer: I've had these before but they just died
> Me: Did you water them?
> Customer: Yes, and fed them as well. Think I'll try again. I've got a bit of wood, I'll bring it into tomorrow and choose the plant
> 
> Next Day
> Me: (after selecting some nice small plants that matched the tiny piece of wood) What do you think?
> Customer: No, I want this one (picking biggest and one of most expensive airplants we have that totally dwarves the bit of wood)
> Me: OK Where are you going to keep it?
> Customer: In my bathroom. It hasn't got any light but it's an airplant so should be OK shouldn't it?
> Me: Hmmmmm (struggle with conscience vis a vis the cash register - conscience wins) All plants need light....
> Customer: Oh....I won't bother then.....I look for a plant that can live without any light
> :bash:
> 
> Customer: Got a cloakroom that doesn't have a window and I'm looking for a plant for it....what do you suggest?
> My OH: A plastic one :roll2:
> 
> Overheard in the Floral Pavillion at Gardeners' World Live.....I bow to his intelligence :notworthy:
> 
> Man: Load of f***ing cr*p this. Nothing in here but plants and flowers
> 
> Before plants I worked in tech support on enterprise software....
> 
> Customer: I'm registered blind and having problems installing this software
> Tech: If you read Chapter 2 of the manual it gives you step by step instructions....
> 
> :bash:
> 
> Customer: I can't get the tape out of my tape drive. Your software has stolen it....
> Me: What lights have you got on the tape drive
> Customer: Hang on a minute
> (I hear lots of rustling)
> Customer: None, it's not plugged in
> 
> :whip:
> 
> This is a call we found on our logging system and passed around the entire company's tech support groups worldwide. One of the pieces of software was an Enterprise Management System that had a command line option for getting more advanced reports.....syntax was a bit tricky though....
> 
> Customer description:
> 
> Having spent many a frustrating hour trying to extract an urgent report for a meeting tomorrow and getting nowhere, just responses of "Syntax error" from your software, I gave up and typed in "F*ck you"....at long last I got a response:- "Your place or mine "
> 
> Think that's it for tonight....have loved reading this thread....
> 
> Gill


You're customers have just made mine look normal.... Sounds like you certainly get your share of the eegits!



CPT BJ said:


> I always think its stupid when your in a shop and someone comes in and ou hear 'is it real?' or its not moving and they think its dead :/.


Grrr... isn't that infuriating?! 

I did an educational talk recently for a charity even and was reliably informed that my bull snake has a sting (TV never lies...), my bearded dragon was a toy... even when he was moving and if you change the diet slowly, all snakes can become vegetarian. 

Oh and that I'm cruel for feeding dead prey to my snakes. I tried explaining that whilst I would kill my own food if needs must, I much prefer to not have to wrestle my steak to the ground before smothering it in black pepper and that snakes feel the same. Nope... they totally missed the point and I'm still cruel by all accounts.


----------



## kaimarion

The general public is very ignorant about reptiles it's just some of the **** I've heard or been asked in the shop is astounding.

1.*Custome*r "Hi mate what type of snake is that?", *me* "It's a fire salamander", *customer* "what's that?"

2.*Customer* "Oh Sean look at the chameleon" *customer points at adult red iguana*, *me* *facepalm*

3.*Customer1* "Why is that snake opening it's mouth", *customer2* "It's cause it's hungry"

4.*Customer* "If we get a terrapin can we just let it run about the house"

5.*Customer* "You do know that red-eared sliders are illegal to sell in the UK mate" (He was talking about a Yellow belly and RES are also perfectly legal to sell in UK).

6.*Customer* "Wow, they have a baby crocodile that's mental" She was looking at a ornament in one of the fish tanks.

And yesterday we had a customer telling us Kangaroos laid eggs and they are then fertilized by the male...

There have been some really funny ones but my memory is pants.


----------



## Biggys

kaimarion said:


> The general public is very ignorant about reptiles it's just some of the **** I've heard or been asked in the shop is astounding.
> 
> 1.*Custome*r "Hi mate what type of snake is that?", *me* "It's a fire salamander", *customer* "what's that?"
> 
> 2.*Customer* "Oh Sean look at the chameleon" *customer points at adult red iguana*, *me* *facepalm*
> 
> 3.*Customer1* "Why is that snake opening it's mouth", *customer2* "It's cause it's hungry"
> 
> 4.*Customer* "If we get a terrapin can we just let it run about the house"
> 
> 5.*Customer* "You do know that red-eared sliders are illegal to sell in the UK mate" (He was talking about a Yellow belly and RES are also perfectly legal to sell in UK).
> 
> 6.*Customer* "Wow, they have a baby crocodile that's mental" She was looking at a ornament in one of the fish tanks.
> 
> And yesterday we had a customer telling us Kangaroos laid eggs and they are then fertilized by the male...
> 
> There have been some really funny ones but my memory is pants.


:rotfl:


----------



## _jake_

*Customer walks in, looks around and comes up the till.
*_Do you sell any photography equipment mate?
*Me: Uh, this is an aquatics shop
*So, do you then?

:lol:
_


----------



## Twiglet

Customer: Hi, I've got a problem with my tank
Me: Ok, what sort of tank is it?
Customer: A wet one.


I also had a customer swear *blind* that once they defrosted some mice and one of them came back to life and they had to go out and buy it a cage and some food etc and so on. The were telling me how awful if was to be selling frozen mice for this reason...

This was funnily enough the day before I had another "do the frozen mice come back to life when defrosted" question. I was suddenly no longer sure how to answer!

Strange one on friday last week... 

Customer: *big grin on face* "Can I bring my dog in here?"
Me: "Yeah sure, so long as it's well behaved"
Customer: *laughs* "Yeah, she's pretty restrained. I'll go and get her, she'll love it in here."

Off he goes... 

He came back in about ten minutes later with what I can only assume was his wife and no dog in sight... And winked at me all conspiratorially like he was sharing some kind of joke. Took a good few minutes for that penny to drop...


What a way to talk about your missus. 

*tuts*


----------



## Biggys

Twiglet said:


> Customer: Hi, I've got a problem with my tank
> Me: Ok, what sort of tank is it?
> Customer: A wet one.
> 
> 
> I also had a customer swear *blind* that once they defrosted some mice and one of them came back to life and they had to go out and buy it a cage and some food etc and so on. The were telling me how awful if was to be selling frozen mice for this reason...
> 
> This was funnily enough the day before I had another "do the frozen mice come back to life when defrosted" question. I was suddenly no longer sure how to answer!
> 
> Strange one on friday last week...
> 
> Customer: *big grin on face* "Can I bring my dog in here?"
> Me: "Yeah sure, so long as it's well behaved"
> Customer: *laughs* "Yeah, she's pretty restrained. I'll go and get her, she'll love it in here."
> 
> Off he goes...
> 
> He came back in about ten minutes later with what I can only assume was his wife and no dog in sight... And winked at me all conspiratorially like he was sharing some kind of joke. Took a good few minutes for that penny to drop...
> 
> 
> What a way to talk about your missus.
> 
> *tuts*


 
:lol2:


----------



## Mini_the_Minx

I work in a Health product wholesale head office.

One day I got a call from a member at one of our flagship stores and the conversation went like this

Customer : I'm looking for *** product, I've seen it advertised
Me : I can't find it on the system, do you have a code?
Customer : No but it's called ***
Me : There is nothing by that name on our system
Customer : I know you definately do it
Me : I'll just go and check with stock control, I'll be right back *goes and returns*
Me : Stock control aren't aware of any product by that name
Customer : But I've seen it advertised
Me : Was it in the Promo catalogue or trade book?
Customer : No, I saw it in the back of the Daily Mail 

:bash:


----------



## Twiglet

Mini_the_Minx said:


> I work in a Health product wholesale head office.
> 
> One day I got a call from a member at one of our flagship stores and the conversation went like this
> 
> Customer : I'm looking for *** product, I've seen it advertised
> Me : I can't find it on the system, do you have a code?
> Customer : No but it's called ***
> Me : There is nothing by that name on our system
> Customer : I know you definately do it
> Me : I'll just go and check with stock control, I'll be right back *goes and returns*
> Me : Stock control aren't aware of any product by that name
> Customer : But I've seen it advertised
> Me : Was it in the Promo catalogue or trade book?
> Customer : No, I saw it in the back of the Daily Mail
> 
> :bash:


Fantastic! It was being advertised somewhere are so SURELY you must have it! It's obvious! lol...


----------



## EmmaLock

*In the shop I go to there was a girl looking at a chille rose, and the shop phone rang downstairs. She jumped backwards in fright and asked if the spider was making the noise. 
A part of me died in that moment.
*


----------



## Biggys

Emzylock said:


> *In the shop I go to there was a girl looking at a chille rose, and the shop phone rang downstairs. She jumped backwards in fright and asked if the spider was making the noise. *
> *A part of me died in that moment.*


Ahaaha :lol2:


----------



## Salazare Slytherin

when I worked in a pet shop a customer appraoched me asking for a gold fish I said yeah got the stuff together, bearing in mind the tank had about 9 fish in there I asked which one she wanted, oh the one thats swimming???????????????????


oh dose this bite and dose that bite I simply reply most things with a mouth can bite even a human.
ermmmmmmm what type of snake is it you have, a python?
what size you looking for "well i dont know but its about this big"?

can the parrots talk?

and even once I herd someone ask is it chrismas eve on the 24th?????????????
wtf


----------



## Biggys

Salazare Slytherin said:


> when I worked in a pet shop a customer appraoched me asking for a gold fish *I said yeah got the stuff together, bearing in mind the tank had about 9 fish in there I asked which one she wanted, oh the one thats swimming???????????????????*
> 
> 
> oh dose this bite and dose that bite I simply reply most things with a mouth can bite even a human.
> ermmmmmmm what type of snake is it you have, a python?
> what size you looking for "well i dont know but its about this big"?
> 
> can the parrots talk?
> 
> *and even once I herd someone ask is it chrismas eve on the 24th?????????????*
> wtf


Whats quite worrying :lol2:


----------



## Salazare Slytherin

Biggys said:


> Whats quite worrying :lol2:


 :lol2: I dont know I must have stepped into another dimension without relising :whistling2:


----------



## Wills

Salazare Slytherin said:


> oh dose this bite and dose that bite I simply reply most things with a mouth can bite even a human.
> ermmmmmmm what type of snake is it you have, a python?
> what size you looking for "well i dont know but its about this big"?


 
might make more sense using the word does, as dose is something a doctor might give you {or a hooker in amsterdamn lol}


----------



## Ajay

strictly_scales said:


> "Excuse me, but that tortoise is on its back".
> _"Oh, ok."_
> "Well, aren't you going to do anything?"
> "_No, it'll sort itself out."_
> "No it can't."
> _"Uh, yes it can."_
> "NO IT CAN'T"
> 
> Oh yes, you're right, you numpty. I'll just phone Tort-Rite- the professionals in Tortoise Tipping. They've been righting Tortoises for the tens of millions of years that Tortoises have been falling over.


:rotfl: I nearly died reading this...

I've had some great comments from zoo visitors...

"These are NOT lemurs! I will have you done under the trade descriptions act!!"

Me: "Please do not touch the monkeys, they will bite"
Woman to child: "She's lying, they don't bite"
Me: "I will not ask you again, please do NOT touch the monkeys"
Child: "Why? They don't... OUCH!"
Woman: "OMG DO THEY HAVE RABIES?? WE MUST GET TO THE HOSPITAL!!!"
*facepalm*

People are having a picnic near the sealion pool... Perfectly fine... They opened the hamper and a dog jumped out...

Me: "You might want to step to one side.... They're right above your head..."
Customer: "I'm fine here thanks, I can see from here
Me: "They scent mark with urine on that branch... You really might want to move"
Customer: "No!" .... "ARGH!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME TO MOVE?!"
2nd customer: "She did..."

Not 'cos they're dumb, I just think it was funny: In the monkey enclosure, next to the Rhea's field. The male has a nest right next to the monkey fence.. 
Me to a customer: "the males mates with several females who all lay eggs in his nest then HE sits on the eggs and protects the offspring"
Customer: "How weird, why don't the females help?"
Me: "Think of it like this, he KNOWS all the babies are his, but each female doesn't know which are hers and doesn't want to waste energy looking after another female's babies"
Another customer: "I'm sorry, I REALLY have to stop you there... What are you talking about?? Aren't these MONKEYS??"
Me: "*lol* We're talking about the rhea *points*
2nd Customer: "Oh thank heavens for that! I didn't know how to tell you they were primates and didn't lay eggs!"

The number of times I've had "it's cruel to keep these in captivity"
Me: "then out of interest, why are you at the zoo for the day?"
Customer: "For the kids!"

Strangely enough as soon as the last conversation has occured I usually meet someone from RFUK :lol2: I had a lovely long chat about kinkajous with Africa and met a guy I don't know the username of who keeps skunks after this one:

Child: "Can lemurs bite?"
Me: "Yes, but ours are used to humans so they don't bite often"
Child: "So they so bite sometimes?"
Me: "Do you have teeth?"
Child: "Yeah..."
Me: "Are you going to bite me?"
Child: "No..."
Me: "What if I prod you and pull your ears? Then will you bite me?"
Adult: "Now hang on a minute.."
Child: "Oh I see! Poor lemurs, people are mean!" :lol2:
I had our sheep tipped for someone to check his feet....
Customer to child: "See that animal? That's where your bacon sandwiches you had for breakfast came from..."

It's not just about the animals though

We've had to ask certain tour groups to keep their voices down as discussing whether our animals are kosher is not acceptable to other members of the public...

Education Centre staff: "*name* here's your mum to collect you"
Child in the education centre: "That's not my mum"
Staff: "Oh... Who is it? Do you know them?"
Child: "That's the bimbo daddy's run off with"

Staff: "What do your parents do?"
Child: "Mummy is a chef and daddy is a paedophile"
Staff: ".... Pardon?"
Child: "He's a paedophile. He looks at children"
When parents come to collect child...
Staff: "I'm afraid I must have a word... Your child has made a very serious allegation against you..."
Mum: "Oh not again! *punches husband in arm* "I told you she's too young to pronounce PAEDEATRICIAN!!! JUST TELL HER YOU'RE A DOCTOR!!!"

But if I see one more parent encouraging their children to urinate in our enclosures... :devil:


----------



## Twiglet

Ajay said:


> :rotfl: I nearly died reading this...
> 
> I've had some great comments from zoo visitors...
> 
> "These are NOT lemurs! I will have you done under the trade descriptions act!!"
> 
> Me: "Please do not touch the monkeys, they will bite"
> Woman to child: "She's lying, they don't bite"
> Me: "I will not ask you again, please do NOT touch the monkeys"
> Child: "Why? They don't... OUCH!"
> Woman: "OMG DO THEY HAVE RABIES?? WE MUST GET TO THE HOSPITAL!!!"
> *facepalm*
> 
> People are having a picnic near the sealion pool... Perfectly fine... They opened the hamper and a dog jumped out...
> 
> Me: "You might want to step to one side.... They're right above your head..."
> Customer: "I'm fine here thanks, I can see from here
> Me: "They scent mark with urine on that branch... You really might want to move"
> Customer: "No!" .... "ARGH!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME TO MOVE?!"
> 2nd customer: "She did..."
> 
> Not 'cos they're dumb, I just think it was funny: In the monkey enclosure, next to the Rhea's field. The male has a nest right next to the monkey fence..
> Me to a customer: "the males mates with several females who all lay eggs in his nest then HE sits on the eggs and protects the offspring"
> Customer: "How weird, why don't the females help?"
> Me: "Think of it like this, he KNOWS all the babies are his, but each female doesn't know which are hers and doesn't want to waste energy looking after another female's babies"
> Another customer: "I'm sorry, I REALLY have to stop you there... What are you talking about?? Aren't these MONKEYS??"
> Me: "*lol* We're talking about the rhea *points*
> 2nd Customer: "Oh thank heavens for that! I didn't know how to tell you they were primates and didn't lay eggs!"
> 
> The number of times I've had "it's cruel to keep these in captivity"
> Me: "then out of interest, why are you at the zoo for the day?"
> Customer: "For the kids!"
> 
> Strangely enough as soon as the last conversation has occured I usually meet someone from RFUK :lol2: I had a lovely long chat about kinkajous with Africa and met a guy I don't know the username of who keeps skunks after this one:
> 
> Child: "Can lemurs bite?"
> Me: "Yes, but ours are used to humans so they don't bite often"
> Child: "So they so bite sometimes?"
> Me: "Do you have teeth?"
> Child: "Yeah..."
> Me: "Are you going to bite me?"
> Child: "No..."
> Me: "What if I prod you and pull your ears? Then will you bite me?"
> Adult: "Now hang on a minute.."
> Child: "Oh I see! Poor lemurs, people are mean!" :lol2:
> I had our sheep tipped for someone to check his feet....
> Customer to child: "See that animal? That's where your bacon sandwiches you had for breakfast came from..."
> 
> It's not just about the animals though
> 
> We've had to ask certain tour groups to keep their voices down as discussing whether our animals are kosher is not acceptable to other members of the public...
> 
> Education Centre staff: "*name* here's your mum to collect you"
> Child in the education centre: "That's not my mum"
> Staff: "Oh... Who is it? Do you know them?"
> Child: "That's the bimbo daddy's run off with"
> 
> Staff: "What do your parents do?"
> Child: "Mummy is a chef and daddy is a paedophile"
> Staff: ".... Pardon?"
> Child: "He's a paedophile. He looks at children"
> When parents come to collect child...
> Staff: "I'm afraid I must have a word... Your child has made a very serious allegation against you..."
> Mum: "Oh not again! *punches husband in arm* "I told you she's too young to pronounce PAEDEATRICIAN!!! JUST TELL HER YOU'RE A DOCTOR!!!"
> 
> But if I see one more parent encouraging their children to urinate in our enclosures... :devil:


The paedophile bit just had me in absolute stitches...

I've heard several people at zoos berating the poor staff about how cruel it is to keep captive animals... WHY would you go to a zoo if you are offended by captive animals? I mean, you wouldn't go to La Senza if the panties offended you would you?!

*sighs dramatically*

Customer: "I'd like a goldfish please"
Me: "Ok, what size is your tank and how long has it been set up?"
Customer: "about three weeks and its about this big *holds hands about a foot apart*"
Me: *prepares usual speech on fishy ethics* "Ok, do you have any fish already? That's rather too small for a gold fish..."
Customer: *cuts across me* "well the other five are fine thank you! It's obviously big enough. It's not like they'll grow in there anyway"

I gave up trying to explain anything to them after only five minutes and suggested they go to pets at home....


----------



## Salazare Slytherin

Wills said:


> might make more sense using the word does, as dose is something a doctor might give you {or a hooker in amsterdamn lol}


 
meh I have difficulty with spelling although I admit I do my best just finished my maths going to do some english grammar when I move too
so thanks for that.


----------



## magick

Forget stupid things customers say sometimes vets says stupid things too a few years back i took my adult male leo to my local vets as he had a very tiny bit of like "sleep" substance in the corner of his eye, I even telephoned the vets first to make sure they had a vet who treats reptiles and they said yes. So i took him there in an empty cricket box, i told the vet what the issue was to which she just gave a "hhhmmmhhh" she then put on some latex gloves, approached the box and picked it up, with lid still attached and looked at him for a while till i said to her "erm thats the wrong eye" she then turned the box, and i said to her she needed to open the box and take him out because the bit in his eye is so small you can only just see it in the right light.(and he is like the tamest doziest leo i know and i have 6) After just staring at him in the box a bit longer and asking me questions such as "what do they eat?" "What temperature do they need?" and various other questions she left the room for like 10 minutes (seriously there was a clock in that horrid little vets room) then came back a tub of calcium powder that she tried to sell to me, that i have never seen before(and i did my work experience at school in a reptile shop) and said "this should work" I told her i already had some calcium powder at home. Then she said well i don't know then sorry and i was charged £25 for this?!?!?! So anyway after bathing it with warm water a couple of times it clear up fine and has never happened again.
That was soooo long sorry everyone:lol2: it just really annoyed me and still does:lol2:


----------



## Salazare Slytherin

magick said:


> Forget stupid things customers say sometimes vets says stupid things too a few years back i took my adult male leo to my local vets as he had a very tiny bit of like "sleep" substance in the corner of his eye, I even telephoned the vets first to make sure they had a vet who treats reptiles and they said yes. So i took him there in an empty cricket box, i told the vet what the issue was to which she just gave a "hhhmmmhhh" she then put on some latex gloves, approached the box and picked it up, with lid still attached and looked at him for a while till i said to her "erm thats the wrong eye" she then turned the box, and i said to her she needed to open the box and take him out because the bit in his eye is so small you can only just see it in the right light.(and he is like the tamest doziest leo i know and i have 6) After just staring at him in the box a bit longer and asking me questions such as "what do they eat?" "What temperature do they need?" and various other questions she left the room for like 10 minutes (seriously there was a clock in that horrid little vets room) then came back a tub of calcium powder that she tried to sell to me, that i have never seen before(and i did my work experience at school in a reptile shop) and said "this should work" I told her i already had some calcium powder at home. Then she said well i don't know then sorry and i was charged £25 for this?!?!?! So anyway after bathing it with warm water a couple of times it clear up fine and has never happened again.
> That was soooo long sorry everyone:lol2: it just really annoyed me and still does:lol2:


BLOODY HELL!!!!!!!!! that is a story to be... ermmm dunno lost for words.


----------



## magick

Also went into a (fluffy pets) petshop near my house recently and they guy is always chatty and was like "ooo look at these leo babies arnt they cute" and i said yeah their gorgeouse what morphs are they? to which he replied "their leopard geckos" so i asked again " yes, but what morphs are they? do you know?" to which he replied the same answer as before, then i had to explain to him what a morph was and then what a wet box was and how to make one! :lol2:


----------



## Footie

I work in a bowling alley and get asked how long an hour of bowling takes?


----------



## magick

magick said:


> Also went into a (fluffy pets) petshop near my house recently and they guy is always chatty and was like "ooo look at these leo babies arnt they cute" and i said yeah their gorgeouse what morphs are they? to which he replied "their leopard geckos" so i asked again " yes, but what morphs are they? do you know?" to which he replied the same answer as before, then i had to explain to him what a morph was and then what a wet box was and how to make one! :lol2:


Forgot to mention i was sooo glad to hear from the guy that the leos were not staying at the shop and had been order for someone who was picking them up that day :lol2:


----------



## Salazare Slytherin

magick said:


> Also went into a (fluffy pets) petshop near my house recently and they guy is always chatty and was like "ooo look at these leo babies arnt they cute" and i said yeah their gorgeouse what morphs are they? to which he replied "their leopard geckos" so i asked again " yes, but what morphs are they? do you know?" to which he replied the same answer as before, then i had to explain to him what a morph was and then what a wet box was and how to make one! :lol2:


 
apply for a job there :hmm:


----------



## magick

Salazare Slytherin said:


> apply for a job there :hmm:


HA! Funny thing is i did and he said he couldnt afford to take anyone on a week later there was a girl working there who had a leo at home and wanted to sell it as she didnt like the whole live crickets things i was just like (face palm moment or what?) and left the shop in a huff i dont get my food there any more either after starting to buy live foods there i subsequently had a mite infestation of some kind??? after not seeing anything of the sort for like 4 years! before i shopped there and so decided to buy whole new vivs and just gave the old ones a major deep clean anyways :lol2:


----------



## Biggys

Footie said:


> I work in a bowling alley and get asked how long an hour of bowling takes?


*facepalm*

how can you work there with out hitting the stupid people :lol2:


----------



## SteFANNY162

*Lol*

Totally off the reptile subject onto cats...
My sister is a vet nurse and she had a lady coming in with a stray cat & told my sister that she had been feeding a stray cat with milk and Ofc you're not ment to give cats cow milk as it's bad for them, my sister told her this and she said well they'd get it in the wild though, my sister wanting to be amused for the day asked how they'd get it in the wild and the lady replied 'all of the cows in the fields would give it to them' oh dear the human kind is a...wonderful thing LOL!


----------



## Salazare Slytherin

magick said:


> HA! Funny thing is i did and he said he couldnt afford to take anyone on a week later there was a girl working there who had a leo at home and wanted to sell it as she didnt like the whole live crickets things i was just like (face palm moment or what?) and left the shop in a huff i dont get my food there any more either after starting to buy live foods there i subsequently had a mite infestation of some kind??? after not seeing anything of the sort for like 4 years! before i shopped there and so decided to buy whole new vivs and just gave the old ones a major deep clean anyways :lol2:


ahhh well I suppose its best really I will admit when I worked in a rep store I didnt exacly fully understand genetics e.t.c but usually there was records of some sort lieing around of what they were where they came from and what types they were ususally you would depend on the customer to know what you were on about when showing or telling them what the bit of paper said

as for a mite infestation from shopping there I myself personally wouldnt have went back in.... but thats just me lol and Sometimes It must just be a case of retail expirience of selling the animals rather than caring for them... I have been told that exact same thing in a couple of pet shops and instantly a few weeks later they have someone else there??? Just dont understand it.


----------



## tomwilson

Salazare Slytherin said:


> ahhh well I suppose its best really I will admit when I worked in a rep store I didnt exacly fully understand genetics e.t.c but usually there was records of some sort lieing around of what they were where they came from and what types they were ususally you would depend on the customer to know what you were on about when showing or telling them what the bit of paper said
> 
> as for a mite infestation from shopping there I myself personally wouldnt have went back in.... but thats just me lol and Sometimes It must just be a case of retail expirience of selling the animals rather than caring for them... *I have been told that exact same thing in a couple of pet shops and instantly a few weeks later they have someone else there??? Just dont understand it*.


*not what you know but who you know.*

i work in a frozen food store and was once asked for cuff links, thought the guy was asking for cornflakes so shown him to the cereals and he looks at me as if i'm the stupid one, i just din't think people would be stupis enough to ask for something like that in a small freezer food shop


----------



## Salazare Slytherin

tomwilson said:


> *not what you know but who you know.*
> 
> i work in a frozen food store and was once asked for cuff links, thought the guy was asking for cornflakes so shown him to the cereals and he looks at me as if i'm the stupid one, i just din't think people would be stupis enough to ask for something like that in a small freezer food shop


 :lol2: this is true myt last job in a pet store was only becasue I knew the guy for alot of years then a better job came up I left and then got made redundant :-( wish I stayed coz he got someone else there now.


----------



## RoyalBlood

Oh When i helped out at the local rep store they had a really stroppy retic, and me and another guy were spraying it, giving it water etc and it struck the glass a few times while we were doing so...
We had customers behind watching and one of them goes...

'Would it bite you if you put your hand in there?'

... No, it deffinitely has a preference to moving plastic hose than moving human flesh.


----------



## MaMExotics

God I love this thread I've just read the whole thing:2thumb::2thumb::2thumb::gasp:


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

bit off topic but still a stupid thing to say.

i was walking up to reception to deal with a customer and my manageress met me on the way and asked if i had heard the bell and was going to the customer... my only thought was, 'no, i'm walking this way for the good of my health...'

i spose in writing it doesnt sound as funny but me and my coworker laughed a lot.

the manageress and boss lady dinnae half talk some £"*$


----------



## Darklas

_(A customer buys an African clawed frog for her son. After bagging it, I bring it to the register. It swims around in the bag for a second as I set it down.)_
*Customer:* “Oh my god, what is it doing?”
*Me:* “You mean swimming?”
*Customer:* “Why did it do that?”
*Me:* “It was probably coming up for a breath.”
*Customer:* “It breathes?”
*Me:* “Yes.”
*Customer:* “So, it’s not a fish?”



-from notalwaysright.com


----------



## Salazare Slytherin

Darklas said:


> _(A customer buys an African clawed frog for her son. After bagging it, I bring it to the register. It swims around in the bag for a second as I set it down.)_
> *Customer:* “Oh my god, what is it doing?”
> *Me:* “You mean swimming?”
> *Customer:* “Why did it do that?”
> *Me:* “It was probably coming up for a breath.”
> *Customer:* “It breathes?”
> *Me:* “Yes.”
> *Customer:* “So, it’s not a fish?”
> 
> 
> 
> 
> -from notalwaysright.com


:lol2: wtf??????????????? did they still take it home?


----------



## Josh6nine

Darklas said:


> _(A customer buys an African clawed frog for her son. After bagging it, I bring it to the register. It swims around in the bag for a second as I set it down.)_
> *Customer:* “Oh my god, what is it doing?”
> *Me:* “You mean swimming?”
> *Customer:* “Why did it do that?”
> *Me:* “It was probably coming up for a breath.”
> *Customer:* “It breathes?”
> *Me:* “Yes.”
> *Customer:* “So, it’s not a fish?”
> 
> 
> 
> -from notalwaysright.com


Please tell me you then refused to sell it to them ?


----------



## Josh6nine

Today I'm at work and I answer the phone in my usual way

Phone 'ring ring'
Me: east looe tattoo
Person: hello is that the tattoo studio in looe ?
Me: yep that's why I said east looe tattoo when I answered the phone !
Person: oh cool are you working today ?
Me: well I answered the phone didn't I ?

Another phone conversation once went something like this

Me: east looe tattoo 
Person: hi how much is a tattoo ?
Me: it depends how big it is really and what it's s tattoo of
Person: well I don't know what it is of but it's about this big 
Me: how big ?
Person: this big !
Me: we're on the phone I can't see what your doing !

I get phone calls like this all the time !


----------



## Darklas

Josh6nine said:


> Please tell me you then refused to sell it to them ?


 
Like I said, it's from notalwaysright.com not something that actually happened to me. The site is full of weird customer stories.  

But yeah, I hope the customer wasn't sold the frog.


----------



## Baz300

Twiglet said:


> I also had a customer swear *blind* that once they defrosted some mice and one of them came back to life and they had to go out and buy it a cage and some food etc and so on. The were telling me how awful if was to be selling frozen mice for this reason...
> 
> This was funnily enough the day before I had another "do the frozen mice come back to life when defrosted" question. I was suddenly no longer sure
> 
> *tuts*


One of the rat suppliers I know gassed, (I'm sure also froze) and vacuum packed a number of mice and delivered to a customer. The customer opened the pack and left the mice to defrost, when he came back they were all gone.!!! Little buggers got up and ran off!


----------



## Josh6nine

Darklas said:


> Like I said, it's from notalwaysright.com not something that actually happened to me. The site is full of weird customer stories.
> 
> But yeah, I hope the customer wasn't sold the frog.


Ah yeah sorry didn't spot that :blush:


----------



## keyz

not shop related but a wierd question from someone "do snakes fart" omfg why would someone even ask that.... ????:lol2:


----------



## DaveM

keyz said:


> not shop related but a wierd question from someone "do snakes fart" omfg why would someone even ask that.... ????:lol2:



I've heard a cali king fart, as it sprayed poo up the wall of it's viv -.-


----------



## keyz

lol well atleast that answers their question  but I had seen bubbles from a boa takin a dump in its water bowl but apparently that didnt count!! they wanted to know if they just fart!!!! without the poo bit :lol2:


----------



## tazzyasb

keyz said:


> lol well atleast that answers their question  but I had seen bubbles from a boa takin a dump in its water bowl but apparently that didnt count!! they wanted to know if they just fart!!!! without the poo bit :lol2:


I used to hear my royals fart all the time, the big burms are at it all the time too.


----------



## Darklas

Not animal related, but was in Tescos today and was reminded just how dim some people can be.

There are two self scan stations in the store, one was totally out of order with a bag over it. And the other said "This machine will only accept payment by card, NO CASH" clearly on the screen. 

So this woman walks up, clicks start on the screen, it then gives her another warning "WILL NOT ACCEPT CASH OR COINS, DO YOU WISH TO CONTINUE?" She clicks yes, scans her 2 items, it comes to £1.77. Then she tries to pay using pound coins. 

:bash:

I'm in the other queue for a cashier watching her the whole time. She keeps putting in the coin, it's spat back out at her. So then she gets her purse, gets another pound coin and keeps trying! 
Then she had the cheek to call over a member of staff and have a go at him! "This is outrageous!! This machine won't accept my cash?"
The poor guy had to explain to her what the machine had already told her twice, and point her in the direction of the queue. 

bwhahahaha. Stupid woman.


----------



## keyz

some peple are a waste of air:bash: nothing a lead injection wouldn't cure though:lol2:


----------



## bampoisongirl

Salazare Slytherin said:


> when I worked in a pet shop a customer appraoched me asking for a gold fish I said yeah got the stuff together, bearing in mind the tank had about 9 fish in there I asked which one she wanted, oh the one thats swimming???????????????????
> 
> 
> oh dose this bite and dose that bite I simply reply most things with a mouth can bite even a human.
> ermmmmmmm what type of snake is it you have, a python?
> what size you looking for "well i dont know but its about this big"?
> 
> can the parrots talk?
> 
> and even once I herd someone ask is it chrismas eve on the 24th?????????????
> wtf


That sounds like something I would do, I had to ask what the year was the other day :lol2:


----------



## Robbie

Darklas said:


> Not animal related, but was in Tescos today and was reminded just how dim some people can be.
> 
> There are two self scan stations in the store, one was totally out of order with a bag over it. And the other said "This machine will only accept payment by card, NO CASH" clearly on the screen.
> 
> So this woman walks up, clicks start on the screen, it then gives her another warning "WILL NOT ACCEPT CASH OR COINS, DO YOU WISH TO CONTINUE?" She clicks yes, scans her 2 items, it comes to £1.77. Then she tries to pay using pound coins.
> 
> :bash:
> 
> I'm in the other queue for a cashier watching her the whole time. She keeps putting in the coin, it's spat back out at her. So then she gets her purse, gets another pound coin and keeps trying!
> Then she had the cheek to call over a member of staff and have a go at him! "This is outrageous!! This machine won't accept my cash?"
> The poor guy had to explain to her what the machine had already told her twice, and point her in the direction of the queue.
> 
> bwhahahaha. Stupid woman.


A fat woman in my Tescos Metro tried to put her notes in the change dispenser. She was so bamboozled she had to get the cashier to help her.


----------



## Jazzy B Bunny

Ha! I'll have to try and remember some stupid customer stuff, we get it on a daily basis! must be the area where the shop is attracts all the weirdo's :lol2:


----------



## wayakinwolf

Customer/chav What would you do if that gets out? referring to 13 ft retic
Shop owner "Put it back!":bash:

OP-Why do you have to feed it? Can`t it feed itself, referring to royal.

Owners Ans, no it can`t get to the freezer.

PMSL all the way thru this thread, but these two & the tartan chameleon ones were my favs


----------



## *mogwai*

not rep or shop related but i have a gloriously thick friend and she's come out with some great things over the years.

i've had to explain the difference between an elephant and a rhino to her. 
and the difference between a goat and a sheep. then a bit later we were having a laugh about that conversation & i said to her, you know the difference now though & she said yeah, ones male & ones female.
one day on the way to work she swore blind that she'd seen a mammal in the field. after several questions i worked out that she meant mammoth. so she thought she'd seen a mammoth on her way to work. it was a highland cow.


----------



## SteFANNY162

teshu said:


> not rep or shop related but i have a gloriously thick friend and she's come out with some great things over the years.
> 
> i've had to explain the difference between an elephant and a rhino to her.
> and the difference between a goat and a sheep. then a bit later we were having a laugh about that conversation & i said to her, you know the difference now though & she said yeah, ones male & ones female.
> one day on the way to work she swore blind that she'd seen a mammal in the field. after several questions i worked out that she meant mammoth. so she thought she'd seen a mammoth on her way to work. it was a highland cow.


HAHAHAHA Sounds like me!! I thought Kent was in Japan...!

Not reptiles shop related but hey ho, (I'm a hairdresser) & did foils in a ladis hair told her that i was leavng it onfor 30-45 minutes and asked if she wanted a drink or any magazines, She then asked if that was done then? & i said yeah the foils are all in, The client then said ok so do they stay in now r do you take them out at some point....?!?!
No I'm letting you walk out with big foil peices in your hair?!?!?


----------



## Cinderz

When I was at uni I used to go to a local rep shop for mice and rats. One day i walked in and a young girl about 16 was holding a baby royal so i looked and went ''aww you got the baby royals in'' at which point she turns round to the owner and asks 'do we have any baby royals in?'' wtf!! i just stood there open mouthed and asked if she knew what large rats looked like. 


I used to work in a poker club and always used to get people phoning up asking ''what time does your 2 o'clock tournament start?''
I got in trouble so many times for replying ''4 o'clock sir''


----------



## Robbie

teshu said:


> so she thought she'd seen a mammoth on her way to work. it was a highland cow.


I cackled. This is going in my favourites!


----------



## *mogwai*

another one, sort of rep shop related. my 8 year old daughter is quite on the ball when it comes to reps & loves looking round when we go buy rats for ours or whatever. we were in stockport pet warehouse on saturday getting a supply of rats and the little cat they have in there was wandering around. 
daughter says what's that? 
me: (thinking she's pointing to the viv with toad in) 'there's a toad in there but you can't really see it'. she then says 'no that' and points to that cat sat next to the viv. 
me: it's a cat, of all the wierd & wonderful things in here & you can't work out what a cat looks like.

she then realises what she's just said & is mortally embarrassed.


----------



## finnj002

*Lol*

Ive had the one about defrosting the food. Had a woman come in buying pinkies and was convinced that they come back to life once defrosted.


----------



## stevemusson

LemmyElvis said:


> Years ago as a teenage punk my rat used to live in my leather jacket - always good for repulsing Joe Public[/QUOTE
> 
> fortunately none of my rats were ever punks. or teenagers for that matter


----------



## Biggys

*mogwai* said:


> not rep or shop related but i have a gloriously thick friend and she's come out with some great things over the years.
> 
> i've had to explain the difference between an elephant and a rhino to her.
> and the difference between a goat and a sheep. then a bit later we were having a laugh about that conversation & i said to her, you know the difference now though & she said yeah, ones male & ones female.
> one day on the way to work she swore blind that she'd seen a mammal in the field. after several questions i worked out that she meant mammoth. so she thought she'd seen a mammoth on her way to work. it was a highland cow.


:lol2::lol2:


----------



## Aveena

Haha these are great. not rep related but i work in a bakers and we regularly get people asking whats in the pasties. but its not like whats in that its more of. 
"Whats in the Sausage, bean and cheese melts?" im like. Sausage, beans and cheese? xD
it does make my day though


----------



## Aveena

Also. There was a lady looking at beardie in pets at home today. and said to her husband "Look. that ones only got veg" but then one of the assistants said "They need crickets too as well as veg" but she was just like "i'd only want one if it just eats veg" i thought did she not hear what the assistant had just said. xD made me lol as she walked out with a bag of fish. (yeah im nosy when in pet shops)


----------



## Lucky Eddie

I work in a tropical aquarists on saturdays.

A guy strolls up to the desk and asks for some cables for his garage door.

I say ' Sorry mate, its a tropical fish shop'.

He says ' Its not my fault, I haven't got my glasses on'.


----------



## Biggys

Lucky Eddie said:


> I work in a tropical aquarists on saturdays.
> 
> A guy strolls up to the desk and asks for some cables for his garage door.
> 
> I say ' Sorry mate, its a tropical fish shop'.
> 
> He says ' Its not my fault, I haven't got my glasses on'.


Oh that made me :lol2:


----------



## stevemusson

My sister worked at clarkes and someone walked in, looked round and said "this is a shoe shop then?" Lol


----------



## Tombo46

I have one. I own a greengrocers and sometimes we sell goose eggs from a local lady.

She has no males yet one of my customers swears blind that she took an egg home and it hatched! She now has a baby goose apparently.

Anyway. I explained the her that the geese had only just started laying (this was our first
lot) and that they need to be kept warm. I showed her the temperature in my shop was 11*c and and they had been there for a few days.

She still swore that the week old infertile eggs had hatched.....


----------



## CreepyCrawler

Not petshop related but my nieces and nephew were round today and decided to make a pull along cart for my GALS. I was sitting with the oldest telling her some snail facts...

Me: And if they lose their eye stalks in the wild they can grow them back.
Niece: Can we do that then?
Me: ...Do what?
Niece: Cut off their eyes?
Me: .....Eh ....No.


----------



## Sophsky

Just noticed at the bottom of this page... Black Eyed Leucistic Ball Python - Constrictors Unlimited, snake skin patterns, ball python, reptile, snake uploaded by menagerie

"why are pythons so big?" o.0


----------



## *mogwai*

hubby asked me the other day if bloodworm come back to life when they've been defrosted. 

i sadi a numpty thing today while watching 2 of my parrots. "awwwwe look at them pruning each other".


----------



## stevemusson

magick said:


> Forget stupid things customers say sometimes vets says stupid things too a few years back i took my adult male leo to my local vets as he had a very tiny bit of like "sleep" substance in the corner of his eye, I even telephoned the vets first to make sure they had a vet who treats reptiles and they said yes. So i took him there in an empty cricket box, i told the vet what the issue was to which she just gave a "hhhmmmhhh" she then put on some latex gloves, approached the box and picked it up, with lid still attached and looked at him for a while till i said to her "erm thats the wrong eye" she then turned the box, and i said to her she needed to open the box and take him out because the bit in his eye is so small you can only just see it in the right light.(and he is like the tamest doziest leo i know and i have 6) After just staring at him in the box a bit longer and asking me questions such as "what do they eat?" "What temperature do they need?" and various other questions she left the room for like 10 minutes (seriously there was a clock in that horrid little vets room) then came back a tub of calcium powder that she tried to sell to me, that i have never seen before(and i did my work experience at school in a reptile shop) and said "this should work" I told her i already had some calcium powder at home. Then she said well i don't know then sorry and i was charged £25 for this?!?!?! So anyway after bathing it with warm water a couple of times it clear up fine and has never happened again.
> That was soooo long sorry everyone:lol2: it just really annoyed me and still does:lol2:


Vets just take the mickey sometimes. 1 of my rats had pneumonia so I walked into the reception and said "my rats got a bit of pneumonia and I need some antibiotics for it, I can put a couple of drops on a biscuit for it" she told me I had to bring it in so I did and the vet said "oh she's got a touch of pneumonia and needs some antibiotics, put a couple of drops on a biscuit for the" and charged me £30 for what I said when I walked in. As it happened I moved the cage so it wasn't above the fish tank and she stopped getting it after that


----------



## stevemusson

Best one I've had recently is a customer saying to me "I'm looking for a plant" me: "ok, what sort are you after?" Customer: "not sure what it's called but it's green" D'OH!


----------



## vetdebbie

stevemusson said:


> Vets just take the mickey sometimes. 1 of my rats had pneumonia so I walked into the reception and said "my rats got a bit of pneumonia and I need some antibiotics for it, I can put a couple of drops on a biscuit for it" she told me I had to bring it in so I did and the vet said "oh she's got a touch of pneumonia and needs some antibiotics, put a couple of drops on a biscuit for the" and charged me £30 for what I said when I walked in. As it happened I moved the cage so it wasn't above the fish tank and she stopped getting it after that


 
It's not taking the mickey - it's the law. We can't prescibe a POM-V drug (IE the antibiotic) without seeing and diagnosing the animal. If we do and get found out we get struck off and a criminal record.


----------



## Sloth

lol i was late out of work reading this thread :lol2:


----------



## Sloth

I was in work the other day (well every day) and my mates supervisor came in we got talking about my beardie and he was asking all sorts of questions, like how long is he? so i says from head to tail he's as long as my forearm, and my mate chimes in, that because he's only a hatchling (2yrs???) he'll get to 5 feet just like his sisters has .....

Problem is he was DEADLY serious, and the one in question WAS actually his sisters? safe to say i've not woken up to a massive beardie yet?


----------



## Darklas

I had a guy recently who got talking to me about snakes that he used to keep. But he was so full of **** it was unreal. 
"Ohh I had one of those you know, Coral snakes...so dangerous btw."
Then he saw a corn snake I had and said "Yeah like that one! But mine was a different colour, with a checkerboard like tummy. You ok handeling that thing? It friendly? Mine was mental."

Oh yeah...corns...mental. :whistling2:

I almost thought I was speaking to someone interesting with a DWA license when he said coral snake at the start. 
Then he started going on about his royal python that had to be put down when it got to ten foot long and ate a cat. :lol2:


----------



## PIKMIN

Darklas said:


> Then he started going on about his royal python that had to be put down when it got to ten foot long and ate a cat. :lol2:


i bet his royal pyton started stretching out flat along side him sizing him up too pmsl


----------



## Sloth

Darklas said:


> I had a guy recently who got talking to me about snakes that he used to keep. But he was so full of **** it was unreal.
> "Ohh I had one of those you know, Coral snakes...so dangerous btw."
> Then he saw a corn snake I had and said "Yeah like that one! But mine was a different colour, with a checkerboard like tummy. You ok handeling that thing? It friendly? Mine was mental."
> 
> Oh yeah...corns...mental. :whistling2:
> 
> I almost thought I was speaking to someone interesting with a DWA license when he said coral snake at the start.
> Then he started going on about his royal python that had to be put down when it got to ten foot long and ate a cat. :lol2:


I'd say if it was my friend he was off work the other week because he had glandular fever, every year for the past few years :s


----------



## *mogwai*

not reptile related but i was a right dumbass the other day. 
i've been in this house nearly 4 years & my mum still doesn't know the house number & still rings me on my mobile. she rang the other day & i said i was at home & ring me at home. she said she can never rembember the number. i called her a numpty coz i've been here nearly 4 years & gave her the phone number.





it was the wrong number :blush:.


----------



## stevemusson

*mogwai* said:


> not reptile related but i was a right dumbass the other day.
> i've been in this house nearly 4 years & my mum still doesn't know the house number & still rings me on my mobile. she rang the other day & i said i was at home & ring me at home. she said she can never rembember the number. i called her a numpty coz i've been here nearly 4 years & gave her the phone number.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> it was the wrong number :blush:.


I rang for a pizza at 1am drunk and forgot my home number so I made 1 up lol! I fell asleep and didn't get it in the end anyway! Haha


----------



## jayjay_dannii23

reading this has made me giggle! I've heard loads like this in different places I've visited.
I still liked it when i was buying my female lesser and a bloke was like "WOAH, that's cool" and when I handed the money over he opened his big gob, was so shocked how much it cost. To which his girlfriend says "mine was like well cheap." asking what morph it was, she said a Pastel. Hmmmmmm, quite a difference in price sounds about right love!!! lol


----------



## Cutter

This isn't pet shop related

But, I had a women on the train once over hear me talking to my friend about a pair of Royal Pythons I was purchasing in Hamm.

She then said "Sorry to eaves drop - but you are NOT allowed to own those snakes. They are venemous, dangerous, and every time you old them, they are learning how to kill you." - to which I replied, "Royal Pythons are a beginners snake, very tame, don't often bite. They are not venemous - and even if all that was true, then I would get a license for them." She then replied, "I think you are VERY irresponsible to put people in danger of having that animal in your home, just think of kids that walk past your house!" :bash::bash::bash::bash::bash:

Do she think I let it roam round the house freely like a cat!? And then when unknowing children walk by, it slithers out the house and just drags them back in to my 'House of Horrors'??

I have also had people say - Uv for Bearded Dragons isn't very "natural" is it - I mean they can't get that in the wild - I prefer the more natural set ups. - I know, I mean the sun isn't natural at all. I mean man made UV in the sky!?!?

Another one is that my baby corn snake will escape and eat me - despite it being in a locked viv, and probably couldn't even ingest my finger.

Christ almighty, sometimes people. :censor:


----------



## manda88

Cutter said:


> This isn't pet shop related
> 
> But, I had a women on the train once over hear me talking to my friend about a pair of Royal Pythons I was purchasing in Hamm.
> 
> She then said "Sorry to eaves drop - but you are NOT allowed to own those snakes. They are venemous, dangerous, and every time you old them, they are learning how to kill you." - to which I replied, "Royal Pythons are a beginners snake, very tame, don't often bite. They are not venemous - and even if all that was true, then I would get a license for them." She then replied, "I think you are VERY irresponsible to put people in danger of having that animal in your home, just think of kids that walk past your house!" :bash::bash::bash::bash::bash:
> 
> Do she think I let it roam round the house freely like a cat!? And then when unknowing children walk by, it slithers out the house and just drags them back in to my 'House of Horrors'??
> 
> I have also had people say - Uv for Bearded Dragons isn't very "natural" is it - I mean they can't get that in the wild - I prefer the more natural set ups. - I know, I mean the sun isn't natural at all. I mean man made UV in the sky!?!?
> 
> Another one is that my baby corn snake will escape and eat me - despite it being in a locked viv, and probably couldn't even ingest my finger.
> 
> Christ almighty, sometimes people. :censor:


It amazes me when people like that think they know what they're talking about, when actually they have absolutely no idea whatsoever, it just makes me wonder where the hell they heard it from!!


----------



## Robbie

A jakey asked me earlier today if the 'mutants' were still downstairs. He meant the newts.


----------



## Khonsu

Can we have some more please, but only after I've changed my pants


----------



## NickBenger

Had to bump this gave me so many laughs xD


----------



## keyz

an intersting but genuinely innocent question from one of the more aged of our population , recently i was at work and have to wear a short sleeved shirt her question was " are they all reall tattos? or are they the stick on ones?" omg i wanted to crease up right there and then no I just stick them on to look intimidating and unaproacheble at work so people like u leave me alone, evidently its not working is it  :devil::bash:


----------



## Darklas

At a animal show I was showing some frogs to the kids, explaining about why the skin is wet and feels slimey. 
A kid responded by telling me I should just 'blast it with the hairdryer, that'll sort it out.'
:lol2: She was only 7 or something so it was cute!


----------



## MillReps

Classic post


----------



## Moogloo

I've laughed until I cried... mainly now just crosseyed after reading so much!

It was myself the Twiglet mentioned in one of her original posts as working on an Alpaca farm and having a member of the public stop me and ask if they were Bears grazing in the fields...

Only too tempting to say that yes, of course they were!! How clever to notice, a lot of people stupidly mistake them for sheep or llamas!

I was also asked if they were sheep x giraffe hybrids... i couldnt answer i was choking on a laugh.

----------

More recently (after checking it was ok with the owner) I took George my chameleon over to the pub with me for a quick pint (bit gay but i have a flannel lined ovenglove he sleeps in when he isnt being handled LOL).

As he climbed up onto my head to get out of reach of the kids (who the hell assumed there would be 20 odd kids in the pub at 11pm!! mind you, beat the useless woman sitting getting hammered with her baby monitor on the bar next to her!)... anyway... i digress...

I wasnt surprised at the shock on some peoples faces, the excitement and curiosity on others...

what I wasnt expecting was someone to promptly point at my 7" (including most of his tail) Chameleon and SCREAM "oh my f:censor:ing god its an iguana" and then pass clean out...

They were about 20ft away from me and i was calmly sitting drinking a pint of guiness with George happily green and watching the world go by from my head...


----------



## Moogloo

Oh and today... (i work in an aquatic shop)

Me: Cherry Barbs would go nicely in your tank!
Customer: Ooh CHERRY? barbs... 

*pause for contemplative look*

Customer: Are they all Cherry flavoured or do they come in other flavours?
Me: Umm to be honest I think they are all fish flavoured really but there isn't much meat on them...

*que confused-->shocked-->embarrassed look from customer*

----------------------------

Customer: Do you sell tea and coffee?
Me: Umm *look at my mug of coffee* I could do but it might be easier just to go to the Cafe...
Customer: You mean this isn't the cafe? *looks around confused at all the fish tanks and fish*...

----------------------------

Customer: (said in complete seriousness) Are there any fish that I can get that I dont have to...you know.... keep in a tank?
Me: (expecting him to announce he had a bowl) What were you planning to keep them in?
Customer: I don't really know, I can't afford to buy a tank.... so they all have to live in water then?

Errm... generally... yes


----------



## Lord Monty

my favorites when i leave the carpet python on the floor while im sorting out veg for the lizards
Customer walks in"WOW whats that?"
Me; "its a carpet python sir"
Customer *walks out* ":censor: sarcastic :censor:"


----------



## rediggy

i know this is nothin to do with reps but i work for window blind company
customer: ask for blinds to fit thr window
me: what size is your window
customer: standard council size

cum on!!!!!!!

keep it up people well funny


----------



## stevemusson

rediggy said:


> i know this is nothin to do with reps but i work for window blind company
> customer: ask for blinds to fit thr window
> me: what size is your window
> customer: standard council size
> 
> cum on!!!!!!!
> 
> keep it up people well funny


Lol! Had that a few times where I work "I'm looking for a blind" "what size is your windows" "ooh not sure, its quite big" D'OH!!


----------



## Circe

Moogloo said:


> I've laughed until I cried... mainly now just crosseyed after reading so much!
> 
> It was myself the Twiglet mentioned in one of her original posts as working on an Alpaca farm and having a member of the public stop me and ask if they were Bears grazing in the fields...
> 
> Only too tempting to say that yes, of course they were!! How clever to notice, a lot of people stupidly mistake them for sheep or llamas!
> 
> I was also asked if they were sheep x giraffe hybrids... i couldnt answer i was choking on a laugh.
> 
> ----------


I live in the countryside, and my sister of all people, while visiting me; saw several rabbits in one of the fields as we were out walking and told me how lucky I am to be surrounded by otters!
Another sister saw some charolais cattle and because they were pale assured me that they were sheep!
The worst thing is that until then I had assumed my sisters, who after all grew up surrounded by various animals; were reasonably intelligent . . .:bash:


----------



## NickBenger

Lord Monty said:


> my favorites when i leave the carpet python on the floor while im sorting out veg for the lizards
> Customer walks in"WOW whats that?"
> Me; "its a carpet python sir"
> Customer *walks out* ":censor: sarcastic :censor:"


LMAO :lol2:


----------



## soooooz

I was working as an Education Ranger at a local Country Park some years ago and was often astonished at the naivety some people have about our own wildlife. 

We had a stuffed badger in our Visitor Centre and a small child went running up to it shouting "mummy, mummy look - a rabbit" at which point said mummy looked and said "no, darling, it's a fox." 

Leading school groups around the park we would get to a viewpoint where there would always be grey squirrels. As responsible educators(!) we would proceed to tell the class the history of grey squirrels in this country and how damaging they are to native wildlife. On more than one occasion I was asked to not do this and instead to go along with the teachers' "look at the fluffy squirrel" routine.

I once had a 'phone call from a lady declaring "I just watched a woodpecker kill itself. I picked it up and put it in my freezer, would you like it?"

As for reptiles, I took my rescue crestie to the local 'exotic specialist' vet. Firstly he asked me what it was, then later in the conversation, "Does it fly?" He also knew nothing about calcium sacs or indeed that Arthur was a third of the weight he should have been. He deduced that Arthur was very cute and charged me £32.


----------



## stevemusson

Saw a mink in leamington spa once and a lady said "look an otter!" Lol


----------



## Robbie

soooooz said:


> We had a stuffed badger in our Visitor Centre and a small child went running up to it shouting "mummy, mummy look - a rabbit" at which point said mummy looked and said "no, darling, it's a fox."


Can I quote this? :notworthy:


----------



## Darklas

soooooz said:


> He deduced that Arthur was very cute and charged me £32.


LOL! 
Reminds me I took a king snake to the local vets once, (it was a snake for sale in the shop I worked in, not my snake), and the vet asked what it was. then exclaimed "ooh! look, he has a black tongue!" 

0.o


----------



## soooooz

Robbie said:


> Can I quote this? :notworthy:


By all means, lol!



Darklas said:


> LOL!
> Reminds me I took a king snake to the local vets once, (it was a snake for sale in the shop I worked in, not my snake), and the vet asked what it was. then exclaimed "ooh! look, he has a black tongue!"


And charged you for the privilege?!


----------



## Darklas

Nah. Luckily this particular vets does not charge for consultations. Only for medication/treatments.


----------



## NickBenger

soooooz said:


> I once had a 'phone call from a lady declaring "I just watched a woodpecker kill itself. I picked it up and put it in my freezer, would you like it?"


You could have stuffed it and used it for education.


----------



## 123dragon

i do some part time work in a pet shop and was feeding the baby beardys when some guy came up to me asking why we dont leave them with thier mum to suckle her milk and he also wanted to know how many times a day we have to bottle feed them cause he wanted one but dident want to get up more than twice in the night 

i felt like shooting him and them myself


----------



## Darklas

Had a great conversation with a kid at an animal party yesterday.

I had just got out Charlie the Cockeral.

Boy: Does Charlie lay eggs?
Me: No, he's a boy! But he has a girlfriend, and she lays eggs all the time. 
Boy: Hmm...I didn't know chickens had girlfriends...

:lol2:


----------



## Moogloo

Today.. my brother who isnt particularly interested in reptiles talking about George, my chameleon (i've moved back with my parents and so he is a novelty atm LOL)

*Brother:* Does he bite?
*Me:* Does he have a mouth?
*Brother:* Will he bite me if i poke him?
*Me:* Poke him and find out....
*Brother:* _*sticks his finger towards George to poke him*_ (chams arent stupid! he was listening to the whole convo!! he never normally bites LOL)
*George:* **BITE**
*Me*:... aparently he does! Do you want to see if I bite if you keep poking me??


----------



## Moogloo

Working with fish.. i had the inevitable question 7 times today....

*Customer:* Can I put Nemo in my tank?
*Me:* Erm... no... CLOWN FISH are marine...
*Customer:* So what is my tank then? (Said in a huff)
*Me:* Well, you just told me you had a cold freshwater goldfish tank...
*Customer:* Well whats the difference between Freshwater and Marine then?? (Getting more stroppy..)
*Me:.....* Freshwater is...well.... fresh and Marine water has salt in it....
*Customer:* So i dont get it... Why can't I have a Nemo?
*Me:* Because it will die within a minute or two of going into your tank...
*Customer:* _*covers her kids ears and looks horrified*_ You can't say stuff like that!?
*Me:* No...seriously... it would!!
*Customer:* Really?? Why??...
*Me:..* Saltwater fish need salt to survive, without salt in their water they will die... and adding salt that the CLOWN FISH need.... your goldfish will die... it just cant be done... And now i *really* need to go serve that customer who has been waiting (and wetting themselves laughing) over there...


****please go away and get a hamster... or better still..... dont have pets... they are far beyond your level of intelligence and it would be an insult to them****


----------



## DaveM

Moogloo said:


> Working with fish.. i had the inevitable question 7 times today....
> 
> *Customer:* Can I put Nemo in my tank?
> *Me:* Erm... no... CLOWN FISH are marine...
> *Customer:* So what is my tank then? (Said in a huff)
> *Me:* Well, you just told me you had a cold freshwater goldfish tank...
> *Customer:* Well whats the difference between Freshwater and Marine then?? (Getting more stroppy..)
> *Me:.....* Freshwater is...well.... fresh and Marine water has salt in it....
> *Customer:* So i dont get it... Why can't I have a Nemo?
> *Me:* Because it will die within a minute or two of going into your tank...
> *Customer:* _*covers her kids ears and looks horrified*_ You can't say stuff like that!?
> *Me:* No...seriously... it would!!
> *Customer:* Really?? Why??...
> *Me:..* Saltwater fish need salt to survive, without salt in their water they will die... and adding salt that the CLOWN FISH need.... your goldfish will die... it just cant be done... And now i *really* need to go serve that customer who has been waiting (and wetting themselves laughing) over there...
> 
> 
> ****please go away and get a hamster... or better still..... dont have pets... they are far beyond your level of intelligence and it would be an insult to them****




If I had a quid for every time I had that conversation! I remember one customer, brought a clown fish, and a couple other things for his "established marine tank" He came back 2 hours later, all dead, I opened the bag, and had a look, and the twat had put them into a bio orb, with his platies and neon tetras, apparently, thinking they were marine fish


----------



## Twiglet

DaveM said:


> If I had a quid for every time I had that conversation! I remember one customer, brought a clown fish, and a couple other things for his "established marine tank" He came back 2 hours later, all dead, I opened the bag, and had a look, and the twat had put them into a bio orb, with his platies and neon tetras, apparently, thinking they were marine fish


I had this a few years ago with a customer that answered all the questions correctly, told me he had some clown fish, a few cleaner shrimps, some turbo snails... everything was referred to by it's normal common/trade name. Off he went with some blue damsels only to be back in an hour or so with dead fish. I tested his water which was fine and replaced them. Same thing a few hours later: Dead fish. This time I got suspicious and tested his salinity. It was at zero. His clown fish were clown loaches and the turbo snails were apple snails etc. I was so angry with both him and myself. He was deliberately bending the truth and said that he didn't think it'd harm them. Well wtf did he think after the first lot died? I was gutted 

I've already had two "can I have a Nemo in my pond?" customers this week. Seriously, whilst I appreciate that Joe Bloggs isn't going to know much did they not watch that bloody film? Did it not all take place in the SEA????

Gem, I think I had one of your customers yesterday... has a little nano trop tank. She was going on about the nice lady at Wendover. I figured that wasn't Les....


----------



## Moogloo

> Gem, I think I had one of your customers yesterday... has a little nano trop tank. She was going on about the nice lady at Wendover. I figured that wasn't Les....


Haha...well... he is kinda dainty and feminine.... kinda ruined by the fact he is totally terrified of women (though working with me might have done that!! LOL)

Cheeky so n so stealing my customers  I have a lot of customers with nano trop tanks LOL

----------

OMG Kat, do you remember that customer with the Starfish???

I cant even remember the entire conversation or what was going on now.. But a guy rang up gonig on and on about his Marine Starfish being really aggressive and attacking his fish...

Whish left me rather shocked and confused...

He wanted to bring it back for a refund and was getting really annoyed when i was asking if he was sure it was a starfish? I even asked if it had 5 arms (at which point with his confusion i can see now why he thought i was winding him up with that question!! but he got so annoyed!!)

But he was ADAMENT it was a marine starfish...

And in the end i told him to bring it in and wewould swap it for something less aggressive... than a starfish 0.o....

When he got in... we discovered it was a perfectly cute little baby TROPICAL angelfish...

****SIGH****

Little blue ones were neons, clowns were clown loaches and cardinals were cardinal tetras...

Some people shouldnt be allowed fish!!


----------



## Moogloo

Just remembered two more recent customers...

1.

(im standing feeding the fish in my display tank)

*Little Kid:*_ *runs up to the tank alongside me and slaps both palms on the glass*_ (he is about 5y/o)
*Parent:* Come on George, this way... lets go find Nemo in the fish room...
*Little Kid:* _*peers at me*_ The fish aren't very big... can I eat them???
*Me:*  Errmm... No... there isn't much meat on them anyway... go look at the bigger fish in the fishroom!

- can you tell i'm not great at dealing with kids? i really wasn't sure what to say to that comment!

2.

(this seriously happened yesterday...)

This woman was standing at the counter as a colleague was sorting out her payment. Her kid was sitting on the edge of the counter facing his mum...

I was standing next to them working on the Marine Display tank...

The kid just grabbed and squeezed his mums boob and said loudly "Mummy!! you've got boobies!!" and then cackled!!

I think she had one of those panicked moments where she didnt know what to say and in the end... she came up with "ahhh indeed i do... shame they are only small ones but thats life..."

I just didnt know what to do... i was shaking with laughter...

The customer left very quickly.... LOL


----------



## stevemusson

In their defense a lot of the people you're talking about would find this highly amusing. For example the guy who told his kid komodo dragons breathe fire was probably winding the kid up and would laugh at the muppets who took him seriously and most people don't know all the different morphs let alone the difference between albino and amel. There is some real gems here too lol! I get in trouble for being sarcastic with customers all the time like when I was on a till and someone came through with 2 bricks so I said "saving up for a house then mate?" The guy replied "yeah I'm buying 2 bricks a week" lol. Managers annoy me more than customers TBH cos they try and blag advice to customers and I have to put them right before they buy the wrong stuff for the job or have to get them to knock money off to correct the results.


----------



## Caprieliana

Priceless! 

In the 2 weeks that I worked at a pet shop near Brussels, most customers weren't stupid, just annoying. As in: Parents and their 6-year-old. They want a guinea pig. Listen to all my advice. I pack one for them and see them to the register, thinking I did good work except that they didn't take two. They come back. Rather have a rabbit which they exchange for a hamster for a budgie for a rat for a mini hamster for a mouse for an aggressive ferret for a Jack Russell for... a gold fish.

But one guy really made me head-desk. We had those baby caimans. When I came in that morning and saw the new "goods", I was like: "And we'll have morons crowding around them in 3, 2, 1..". And indeed, there was this man with his wife and two daughters, typical welfare-leeching, illegally employed "white" trash (when you know Belgium you know what kind of people I mean). The type that gets a steroid-enhanced pit bull to go with the tough guy jacket and who drives by with BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM outta his stolen car. 
So he wanted a "crocodile". For his 80cm terrarium. He asked me if they fit in it. I was like, "Sure, for as long as you're digging a pond in your backyard out of which you'll be fishing the remains of your daughters and the neighbor's dog". He only had eyes for the animal I was holding. Not for the fine print I was pointing at that stated their max size. 
So when his daughters and wife were finally terrified enough to change his mind, he asked about the python. Not the 4 meter albino, but the small dark one cause it would grow and the albino looked too cheerful with its yellow specks. Nah, not mean enough. I got tired of him and referred him to my more experienced colleague. So he asked about a bearded dragon, because it's spikey and mean-looking. Oh noes, way too docile.
It was obvious the reptile was supposed to be an extension to _some part_ of him...


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

Caprieliana said:


> Priceless!
> 
> In the 2 weeks that I worked at a pet shop near Brussels, most customers weren't stupid, just annoying. As in: Parents and their 6-year-old. They want a guinea pig. Listen to all my advice. I pack one for them and see them to the register, thinking I did good work except that they didn't take two. They come back. Rather have a rabbit which they exchange for a hamster for a budgie for a rat for a mini hamster for a mouse for an aggressive ferret for a Jack Russell for... a gold fish.
> 
> But one guy really made me head-desk. We had those baby caimans. When I came in that morning and saw the new "goods", I was like: "And we'll have morons crowding around them in 3, 2, 1..". And indeed, there was this man with his wife and two daughters, typical welfare-leeching, illegally employed "white" trash (when you know Belgium you know what kind of people I mean). The type that gets a steroid-enhanced pit bull to go with the tough guy jacket and who drives by with BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM outta his stolen car.
> So he wanted a "crocodile". For his 80cm terrarium. He asked me if they fit in it. I was like, "Sure, for as long as you're digging a pond in your backyard out of which you'll be fishing the remains of your daughters and the neighbor's dog". He only had eyes for the animal I was holding. Not for the fine print I was pointing at that stated their max size.
> So when his daughters and wife were finally terrified enough to change his mind, he asked about the python. Not the 4 meter albino, but the small dark one cause it would grow and the albino looked too cheerful with its yellow specks. Nah, not mean enough. I got tired of him and referred him to my more experienced colleague. So he asked about a bearded dragon, because it's spikey and mean-looking. Oh noes, way too docile.
> It was obvious the reptile was supposed to be an extension to _some part_ of him...


can i just say "what a duche"


----------



## Caprieliana

Why yes, of course!


----------



## Omerov1986

Moogloo said:


> Working with fish.. i had the inevitable question 7 times today....
> 
> *Customer:* Can I put Nemo in my tank?
> *Me:* Erm... no... CLOWN FISH are marine...
> *Customer:* So what is my tank then? (Said in a huff)
> *Me:* Well, you just told me you had a cold freshwater goldfish tank...
> *Customer:* Well whats the difference between Freshwater and Marine then?? (Getting more stroppy..)
> *Me:.....* Freshwater is...well.... fresh and Marine water has salt in it....
> *Customer:* So i dont get it... Why can't I have a Nemo?
> *Me:* Because it will die within a minute or two of going into your tank...
> *Customer:* _*covers her kids ears and looks horrified*_ You can't say stuff like that!?
> *Me:* No...seriously... it would!!
> *Customer:* Really?? Why??...
> *Me:..* Saltwater fish need salt to survive, without salt in their water they will die... and adding salt that the CLOWN FISH need.... your goldfish will die... it just cant be done... And now i *really* need to go serve that customer who has been waiting (and wetting themselves laughing) over there...
> 
> 
> ****please go away and get a hamster... or better still..... dont have pets... they are far beyond your level of intelligence and it would be an insult to them****






Moogloo said:


> Haha...well... he is kinda dainty and feminine.... kinda ruined by the fact he is totally terrified of women (though working with me might have done that!! LOL)
> 
> Cheeky so n so stealing my customers  I have a lot of customers with nano trop tanks LOL
> 
> ----------
> 
> OMG Kat, do you remember that customer with the Starfish???
> 
> I cant even remember the entire conversation or what was going on now.. But a guy rang up gonig on and on about his Marine Starfish being really aggressive and attacking his fish...
> 
> Whish left me rather shocked and confused...
> 
> He wanted to bring it back for a refund and was getting really annoyed when i was asking if he was sure it was a starfish? I even asked if it had 5 arms (at which point with his confusion i can see now why he thought i was winding him up with that question!! but he got so annoyed!!)
> 
> But he was ADAMENT it was a marine starfish...
> 
> And in the end i told him to bring it in and wewould swap it for something less aggressive... than a starfish 0.o....
> 
> When he got in... we discovered it was a perfectly cute little baby TROPICAL angelfish...
> 
> ****SIGH****
> 
> Little blue ones were neons, clowns were clown loaches and cardinals were cardinal tetras...
> 
> Some people shouldnt be allowed fish!!


^^^^ This is what I'm on about.. 

I've read through this whole thread, and sure yes we can laugh at these absolute imbeciles, but at the end of the day, I just find it plain scary, and worrying that these ignorant people can exist and further more, be allowed to keep animals, the biggest problem I get at work, is people think that the small goldfish are fully grown, and that a bowl/small tank will last them a life time. REALLY pisses me off how they lack such basic knowledge, so I have to stand there and exhaust my lungs giving them the right information, often I tell people to come back after they have done RESEARCH and not to buy on impulse, same for reptiles. :bash: Theoretically, IF iI was earning comission, and I didnt give a shit about the animals welfare (#1 priority in my eyes) I would be laughing and minted! : victory:


----------



## kgarner

Sat and cryed with laughter reading all of this :lol2:


----------



## Caprieliana

I forgot the *Ferret Whisperer*.

So I was working in that pet shop near Brussels, when a guy asked me about the ferrets. My heart sank. There was a bunch of cute baby ferrets, but the big one was there, too and he was irresistably beautiful, but also batshit aggro buckets of crazy... Oh please no...
So I climbed into the table-height rabbit run, because the ferrets were like 3 feet above the rabbit run. If they ever managed to climb over the 12 inch glass, they'll have a feast... I asked the guy which one he wanted to check out. 
"The big male."
My heart sank even lower. Oh god no! I climbed back out and got a pair of mittens. I kinda hoped my running off to get armor, would change his mind but noooo such luck. I really wanted Sauron's gauntlets. No, make that his full armor AND the ring. Carefully, I took the little sonoffa who was already jumping and biting at my hands and when I finally got a grip on the squirming monster, the dude asked: "Can I hold him?"
...dude? Are you watching this animal right now..?
Surrounded by kids, of course. That shop is like a zoo where you can enter for free and buy the exhibits. They even had foxes back in 2000.
"Well Sir, I really don't recommend it. This guy is a little bit aggro."
"That's okay, I've got experience with ferrets. He won't faze me."
"I'm sure you do, but I feel kinda responsible for the animals I let customers touch..."
"Don't worry, little lady, there won't be any problem!"
"So you're the ferret whisperer?"
"Yeah, kinda!"
And without further debate, he reached out for the ferret. I saw the creature stretch his neck.
"I really don't recommend this Sir, this is a really bad idea, bad idea, ba---"

*chomp*

Dead silence. Ferret Whisperer stood there, apparently unfazed, trying to stare down the ferret with his "Indiana Yoda Jones is not impressed and teh awesome powerz of staring wisely through you, he has"-face. Need I say the ferret could not be arsed to be impressed?
Then the guy tries to retract his thumb, which was difficult what with a set of ferret teeth embedded in it. There was not one free tooth. Ferret starts screeching through his teeth, kids start crying, or just staring blankly in shock. I stood there, rabbits nibbling at my shoes, holding the ferret in place so at least it won't dangle off the poor guy's thumb or fall into the rabbit run and create a massaker in front of the poor kids. Dude tried to pry open the ferret's mouth with his free hand, to no avail. I called my colleague for help and he shoved something between the critter's jaws, forcing them apart. With one quick throw, I tossed the evil back in the evil container but in his flight, he turned to land one final bite on my wrist, just beyond the mitten. Just as long as he can hurt someone, ey? 
I then proceeded to mop up the rather impressive puddle of blood and (why?) apologized to the guy who assured me it was nothing. And at least he admitted it was his own damn fault. And said we should not sell that thing to children. Well, duh. One day, the ferret was gone. No idea what happened to him.

The baby ferrets who were all cute and cuddly when they were new, also became aggressive with that... thing... as the only adult role model around...


----------



## Robbie

"Look at the snails Matthew" - pointing at two Horsefield Tortoises.

"Do you sell horses?" We're an aquatics/reptile shop in the centre of Edinburgh.


----------



## manda88

Caprieliana said:


> I forgot the *Ferret Whisperer*.
> 
> So I was working in that pet shop near Brussels, when a guy asked me about the ferrets. My heart sank. There was a bunch of cute baby ferrets, but the big one was there, too and he was irresistably beautiful, but also batshit aggro buckets of crazy... Oh please no...
> So I climbed into the table-height rabbit run, because the ferrets were like 3 feet above the rabbit run. If they ever managed to climb over the 12 inch glass, they'll have a feast... I asked the guy which one he wanted to check out.
> "The big male."
> My heart sank even lower. Oh god no! I climbed back out and got a pair of mittens. I kinda hoped my running off to get armor, would change his mind but noooo such luck. I really wanted Sauron's gauntlets. No, make that his full armor AND the ring. Carefully, I took the little sonoffa who was already jumping and biting at my hands and when I finally got a grip on the squirming monster, the dude asked: "Can I hold him?"
> ...dude? Are you watching this animal right now..?
> Surrounded by kids, of course. That shop is like a zoo where you can enter for free and buy the exhibits. They even had foxes back in 2000.
> "Well Sir, I really don't recommend it. This guy is a little bit aggro."
> "That's okay, I've got experience with ferrets. He won't faze me."
> "I'm sure you do, but I feel kinda responsible for the animals I let customers touch..."
> "Don't worry, little lady, there won't be any problem!"
> "So you're the ferret whisperer?"
> "Yeah, kinda!"
> And without further debate, he reached out for the ferret. I saw the creature stretch his neck.
> "I really don't recommend this Sir, this is a really bad idea, bad idea, ba---"
> 
> *chomp*
> 
> Dead silence. Ferret Whisperer stood there, apparently unfazed, trying to stare down the ferret with his "Indiana Yoda Jones is not impressed and teh awesome powerz of staring wisely through you, he has"-face. Need I say the ferret could not be arsed to be impressed?
> Then the guy tries to retract his thumb, which was difficult what with a set of ferret teeth embedded in it. There was not one free tooth. Ferret starts screeching through his teeth, kids start crying, or just staring blankly in shock. I stood there, rabbits nibbling at my shoes, holding the ferret in place so at least it won't dangle off the poor guy's thumb or fall into the rabbit run and create a massaker in front of the poor kids. Dude tried to pry open the ferret's mouth with his free hand, to no avail. I called my colleague for help and he shoved something between the critter's jaws, forcing them apart. With one quick throw, I tossed the evil back in the evil container but in his flight, he turned to land one final bite on my wrist, just beyond the mitten. Just as long as he can hurt someone, ey?
> I then proceeded to mop up the rather impressive puddle of blood and (why?) apologized to the guy who assured me it was nothing. And at least he admitted it was his own damn fault. And said we should not sell that thing to children. Well, duh. One day, the ferret was gone. No idea what happened to him.
> 
> The baby ferrets who were all cute and cuddly when they were new, also became aggressive with that... thing... as the only adult role model around...


:lol2::lol2::lol2: These stories are fantastic, I like the way you write them out like it's a book.


----------



## Caprieliana

Thanks, I'm an aspiring novelist  
...who spends her time playing FishVille rather than studying the art...


----------



## Kat91

:lol2::lol2::lol2: that ferret story is brilliant! I've had 2 aggro ferrets although one is now calm and sweet (with me anyway) the other still goes for my wrist all the time :devil:


----------



## SamBell

Went into our local for a thermastat, for some corn eggs we have. So me and the boifriend were discussing them. At which point another lady in the shop goes "do snakes give birth through there mouths?" 
I had no words for this!


----------



## Ssthisto

SamBell said:


> Went into our local for a thermastat, for some corn eggs we have. So me and the boifriend were discussing them. At which point another lady in the shop goes "do snakes give birth through there mouths?"
> I had no words for this!


I've had that exact question from someone, and I know exactly why it's asked.

At some point, those people will have seen footage of an egg-eating snake eating an egg and spitting out the shell. Because they're not snakers.... they can easily misinterpret what's going on.

Add to that the fact that a snake appears to be "all tail" to someone who isn't familiar with them, and they don't quite know where the snake's bottom is (because they don't have the context of "bottom appears between legs/under tail" like they do with lizards, birds, mammals and so on) and the mouth may seem like the only orifice a snake has!


----------



## manda88

SamBell said:


> Went into our local for a thermastat, for some corn eggs we have. So me and the boifriend were discussing them. At which point another lady in the shop goes "do snakes give birth through there mouths?"
> I had no words for this!


Someone at my work asked me the same thing the other week, clearly the womb is connected to the stomach in some people's minds.


----------



## Erinaceinae

manda88 said:


> Someone at my work asked me the same thing the other week, clearly the womb is connected to the stomach in some people's minds.


Didn't you know that snake eggs grow on little nodules in their lungs? Then when they're ready, they take a deep breath, do a big blow of air, and all the eggs come flying out.
And the male inseminates her through her nose...


----------



## pigglywiggly

love this thread, cant understand how some people can dress themselves etc though :gasp:


----------



## SamBell

Ssthisto said:


> I've had that exact question from someone, and I know exactly why it's asked.
> 
> At some point, those people will have seen footage of an egg-eating snake eating an egg and spitting out the shell. Because they're not snakers.... they can easily misinterpret what's going on.
> 
> Add to that the fact that a snake appears to be "all tail" to someone who isn't familiar with them, and they don't quite know where the snake's bottom is (because they don't have the context of "bottom appears between legs/under tail" like they do with lizards, birds, mammals and so on) and the mouth may seem like the only orifice a snake has!


Yeah I think it was for the latter part of this argument that she asked!

Got to wonder if she was the sort of girl who wrote into "Just 17" problem pages about whether you could get preggers from oral sex :whistling2:


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

SamBell said:


> Yeah I think it was for the latter part of this argument that she asked!
> 
> Got to wonder if she was the sort of girl who wrote into "Just 17" problem pages about whether you could get preggers from oral sex :whistling2:


didnt you know thats exactly how most of these young girls become pregnant?!?! and i hope you know about the toilet seat that can impregnate you!


----------



## Tyrone

Ha ha i thought it was only in Norfolk we had idiots who ask such stupid questions lol. I think ive heard every one on this thread lmao.


----------



## Tyrone

Twiglet said:


> I had this a few years ago with a customer that answered all the questions correctly, told me he had some clown fish, a few cleaner shrimps, some turbo snails... everything was referred to by it's normal common/trade name. Off he went with some blue damsels only to be back in an hour or so with dead fish. I tested his water which was fine and replaced them. Same thing a few hours later: Dead fish. This time I got suspicious and tested his salinity. It was at zero. His clown fish were clown loaches and the turbo snails were apple snails etc. I was so angry with both him and myself. He was deliberately bending the truth and said that he didn't think it'd harm them. Well wtf did he think after the first lot died? I was gutted
> 
> We had the same thing except the customers actually argued for a refund. After we said 'its like buying our fish and putting them on the floor to die' and laughed at them they got the hint and left.


----------



## RyanBrock94

Lmao. This thread is hilarious.

A friend just asked me "Do snakes poop?"
To which I replied "Are you serious?"
She then said "I always thought they did it out of their mouths!"
Lol.


----------



## ARMS87

The people who shouldn't be allowed to breed, breed most..


----------



## pigglywiggly

hows this for idiot of the week?

numpty watching me feed and water the rabbits says ` do you have to feed and water them EVERY day? `

my reply - Errr yes, do you not feed your kids every day?

the dazed and confused look i got back was just priceless and rather scary!


----------



## Caprieliana

RyanBrock94 said:


> Lmao. This thread is hilarious.
> 
> A friend just asked me "Do snakes poop?"
> To which I replied "Are you serious?"
> She then said "I always thought they did it out of their mouths!"
> Lol.


 Actually, I made a weird observation like that but not with snakes. I had a black ghost knife fish and I thought "WTF, this can't be..." and asked a guy who was showing off his huge BGKF on Youtube. He has had that animal like forever, so I thought he must know: "Dude, do those fish have their anus under their chin??"
-"Nah, it's toward the rear end of the fish! Duh!"
And later: "Whoa, you're right, they poop from their chin!"
...and they _do_ :flrt:


----------



## CPT BJ

Caprieliana said:


> Actually, I made a weird observation like that but not with snakes. I had a black ghost knife fish and I thought "WTF, this can't be..." and asked a guy who was showing off his huge BGKF on Youtube. He has had that animal like forever, so I thought he must know: "Dude, do those fish have their anus under their chin??"
> -"Nah, it's toward the rear end of the fish! Duh!"
> And later: "Whoa, you're right, they poop from their chin!"
> ...and they _do_ :flrt:


 As do Electric Eels and many other Knifefish species.


----------



## Caprieliana

I wouldn't wanna live like that  Though it'd help me lose weight. I'd be disgusted all the time.


----------



## CPT BJ

Caprieliana said:


> I wouldn't wanna live like that  Though it'd help me lose weight. I'd be disgusted all the time.


 I'm not quite sure that the fish would have the same type of mentallity lol.


----------



## Erinaceinae

CPT BJ said:


> As do Electric Eels and many other Knifefish species.


Does their digestive system like double back on itself, cos that's WEIRD.


----------



## CPT BJ

Elsa said:


> Does their digestive system like double back on itself, cos that's WEIRD.


 I believe that all of their organs are in the first bit of their body. The rest is just tail i think.


----------



## ginna

well when i was doing my work experience , i watched a woman for a good 20 mins looking at the melanistic yemen chameleon before her husband came over and asked "what are you doing now" to which she replied " wait it might change colour"

a bloke came in and was asking about the false water cobras and asked " are they poisonous" and then continued by asking " have they had their fangs removed" and if it bit him would it kill him , well if it was in his mouth and it snapped at his tonsil , then yes it bighting you with its non existant fangs will defo kill you if it happens to be in your mouth :L haha 

people make me laugh :L


----------



## manda88

Elsa said:


> Didn't you know that snake eggs grow on little nodules in their lungs? Then when they're ready, they take a deep breath, do a big blow of air, and all the eggs come flying out.
> And the male inseminates her through her nose...


I so wish I had read this sooner, I would have said it to her, and I know for a fact that she would have believed it!



ARMS87 said:


> The people who shouldn't be allowed to breed, breed most..


Too true. Ever read that story about some woman and her husband who live off the benefits given to them for their 8 (might be more, can't remember) children? They bought them each a DS for Christmas when they were brand new and at their most expensive, not to mention god knows how many other things, it infuriates me! I think they were raking in something like £35k a year for popping kids out left right and centre. What a wonderful life they must lead!


----------



## Erinaceinae

manda88 said:


> for popping kids out left right and centre.


Didn't know humans could do that too? Its not just snakes that give birth through their mouths then!?!?


----------



## Diogo

I never worked at a reptile shop, but this is what I witnessed:

A woman calls the employee and says that she wants to buy 2 of the tree frogs they had. As the employee was picking them up, one of them managed to jump out of the enclosure. The woman immediately starts screaming and when the poor employee catches the frog, she says that she will not buy them, since she doesn't want such jumpy things inside her house.

Seriously... what the :censor: ?


----------



## Ssthisto

ginna said:


> a bloke came in and was asking about the false water cobras and asked " are they poisonous" and then continued by asking " have they had their fangs removed" and if it bit him would it kill him , well if it was in his mouth and it snapped at his tonsil , then yes it bighting you with its non existant fangs will defo kill you if it happens to be in your mouth


So pointing out that _Hydrodynastes gigas _is a rear-fanged venomous snake and a bite may well ruin your week - and if someone has a bad reaction to the venom, they *might* die ... is a bad idea?


----------



## spinnin_tom

does this count?
a couple of wees ago, we were in swallow aquatics and anyway.
customer 'are these(they were the non-painted parrot cichlids) wild caught'
ahahahaha


----------



## Caprieliana

That question is far from stupid as many fish, even "ornamental" ones, are.


----------



## lisadew24

I had a drunk customer last weekend who really made me laugh.
Him: I need a lead
I then show him some leads
Him: do I put his nose through there (pointing to the handle of the lead)
Me: no you put your hand through there (tring not to laugh)
The customer now looks confused, I then explain to the customer that the metal clip goes on the collar then you hold the handle on the other end.


----------



## manda88

Elsa said:


> Didn't know humans could do that too? Its not just snakes that give birth through their mouths then!?!?


Just one special breed of human, commonly found on council estates, trailer parks and caravans, known as 'The Chav'.

I instantly had that advert pop into my head where the guy has a big smelly wet dog come out of his mouth


----------



## JurassicParking

"So is this live food live?"


----------



## spinnin_tom

Caprieliana said:


> That question is far from stupid as many fish, even "ornamental" ones, are.


such as?...........


----------



## tracy pearman

Siamese fighters?


----------



## Robbie

Many peeps that come to me ask for WC Cichlids and Apistogramma.


----------



## Tyrone

A parrot cichlid is a hybrid (man made) and as far as i know cannot reproduce like a mule....Thats y its funny. like today when i was asked if the 300 albino grass carp where w/c.


----------



## Morgan Freeman

Tyrone said:


> A parrot cichlid is a hybrid (man made) and as far as i know cannot reproduce like a mule....Thats y its funny. like today when i was asked if the 300 albino grass carp where w/c.


I don't think it's that stupid, especially if you're new to fish.


----------



## Ssthisto

Tyrone said:


> A parrot cichlid is a hybrid (man made) and as far as i know cannot reproduce like a mule....


The first link I found for "Parrot Cichlid Fertile" says that although early in the hybrid's history males were known to be infertile, that's not the case now...

I'm not really a fish person; I wouldn't have known they were hybrids, to be fair, without having looked it up (just like someone coming to it straight out of the box might not know that a Creamsicle corn isn't all corn, and that a Jungle corn is an inter-genus hybrid.)


----------



## Biggys

I was in a shop the other day and this guy walked in with his girl freind, and said, 
"Look at that boa *points at a reticulated Python*, see that, that will kill you with one bite, Deadly poisinous that is..."

Then asked the Shop keeper if he could by one of his Rattle snakes *display only*, if he had the fangs cut out of it...

This guy was painfully stupid :|


----------



## Morgan Freeman

I hate going to shop's if there's people in there.


----------



## Ssthisto

Morgan Freeman said:


> I hate going to shop's if there's people in there.


Surely that makes paying for your goods a little difficult 

Most of the daft things I hear spouted in our local reptile shop are between folks who are friends playing the "how reasonable can we make ridiculous care advice sound" game with each other - never with people who don't know better.


----------



## Biggys

Morgan Freeman said:


> I hate going to shop's if there's people in there.


In my local shop we only go up on weekdays as on satuday there is a massive market just up the road, and you get 30 idiots in a tiny shop treating it like a free zoo :|


----------



## lisadew24

I had a new one last week. A guy came in my shop saying his corn hasn't eaten in a few week after me checking that he hasn't changed anything
ME: how do you defrost your mice
HIM: I leave them to defrost at room temp
ME: try putting them in a food bag and heating them up in hot water and if that doesn't work you could try braining
HIM: braining?
I then explain that you cut the head and the smell is surpose to attracted the snake
HIM: I don't think I could cut my snakes head
ME: no you cut the mouse head not the snakes head


----------



## woopedeedoo

lisadew24 said:


> I had a new one last week. A guy came in my shop saying his corn hasn't eaten in a few week after me checking that he hasn't changed anything
> ME: how do you defrost your mice
> HIM: I leave them to defrost at room temp
> ME: try putting them in a food bag and heating them up in hot water and if that doesn't work you could try braining
> HIM: braining?
> I then explain that you cut the head and the smell is surpose to attracted the snake
> HIM: I don't think I could cut my snakes head
> ME: no you cut the mouse head not the snakes head




pmsl!

the best one i heard was in pets at home (not buying anything; honest) and overheard the girl in the aquatic section telling a customer to never clean out his goldfish tank as it will clean itself and this was the best thing for it. :bash:


----------



## Karagain

sanderson said:


> Well this was something stupid said to me by my local shop.
> 
> Same woman different day.
> 
> Me: "I need a faun please"
> Women in shop: "oh what have you got this time?"
> Me: "a African house snake"
> Women in shop: "a what? are you sure you haven't been miss-sold it, I don't think they exist.."


You do realise these snakes DO exist!!!!


----------



## Karagain

*Customer with a very serious face*. "So when will my tadpoles turn into tortoises?

You know what really grind my gears? When I get asked if my leopard gecko's are snakes (usually when they are just sticking their house of their hide) or when they go " Awwww they look like snakes" NO THEY DON'T FOR CHRIST SAKEE


----------



## Biggys

Karagain said:


> **Customer with a very serious face*. "So when will my tadpoles turn into tortoises?*
> 
> You know what really grind my gears? When I get asked if my leopard gecko's are snakes (usually when they are just sticking their house of their hide) or when they go " Awwww they look like snakes" NO THEY DON'T FOR CHRIST SAKEE


That has to be the best thing I have heard in ages :lol2:


----------



## nicnet

We used to have an aquatics shop a few years ago. Put up an ad in the job centre for a qualified aquatics team member.

Job centre sent me a plumber. Well it was water want it? DOH.


After we sold the shop. I went to same job centre looking to see what was going. They made me go interview at morrisons fish counter, well I knew fish didnt I? Doh.

She seemed a bit confused when I told her I knew how to keep them alive not fillet the damn things.


Just remembere this one.

Customer walks in, you know the one with the 'I'm better than anyone' look on her face.

Looks at the flowerhorns I had in and then promptly calls me over and gives me a lecture on keeping hybrid species.
I asked her what fish she kept.

Pink parrotfish. 

I promptly gave her a lecture on injected hybrid species haha.

She didn't seem as hoity when she slinked out the shop

(edit)
another one.

Female comes in asking for a new goldfish for her sons goldfish bowl. His had just died.
I did the whole 'we dont sell goldfish for bowls, you need a filter etc'
She insisted goldfish only live for 6 month so why would she need a filter.
After refusing to sell her a fish for the bowl, she threatened to phone trading standards, I cant refuse to sell her a fish.
(Ok I'll admit at this point I'm getting a bit apprehensive, she is hugeeee, butch as can be and seriously peeved at me for refusing sale)
I phoned them for her and handed her the phone.
she listened
she left without a word. (I closed shop and put shutters down expecting the obligitory brick)


----------



## Karagain

Karagain said:


> *Customer with a very serious face*. "So when will my tadpoles turn into tortoises?
> 
> You know what really grind my gears? When I get asked if my leopard gecko's are snakes (usually when they are just sticking their house of their hide) or when they go " Awwww they look like snakes" NO THEY DON'T FOR CHRIST SAKEE


 
*heads out of their hide

My bad, I wrote that when I was tired :bash:


----------



## Ssthisto

Karagain said:


> When I get asked if my leopard gecko's are snakes (usually when they are just sticking their house of their hide) or when they go " Awwww they look like snakes"


I can sort of see where the people are coming from, since leopard geckos have vertical slit-pupilled eyes, which plenty of people associate with "snake" (I've been told that my diurnal snakes have 'bird' eyes since they've got round pupils).


----------



## spinnin_tom

Karagain said:


> You do realise these snakes DO exist!!!!


+1, they are really nice too.


----------



## spinnin_tom

tracy pearman said:


> Siamese fighters?


Touché

Beta's are very nice.. i dismiss anything that my fish would eat lol


----------



## spinnin_tom

Caprieliana said:


> Actually, I made a weird observation like that but not with snakes. I had a black ghost knife fish and I thought "WTF, this can't be..." and asked a guy who was showing off his huge BGKF on Youtube. He has had that animal like forever, so I thought he must know: "Dude, do those fish have their anus under their chin??"
> -"Nah, it's toward the rear end of the fish! Duh!"
> And later: "Whoa, you're right, they poop from their chin!"
> ...and they _do_ :flrt:


i thought mine was ill the first time i saw it lol.. you do get, albeit not very often, but you get fish with anuses in obscure places such as their head, due to deformities


----------



## Moogloo

Elephant Nose fish poop from their chins too.... i was so freaked out when i saw this and totally disgusted LOL. TBH not much disgusts me (unless its a customer!) but thats just gross.


----------



## nicnet

Once went into a 'well respected' aquatics shop and had a mooch around, 
Seen a tank of Frontosa that were obviously 'bobbing' and were new imports.
Asked the guy when he expected the Frontosa to stop bobbing, he said ohhh those arent Frontosa, they are the 'balloon fish' we bring in 
Was selling them at about 1/100th what they were worth. We bought the entire tank full at less than cost price, took them to our shop. Quarantined for a week and made a killing hahaha

(*'bobbing'* for those that dont know. Frontosa are brough up from very deep when wild caught and have to actually depresurise the same as divers do, Since they never 'top feed' they gulp air once they are in tanks if they are not fed properly. 'bobbing' is caused by the aquatics shop top feeding them, a balloon (molly) fish is a completely different fish altogether and doesn't even resemble a Frontosa, )

They were Wild BlueZaire Frontosa for those that know the species, all at 6inch+ tank of 30 of them. We paid. £100 hahahaha. Sold them out at around £80 each and still sold them cheap enough we cleared the tank in less than a week after they went on sale.


Just to show how idiotic that guy was. pics of the two of them
http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=bl...ct=mode&cd=2&ved=0CBcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1366&bih=606 Blue zaire frontosa

http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=ba...ct=mode&cd=2&ved=0CCIQ_AUoAQ&biw=1366&bih=606 Balloon molly


----------



## hodgesa

A kid, about 12 years old, walked in to our aquatics shop as we were showing some customers some of our reps and inverts. He was scared of them, so i asked what he wanted to see. He asked me to get one of our Israeli Koi out. :gasp: I declined.


----------



## Darklas

nicnet said:


> Asked the guy when he expected the Frontosa to stop bobbing, he said ohhh those arent Frontosa, they are the 'balloon fish' we bring in
> Was selling them at about 1/100th what they were worth. We bought the entire tank full at less than cost price, took them to our shop. Quarantined for a week and made a killing hahaha


how could he make such a mistake?! haha! Lucky for you though I guess.


----------



## nicnet

hodgesa said:


> A kid, about 12 years old, walked in to our aquatics shop as we were showing some customers some of our reps and inverts. He was scared of them, so i asked what he wanted to see. He asked me to get one of our Israeli Koi out. :gasp: I declined.


lol oh gods.


Heard from a koi company who imported a £20k fish for a customer. The shop figured it would be fine and didn't bother to insure it. They put it into a holding vat, right next to a huge vat of grit salt for the garden centre. Next day. koi was in the salt vat. No cover on the blasted pond with a £20k koi in it. eeeeeeedgits.


----------



## NickBenger

nicnet said:


> lol oh gods.
> 
> 
> Heard from a koi company who imported a £20k fish for a customer. The shop figured it would be fine and didn't bother to insure it. They put it into a holding vat, right next to a huge vat of grit salt for the garden centre. Next day. koi was in the salt vat. No cover on the blasted pond with a £20k koi in it. eeeeeeedgits.


That Koi was hell bent on being cod...


----------



## Karagain

Today, I was asked to point out where Dave, our speckled caiman was in his tank. (he's usually hiding in the corner out of sight). And I was talking to this Woman and her son...And the son goes "All Crocodiles are amphibians aren't they?" and I said they were reptiles and no matter what I said he didn’t believe me... he kept saying "Its 'cos they live under water"

What’s even funnier is; his mum said "You said Hippo's were amphibians as well......*she turns to me* are they?" and I explained to her about them being mammals and mammary glands...


SIGH


----------



## Chromisca

Completely forgot about this one...

Last week I realized that we had forgotten to get small rat weaners in our last bulk food order, so we went down to our local shop to pick up some. Just as we were about to leave a young man and woman came in to trade their bearded dragon in (I have no idea why, but... poor thing  ) They wanted to trade him in with his tank, and the shop employee was asking about the setup. They said they had a UVB bulb (turns out it was a UVA bulb, one of those cheap little things). And the woman was insistent on it being UVB and said "I know it is, it's 800W!". 

Grilled beardie anyone?


----------



## Darklas

Karagain said:


> Today, I was asked to point out where Dave, our speckled caiman was in his tank. (he's usually hiding in the corner out of sight). And I was talking to this Woman and her son...And the son goes "All Crocodiles are amphibians aren't they?" and I said they were reptiles and no matter what I said he didn’t believe me... he kept saying "Its 'cos they live under water"
> 
> What’s even funnier is; his mum said "You said Hippo's were amphibians as well......*she turns to me* are they?" and I explained to her about them being mammals and mammary glands...
> 
> 
> SIGH


 
While working at a petting zoo last weekend a woman approached me and asked if i knew anything about amphibians and showed me a photo on her phone of a newt she had captured and asked me to identify it.
I told her sorry but I don't know too much about them, I'm more into reptiles. 
She gave me a really dirty look and said "well they're the same thing arn't they?" and stormed off.


----------



## CPT BJ

nicnet said:


> Once went into a 'well respected' aquatics shop and had a mooch around,
> Seen a tank of Frontosa that were obviously 'bobbing' and were new imports.
> Asked the guy when he expected the Frontosa to stop bobbing, he said ohhh those arent Frontosa, they are the 'balloon fish' we bring in
> Was selling them at about 1/100th what they were worth. We bought the entire tank full at less than cost price, took them to our shop. Quarantined for a week and made a killing hahaha
> 
> (*'bobbing'* for those that dont know. Frontosa are brough up from very deep when wild caught and have to actually depresurise the same as divers do, Since they never 'top feed' they gulp air once they are in tanks if they are not fed properly. 'bobbing' is caused by the aquatics shop top feeding them, a balloon (molly) fish is a completely different fish altogether and doesn't even resemble a Frontosa, )
> 
> They were Wild BlueZaire Frontosa for those that know the species, all at 6inch+ tank of 30 of them. We paid. £100 hahahaha. Sold them out at around £80 each and still sold them cheap enough we cleared the tank in less than a week after they went on sale.
> 
> 
> Just to show how idiotic that guy was. pics of the two of them
> blue zaire frontosa - Google Search Blue zaire frontosa
> 
> balloon molly - Google Search Balloon molly


 Lmao!!!


----------



## pigglywiggly

was in a petshop looking at the furry critters.

woman points at the baby lionhead bunnies and says
` ah, look at the cute persian kittens - they shouldnt sell kittens its illegal`.


numpties


----------



## Karagain

Today I was helping someone who wanted to buy a Rankin's Dragon and he asked me "If I called his name, would he come to me like a dog?" ..........


----------



## CPT BJ

Had a customer ask before if a Terrapin would need a waterbowl to drink from! I despair somtimes .


----------



## snakemum

A friend of ours owns a shop * reptiles fish so on* and a woman came in firstly while I was in there with husband with a beardie on my sholder and she asked 
" is that real or is it a broach" so I said its real and she kepped asking my husband if he worked there he said no and she carryed on asking him questions. 

later when we left she got a beardie a full set up and food and took it home. 
*TWO DAYS LATER*
she comes back in to the shop clamming " she is allergic to reptiles and had to return the beardie as its making her and her husband sick .... 
( first person in history to be ill over a lizard ) THEN SHE GETS A SODDING TORTUS AND GOES HOME ..... 
LOL :bash::bash::bash:


----------



## snakemum

same shop diffrent day 
Man walks in with dead fish " my gold fish got ill so I treated it and it died I want a new one" so my mate said ok what did you treat it with *looking at the fish* 
" well I put a parasetamole in the water and it died....." 

Well we know what killed it then :censor:

same day diffrent bloke " I have a huge fish tank will theses fish be ok in it" 
" yes they will be fine" 
"oh ok they wont drown it is a deep tank" 

" GET OUT OF THE SHOP" lol :bash::bash::bash:


----------



## Chunk247

Customer spends ages getting his new beardie setup ready to go, i help him to the car with it, just as he's getting ready to drive off he says "so does the heat lamp go in the hot end or the cold end" i wouldn't have minded, but he used the words "heat" and "hot" :whip::bash:


----------



## adamntitch

snakemum said:


> later when we left she got a beardie a full set up and food and took it home.
> *TWO DAYS LATER*
> she comes back in to the shop clamming " she is allergic to reptiles and had to return the beardie as its making her and her husband sick ....
> ( first person in history to be ill over a lizard ) THEN SHE GETS A SODDING TORTUS AND GOES HOME .....
> LOL :bash::bash::bash:


and was it your friends shop she got the animals from


----------



## snakemum

adamntitch said:


> and was it your friends shop she got the animals from


no lol thank god !!


----------



## NickBenger

Not shop wise but my brother says dumb things about animals all the time.... He's 15 nearly 16 btw

*Watching superimposed elephant advert* "Nick, Can elephants climb trees?"....
*Showing him pictures of snakes hatching* "WOAH, WTF Snakes Come Out of Eggs?"
*Looking through POTM thread with him* "Are dogs reptiles?"


----------



## Robbie

More funny than stupid;

Customer "Do you have any of these?" [hands me 150W bulb]
Me "We have the 150W in red, if that's alright?"
Customer "It'll make my tank look like a brothel."


----------



## pigglywiggly

Robbie said:


> More funny than stupid;
> 
> Customer "Do you have any of these?" [hands me 150W bulb]
> Me "We have the 150W in red, if that's alright?"
> Customer "It'll make my tank look like a brothel."


 
its not so funny when you get the knock on the door for allegedly running one :gasp:


----------



## Ihatecoffee

*Daft Customers*

I used to work in a well known aquatics shop. One day I walked past a group of 3 old ladies looking at fish (They came in every sat morning for tea and cakes in the garden centre, then looked round the free zoo that is the aquatics shop!)

A tank was full of baby guppies, first lady to friends: What's a baby fish called?
Second lady: Oh isn't that what a mammal is...?:gasp:

I had to carry on walking, till I was in a corner alone and burst out laughing!!! 



We sold frozen blood work etc for fish and had the same 'will it come to life' question. 


Another favourite, box on shelf containing fish tank, hood, lights, gravel etc... Big sign saying perfect starter kit, everything included.... A man asked me if the water and fish were in the tank already, because he wanted to be able to choose the fish, didn't want to be given fish he didn't like!!! 


Also SO many customers wanting to buy fish far too large for their stupidly small 7 litre tanks, 'Oh but the fish will only grow to the size of their tank'. Actually had someone call me stupid once because I told her the fish would continue to grow, and eventually die a horrible death from being kept in too small an environment.


----------



## SuperSpeedyWheels

I went into a pet shop and asked for some locust for breeding as the ones I had bought online for this purpose were all female:lol2:, only to be told that you couldnt breed locust and there was no way I cold distinguish the difference between males and females as they were all bisexual.... lol, I dont think even he knew what he meant 

In the same pet shop while purchasing a bearded dragon I asked the woman 'Thats a pretty impressive python, I dont know much about them but I was always curious about how you would go about safely picking one up' ..
The response
'just walk up to it and do it' ..... yea thanks genius that answered all my questions... 

The same woman ....

Two beardies were having a mental scrap in one of the vivariums, I told her look I'd shift that one on its own its obviously going to hurt one of the ones it was cohabiting with.... To which she replied.. its okay they are just fighting for dominance ..... well no :censor: sherlock we'll just let them fight to the death then shall we.

They are not just customers you know


----------



## Ihatecoffee

Hahaha.... can't breed locusts! I've heard of many take away and restaurants who wished that were true!!! As for no being able to sex them because they are bisexual.... makes me laugh, am I supposed to have both 'bits' then? Does that mean I'm not actually bi then...?!!!! :whistling2:

That woman obviously really should not be working with animals, someone asking for advice or information won't be impressed with her attitude! 

I have had some scary advice when browsing other fish shops, I have been told by staff that fish grow to the size of tanks, that keeping different colour betas in the same tank is fine if they aren't the same colour!! That fish do better kept in high levels of nitrate (I actually reported that shop, as their own water was testing over 50ppm and they believed this was good for them!), also been told that dissolving a human contraceptive pill into the tank would prevent the fish reproducing..... 

Ahh it's all coming back to me now! I'll have nightmares about it tonight lol :razz:


----------



## SuperSpeedyWheels

joeyboy said:


> yeah ok this isn't reptile related..but...working in retail..you get all sorts!
> 
> 
> 
> 2) Chinese guy asks me...
> 
> Him: "excuse me sir, do you sell COCK?"
> 
> Me: (trying to keep a straight face)..cock?"
> 
> Him: " ya ya cock. HE MAKES HIS HAND INTO A FIST AND DOES AND IN AND OUT MOTION IN FRONT OF HIS MOUTH!."
> 
> Me: (Dieing inside)...urm do you mean coke, like coca cola?"
> 
> Him: "yeah yeah cock! cock! The big ones!(does a gesture showing me it's really long...)
> 
> Me: (going to explode..) Yes ok, You probably mean the big 3ltr bottles we sell.
> 
> 
> 
> joeyboy said:
> 
> 
> 
> This reminds me of the polish people when i used to work the bar in oceana, they used to come up and ask for a chucky cooker....
> 
> I eventually learned that they were trying to say..
> 
> Jack daniels and cola
> 
> Jack and cola! haha
Click to expand...


----------



## spinnin_tom

CPT BJ said:


> As do Electric Eels and many other Knifefish species.


*all knifefish poo from under their chin. all of their organs are right behind their head and it's all tail. i diescted a clown knife.. it was quite amazing. my BGKF still amazes me.... the questions i get about it though.. they are surprisingly stupid


----------



## Slitherskin

i don't work ina reptile shop, i work in a shop thats part of a large chain that will remain nameless! 

However i have been asked

"Does this christmas tree come with a plug?" (it was a living potted tree)

"do you sell collagen heaters?" (no but we sell Halogen heaters...)

and when i used to work for directory enquiries..

"can i have the number for the eccles elastical church please?" (i think you mean ecclesiastical church?)

and

"I havn't got a pen for the number, will you write it down for me?" ...:bash:


----------



## 2liveis2die

Bump for this thread, its brilliant, ive been reading it on and off now for about 3 days.


----------



## RhianB87

I have plenty if we can lead down the retail route :whistling2: I work in a well know computer retailer (for my sins) and I seem to attract the not so clever customers

I have been had a go at because I dont know every single bit of stock that the shop I work in sell because its MY shop... If it was my shop I wouldnt be working in it! 

I have been asked if we sell loptops, toplaps, laptaps.

Also a lady came into a ask about parental controls because her 12 year old son downloaded 56gb of adult material!

A man tried to convince me that his mate could use his wireless 10 miles away.... 

O and a crazy mother who was convince that wireless internet was going to kill her children so wont use it..


----------



## katter

*I was in a pet shop and after paying over £200 for a viv equipped with UV, Heat mat etc plus 1 Hermans tortoise, handed over the plastic and walked away, coming back 2 mins later to ask what it eats! Incredible!!:gasp:*


----------



## Ihatecoffee

katter said:


> *I was in a pet shop and after paying over £200 for a viv equipped with UV, Heat mat etc plus 1 Hermans tortoise, handed over the plastic and walked away, coming back 2 mins later to ask what it eats! Incredible!!:gasp:*


Sounds about right!!! When I used to sell marine fish, I asked a customer what he knew about the lion fish he wanted to buy, he said nothing. So I told him where they came from etc, but not the temp, food to see if he was going to ask questions or if he just wanted a show fish for his tank. After 5 mins of talking, I asked if there was anything else he would like to know, he said no. So I said, well what temp is your tank and what are you planning to feed it. He said dunno to temp but it had a heater so it 'must' be fine for all fish and that he had goldfish flakes left at home..... I refused to sell him the fish, he complained, my manager heard what he had to say and told him with that attitude to an animals life she would never sell him any fish that day or in the future!!!


----------



## lisadew24

I over heard two customers talking about fish tank how one of them wanted a tank full of sharks and then the other one said don't they eat meat and the guy wanting the sharks said I have heard there is vegetarian ones but there rare. I also had some one asking if a budgie and a goldfish can be kept in the same room after I said yes he said but they will be in the same room at the same time.


----------



## Chunk247

recently i've had all the "is that real" questions so i sarcastically reply "no we sell plastic ones"... they normally leave but they just want to nose aorund the shop instead of buying anything. 

The best was on monday when some guy, who around a month earlier asked us to get him a specially made vivarium in certain colours for him before deciding he didn't want it anymore, came in and started moaning about the prices of our heat bulbs, which annoyed me, then moaned that we didn't do a bulk deal on the live foods, whereas some other shops do, so, infront of my boss, i "politely" told him to "f**k of the that shop then". i was expecting an angry lecture off my boss, until she burst out laughing and said "thats why i like working with you"


----------



## NickBenger

Chunk247 said:


> recently i've had all the "is that real" questions so i sarcastically reply "no we sell plastic ones"... they normally leave but they just want to nose aorund the shop instead of buying anything.
> 
> The best was on monday when some guy, who around a month earlier asked us to get him a specially made vivarium in certain colours for him before deciding he didn't want it anymore, came in and started moaning about the prices of our heat bulbs, which annoyed me, then moaned that we didn't do a bulk deal on the live foods, whereas some other shops do, so, infront of my boss, i "politely" told him to "f**k of the that shop then". i was expecting an angry lecture off my boss, until she burst out laughing and said "thats why i like working with you"


Sounds like your shop has great customer service :whistling2:


----------



## pigglywiggly

its kinda famous around here :whistling2:


----------



## bw89

A few of my favourites

A teenage boy and his girlfriend walk in, boy reads a sign on a viv
Boy: Look, it's a Reticulated Pyhon!
Girl: Why are they called that?
Boy: Because they reticulate their pray!

Man walks in, bends down to inspect some Corn Snakes (there was a sign).
He waves at me, 
Man: "So this is a Corn Crake?" (bless him)

A very sheepish lady comes in with quite a pale Beardy.
"Excuse me young man, my son's Bearded Dragon has just died" (she says placing the Beardy gently on the counter), "and I wondered if you had one to replace him, my son will be very upset so I thought if I could replace it..." She trailed off as I examined the Dragon.
At this point the Beardy opened it's eyes, tilted it's head, and darted at a box of hoppers I was pricing.
The woman was obviously a bit distressed as I explained to her that his viv must be a bit cold and therefore the Beardy a little lathargic.

This thread is hilarious.:no1:
Bill


----------



## Chunk247

TheDogMan said:


> Sounds like your shop has great customer service :whistling2:


That was the only time i've ever told someone that, but he asks us to get specific items in and then doesn't want them anymore etc and he never buys anything, just comes in and looks at things then buggers off.


----------



## justairplants

a few more from our 2011 Flower Show Season:=

Woman looking at our Spanish Moss: Do you sell it dried?
Me: If you mean dead, no, we only sell it living
Woman: Well that's no good to me. I'd only kill it.

I have a selection of mascots that go out onto our floral display once all judging is over.....think some RFUK folks have spotted them - 4 geckos and 2 tree frogs - some have pretty lurid manicure jobs including gold painted toe nails.....comments from customers include:-

How do you get them to stay on the display rather than escape and run around the marquee?

They're very tame aren't they?

BBC Gardener's World Live at the NEC my display got sabotaged with Haribo Fried Egg Sweets being deposited in the cups of the Broms:-

Grandparent to bored child: Look at these wonderful flowers on this plant?
Child: They are Haribo sweets
Grandparent: Don't be silly....this is an RHS Flower Show....these are wonderful flowers just look....I've never seen anytthing quite like them....
Child to me: They are sweets aren't they
Me: Yep
Child to blushing grandparent: Told you so

We've got a certain plant on our display called Aechmea 'blue Rain' we use it because it is eye catching:-
http://www.justairplants.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=229:aechmea-blue-rain&catid=62:bromeliads&Itemid=89

If one more person says it's something out of Avatar I'll scream - not like I don't hear that 20 times plus a day.....or have to tell people its real and not plastic - other classics....

Cust: Did you paint it?
Hubby: Yes. It used to take me hours painting each bit individually but then I found the right mix of stripey paint....

but I think the one that has to be the best of the year Tatton Park a couple of weeks ago:-

"That's stunning, Did you knit it" 

Words failed me...


----------



## mstypical

kgarner said:


> Sat and cryed with laughter reading all of this :lol2:


I have tears streaming down my face, the OH is laughing at me, laughing at this :lol2:


----------



## RedDawn

I am having a very bad week and decided to sit down & have some ME time (rare event) and finally get round to registering on this forum &
I am so pleased I did, this thread will have me still chuckling to myself all day.

this inparticular actually made me 'guffaw' out loud



bw89 said:


> Man walks in, bends down to inspect some Corn Snakes (there was a sign).
> He waves at me,
> Man: "So this is a Corn Crake?" (bless him)


bet Im late for work cos I cant stop reading these!
:2thumb:


----------



## mstypical

I don't work in a shop, I just have really stupid friends.

1) Friend see's photo of Mountain Horned Dragon on Facebook.

Comments "is that an iguana or a chameleon?" Yeah, because they're the only two species of lizard in the world. Should alo point out, the photo was clearly labelled Mountain Horned Drangon.

2) Uni colleagues see tarantulas on Facebook

Comment by colleague number one - "what is that?" Seriously. Number two - "Do you hold that", me - "No", her - "What's the point in having it then?"

3) Escaped corn hatchling, friend suggests I look in my bed in case it bites me in the night. *facepalm*

There's more, but i'm at serious risk of identifying people already :lol2:

Oh, a guy in a pet shop (admittedly an apprentice) sells me a hatchling corn (my first hatchling) me - "how long until it's fully grown" him - "about a year". Honestly.


----------



## spinnin_tom

mstypical said:


> Oh, a guy in a pet shop (admittedly an apprentice) sells me a hatchling corn (my first hatchling) me - "how long until it's fully grown" him - "about a year". Honestly.


this isn't quite true, but you'd be surprised how quick they grow
and you losing the corn comment was not silly/stupid.. you think they know everything about snakes, all snakes can bite you know/


----------



## manda88

snakemum said:


> same shop diffrent day
> Man walks in with dead fish " my gold fish got ill so I treated it and it died I want a new one" so my mate said ok what did you treat it with *looking at the fish*
> " well I put a parasetamole in the water and it died....."
> 
> Well we know what killed it then :censor:
> 
> same day diffrent bloke " I have a huge fish tank will theses fish be ok in it"
> " yes they will be fine"
> "oh ok they wont drown it is a deep tank"
> 
> " GET OUT OF THE SHOP" lol :bash::bash::bash:


Good God....let's just hope these people never breed.


----------



## mstypical

spinnin_tom said:


> this isn't quite true, but you'd be surprised how quick they grow
> and you losing the corn comment was not silly/stupid.. you think they know everything about snakes, all snakes can bite you know/


I'm know they grow quickly, but they are far from fuly grown in a year.

Also my friend was referring to the old myth of finding a snake in my bed ready to eat me... it's hatchling and most likely to have semi-brumated in close proximity to the area it escaped, not made it's way up the stairs, into my bedroom to wait for me in my bed. 

I am aware all snakes can bite, thanks for the insight.


----------



## fardilis

hiya
i do not work in a pet shop but spend a lot of time in them.
heres some of the faverouts i've heard.

'you know i was driving down the road the other day and do u know what i saw, *an adder* it's the only true lethal snake in the world, a bite from it would kill u instanltly'
'all the more reason not 2 b bitten then'

_guy starrs into tanks for ages and then asks_
'exuse me, do u sell reptiles?'
'yes we do'
'where r they'
'over ther in the tanks'
'well where r they in the tanks'
'they will just be in the tanks'
'well thats not very good is it'

_women walks through door into a reptile shop and sees a model of a lizard next to the doorway
_'aaaarrrrgggghhhh s:censor:t, get me out of here' *(runs out of the door)
*_guy with her ses
_'what r u doing?'
'i can't stand reptles there just horrible'
'it's not real it's just a model the real ones r at the other end'
'i don't care there eval'
'then why did u take us to a reptile shop'

_shop worker transferres snakes from travel box into tank
_'is that alive?'
'no we just sell dead snakes in boxes' 
'then why is it moving?'
'because it's allive'
'but i thought it was dead'

_custumers stares a blue tonge skink
_'is that a crocodile?'
'no its a blue tonge skink like it ses on the label'
'yer but skinks r a type of crocodile'
'no skinks r lizards'
'CROCODILES ARE LIZARDS'
'no there not'
'YES THEY ARE'
_custumer leaves
_
_guy goes into shop with his girlfriend
_'babe come over here'
'what'
'its a boa constrictor'
'so'
'it's the biggest snake in the world they grow o 50ft and a bite would 'instanly kill u'
'but the label ses they grow up to 12ft
'nar they get bigger than that look ask this guy, mate how big do boa constrictors get?'
'males up to 10ft females up to 12ft and about as thick a your thigh'
'what das a total lie man'
_guy leaves_


----------



## the reptile inn

Exotic Mad said:


> you all forgot the best one. Do you sell reptiles? No this reptile shop just sells kittens lol



But then theres " do you sell puppies n kittens? " that gets asked about a reptile shop too :|


----------



## mstypical

the reptile inn said:


> But then theres " do you sell puppies n kittens? " that gets asked about a reptile shop too :|


Possibly because some do lol, MPA (Manchester) sells siamese kittens and other expensive types :whistling2:


----------



## the reptile inn

mstypical said:


> Possibly because some do lol, MPA (Manchester) sells siamese kittens and other expensive types :whistling2:



so whos got the least brain cells? the reptile shop that sells kittens or the customer that asks if they do?:gasp:


----------



## mstypical

the reptile inn said:


> so whos got the least brain cells? the reptile shop that sells kittens or the customer that asks if they do?:gasp:


Well the shop name is 'pets and aquatics' so that pretty much covers everything.... customers I can't account for


----------



## Ihatecoffee

High end breeds of kittens, sure is expensive live snake food


----------



## Twiglet

I had a rather frustrating 'customer' yesterday in the form of a 11 or 12 year old lad who had obviously been deposited in the shop whilst his parents were browsing the garden centre.

After serving three (actual) customers and discussing species specific requirements whilst being almost constantly interrupted by the child in question telling me how he knew everything about fish and having to repeatedly ask this kid to please remove himself from between myself and the tank I'm trying to catch fish out of I was starting to feel a little frayed round the edges. 
I finish with my final customer (who was trying to convince me of the wisdom of child labour and corporal punishment so I get the distinct impression that I wasn't the only one getting fed up) and went to continue my system maintenance. 
The sprog comes charging up to me, claps his hands together gleefully and announces "I've got £6.00 and I know everything about fish. I want to buy some of those (cue vague pointing). I'll come and buy a tank from you in about three months when I've saved enough pocket money for the tank for them as you seem very knowledgeable"
I asked him where the fish would live until he had the money for his tank:
"We'll they'll be ok in the bag for a couple of months wont they!"
No, hun sorry they won't be. Here, lets go and look at a tank set up and I'll show you everything you'll need to do this properly
"No thanks, I know everything there is to know about fish, I don't need you to tell me stuff I know". 
Cue stroppy child stomping out of the shop loudly telling me I had no idea what I was talking about as new customers were walking in. 

I'm not certain why this brat managed irritated me quite as much as he did but he was certainly a precocious little sod. I do wish people wouldn't use us as a crèche... 


I really don't much like children.


----------



## sn8ks4life

yea i work in a pet shop and am in charge of looking after the reps and spiders, i get asked the stupidest things to, practically every one on here ive herd now, its stupid how people are so un educated this day in age. i do get annoyed by there idiocy but u gotta laugh aint ya, im working as we speak so ill let u all know whats said today, just got are those real mice in the freezer?:s well they aint plastic LOL.


----------



## Twiglet

sn8ks4life said:


> yea i work in a pet shop and am in charge of looking after the reps and spiders, i get asked the stupidest things to, practically every one on here ive herd now, its stupid how people are so un educated this day in age. i do get annoyed by there idiocy but u gotta laugh aint ya, im working as we speak so ill let u all know whats said today, just got *are those real mice in the freezer?:s well they aint plastic LOL*.


No whilst I enjoy educating people in the care of animals etc it's comments like the above in bold that make me despair of the human race. 
I have no issue with people asking what I would consider to be a stupid question if its animal related and they know nothing about animals, (after all I have probably asked stupid questions about many things I know nothing about over the years!) as it just shows that they are looking to learn something. Not every average joe knows a jot about snakes or fish or walruses...
But when someone asks if the mice in the freezer are plastic you can't help but question what happened to their IQ.

Customers (and occasionally staff) keep me very entertained!


----------



## manda88

Twiglet said:


> I had a rather frustrating 'customer' yesterday in the form of a 11 or 12 year old lad who had obviously been deposited in the shop whilst his parents were browsing the garden centre.
> 
> After serving three (actual) customers and discussing species specific requirements whilst being almost constantly interrupted by the child in question telling me how he knew everything about fish and having to repeatedly ask this kid to please remove himself from between myself and the tank I'm trying to catch fish out of I was starting to feel a little frayed round the edges.
> I finish with my final customer (who was trying to convince me of the wisdom of child labour and corporal punishment so I get the distinct impression that I wasn't the only one getting fed up) and went to continue my system maintenance.
> The sprog comes charging up to me, claps his hands together gleefully and announces "I've got £6.00 and I know everything about fish. I want to buy some of those (cue vague pointing). I'll come and buy a tank from you in about three months when I've saved enough pocket money for the tank for them as you seem very knowledgeable"
> I asked him where the fish would live until he had the money for his tank:
> "We'll they'll be ok in the bag for a couple of months wont they!"
> No, hun sorry they won't be. Here, lets go and look at a tank set up and I'll show you everything you'll need to do this properly
> "No thanks, I know everything there is to know about fish, I don't need you to tell me stuff I know".
> Cue stroppy child stomping out of the shop loudly telling me I had no idea what I was talking about as new customers were walking in.
> 
> I'm not certain why this brat managed irritated me quite as much as he did but he was certainly a precocious little sod. I do wish people wouldn't use us as a crèche...
> 
> 
> I really don't much like children.


Eurgh, that actually made me angry :lol2: I hate know it alls, especially know it all kids! Should've kicked him in the face while no one was looking.


----------



## spinnin_tom

manda88 said:


> Eurgh, that actually made me angry :lol2: I hate know it alls, especially know it all kids! Should've kicked him in the face while no one was looking.


or whilst everyone was looking :whistling2:

you won't like me too much, i go on and on and on


----------



## manda88

spinnin_tom said:


> or whilst everyone was looking :whistling2:
> 
> you won't like me too much, i go on and on and on


I should have phrased it better, I hate people who THINK they are know it alls, but actually know about as much as an empty sock! People who do know everything may carry on.


----------



## YXZF

alexandkelly said:


> There was one woman who was a regular, and she never got it into her head that it's called a Wrasse, not a RASP.
> "I love rasps, they're my favourite!"
> Well go to a tool shop and get one you daft b:censor:ch!


Loved That :lol2:


----------



## Twiglet

manda88 said:


> Eurgh, that actually made me angry :lol2: I hate know it alls, especially know it all kids! Should've kicked him in the face while no one was looking.


There are no words to describe how tempting that was...


----------



## Herp breeder

had a fair few myself two best were

I want a snake. what type of snake are you after? just standard snake i can keep in my garden once i have secured it.

and a gentleman buying crickets insisted they had to make noise cause he wanted to release them in his garden so he can hear chirping at night:2thumb:


----------



## spinnin_tom

Morphene said:


> A viv with the light off/dark & empty ie. no decor/substrate.... "I can't see anything in that one."


this was a regular thing when i spent a week doing work experience in a shop
it was mainly hamsters and stuff, same principal.

it did make me laugh though, the amount of people that come in to have a wander round the free zoo.. asking ''can i hold this?'' gesturing vaguely at anything. didn't really matter 'cos i just said NO!!


----------



## McToons

Finally after three days gotten to the end of this thread and it's filled in equal measures of awesomeness and complete failure! Love it! :2thumb:

Twiglet your cynical, sarcastic sense of humour has been a cherry on this cake! :no1:

Anyway, yesterday I was in a localish pet shop. Small place with a small exotics section upstairs. This young lad walks in, approximately 12/13yrs old. Asks straight off how much hamsters were, he was given his answer while I bit my tongue not to chip in with "It's cheaper to buy them by the bag than singularly". He then notices the signs pointing upstairs to the reptiles so off he bounds up the stairs. I carry on talking to the shop owner and catching up on how mine were getting on. Couple of minutes later the comes back down and goes straight up to the counter. 

"The big lizard upstairs," The owner looks at him quizzically, "The one this big" out comes the vague sizing of hands. "How much is it?" Myself and the owner both guess he's talking about the adult beardie. So he gets his answer and seems happy with that. "If I buy it now can I touch it?"

"Ummm well not until you have bought it, since we don't allow people to randomly handle of our animals"

"I want to buy it now" So he gets another quizzical look, "You can't just buy a lizard you need to make sure you have all the complete set up for it too, do you have a set up?"

"Well I have everything I need" and then in the next breath, "I can buy that today too".

:hmm:

So the owner exchanges glances with me and tells him quite calmly that he'd need to know what he's doing, have a vivarium fully set up and that it's not as simple as just buying a lizard, it just doesn't work like that. The lad looks at her blankly then says "Do you have budgies? I have everything I need for one of those" So the owner obliging points him in the direction of the bird cages and the lad turns around and wanders off out of the shop!


----------



## RhianB87

The real mice one made me think of an experience I had in a local garden centre,

If you get any frozen food it goes in a little paper bag which you take to the tills.

till person - Is there fish in the bag?
me - no 5 mice
till person - are they alive???? 

Yes... They are doing a great job and lying really still all together. :bash:


----------



## connor 1213

have to say one that really annoys me is 'do you sell kittens/puppies?'
which i reply to nope we dont as we dont feel that anyone can provide the right conditions in a shop so sell such a animal...


----------



## kaimarion

connor 1213 said:


> have to say one that really annoys me is 'do you sell kittens/puppies?'
> which i reply to nope we dont as we dont feel that anyone can provide the right conditions in a shop so sell such a animal...


For a general pet shop it doesn't seem like the worst question(been asked that question hundreds of times) in the world but I would love to find out if anyone's ever went into NeonGecko/other reptile specialist stores and asked that .


----------



## The_Real_Moreliaman

Its funny how someone can ask a stupid question in a shop & we can all joke, take the p*$$ & laugh about it........but if someone on here asks a stupid question & someone replies telling them so.... they get flamed & a friendly reminder handed to them :hmm:


----------



## Ssthisto

kaimarion said:


> For a general pet shop it doesn't seem like the worst question(been asked that question hundreds of times) in the world but I would love to find out if anyone's ever went into NeonGecko/other reptile specialist stores and asked that .


I've been at our favourite local shop when folks have phoned asking if they have cats, dogs, rabbits, guinea pigs...

Granted, they do stock the latter but they wouldn't make amazingly good pets for very long!

And TRMm: It's one thing to joke about silly things that are said in hindsight. It's another thing to get personal when someone has asked a silly question on here and may genuinely want help. If someone came into our local shop and asked a stupid question of my partner or I (since we hang out there long enough that some people have assumed we're staff) you can bet we'd try giving them an intelligent answer, even if we chuckled about the question later.


----------



## The_Real_Moreliaman

I dont get personal with anyone...so please dont start suggesting that i do...i may throw in a bit of sarcasum with a joke & thats it.
and yes i guess you would have to show a certian level of professionalism in someone elses shop, otherwise youd loose them a possible sale....i used to do the same in my shop.


----------



## manda88

I guess this one isn't really particularly relevent, but it made me laugh anyway. I was at a local shop which I visit fairly regularly, and I was holding a young corn snake by the display vivs when a man in his 60s approached me and came out with the following

Man: You're the girl who told off my granddaughter for hitting the glass.
Me: No I'm not.
Man: Yes you are.
Me: When did this happen?
Man: About a year ago.
*Facepalm*
Me: *trying not to laugh in his face* well it definitely wasn't me!
Man: Yes it was!
My OH: We don't work here.
Man: Oh! Oh, then maybe it wasn't you.

REALLY!! :lol2: Even if it had been me, that kid would have deserved being told off for smacking the glass and scaring the animals.
On another note, I was telling lots of other customers about how great snakes are as pets :2thumb: so hopefully I enlightened a few people!


----------



## Lord Vetinari

A few:

"Do snakes poo?" (a mate of mine - accountant no less)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I can give him (a corn) a frozen mouse straight from the freezer right?" 
Staff "no - you will need to defrost it first or end up with a very poorly snake"

The customer was well dressed man in his 30's.... 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mate:"there was this guy, and he had a snake and it was laying next to him at night......."

Me "ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FFS!


----------



## NickBenger

Lord Vetinari said:


> Mate:"there was this guy, and he had a snake and it was laying next to him at night......."
> 
> Me "ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FFS!


I always listen to the story the whole way through hoping it won't be what I think it is...and then wish I'd of stopped them at the beginning :lol2:


----------



## Lord Vetinari

TheDogMan said:


> I always listen to the story the whole way through hoping it won't be what I think it is...and then wish I'd of stopped them at the beginning :lol2:


The usual response is now this:
" Yer wrong".
"But you dont know what I am going to say...."
"I do, yer still wrong"
"But..."
"Shut up"


----------



## NickBenger

Lord Vetinari said:


> The usual response is now this:
> " Yer wrong".
> "But you dont know what I am going to say...."
> "I do, yer still wrong"
> "But..."
> "Shut up"


My conversations usually go... 
"So I had a friend who had a snake" 
"It led on the bed next to them, the vet said it was sizing them up"
"How do you know"
"Maggggggiiiiiiiiiic"


And then I pretend I trained derren brown for a few hours...


----------



## Lord Vetinari

You may (or may not) be interested to know:

I have just conducted a quick straw poll of the section of office I am in. Out of 16 people:

14 had heard the sizing story
1 knew it was wrong.
5 swore blind it was their best mate or a friend of a friend
8 thought it sounded weird or didnt think it made sense but "would probably repeat is as true"

The two that didn't know :

One was Latvian and now thinks the majority of our office are morons.

The other on hearing it:
"Sounds like a load of s*&t" 

They have now all been educated....

Thats my good deed for the day done!


----------



## NickBenger

Lord Vetinari said:


> You may (or may not) be interested to know:
> 
> I have just conducted a quick straw poll of the section of office I am in. Out of 16 people:
> 
> 14 had heard the sizing story
> 1 knew it was wrong.
> 5 swore blind it was their best mate or a friend of a friend
> 8 thought it sounded weird or didnt think it made sense but "would probably repeat is as true"
> 
> The two that didn't know :
> 
> One was Latvian and now thinks the majority of our office are morons.
> 
> The other on hearing it:
> "Sounds like a load of s*&t"
> 
> They have now all been educated....
> 
> Thats my good deed for the day done!


Hahaha wow that's more shocking than I thought!


----------



## Lord Vetinari

TheDogMan said:


> Hahaha wow that's more shocking than I thought!


I was more surprised at the 8 that didnt think it made sense but would repeat it anyway!

1 is still convinced that it was his best mate. He is apparently getting said mate to email me including pics.... 

This I cannot wait for....

If I do actually get it I will post it here (names changed to protect the inocent but moronic obv). However I think said mate was having a wind up.... 

the other 4 look pretty sheepish and have had to admit they were talking bull.


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

i've had every numpty calling my work today and every call i took was just silly.

me: "hello, kennels"
customer: "hi, is that the kennels?"
me: "yes..."

i just wanted to say something like, no, it isn't i just say that for the hell of it, it's really a butchers... 

me: "hello, kennels"
customer: "hi, is that the kennels?"
me: ..." yes..."
customer: "the kennels in rosewell?"
me: 'yes it is.."
customer:" do you board dogs and cats?"
me: ..."yes we do."
customer: "do you take rabbits?"
me: "no, sorry, only cats and dogs"
customer: "so not rabbits?"
me: ..."no, 'fraid not."
customer: "k, bye."
hangs up.

i just thought, what was the point in all that... why ask all those questions in the first place... made me grit my teeth!!


----------



## gld

:lol2:This made me laugh so much! The things people come out with ...


----------



## Twiglet

Customer picks up some aquarium sand, brings it to the desk and asks:

"Excuse me... Is this sand flammable?"


I'm ashamed to admit that I laughed and pointed out that sand is sometimes used to extinguish fires and that fish tanks are generally too wet to spontaneously combust...


----------



## mstypical

Well, can't believe I heard that old one again.

Guy in the post office 'How's your snakes?'

Me 'Good, how's your hamsters?'

Guy 'They're good. You know this guy I used to talk to, his sister had a snake...'

Me 'Don't even say it'

Guy 'It's a true story, she used to let it sleep in her bed when she was single, and it stopped eating after a while, but carried on getting longer, the guy in the pet shop told her it was stretching itself so it could eat her in her sleep...'

Me - makes him feel rather silly in front of 5 customers. Was slightly bemused however to have heard it for myself, not heard it since I was school, at least 10 years :lol2:


----------



## WhiteRabbit

Just had Two of these today, 

*Customer 1*. I bought this snake but there is something wrong with it, (places a cardboard box on the table) *Me.* there certainly is since you left the house it's turned into a bearded dragon. 

*Customer 2.* Do you rent out animals? *Me.* not really, why? *Customer.* I just need one of those corn snakes to poison my boss but i dont want to keep one there crazy to have as a pet. might eat you in your sleep. *Me.* *Bang head on table and wonder how someone like that manages to breath without proper instruction*


----------



## Darklas

(A woman is purchasing a fish.)

Customer: “Now, will I need to fill the tank halfway and add some sand for it to crawl onto?”
Me: “No, ma’am, it’s a fish.”
Customer: *stares in confused silence*
Me: “Fish don’t need to crawl onto land to breathe.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Me: “It will be fine in a full aquarium.”
Customer: “You’d better be right!” *leaves looking dissatisfied*


----------



## patterkillar

quadrapop said:


> i got asked the question about the mice coming back to life today by a customer lol


sorry that mite be my fault 
frozen reptile food coming back to life

it seemed such a good idea at time
but in hind site maybe frozen scorpions was not such a great plan


----------



## NickBenger

WhiteRabbit said:


> *Customer 2.* Do you rent out animals? *Me.* not really, why? *Customer.* I just need one of those corn snakes to poison my boss but i dont want to keep one there crazy to have as a pet. might eat you in your sleep. *Me.* *Bang head on table and wonder how someone like that manages to breath without proper instruction*


That sounds like a bit of a wind up..


----------



## Twiglet

On tuesday I had a customer ask me for a goldfish. I went through all the usual questions with him and he had a four foot tank of nine months old, told me what sort of filter he'd got, how many kilos of rock etc, had T5 lighting etc. All sounded fab. I then asked what he had in the tank already and he replied with "one of those and two of those *points at a damsel and a pair of percula clownfish*, some snails and hermit crabs and this little wrasse thing"

"Ok, so you have a marine tank?"

"Yeah that's the one. It's all saltwater fish" 

"That's lovely. Goldfish however are fresh water. You don't want to keep one in a marine tank"

"Oh bugger. Well that's that plan ruined. I didn't know goldfish weren't marine!"



HOW can you spend nearly a thousand pounds on a marine tank and lovely set up and firstly, plan on putting a goldfish in there and secondly, not know that goldfish don't come from the sea?? The best of it was that he seemed reasonably knowledgeable and was discussing the merits of different protein skimmers with me prior to trying to buy said goldfish...


----------



## patterkillar

anybody eles been asked about how to look after an articulated python


----------



## sn8ks4life

patterkillar said:


> anybody eles been asked about how to look after an articulated python


yep and i got one today, some asked me to look at the chinchillian rose, maybe a tarantula chinchilla cross? never heard of it LMAO, some people, it was even written right infront of her.....


----------



## kaimarion

Just had a good one there, 2 school kids just came in the shop to look at the animals and they were telling us they just stole a bunch of lighters and *** papers from a shop round the corner....

They quickly found themselves outside and banned from the shop.


----------



## Twiglet

"I've got this lobster, he's killed my last 20 puffers. Can you get me some puffers in please?"

erm... no....

I'll be amazed if this woman really HAD purchased and killed* 20* puffers but fancy telling me!

I tried explaining that her 'lobster' isn't fish friendly and to keep him species only. She then announced "thanks anyway. We never really listen to the silly rules about fish. I almost never do a water change and everything is fine we just find the odd neon dead when we clean out the whole tank every six months. Oh, while I'm here, we've got a horrible green water problem and all our fish died from it!"

*cries*

I'm almost certain this woman was just trolling. Surely no one that crap at keeping fish would come into a shop and actually tell you any of this stuff...


----------



## pigglywiggly

Twiglet said:


> On tuesday I had a customer ask me for a goldfish. I went through all the usual questions with him and he had a four foot tank of nine months old, told me what sort of filter he'd got, how many kilos of rock etc, had T5 lighting etc. All sounded fab. I then asked what he had in the tank already and he replied with "one of those and two of those *points at a damsel and a pair of percula clownfish*, some snails and hermit crabs and this little wrasse thing"
> 
> "Ok, so you have a marine tank?"
> 
> "Yeah that's the one. It's all saltwater fish"
> 
> "That's lovely. Goldfish however are fresh water. You don't want to keep one in a marine tank"
> 
> "Oh bugger. Well that's that plan ruined. I didn't know goldfish weren't marine!"
> 
> 
> 
> HOW can you spend nearly a thousand pounds on a marine tank and lovely set up and firstly, plan on putting a goldfish in there and secondly, not know that goldfish don't come from the sea?? The best of it was that he seemed reasonably knowledgeable and was discussing the merits of different protein skimmers with me prior to trying to buy said goldfish...


maybe he was just really `special` and meant an anthias? 
arnt their common names wreckfish and goldfish?


----------



## WhiteRabbit

TheDogMan said:


> That sounds like a bit of a wind up..


 Unfortunately just a nugget


----------



## Jazzy B Bunny

Hello, I'll have a pack of l&b's please... *points at fish food behind counter* 
'sorry, I think you want the newsagents across the road'
*face palm*


----------



## Mujician

Loaches and blennies?


----------



## kaimarion

Don't know what it is but people keep phoning me up asking for rabbits....


----------



## fardilis

kaimarion said:


> Don't know what it is but people keep phoning me up asking for rabbits....


a fiend of mine (who used to work in a shop) was selling some frozen food once and afterwards had a girl walk up to her and read the ff price list , she then asked for a guiny pig so (without realising) she went and got a dead quiny pig out th freezer for her. the girl then burst out crying:gasp:


----------



## pigglywiggly

todays gem - didnt know wether to facepalm or laugh.

" them guinea pigs are looking at me with their teeth.
please make them stop "


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

pigglywiggly said:


> todays gem - didnt know wether to facepalm or laugh.
> 
> " them guinea pigs are looking at me with their teeth.
> please make them stop "


thats more a figure of speech... i hear stuff like that all the time.

i come out with stuff like that like 'keep yer teeth in yer mouth' means 'dont bite me' lmao


----------



## pigglywiggly

it dosnt work with a thick brummie accent though! and she was being deadly serious, which is very scary


----------



## justairplants

Exhibiting at a Flower Show a few months ago with a sales table heaving with Bromeliads - guy comes up to me and asks "Are Bonsai toxic to reptiles?" - hmmm....well given I sell Bromeliads and am opposite a Bonsai nursery I do my best:-

Me: Well it depends on the species of tree
Him: Well, its a Bonsai species innit
Me: Well, translated literarlly a Bonsai is a plant grown in a tray...so could be any type of plant, so when it comes to if its toxic it really does depend on what plant/tree is in the dish.
Him: Look, all I wanted to know is if a Bonsai was safe to use in my viv....you're not being very helpful here....
Me: Why don't you go and ask those guys over there that are selling Bonsai?
Him: Already did...and they didn't tell me anything different to you, which wasn't very helpful
Me::banghead:


----------



## fardilis

justairplants said:


> Exhibiting at a Flower Show a few months ago with a sales table heaving with Bromeliads - guy comes up to me and asks "Are Bonsai toxic to reptiles?" - hmmm....well given I sell Bromeliads and am opposite a Bonsai nursery I do my best:-
> 
> Me: Well it depends on the species of tree
> Him: Well, its a Bonsai species innit
> Me: Well, translated literarlly a Bonsai is a plant grown in a tray...so could be any type of plant, so when it comes to if its toxic it really does depend on what plant/tree is in the dish.
> Him: Look, all I wanted to know is if a Bonsai was safe to use in my viv....you're not being very helpful here....
> Me: Why don't you go and ask those guys over there that are selling Bonsai?
> Him: Already did...and they didn't tell me anything different to you, which wasn't very helpful
> Me::banghead:


how is some1 like that able to kepp planted vivs alive:bash:


----------



## justairplants

fardilis said:


> how is some1 like that able to kepp planted vivs alive:bash:


Actually it wasn't the plants keeping alive that I was concerned about :lol2:

Hmmm.....now have a picture in my head - how amazing would it be to plant out a viv with a Bonsai forest....might need to try that one - proplem is I kill Bonsai if I go within a few feet of them :blush:


----------



## fardilis

justairplants said:


> Actually it wasn't the plants keeping alive that I was concerned about :lol2:
> 
> Hmmm.....now have a picture in my head - how amazing would it be to plant out a viv with a Bonsai forest....might need to try that one - proplem is I kill Bonsai if I go within a few feet of them :blush:



bonsai would look abit strange in a viv i think

a really big viv with a really big tree mabey


----------



## justairplants

fardilis said:


> bonsai would look abit strange in a viv i think
> 
> a really big viv with a really big tree mabey


Ahhh....depends on the size of the viv though....think of a mid sized viv with a mini-forest at the back....could look absolutely stunning....guess one of the asthetic problems might be the size of the other foliage plants - Pothos for example would look really stupid with dinky trees....although a more delicate climber like Ficus pumila would probably scale up quite well....at least in a tropical viv you might stand a decent chance of keeping the Bonsai alive...
Gill


----------



## beaniebopps

justairplants said:


> Ahhh....depends on the size of the viv though....think of a mid sized viv with a mini-forest at the back....could look absolutely stunning....guess one of the asthetic problems might be the size of the other foliage plants - Pothos for example would look really stupid with dinky trees....although a more delicate climber like Ficus pumila would probably scale up quite well....at least in a tropical viv you might stand a decent chance of keeping the Bonsai alive...
> Gill


My last bonsai lived for an entire 14 months, I was really chuffed with myself. Then it just died all of a sudden, I have no idea what went wrong. I've just given up on bonsai completely now :devil:


----------



## Mujician

Off topic, but:
Bonsai are trees. Trees live outside. Take a look around, go on!!! So bonsai for the most part should, and can live outside. Only tropical trees should be kept inside and even then can be placed outside from spring to autumn. The key thing about bonsai is you need to keep them watered. My trees outside during the summer would get soaked every evening. This way the leaves can be sprayed to get moisture everywhere and they don't get scorched. The soil also retains the moisture more than if you were to water them in the morning.


----------



## fardilis

Mujician said:


> Off topic, but:
> Bonsai are trees. Trees live outside. Take a look around, go on!!! So bonsai for the most part should, and can live outside. Only tropical trees should be kept inside and even then can be placed outside from spring to autumn. The key thing about bonsai is you need to keep them watered. My trees outside during the summer would get soaked every evening. This way the leaves can be sprayed to get moisture everywhere and they don't get scorched. The soil also retains the moisture more than if you were to water them in the morning.


the customer that told you that doesn't sound stupid


----------



## Mujician

fardilis said:


> the customer that told you that doesn't sound stupid


It was a response to help the person who posted above, it clearly states "off topic"


----------



## fardilis

Mujician said:


> It was a response to help the person who posted above, it clearly states "off topic"


i know, it was a joke.

on topic:
heard this in a reptile shop a few days ago (the shop had 'Reptiles' in it's name).

'excuse me, do you sell reptiles?'
'yes we do.'
'do you just reptiles?'
'yes'
'sorry i don't like reptiles'
*customer leaves*
:bash:


----------



## Twiglet

McToons said:


> Finally after three days gotten to the end of this thread and it's filled in equal measures of awesomeness and complete failure! Love it! :2thumb:
> 
> Twiglet your cynical, sarcastic sense of humour has been a cherry on this cake! :no1:


Why thank you! *bows*



Lord Vetinari said:


> The usual response is now this:
> " Yer wrong".
> "But you dont know what I am going to say...."
> "I do, yer still wrong"
> "But..."
> "Shut up"


I'm going to have to start utilising this response methinks. 



pigglywiggly said:


> maybe he was just really `special` and meant an anthias?
> arnt their common names wreckfish and goldfish?


You'd think wouldn't you? But nope, he was showing me the blackmoors and ryukins that he was interested in. Kind of makes it sadder.



fardilis said:


> on topic:
> heard this in a reptile shop a few days ago (the shop had 'Reptiles' in it's name).
> 
> 'excuse me, do you sell reptiles?'
> 'yes we do.'
> 'do you just reptiles?'
> 'yes'
> 'sorry i don't like reptiles'
> *customer leaves*
> :bash:


I had another person ring last week and ask if we sell fish. Nah, I was only screwing with you when I answered the phone stating the company name at you which includes the word 'Aquatics'. We actually sell dresses.

Last week...
One of my regular and most favourite customers who is very posh old lady that amusing swears like a trooper came in sounding terrible:

Customer: **COUGH COUGH, SPLUTTER, COUGH!!** (I think she might have been coughing by the way)
Me: "Are you alright there m'dear?"
Customer: (suddenly crosses legs and her eyes bug a bit) "Good god, I'm far too old to be able to cough that hard and not dribble a bit!"
Me, well I pulled this face ....:gasp: :gasp: :gasp:

I mean, what does one say when an old lady jokes about her mild incontinence? "Here, I got you a tissue. Oh and can I recommend that you spend more time on your pelvic floor exercises"??


----------



## Bradley

Last week...
One of my regular and most favourite customers who is very posh old lady that amusing swears like a trooper came in sounding terrible:

Customer: **COUGH COUGH, SPLUTTER, COUGH!!** (I think she might have been coughing by the way)
Me: "Are you alright there m'dear?"
Customer: (suddenly crosses legs and her eyes bug a bit) "Good god, I'm far too old to be able to cough that hard and not dribble a bit!"
Me, well I pulled this face ....:gasp: :gasp: :gasp:

I mean, what does one say when an old lady jokes about her mild incontinence? "Here, I got you a tissue. Oh and can I recommend that you spend more time on your pelvic floor exercises"??[/QUOTE]

You have to laugh when things like this happen!


----------



## motorhead

only just found this,priceless and just 16 pages in!! will be back for more tomorrow!!


----------



## NickBenger

My nan this evening

*I bring boa in and sit next to her* 
"Don't bring her near me, she might pinch my dinner" 
...... She was eating pasta.


----------



## cloggers

TheDogMan said:


> My nan this evening
> 
> *I bring boa in and sit next to her*
> "Don't bring her near me, she might pinch my dinner"
> ...... She was eating pasta.


bless her! :roll2:

My mate asked me whilst we were feeding the snakes at college the other week if when you defrosted the rats, would they come back to live.. I let her off since she was still recovering from the night before :lol2:


----------



## Twiglet

Yesterday I had a gentleman trying to convince me that fish don't need to be fed, they eat the water. I'm sure this sin't the first time I've heard this one but seriously...

No so much a stupid thing hear but a disgusting thing witnessed:

Lady wanders around shop with her obviously poorly child say on her hip. She leaned forward so that the little girl could have a closer look at the tanks just as the little las sneezed really hard and snotted all over one of my tanks.
The mum (and I kid you not) wiped the snot off with the arm of her jumper and legged it. I just stood there pulling disgusted faces.

This comes a week after a little girl came up to me smiling and said "squoooose me... " and handed me a bogie.

Now HER mother was mortified and didn't stop apologising!


----------



## NickBenger

cloggers said:


> bless her! :roll2:
> 
> My mate asked me whilst we were feeding the snakes at college the other week if when you defrosted the rats, would they come back to live.. I let her off since she was still recovering from the night before :lol2:


Lol I've heard this one before I think people get this from the fly thing. 



Twiglet said:


> Yesterday I had a gentleman trying to convince me that fish don't need to be fed, they eat the water. I'm sure this sin't the first time I've heard this one but seriously...


LOL!


----------



## LarkaDawg

These are excellent!!!


----------



## kaimarion

Had a customer come in the other day asking when her 2 year old corn snake would start growing it's teeth in as it was still too young to have any *epic facepalm*....


----------



## Lord Vetinari

Twiglet said:


> Yesterday I had a gentleman trying to convince me that fish don't need to be fed, they eat the water. I'm sure this sin't the first time I've heard this one but seriously...
> 
> No so much a stupid thing hear but a disgusting thing witnessed:
> 
> Lady wanders around shop with her obviously poorly child say on her hip. She leaned forward so that the little girl could have a closer look at the tanks just as the little las sneezed really hard and snotted all over one of my tanks.
> The mum (and I kid you not) wiped the snot off with the arm of her jumper and legged it. I just stood there pulling disgusted faces.
> 
> This comes a week after a little girl came up to me smiling and said "squoooose me... " and handed me a bogie.
> 
> Now HER mother was mortified and didn't stop apologising!


Yeah... I don't miss working with the public...:lol2:


----------



## Salzburg

I worked at a reptile house over the summer and we always had lots of public around checking out the animals.

I got the usual "do they bite?" comments almost every day, that was always a pain. Of course they can bite, they have a mouth don't they??
I've had someone ask me if the royals can kill you and eat you (they were serious, they were eying up the snake as if it was a huge retic or something...)
Someone else thought the blue tongued skink was a gila monster :lol2:
Worst one was when we had a dwarf caiman out, and this kid ran up wanting to give it a hug!! That was a close call!


----------



## Twiglet

Salzburg said:


> I worked at a reptile house over the summer and we always had lots of public around checking out the animals.
> 
> *I got the usual "do they bite?" comments almost every day, that was always a pain. Of course they can bite, they have a mouth don't they??*
> I've had someone ask me if the royals can kill you and eat you (they were serious, they were eying up the snake as if it was a huge retic or something...)
> Someone else thought the blue tongued skink was a gila monster :lol2:
> Worst one was when we had a dwarf caiman out, and this kid ran up wanting to give it a hug!! That was a close call!


I always love that one. Yes, it *can* bite but unless provoked it won't. I can bite but I choose not to... most of the time :b
The one I invariable get asked is 'is it poisonous?' No and it isn't venomous either. Like I'd hand your child a taipan ffs!
Some of it is obviously lack of understanding which is entirely fair enough given that most people won't know one end of a snake from the other but a lot of stuff just requires people to take a breath and THINK for a few seconds before asking for example if the snake I've just give their sprog to handle is capable of killing them....

When asking a customer the usual questions a couple of days ago prior to selling them a fish or 6 the customer told be they had a dinosaur in their tank. When pushed for a (more accurate) description of their fish I ended up further confused so I asked them to point out a fish that looked like it from our systems...

"It might be one of these" *My customer points at a plec* 
"Or maybe one of these" *My customer points at a crab*

I've asked them to return with a photo of the 'dinosaur' so that we can establish if it is a fish or a crab and can therefore decide what fish can go with it before I sell them anything. 


You know, I'd been rather proud of managing to keep my last little shred of sanity well chained up but I think this customer may have liberated it forever.

Goodbye my sanity, it was nice knowing you!


----------



## kaimarion

Just had a customer ask "do you sell animals in here", after looking round the shop and missing the price tags on all the enclosures :mrgreen:.


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

i had a daft person at the kennels today asking how to train their aggressive dog, turns out it was a 4 month old puppy! some people shouldnt have dogs.


----------



## RhianB87

This is honestly what I heard at a garden centre a few weeks ago.

"theres the worlds fattest snake"
"I've seen the worlds fattest snake"
"annalise look at the worlds fattest snake!
"theres the worlds fattest snake"
"come look at the worlds fattest snake"
"annalise look at it!"
(all by the same child of about 13!)

... I started to wonder what it could be as the biggest they have are royals.

Turns out the idiot is pointing at a horned frog!


----------



## fardilis

> I used to have an african green treefrog but it kept escaping I the night and trying to eat me.



I honestly heard this.


----------



## spinnin_tom

FallenAngel said:


> This is honestly what I heard at a garden centre a few weeks ago.
> 
> "theres the worlds fattest snake"
> "I've seen the worlds fattest snake"
> "annalise look at the worlds fattest snake!
> "theres the worlds fattest snake"
> "come look at the worlds fattest snake"
> "annalise look at it!"
> (all by the same child of about 13!)
> 
> ... I started to wonder what it could be as the biggest they have are royals.
> 
> Turns out the idiot is pointing at a horned frog!


takes all sorts :whistling2:



fardilis said:


> I honestly heard this.


they're known for eating people..


----------



## MaskFac3

Not actually at a petshop but at school I heard that black widows get to over 50cms and that Goliath birdeaters jump out of trees to catch birds midflight


----------



## Twiglet

*points at axolotl* "look son, that fish is turning into a tortoise!"

"Oh look, a boa constrictor python! I used to keep boa constrictor pythons!"


----------



## Rhianna.J

My latest this week:

Customer: Wheres all your cold water tetras?
Me: Cold water tetra? Do you mind explaining a little for me?
Customer looks at me like im an idiot: Well, like neons and that. 
Me: Neon tetra are tropical fish, not cold water. They need to be kept in warm water. 
Customer acts like im idiot: Well, ive kept them for over 10 years in cold water. 
His wife: Yeah and they all been fine. 
Me, getting annoyed: Well, if you buy any basic tropical aquarium book, they will all say that neon tetra are tropical fish, not cold water fish. 
Customers leave, not believing a word im saying, cos im an idiot.

Customer 2: Can i keep a turtle in a vivarium.
Me: No, they need to live in water so a glass tank like these are ideal *shows her around the turtle setups. 
Customer: Well, you's keep them in vivariums, and they have no water. 
Me: Thats a tortoise. The turtles are behind you. In a fish tank, with water.....

But one question i cannot stand is: Is it real? 

But, that was last week!


----------



## henry415

Best thread on the WWW ! Keep them coming!:2thumb::notworthy:


----------



## Erinaceinae

Not quite a customer.. but i was telling my friend that i was going 'lambing' this week... 

He then had to ask what lambing is and what is the difference between a sheep and a lamb. He's 18 and has lived in the countryside all his life.


----------



## Rhianna.J

I actually really despair for the state of education in others at times! God, that makes me sound old! lol 

I had a mother with her partner and kids come into the shop.
Mother, while pointing into a viv: ooh look at that snake kids. 
The partner: oooh thats a little one that. Some snakes can get to over 40 foot. (ever the expert)
Kids: WOW!

They were pointing and talking about a bearded dragon.... I wish i was making this up. 

I learned when i was about THREE that snakes dont have legs!!! I would almost understand if they were talking about a berber skink or something, but a bearded dragon? *sighs*


----------



## ginna

i over heard a bloke in a petshop 

*looking in a tank of indian stick insects*
"oh look its a scorpion"

i was like are you just blind or cant you read the big notice that says S.I.C.K I.N.S.E.C.T.S :L hahahaha


----------



## spinnin_tom

ginna said:


> i over heard a bloke in a petshop
> 
> *looking in a tank of indian stick insects*
> "oh look its a scorpion"
> 
> i was like are you just blind or cant you read the big notice that says S.I.C.K I.N.S.E.C.T.S :L hahahaha


i got told stick insects don't need to eat .
she didn't work there, it was just some random old lady
:lol2:


----------



## ginna

spinnin_tom said:


> i got told stick insects don't need to eat .
> she didn't work there, it was just some random old lady
> :lol2:


LOL .. this thread is hilarious ... some of the people should be shot :L hahahahah 



there was also this woman that said it was cruel to keep a rabbit in a cage like that ... it was a chinchilla :L ha


----------



## spinnin_tom

ginna said:


> LOL .. this thread is hilarious ... some of the people should be shot :L hahahahah
> 
> 
> 
> there was also this woman that said it was cruel to keep a rabbit in a cage like that ... it was a chinchilla :L ha


oh my god that made me almost pee myself.
somebody spend about 20 minutes trying to find a kitten in this cage (shop takes in unwanted litters) with a sign above saying something like we don't have any kittens. she was convinced there was a kitten though :whistling2:

i think if i had something cool like a minigun, the amount of stupid people in the world would go down


----------



## ginna

i would have to take a bb gun into work if i worked at a petshop :L hahahaha then BOOM straight between the eyes ... teach them to ask stupid questions :L hahahah also the scar on their head would remind them how to look after them :L hahaha


----------



## justairplants

ginna said:


> i was like are you just blind or cant you read the big notice that says S.I.C.K I.N.S.E.C.T.S :L hahahaha


Were they ill?:whistling2::lol2:


----------



## kaimarion

Just had a customer ask if we go out and catch all of our livefoods with a net.


----------



## kaimarion

My GF just got asked how poisonous the crested geckos are.
*sigh*


----------



## spinnin_tom

kaimarion said:


> My GF just got asked how poisonous the crested geckos are.
> *sigh*


i don't get it.
they'll kill you with their poison.
people lick them and get high


----------



## Jenface

My friends asked me if that happened with my white's tree frogs. There were no words


----------



## rosabuttons

Can I just say thank you Twiglet for starting this thread!! :2thumb:
My boyfriend used to work for a reptile shop and reading these comments reminded me of all the stories he used to tell me when coming home from work.
We have read some of the posts, but found your starting post so funny we nearly wet ourselves!!
:lol2: Cheers!


----------



## kaimarion

Just got this comment on one of the pictures on our facebook page.
How do I even reply to that!?


----------



## SuperSpeedyWheels

kaimarion said:


> Just got this comment on one of the pictures on our facebook page.
> How do I even reply to that!?


:lol2: .... ummm!


----------



## Rhianna.J

I got another corker the other day. 

"do reptiles see?" 

*scratches head*


----------



## pippin9050

this isnt that funny but i was i a garden centre with reptile once and the lady in the shop said cresties like there food mouldy:bash:


----------



## RhianB87

Not in a shop but on facebook.

I saw someone post a photo asking about breeding "ghekkos" they have two which laid eggs. When asked what type of ghekko they are apparently lemon ghekkos..
How can you own it and not know what it is!

Then someone else posted a photo of a crestie and someone asked if it was a snake because of its big head and eyes. I guess they didnt see the legs. 

:bash:


----------



## Ben W

A customer once told me ( when i ran a pet shop), that she took a stick insect to a vet with a suspected broken leg, apparently the vet removed the leg and charged her a fiver :lol2:
Personally i wouldnt have told anyone that story.


----------



## The Phantom Lady

Two I've heard about Chameleons which made me laugh.

When I went to a reptile pet shop a few years back to get some more crickets for my veiled and panther chameleon, a kid was looking at these baby veileds and on the end of the tail from the tip to half way up the base was dark, it looked like it had been jammed in a cage door or something. Anyway the shop owner and by the sounds of knew f*ck all goes to the kid "Oh don't worry about the tail, it'll fall off"  was thinking "Its not a gecko" 

Another one was "Can you breed a veiled with a panther chameleon" 

xD


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

Ben W said:


> A customer once told me ( when i ran a pet shop), that she took a stick insect to a vet with a suspected broken leg, apparently the vet removed the leg and charged her a fiver :lol2:
> Personally i wouldnt have told anyone that story.


lmao at the vet! now thats how you make money


----------



## Robbie

pippin9050 said:


> this isnt that funny but i was i a garden centre with reptile once and the lady in the shop said cresties like there food mouldy:bash:


That's true, to a certain extent. Loads of crestie whole fruit diets are made of over-ripe fruits, mashed.


----------



## pippin9050

Robbie said:


> That's true, to a certain extent. Loads of crestie whole fruit diets are made of over-ripe fruits, mashed.


Thats true but she said you had to wait for the mashed food to grow mould on it before feeding it to them


----------



## Christie_ZXR

FallenAngel said:


> Then someone else posted a photo of a crestie and someone asked if it was a snake because of its big head and eyes. I guess they didnt see the legs.
> 
> :bash:



My mum won't go near my o/h's Leo because she's convinced it looks like a snake! :lol2: The Beardie is apparently okay, despite the "horrible spikey bits"


----------



## Robbie

Christie_ZXR said:


> My mum won't go near my o/h's Leo because she's convinced it looks like a snake! :lol2: The Beardie is apparently okay, despite the "horrible spikey bits"


Sadly alot of our customers are as misinformed. We had a Blue Tongue Skink (adult) in the shop for a while. Alot of customers would come up to the desk and ask me, grinning... "Is that a Crocodile?". Despite the label and price in bright red, directly beside the vivarium.


----------



## Junior13reptilez

When I was in a shop a father and son were looking at a skink:
Son: 'look dad it's a skink'
Dad: 'no it's a snake with legs' - actually being serious though.:gasp:


----------



## Jacko24

not animal based (i'll let you decided if it is or not)

im a trainee primary teacher and im doing a placement in a year 3 class (7-8 yr olds) and i was teaching a lesson about Australia and asked if anyone know who or what the Aborigines were and the only reply i got was "are they a band?"

the fate of the world is :censor:ed


----------



## justairplants

Our Flower Show season has just started and is a choice time hear stupid comments. Heard the following at Malvern Garden Show when people were looking at our display. For those that don't know, we display and sell Bromeliads:-

Man to son:-
Look at this one. A display of cacti in the Amazon rainforest.

I'd put some very bright red coloured Tillandsia (airplants) into a Phoenix palm as part of our exhibit. A punter was looking at it long and hard and then came over to me:-

Man: What type of palm is that?
Me: A Phoenix palm
Man: Does it flower like that every year?


And the best one (I think):-

Woman telling her son about our display:-

Woman: These plants are all Bromeliads. They come from the rainforest
(OK so far she actually recognised them)
Son: What do they do?
Woman: They are carnivorous. They eat Tree Frogs!!!!


----------



## pigglywiggly

" have you got some of that viacom to clean the cages with"


seems its virkon disinfectant - easily confused with a film company :whistling2:


----------



## SporAkaJohn

In an exotic pet shop yesterday talking to one of the staff about salamanders and I pointed to the axolotl and he says "that's not a salamander, although salamanders look similar to it when they are young and salamanders are forced by the owner to morph with iodine anyway that's why they only live for about 2 years"


----------



## dunkyg

Not animal related but:

I'm a paramedic and see more than my fare share of societies "less informed" people.

Me: Do you work? (quite clearly she didnt but i was just trying to make conversation)

Her: No I cant work, I'm homophobic.

Me: ????? doesn't that mean your scared of/ don't like, gay people?

Her: (looking at me as if i'm a complete retard) No. Im _HOMOPHOBIC_,
I'm too scared to leave my HOME.

:gasp::gasp::gasp::gasp::lol2:


Similar to agoraphobia i think :lol2::lol2:


----------



## Kuja

SporAkaJohn said:


> In an exotic pet shop yesterday talking to one of the staff about salamanders and I pointed to the axolotl and he says "that's not a salamander, although salamanders look similar to it when they are young and salamanders are forced by the owner to morph with iodine anyway that's why they only live for about 2 years"



that would be correct when talking about axolotl's and forcing them to morph(least from what i remember) although it isn't the case for all salamanders lmao, can just see people poring iodine in ponds around the world.

and for myself, i keep hearing the snake spreading itself next to you story lmao.
someone said it a while back i just laughed, my mother turned round and said a friend of hers said a vet said, and finally a mate said his sisters friend who works in a zoo said... all within about 2 weeks lmao, news spreads fast!

my mother would not believe me when i burst out laughing, apparently her friend had a BIG snake might have to go see her titanoboa


----------



## CPT BJ

Had one today...

Customer came in, said do we do swaps with livestock, i said we can or we can offer credit or cash. He said he had a couple of adult Albino Milksnakes. I asked him a few questions like what sex's and species he didnt know the specific species (which is never a good sign!).

I said how much you looking for, he said he paid £160 each for them, i told him he was done over with them and we wouldnt offer anywhere near that! I asked him if he had a picture of them. He showed me a picture of them and they were normal Pueblan Milksnakes not albinos. God knows how you wouldnt know the difference in that!

Apparently a shop in Sheffield ages ago sold him them as Albino Milksnakes for £160, sounds like he was done! He then said he needs to sell ASAP as he's moving out the country and asked if he could swap them for a tortoise, but i said if your selling cos your moving country why get another reptile???

The mind boggles!


----------



## justairplants

More Flower Show stuff....this time Gardener's World Live 2012....we had two entirely different plants for sale - not even remotely similar apart from one had a pink bract with pretty blue flowers, thin leaves and was an airplant (Tillandsia aeranthos)...the other is a big, big Bromeliad - thick green leaves, tank type, potted and a very large, spikey bract coloured pink/purple/blue/white (Aechmea Blue Rain) - if you can be bothered google images for both and you will see the difference. We got so fed up of being asked if they were the same we ran a score chart challenge one day - I think I won 30 to 25 - lol.....best one was:-

Customer: How long will it take one of these to grow into one of those?
Me: Given it is an entirely different species not to mention genus, I don't think it will happen in my lifetime or yours

Actually I think I deserve bonus points for selling to Till. aeranthos before the customer actually asked if it would grow from a 6" airplant into a 2 foot pot plant....no worries she bought the pot plant on mail order...

Others on the Aechmea Blue Rain:-

Is it fake?
Did you paint it?
and
Customer: Does the flower last forever?
Me: Well, like most flowers it doesn't, but the blooms on these will last for a good few months.
Customer: Well that's not good enough. I want a plant that has a flower that will last forever. Do you have any? 
Me: No
Customer: Do you know of any plants where the flower will last forever?
Me: Plastic ones :2wallbang:


----------



## NickBenger

Me and my friend were having a conversation about reptiles and someone else joined in it went like this. 

My Friend: You have so many more reptiles than me now!
Me: Yeah, but I'm still jealous of all your baby frilled dragons 
Girl: Oh my god, you have dragons?
My Friend: Yeah
Girl: But don't they?.... Have wings and stuff?
Me: Well, think about it bearded dragons don't have wings
Girl: Yeah but they're not REALLY dragons are they!

hahaha


----------



## Robbie

SporAkaJohn said:


> In an exotic pet shop yesterday talking to one of the staff about salamanders and I pointed to the axolotl and he says "that's not a salamander, although salamanders look similar to it when they are young and salamanders are forced by the owner to morph with iodine anyway that's why they only live for about 2 years"


There's truth in that. Almost.


----------



## justairplants

Not a customer but so stupid it just has to be told....

Everyone's recycling bins are at the end of their drives for emptying. I'm expecting a parcel. We get a card through the door from the Post Office saying "Package left in recycling bin" :banghead:
Get outside just in time to see the dustmen returning empty recycling bin....


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

justairplants said:


> Not a customer but so stupid it just has to be told....
> 
> Everyone's recycling bins are at the end of their drives for emptying. I'm expecting a parcel. We get a card through the door from the Post Office saying "Package left in recycling bin" :banghead:
> Get outside just in time to see the dustmen returning empty recycling bin....


oh dear!


----------



## Rhianna.J

justairplants said:


> Not a customer but so stupid it just has to be told....
> 
> Everyone's recycling bins are at the end of their drives for emptying. I'm expecting a parcel. We get a card through the door from the Post Office saying "Package left in recycling bin" :banghead:
> Get outside just in time to see the dustmen returning empty recycling bin....


Your kidding? What did you do?


----------



## justairplants

Rhianna.J said:


> Your kidding? What did you do?


Well, there was nothing that could be done....it has taken me almost a week to learn to laugh about losing £55 worth of stuff.....but hey, ho....stuff happens sometimes....


----------



## Rhianna.J

justairplants said:


> Well, there was nothing that could be done....it has taken me almost a week to learn to laugh about losing £55 worth of stuff.....but hey, ho....stuff happens sometimes....


I would of rang the Postal service and had their job!!!! idiots!

i thought mine was bad! We get parcels all the time, whether it be books or dvds for me, or car parts for my OH. 

Came in from work numerous times with a parcel half in the letter box, half out, soaking wet in the pissing down rain. Opened it up. It was a book. Its not anymore. Its more like a paper masche mess. 

And big envelopes that clearly say Dont Bend? Yup, bent....


----------



## Jaina_Organasolo

Here's my all time favourite random customer (we have a few)...I work in a high street jewellers. We sell Jewellery, clocks, ornaments and bits and bobs.

The customer was a regular who buys cheap stuff occasionally.

Me- "Hi, Do you need any help?"

Lady - "Yes. Can you tell me, do you sell gifts for cats?"

Me (confused) - "Do you mean you want a gift with a cat on it, like an ornament or something?" 

Lady - "No. I'd like to buy a gift. For a Cat."

Me - "Erm...I'd try the Pet Shop maybe?"

I explained where the Petshop was and off she went...I've no idea what she thought a Jewellers would do for cats....

I also recently had a polite elderly well spoken gent who informed me he collected Pigs on Bikes (especially Monocycles..)....:whistling2:


----------



## GECKO MICK

Someone once came to purchase a leopard gecko off me. I couldnt believe it when the lady said to me is it true they get there name because they can run at around 30mph.I quickly informed her that i think you are thinking of a cheetah my dear.Oh and yes it is true.:gasp:


----------



## manda88

I've been asked by a colleague if my snakes give birth/lay eggs out of their mouth.
The same colleague has also asked if I can put my snakes in a run for exercise, but then said 'Oh maybe not actually cos I guess it could just climb up the walls and get out.'

No. No it can't.

(Yes I have seen the videos on YouTube of snakes climbing brick walls, but not the nice shiny smooth walls we have inside my house, before any of you smart arses say it )


----------



## SuperSpeedyWheels

GECKO MICK said:


> Someone once came to purchase a leopard gecko off me. I couldnt believe it when the lady said to me is it true they get there name because they can run at around 30mph.I quickly informed her that i think you are thinking of a cheetah my dear.Oh and yes it is true.:gasp:


cheetas run at about 60....:whistling2:


----------



## Stivali

Elderly German woman enters petshop I worked at as a kid and declares to the shop owner 
"Dis goldfish you sold me is giving me no satisfaction"
Long pause as the shop staff exchange glances and try to keep straightfaced. Finally one answers "give him a chance love, he's only a baby and he hardly knows you yet!"


----------



## RaphealDonatello

Was in my local reptile store and this woman noticed I had all my tortoise gear on, tee, earrings, pendant and tortoise back pack she then said 
"oh do you have tortoises?"
me-"yes got three they are lovely and they love weeds."
woman disgusted- "weed you should be ashamed of yourself!"
she then marched off me wondering what the hell just happened.


----------



## Moshpitviper

Here's a classic from my old place of work....

Dude - 'Ere mate, can i hold that?'

Me - 'That monocled Cobra? No sir... no you cannot'

Dude - 'Why not?!?'

Me - 'I just told you why, it's a cobra.... You will die, and i have a lot of work to do today'

Dude - 'It wont bite me....'

Me - 'oooooooh kaaaaaaay.... Come over here mate, Stick your hand in there (Kalatoa retics viv slides open)'

Dude - 'F*** off mate! It'll BITE me!'

Me - 'And what makes you think My Cobras wont?'

Dude - 'I got a tattoo of one on my shoulder.... look....'

Me - 'Oh dear lord'.

These sort of people are out there folks. be afraid.


----------



## spinnin_tom

Moshpitviper said:


> Here's a classic from my old place of work....
> 
> Dude - 'Ere mate, can i hold that?'
> 
> Me - 'That monocled Cobra? No sir... no you cannot'
> 
> Dude - 'Why not?!?'
> 
> Me - 'I just told you why, it's a cobra.... You will die, and i have a lot of work to do today'
> 
> Dude - 'It wont bite me....'
> 
> Me - 'oooooooh kaaaaaaay.... Come over here mate, Stick your hand in there (Kalatoa retics viv slides open)'
> 
> Dude - 'F*** off mate! It'll BITE me!'
> 
> Me - 'And what makes you think My Cobras wont?'
> 
> Dude - 'I got a tattoo of one on my shoulder.... look....'
> 
> Me - 'Oh dear lord'.
> 
> These sort of people are out there folks. be afraid.


hopefully he hasn't passed on his genes


----------



## connor 1213

Customer: I have a 25ltr pen pal (plastic tank) so can I have 4 koi carp please...

:gasp:

The koi she is pointing to are 5-6inch

----------

Customer: what kind of snake can you keep in the fridge?

----------

Customer: oh I see you have a chameleon!
Member of staff: Yeah, there it is just th......
Customer: its fine ill fine it, I'm a expert in reptiles!
Customer: ah! Found it! Wow its tiny, but small to be selling, its far to young!
Member of staff: That's actually a locust...:gasp:

------------

Customer talking about a ringneck parrot

Customer: do you leave that in that cage constantly???
Staff: yes
Customer: its gonna die of dehydration!
Staff: no, its Got a dish of water in its cage
Customer: no! It's the darkness that makes them dehydrated!


Gota love them


----------



## spinnin_tom

connor 1213 said:


> Customer: oh I see you have a chameleon!
> Member of staff: Yeah, there it is just th......
> Customer: its fine ill fine it, I'm a expert in reptiles!
> Customer: ah! Found it! Wow its tiny, but small to be selling, its far to young!
> Member of staff: That's actually a locust...:gasp:



oh god. that's too good


----------



## ginna

I hate Stupid people.


----------



## Embo

I have just finished reading this entire thread... it's kept me entertained for days at work!! 

Now for my addition...

At work, talking about the Emperor scorpions I got for my OH. I got the whole 'are they poisonous?' thing and 'have you had the stinger removed?'... then I got this little gem, said quite matter-of-factly, even after explaining that the sting for this type of scorp has been likened to a bee sting...

'If it stings you, that means you have to eat it to get the anti-venom'...

*facepalm*

And once, by bf's mum said about our B.smithi - 'why don't you take it into the garden and let it have a run around?'.

I get that not everyone knows about herps & inverts, but to think a tarantula would need to go into the garden for a 'run'?? But his parents aren't the most animal savvy...

When their dog is growling at them and quite likely ready to bite, they coo at it - 'Ahh, you're showing me your teeth! Are you smiling at me??'

And upon said dog growling and going for my bf (this happens every day), he shoos her away with a soft-bristled house broom to avoid getting bitten. His parents scream & shout not to do that, even if she is growling and trying to bite him in case it upsets her. 

Honestly, bringing in dog licences wouldn't be the worst thing. 

Oh, and this super agressive dog of theirs... it's a Japanese Spitz. And when comparing it to my super-soft Bullmastiff (whom my 10, 8 & 2 year old nephews run around with, play with & climb all over with not even a hint of any aggression whatsoever), his parents rant about how they're completely different and their dog is 'more than just a dog'... 

Yeah, it's a liability!! SOME :censor: PEOPLE!! URGH!!!


----------



## Lord Vetinari

Moshpitviper said:


> Here's a classic from my old place of work....
> 
> Dude - 'Ere mate, can i hold that?'
> 
> Me - 'That monocled Cobra? No sir... no you cannot'
> 
> Dude - 'Why not?!?'
> 
> Me - 'I just told you why, it's a cobra.... You will die, and i have a lot of work to do today'
> 
> Dude - 'It wont bite me....'
> 
> Me - 'oooooooh kaaaaaaay.... Come over here mate, Stick your hand in there (Kalatoa retics viv slides open)'
> 
> Dude - 'F*** off mate! It'll BITE me!'
> 
> Me - 'And what makes you think My Cobras wont?'
> 
> Dude - 'I got a tattoo of one on my shoulder.... look....'
> 
> Me - 'Oh dear lord'.
> 
> These sort of people are out there folks. be afraid.


I worry about the state of the world where people like that are alowed to walk around by themselves....


----------



## spinnin_tom

Embo said:


> I have just finished reading this entire thread... it's kept me entertained for days at work!!
> 
> Now for my addition...
> 
> At work, talking about the Emperor scorpions I got for my OH. I got the whole 'are they poisonous?' thing and 'have you had the stinger removed?'... then I got this little gem, said quite matter-of-factly, even after explaining that the sting for this type of scorp has been likened to a bee sting...
> 
> 'If it stings you, that means you have to eat it to get the anti-venom'...
> 
> *facepalm*
> 
> And once, by bf's mum said about our B.smithi - 'why don't you take it into the garden and let it have a run around?'.
> 
> I get that not everyone knows about herps & inverts, but to think a tarantula would need to go into the garden for a 'run'?? But his parents aren't the most animal savvy...
> 
> When their dog is growling at them and quite likely ready to bite, they coo at it - 'Ahh, you're showing me your teeth! Are you smiling at me??'
> 
> And upon said dog growling and going for my bf (this happens every day), he shoos her away with a soft-bristled house broom to avoid getting bitten. His parents scream & shout not to do that, even if she is growling and trying to bite him in case it upsets her.
> 
> Honestly, bringing in dog licences wouldn't be the worst thing.
> 
> Oh, and this super agressive dog of theirs... it's a Japanese Spitz. And when comparing it to my super-soft Bullmastiff (whom my 10, 8 & 2 year old nephews run around with, play with & climb all over with not even a hint of any aggression whatsoever), his parents rant about how they're completely different and their dog is 'more than just a dog'...
> 
> Yeah, it's a liability!! SOME :censor: PEOPLE!! URGH!!!



i take my spiders outside sometimes, for photos


----------



## justairplants

kaimarion said:


> Just got this comment on one of the pictures on our facebook page.
> How do I even reply to that!?


How about, "no it's a puppy - isn't it cute????" - LOL
Sad thing is that they will probably then ask you what breed of dog it is :bash:


----------



## spinnin_tom

justairplants said:


> How about, "no it's a puppy - isn't it cute????" - LOL
> Sad thing is that they will probably then ask you what breed of dog it is :bash:


HAHA it really does take all sorts 
people like that should be locked up or sent to guntanamo bay


----------



## justairplants

spinnin_tom said:


> hopefully he hasn't passed on his genes


Maybe he will get a note on the Darwin Awards as will many of our customers:no1:

Darwin Awards: Darwin Awards

BTW the older ones are the best


----------



## spinnin_tom

justairplants said:


> Maybe he will get a note on the Darwin Awards as will many of our customers:no1:
> 
> Darwin Awards: Darwin Awards
> 
> BTW the older ones are the best


no way
i didn't realise there was a website
i thought it was just an internet term for amazingly stupid people around dangerous things


----------



## Embo

justairplants said:


> Maybe he will get a note on the Darwin Awards as will many of our customers:no1:
> 
> Darwin Awards: Darwin Awards
> 
> BTW the older ones are the best


Since finishing this thread, I've been going through this site... much entertainment to be had when you get a spare few moments at work 

Gives me the funnies.


----------



## ChazzieJo

This thread is hilarious!!

I recently started work at my local pet shop. I had a lady approach me the other day wanting to buy a Goldfish, so I went through all the mandatory questions, the first asking whether she has a filter, she replied "no". I explained we don't sell fish unless the tank has a filter, she then told she didn't have a tank and was keeping her current Goldfish in a "container thing"... apparently her son had won the poor thing at a fair and she obviously had no idea how to look after it! So I went through all the basics with her, showing her some reasonably priced "starter tanks" (and explaining she would probably have to look at upgrading at some point as Goldfish get very large and are more ideal for ponds/huge tanks). I asked her what she was using in the water "nothing..", so I showed her our selection of water solutions to rid of chlorine and the likes. She spent half the time fussing over her two children and I knew she wasn't listening to anything I said!!! I then explained how important it was to allow the tank to mature, etc, etc. Once I had gone through everything with her, I asked if she had any questions and all she said was "yeah, can we get another Goldfish now?" (!!!!!!) I explained that she needed to sort out her current fish and give it a few weeks before even considering adding another to reduce any stress. She then said, this woman who doesn't know a thing about fishkeeping, "Oh, but if our goldfish DOES die, can I just add a light and get some of those? *points at tropical fish*"
:banghead:
I told her to not even consider tropicals until she'd learnt the basics! I was with her for about an hour and it all went through one ear and then out the other!!!!

Another lady approached me and said she wanted to get a hamster. After going through all the basics and retrieving a box for her to carry it home in, she then exclaimed "OH! It has a tail. Oh, no, I don't want one of them"...

The stories are endless. 

I'm still in training and to be honest I've made the odd mistake when talking to colleagues (although I'm always quick to grab somebody for a second opinion if I'm not sure.. it's how we learn after all).
:blush:


----------



## spinnin_tom

not a customer, but a person
they said the rspca does a good job with reptiles
HAHAHAHAHAHA


----------



## DaveM

kaimarion said:


> Just got this comment on one of the pictures on our facebook page.
> How do I even reply to that!?


Like this


----------



## Wolflore

"So, you mean that baby rats aren't mice!? Really!!?"

True story...


----------



## Fangio

Wolflore said:


> "So, you mean that baby rats aren't mice!? Really!!?"
> 
> True story...


I'm a pest controller and have had a customer ask if mice grow into rats. I had to restrain from laughing point blank in their face.


----------



## Wolflore

Fangio said:


> I'm a pest controller and have had a customer ask if mice grow into rats. I had to restrain from laughing point blank in their face.


Snap, who do you work for?


----------



## Karagain

I was feeding the dwarf caimen in the reptile shop I used to work at. When a regular customer comes in with her son, for once the caimen was actually out of his dark corner and could actually be seen

Son: "Look mum! Dave is out. How come he can breathe under water?"
Mum: "Thats because hes an amphib-thingy, like a frog. Thats why he can live in the water can't he". She then turns to me with a serious face and goes "Does that mean hippos are amphib-thingies too!?!??!?!"


I seriously had to not die from laughter. I mean what the hell?!?! I did set her straight.... in the end!



And I now work at a pet shop, where we stock quite a big reptile section. When a dodgy customer comes in with his gf, I watched him rip open a sealed silk plant then bring it up to the till saying "I found this on the shelf and the packaging is all ruined. you wont be able to sell it to anyone like this... But I will buy it off you cheap." and my response was "No, its ok. I will just staple it back together." And I did...


----------



## CrozierBeRandom

one person came in asking if we "did lube for dogs."

another one was.

"i have a house spider and i don't want it to die in the winter do you sell flys?"

and also

"do you have crabs?"

well i sure hope not '

"i think your rants are having babies!" (she is in her 30's)

"no...um miss, they are its testicals."

"no, iv seen testicals and they are not them"

what have you been looking at? 



"omg shes pulled out a corn snake! did you know they grow 15ft? yeah! and they can eat sheep!"


----------



## spinnin_tom

CrozierBeRandom said:


> "omg shes pulled out a corn snake! did you know they grow 15ft? yeah! and they can eat sheep!"



shops should have a big button that's like a really big laugh and it's a siren, then everybody surrounds the stupid person and they also laugh to make them feel bad


----------



## Caoimhe-Blyss

Not rep related but I get a few people coming up to my Jack russell terrier and stroking him saying what a lovely dog he is and so friendly. Really cooing over him before asking what breed he is. When I saw he is a jrt they immediatly give me a disgusted look and reply I HATE jrt's, they are bitey and aggressive and you should muzzle him. That wasnt what you was saying a minute ago.My poor Jack is sat there like why did the fuss stop.


----------



## Embo

Caoimhe-Blyss said:


> Not rep related but I get a few people coming up to my Jack russell terrier and stroking him saying what a lovely dog he is and so friendly. Really cooing over him before asking what breed he is. When I saw he is a jrt they immediatly give me a disgusted look and reply I HATE jrt's, they are bitey and aggressive and you should muzzle him. That wasnt what you was saying a minute ago.My poor Jack is sat there like why did the fuss stop.


Yep. Got this when my Bullmastiff was a puppy. 

You should have told them your dog was a shih tzu...


----------



## ChazzieJo

Caoimhe-Blyss said:


> Not rep related but I get a few people coming up to my Jack russell terrier and stroking him saying what a lovely dog he is and so friendly. Really cooing over him before asking what breed he is. When I saw he is a jrt they immediatly give me a disgusted look and reply I HATE jrt's, they are bitey and aggressive and you should muzzle him. That wasnt what you was saying a minute ago.My poor Jack is sat there like why did the fuss stop.


I would've punched them in the face! I own a Jack Russell and she's a complete softie, loopy as they come, but harmless. I don't know how anyone can dislike JRT's, they have so much personality. It annoys me when people tar a breed of dog with the same brush, it's down to the owners influence after all.
:bash:


----------



## connor 1213

Todays:

Child: is 45 pence the Cheepest pet you sell?
Me: (looking very confused) what do you mean?
Child: well baby mice are 45 pence, I have a cage and everything!
Me: (just figured me ment viv) ok two seconds and I will get one for you...
Child: (follows me to the back of the shop and watches me get it out freezer)

Me: (is this size ok?)
Child: (child looking shocked) its dead!



-----------------

Customer: a few of your livefoods are dead!
Customer: they will last longer if you keep them in the freezer you know!
Me: erm, I Think that may kill them....

------------------

Customer bought hamsters off us 6 weeks ago:

Customer: I want a refund for my hamster!
Staff: whats wrong with it?,
Customer: it bit me so I slapped it, and since then it keeps biting!



-------------------

After talking a lady through the care of a goldfish, and checking her tank is ok I then go to bag the fish...

Customer: can I have this one please?
Me: sure
Me: (I then go and get a bag and net)
Customer: do you have to put it in a bag?????



And that is all....


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

my boss came out with some cracking statements today but i dont remember them! they would have been great to type in this thread lol


----------



## Rhianna.J

We had someone buy a boa, then bring it back cos it was biting when he was "Poking" it. *scratches head* 

Another person asked today if they could keep a ferret and a rabbit together......


----------



## justairplants

Sadly, no real stupidity at Hampton Court Flower Show....I guess the rain and floods kept the idiots away....had the normal comments on the Aechmea Blue Rain especially after our good friends at the BBC decided to feature it on the TV coverage:-
"That's the Blue Rain - it's amazing....I want one....I'll google it to find it cheaper"
"Did you paint it?"
"It looks like something out of Avatar"
Not like I've heard that every week of the summer for the last 3 years.....

Son home from Kavos....I don't think he has found "Molly" yet....but if anyone does just let us know if you have seen her....


----------



## Junior13reptilez

Jesus christ some of these stories, makes you lose faith in the humanity!

My teacher was doing an assembly on David Attenborough and there was a picture of him with a 'giant salamander', ohh, I see a giant salamander in the middle of the desert? It was infact some sort of Australian monitor lizard, not sure on which type though - doesn't make me look great . 

Also she then went on to say that a galapagos tortoise was infact a giant turtle?

HOW!


----------



## spinnin_tom

Junior13reptilez said:


> Jesus christ some of these stories, makes you lose faith in the humanity!
> 
> My teacher was doing an assembly on David Attenborough and there was a picture of him with a 'giant salamander', ohh, I see a giant salamander in the middle of the desert? It was infact some sort of Australian monitor lizard, not sure on which type though - doesn't make me look great .
> 
> Also she then went on to say that a galapagos tortoise was infact a giant turtle?
> 
> HOW!


did you shout out the right answer?


----------



## Toggsy

It ain't much better in the motor trade either.
Customer rings to book her car in
Customer : can I book my car for a service and mot
Me : no problems lets check the diary
Me : is Thursday ok ?
Customer : yes 
Me : can you drop the car off first thing in the morning and leave it with us
Customer : yes that's ok is 8.30 alright
Me: yes that will be fine
Me : what car is it

Customer: A RED ONE

I kid you not and yes it was womanl :lol2:


When I was working for a main agents years ago a lady was collecting her brand new mobilty car.
Being it was automatic and the fact she was an old biddy she got confused with the brake and accelerator.
And she hit the accelerator pedal by mistake the car shot off at a great speed of knots out of the car park down the slope next to the side of the showroom across the busy main road at the bottom of the slope narrowly missing several cars in the process where it finally implanted itself in the parts department window.
The car was a right off as was the parts department :gasp::lol2: it only had a the delivery miles on it aswell :lol2:


----------



## Rhianna.J

I had something similar to the above this week. 

Woman on phone: Hiya, would you be able to take a lizard off my hands
Me: mmmm, not really, what kind of lizard is it?
Woman: i dont know, a browny, grey coloured one. 

*Facepalm*

Had another woman whose water test came back super high nitrates and nitrites. After advising her to stop feeding half a tin of fish food a night and to do water changes, she got quite irrate....

Woman: Uck, the tank is huge! How long do i need to do water changes for?
Me: 3 days. How big is your tank?
Woman: I dunno, about 300 litres. *while doing small arm movements to indicate size of tank.
Me thinking thats a canny big tank for 2 goldfish: Can you see a tank in the shop roughly the same size. 
Woman pointing at an AquaOne 320T: yes, its this one.
Me: Not really huge then is it? Or 300 litres.....


----------



## Toggsy

Fangio said:


> I'm a pest controller and have had a customer ask if mice grow into rats. I had to restrain from laughing point blank in their face.


I did a bit of a pest control myself for a few years I used to work for National Britannia before they were bought out by Terminix.
Some of my favourites

Is that poison your putting down duh what do you think :lol2: bearing in mind I'm taking bait from a tub with label on it that states what it is.:whistling2:

I used to find when I went to treat for rats I was always amused that customers exaggerate how big the rat they saw was. :whistling2:


----------



## justairplants

Not quite stupid customers and although I did see the funny side at the time in a dark way not sure everyone would....my dear Dad (RIP) died a few years ago, just before he was due to fly down from Scotland to see us....here are a number of conversations I had with various institutions after his death....

BMI
Me: I need to cancel my father's reservation for his flight on Monday as sadly he died yesterday
BMI person: Well we can't offer a full refund due to the short notice
Me: That's fine
BMI person: Now, if your father would like to rebook his flight for another date then we can do that at no additional charge 
:gasp:

Barclaycard
Me: I'm phoning to inform you of my father's recent death. Could you please give me details of the outstanding balance and close the account.
Barclaycard (and yes it was a call centre): Sorry, we cannot discuss a customer's account with a third party....is he there with you at the moment? :gasp:
Me: Put your supervisor on the line

British Telecom (save the best til last)

Me: I'm phoning to let you know that my father died on ******* and I would like to settle the account
BT (call centre): We cannot take instructions from anyone other than the account holder
Me: Put me on to your supervisor (already done the BC crap so knew the score)
BT Supervisor: I understand there is a problem with your father's phone account
Me: No, it's quite simple....he died....therefore I need to cancel the account....
BT Supervisor: Is there anyone taking over the phone line?
Me: Yes, his name is ************
BT Supervisor: We can only transfer the number with the consent of your father and only terminate the service after speaking to him. Can you put him on the phone please...
Me: Transfer me to your supervisor....we are obviously not getting anywhere :bash:
Next level BT person:- I understand there is a problem with your father's account? Can I speak to him?
Me: No he is DEAD....how many times to I have to tell you this...
Next level BT person: Oh I'm sorry to hear this.....I will terminate his phone line immediately
Me: No, we want it transferred to someone else
Next level BT person: I can't do that without the consent of the account holder. Can you plut him on the phone for me?
Me: No, I will only say this one more time.....he DIED....I am his daughter...I am getting very upset with the way that you are handling this
Next level BT person: Please accept my condolences....we will get this sorted....(then takes details of the person taking over the phone line)
Me: Well at least it is now sorted. Please send the final account to this address: **********
Next level BT person: We cannot do that....we have to send the bill to the subscriber
Me: Whatever....I'll get it forwarded to me so I can settle it
Next level BT person: OK....that's good.....now, will your father be requiring Broadband services at his new address?????

Now that would be nice if BT are now able to offer this type of service....:lol2:


----------



## SuperSpeedyWheels

Guy asks my colleague at work...

Guy:What size wheels do the 26'' mountain bikes use..

My colleague replies: umm 26 inches..


Guy: What about the 29'' mountain bikes...

Colleague: 29 inches...

:bash:

I know not everyone is cycling savvy but cmon, thats just common sense!


----------



## Toggsy

Anything quoted by banned members :whistling2::lol2:
I think you know who I referring to :lol2:


----------



## Embo

justairplants said:


> Not quite stupid customers and although I did see the funny side at the time in a dark way not sure everyone would....my dear Dad (RIP) died a few years ago, just before he was due to fly down from Scotland to see us....here are a number of conversations I had with various institutions after his death....


This is shocking!! I was sent an email once with a story like this about a bank's call centre. 

When the caller had said the relative had died, they kept asking for their new address. Eventually the relative gave the plot number and address of the cemetary they were buried at and the operator said 'But that's a cemetary!?'.

It really is terrible - I hope you made some complaints!


----------



## justairplants

Embo said:


> This is shocking!! I was sent an email once with a story like this about a bank's call centre.
> 
> When the caller had said the relative had died, they kept asking for their new address. Eventually the relative gave the plot number and address of the cemetary they were buried at and the operator said 'But that's a cemetary!?'.
> 
> It really is terrible - I hope you made some complaints!


I'm suprised the call centre person made the connection.....

Best way to confuse an "overseas" pretending to be in the UK is to tell them to call you back after sunset....confuses the hell out of them :devil:


----------



## becky89

We had an odd one the other day:

(When looking at one of our young burms) "Oh I used to have one of those african climbing rock pythons, would put two leads on the front end and two on the back end and walk it around, and when it was naughty I'd chuck it in the car til it learned it's lesson." Okay love :shock:

And then another we heard mid conversation:

"...They see in infra red like lizards init".


----------



## Lord Vetinari

becky89 said:


> We had an odd one the other day:
> 
> (When looking at one of our young burms) "Oh I used to have one of those african climbing rock pythons, would put two leads on the front end and two on the back end and walk it around, and when it was naughty I'd chuck it in the car til it learned it's lesson." Okay love :shock:
> 
> And then another we heard mid conversation:
> 
> *"...They see in infra red like lizards init"* .


Actually, he wasn't far wrong. 

Snake's Perspective on Heat: Reconstruction of Input Using an Imperfect Detectio


----------



## becky89

Lord Vetinari said:


> Actually, he wasn't far wrong.
> 
> Snake's Perspective on Heat: Reconstruction of Input Using an Imperfect Detectio


Cool that  Just amused me the way he was saying it, was imagining a giant Predator like creature lol.


----------



## petitsfilous

These are fantastic. Here are a couple recent conversations that I've had with customers:
*
First one:*

Customer: Can you tell my son something really interesting about snakes?
Me: A lot of people don't know this, but snakes _don't_ have legs! :O

*Another:*

Customer: What type of hamster is that?
Me: That's a rat.

*And another:*

I always get; 'There's something wrong with your hamsters', 'Your hamsters are ill', 'Are their intestines falling out?'
...NO! Those are male chinese dwarf hamsters and those are their testicles. -_-


----------



## Rhianna.J

petitsfilous said:


> I always get; 'There's something wrong with your hamsters', 'Your hamsters are ill', 'Are their intestines falling out?'
> ...NO! Those are male chinese dwarf hamsters and those are their testicles. -_-


I HAD THIS ONE JUST TODAY! lol 

Eeeeh i love Chinese dwarf hamsters. By far, the best balls in the shop!


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

My manageress comes out with some great stuff she just told me she could hear a dead fly buzzing lmao so I said that dead ones don't buzz.

So now its a half dead fly buzzing lol


----------



## NickBenger

petitsfilous said:


> These are fantastic. Here are a couple recent conversations that I've had with customers:
> 
> *First one:*
> 
> Customer: Can you tell my son something really interesting about snakes?
> Me: A lot of people don't know this, but snakes _don't_ have legs! :O


I don't get this, the guy tried to get his son excited about snakes and you gave him a sarcy response?


----------



## petitsfilous

NickBenger said:


> I don't get this, the guy tried to get his son excited about snakes and you gave him a sarcy response?


haha the kid thought it was hilarious. Obviously I did tell him some cool and genuine things about snakes after that lol.


----------



## Jimmyjayz

petitsfilous said:


> haha the kid thought it was hilarious. Obviously I did tell him some cool and genuine things about snakes after that lol.


like they used to have legs lol


----------



## NickBenger

petitsfilous said:


> haha the kid thought it was hilarious. Obviously I did tell him some cool and genuine things about snakes after that lol.


Oh ok maybe it made sense in the context then. It may just be the way it comes across in text.


----------



## petitsfilous

NickBenger said:


> Oh ok maybe it made sense in the context then. It may just be the way it comes across in text.


Oops, sorry if it came across that way. The internet has no tone of voice :blush:


----------



## NickBenger

petitsfilous said:


> Oops, sorry if it came across that way. The internet has no tone of voice :blush:


No need to apologise, I know what you mean :lol2:


----------



## Daniel White91

I work in aquatic shop also have people ask about reptiles and the stuff that they come out with is hilarious a few examples

Customer(on the phone): do you have any whale sharks at your aquarium
Me: we're are aquatic shop we sell fish were not a aquarium 
Customer: ok what's the admission fee?
Me: we're a shop we don't charge for people to come in

Customer: how much is this bulb? 
Me: £18.99 mate 
Customer: ok cheers
Me: what fish are you keeping
Customer: it's not for fish it's for my turtle 
Me: that light is for fish tanks you need a proper reptile UV lamp with D3 go for the Arcadia reptiles bulbs very good bulbs, can order you one in if you want?
Customer: na its ok I'll get one from b&q

I was like oki bloody retard

My all time favourite one group of 4-5 Essex pretty boys and girls come in and ask the most stupid question I've ever heard
Group: do you sell crocodiles 
Me: no we are a fish shop if we sold crocodiles I would need a pet shop license 
Group: So you don't sell crocodiles that you can put in a glass bowl and it won't out grow it
Me: one its a fish shop, two you would need a licence to keep one and thirdly you need a whole room for one with heating and own pool
Group: so that's not a crocodile in that tank
Me: no that's a Oxydoras Niger(catfish)
Group: you sure that's not a crocodile
Me: no definetly not unless it's grown completely new body shape in the last 20min
Group then leave
Must of been with them for 45min thickest people I have ever met makes me laugh every time I think of it


----------



## StaneyWid

Do tarantulas need water.............................


----------



## StaneyWid

StaneyWid said:


> Do tarantulas need water.............................


 
Reply was simple

As they are close relatives to the Klangers,yes,yes they can...........


----------



## ReptileManiaWhittlesea

Today's daft question was "can you get gay snakes?" (to which I answered "how would you know - do they dress in pink?").

Daftest questions ever (about a bearded dragon): "do I need to shave it?"


----------



## xLJx

Loads of these have happened where I work. I can't remember loads off the top of my head.

But we get asked if we have any weed, or sell stamps. That kind of thing.

I was changing the Media in a Filter and got asked if the fish at the top of the tank were drinking......

There was a Mini Lop in a cage and got asked if it was a Rabbit or a Dog.

A customer came in with her son's Female Jungle Nymph and claimed it was not well. It was in a Tank of water. I have no idea where she got it from or told her how to keep it. Somehow it was still alive, just about. So I said I would take it off her hands.

I can't help but look at people blankly when they ask what snakes eat. When I reply, they usually ask about Bearded Dragons. I explain the diet and that includes live Insects. They usually leave with a Fish Tank to set up and come back a few weeks later for fish.

So so many more.


_Posted from Reptileforums.co.uk App for Android_


----------



## Poodles

I had to be home schooled from 13 and I had a new English tutor. I told her I had 4 guinea pigs and she asked to see them at the end. When she saw them her response was 'Wow I've never saw earless rabbits before'


----------



## Jimmyjayz

I have ha so many classics but my favourite to date


Customer : do you have piranha in?

Me: just down that isle at the end with the skull in ( well you would wouldn't you lol ) 

Customer : really ?

Me : yup

Customer: where do they come from ? 

Me: they come from the amazon

Customer : what the website ?

Me : no the 4000 mile river that has had the name a lot longer lol

Customer : oh lol, do they really eat peperami ? 

Me : really ? Are you serious that was a tv advert 

Customer : no I saw a documentary on it 

Me: I don't really know what to say now lol


----------



## ChazzieJo

I had a couple approach me in the pet shop I work for the other day enquiring about one of the small rabbits we have for sale. Their first question to me was "Can we keep it with our chinchilla?"... I thought I'd misheard them! After I told them it wasn't appropiate, they actually looked at me like I was the dumb one and replied "why not?"... aside from their environmental and social differences? I was speechless... Needless to say they left empty handed.

I also refused sale to a lady over a goldfish as her tank was too small, she got really wound up and replied "well I don't want to buy fish here anyway, one of your tanks over there is full of dead ones!", I asked her to direct me to the said tank so I could take a look... they weren't dead, they were albino corydoras feeding on the bottom of the tank... she must've felt a right numpty.
:lol2:


----------



## sharpshootertom

random customer - ''excuse me, do you work here?''

:blowup:

gets me every time... F:censor:ing idots


----------



## CPT BJ

My Girlfriend works in Poundland gets asked how much stuff is all the time, that would send me crazy lol


----------



## HalfYeti

justairplants said:


> Not a customer but so stupid it just has to be told....
> 
> Everyone's recycling bins are at the end of their drives for emptying. I'm expecting a parcel. We get a card through the door from the Post Office saying "Package left in recycling bin" :banghead:
> Get outside just in time to see the dustmen returning empty recycling bin....


I know I'm a bit late, but wading through 80+ pages ain't easy!! The same thing happend to us with Home Delivery Network, they left a parcel which was in a nice all black bag in our outside bin, with the other black bags, on rubbish day ... and they wondered what happened to it!!


----------



## Twiglet

Customer: "What's the difference between the baby musk turtles and the adult musk turtles?"
Me: "The baby musk turtles are the juvenile form of the adult musk turtles. Often referred to as 'babies'."
Customer: "Oh! Why are they so small then?"
Me: "What, the adults? They are a naturally small species and get this *shows adults* big. We feel that the likes of yellow bellies and red eared sliders etc *points at big turtle pond* are by and large, totally inappropriate pets for most people due to their eventual size and requirements. The fact that musks are such small species makes them a much more sensible pet for someone looking into turtles."
Customer: "No, the babies. Why are the babies so small?"
Me: "Erm.... *thinks* ...Because musk turtles only have small bottoms. They lay eggs that are relative in size to the the smallness of their bottoms. Ergo, the eventual hatchlings are likewise rather small."
Customer: "Oh. Isn't that weird?!"


----------



## MrJsk

Just seen on facebook that my local pet shop are selling a "tago" From the photo it looks exactly like a tegu.. Might go in there and ask whats the difference between a tago and TEGU! :whistling2::lol2:


----------



## RescueCat

Was looking at the Beardies in [email protected]

Little Girl: "Is that a Chameleon?"
Me: "That's a Bearded Dragon! A DRAGON!"
My OH: *sounding really sad* "Yeah, but it got stuck in a tumble dryer and shrunk..."

Gave the little girl a good laugh!


----------



## Twiglet

Customer: "Urgh, I can't bear reptiles. They scare me. Why do people want them? Seriously, why do you need a reptile? Do people really buy them?"

WHY I askyou, WHY is it that these people walk into reptile shops??


----------



## MrJsk

*mogwai* said:


> not rep or shop related but i have a gloriously thick friend and she's come out with some great things over the years.
> 
> i've had to explain the difference between an elephant and a rhino to her.
> and the difference between a goat and a sheep. then a bit later we were having a laugh about that conversation & i said to her, you know the difference now though & she said yeah, ones male & ones female.
> one day on the way to work she swore blind that she'd seen a mammal in the field. after several questions i worked out that she meant mammoth. so she thought she'd seen a mammoth on her way to work. it was a highland cow.


OMG I can totally relate to this! My friend who is in my class at college, bearing mind we are both studying LEVEL 3 EXTENDED DIPLOMA IN ANIMAL MANAGEMENT, we went on a trip to London zoo. We looked at the lions.. about an hour later came across the tiger. My friend.. 

Friend: Whys that tiger not in with the female lions?
Me: Because they are two different species Joanne.
Friend: Ohh, I always thought a Tiger was a male lion
:bash::bash::bash::bash::bash::bash:

I Just walked off.... As if somebody who is doing a course such as level 3 extended diploma in animal management and they DON'T know the different between a tiger and a lion............


----------



## Africandragoncorn

When I bought my corn from my local pet store (it wasn't a reptile store just a general pet shop with a tiny reptile section) my housemate saw them and phoned me straight away as he knew I'd be after a snake. I told him to reserve one for me. Anyway when I got to the store and saw her I immediately decide she was mine. She was the last left. So I asked the lady if I could take her to which she responded. Of course you can. But you will have to get her out I'm petrified of snakes. 'then why the hell are selling them ya goon' lol


----------



## NickBenger

MrJsk said:


> OMG I can totally relate to this! My friend who is in my class at college, bearing mind we are both studying LEVEL 3 EXTENDED DIPLOMA IN ANIMAL MANAGEMENT, we went on a trip to London zoo. We looked at the lions.. about an hour later came across the tiger. My friend..
> 
> Friend: Whys that tiger not in with the female lions?
> Me: Because they are two different species Joanne.
> Friend: Ohh, I always thought a Tiger was a male lion
> :bash::bash::bash::bash::bash::bash:
> 
> I Just walked off.... As if somebody who is doing a course such as level 3 extended diploma in animal management and they DON'T know the different between a tiger and a lion............


I've done that course, the sad thing is she will probably pass it.


----------



## Africandragoncorn

Also I have a friend Who has a king snake we were discussing earlier that I intended to breed my corn who responded I can't breed my king snake cos they are more likely to eat each other rather than breed. Now to be fair I know very little about kings however I assume that even if they are cannoballs (excuse my spelling) there are ways round this or kings would have been extinct years ago lol


----------



## NBLADE

Twiglet said:


> Customer: "Urgh, I can't bear reptiles. They scare me. Why do people want them? Seriously, why do you need a reptile? Do people really buy them?"
> 
> WHY I askyou, WHY is it that these people walk into reptile shops??


I get that when i'm at work, people come in and start screaming when something moves in a tank, and are petrified of everything, they don't come in to get anything, just to look, if you are going to be screaming at the top of your voice and generally being annoying don't come in the shop in the first place. 





Africandragoncorn said:


> Also I have a friend Who has a king snake we were discussing earlier that I intended to breed my corn who responded I can't breed my king snake cos they are more likely to eat each other rather than breed. Now to be fair I know very little about kings however I assume that even if they are cannoballs (excuse my spelling) there are ways round this or kings would have been extinct years ago lol


To be fair he has a point, kings often try to eat breeding partners, and you have to make sure both snakes are well and truly in breeding mode before attempting it, or you end up with one very fat snake lol. Of course it is easy enough to do when you have done it, but can be very daunting first time. I had a friend who lived not far from me call me up when she tried to pair her kings for the first time and the male grabbed the female and tried to eat her, i had to go round and separate them for her lol


----------



## ChazzieJo

Working with Joe public can be exhausting at times! Selling fish is the worst:

Me: How big is your tank then? Could you show me an example on shop floor?
Customer: It's that one *points to small 30ish L BiOrb (fish bowl)*
Me: Okay, Have you got any fish in there at the moment?
Customer: Yes, three goldfish.
Me: I wouldn't feel comfortable selling you any more, Goldfish get very big --
Customer: I've been keeping fish for years! I've kept eight goldfish in that size tank before! Forget about it! I'll buy them elsewhere! *customer storms out*
:gasp:

Whilst explaining to a customer as to why I refused a sale of fish due to his tank only being set up one day:
Customer: They're JUST fish?
:devil:

Customer: ..yeah my guppies keep disappearing?
Me: Really? How odd! What are you keeping them with?
Customer: Goldfish.
:whistling2:

Explaining to idiots about reptiles is worse though, had two customers come in (think Jeremy Kyle.. no teeth, no two brain cells to rub together), to buy a 2.0 UV bulb, they wanted a particular wattage that we didn't have in stock...
Me: So what's it for, geckos?
Customers: No, a Beardie.
Me: With a Beardie you're really looking at a 10.0 to 12.0 UVB, the 2.0 isn't anywhere near powerful enough for them.
Customer: We just brought it home. The "breeder" was keeping it under a 2.0. It's just blown so need to replace it.

Spent half an hour showing them around shop floor, invested time in explaining why they needed said UV, what the set up should consist of and good websites where you could get producuts cheap but apparently the "breeder" they brought the poor thing from (who the customer told me kept 14 beardies in a 6x2x2.... no lie.) knows more than me...
:bash:


----------



## Twiglet

One from the weekend...

Customer: "Hi, I've got a bearded dragona and a chinese water dragon and my daughter wants a corn snake. Which dragon would it be better living with?"

Hell, everyone starts somewhere and she listened some what bewilderedly to my explaination on temperature and humidity requirements as well as how they would fight until one of them is dead (and no doubt eaten) so I'll forgive her. 

Just amused me. 

Got accused of having a dead eagle in the freezer too on tuesday. I had to get the bloody thing out to prove to them it was in fact an extremely large chicken. Aparently they'd never seen a chicken with it's feathers still on. I find this sad.


----------



## 00Raptor

The number of people who ask about, and have contemplated licking the cane toad !? :eek4:


----------



## Embo

Twiglet said:


> Aparently they'd never seen a chicken with it's feathers still on.


Wow... this is shocking!! They clearly don't get out the house much.


----------



## Allykat713

Not really from a sales experiance, but my little step sis, (hardly little no more @ 21) saw my boa on my bed her repsonse was:

STEP SIS: Ahh.. they must never get that in the wild though...

ME: Get what?

STEP SIS: Soft blankets to lay on.


----------



## Spreebok

Customer: We found a frog in our garden, can you take it?
Me (Thinking it's maybe an exotic frog): Uh, I dunno, can I take a look?
Customer hands me a cardboard box. I look in.
Me: Urm, it's a garden frog.
Customer: So, will you take it?


----------



## manda88

Twiglet said:


> Got accused of having a dead eagle in the freezer too on tuesday. I had to get the bloody thing out to prove to them it was in fact an extremely large chicken. Aparently they'd never seen a chicken with it's feathers still on. I find this sad.


Paaaaaaahahahahahaha MY GOD there is just no hope for some people.


----------



## SilverSky

phone call to a reptile shop...

me: hi, i was just wondering if you had any house snakes in stock?
reptile shop guy: what, like corn snakes?


:bash:


----------



## Twiglet

This last week or so:

Customer: "I've got a royal python that's massive mate. It's gotta be at least nine foot long!"
Me: "So's my penis."

:blush: *ooops*

DISCLAIMER: I am not and never have been in possession of a 9ft penis. Or a penis. 



Kat


----------



## Tyrael

Haha, some of those are brilliant.

However, some like this one;
""can I have some Crocusts/Lucus?/locus/locustses?" 
No, but you CAN have some LOCUSTS!"

I think needs a bit more understanding, because I'm sure there's things you don't know/get the name of wrong that they could get right instantly :2thumb:

I do feel sorry for you with some of those customers though^^
Fire breathing komodo dragons :lol2:


----------



## lisadew24

I had a lady come in to my work. " I would like a harness for my springer" me this will fit a springer spaniel. " no I have a springer not a springer spaniel. Me trying not to laugh they are the same thing. At this point my colleague get a Calendar and shows her the dog while covering the name. "That's my dog" he then shows her the springer spaniel name on the calendar. Also had this with people thinking German shepherds and Alsatian is different and also jack Russell's and parson jack Russell's


----------



## JohnM

strictly_scales said:


> I always love it when you have the customer who intently looks into the Viv at the snake for about 5 minutes, and then jumps when it moves its head.
> 
> Regarding the whole frozen rodent thing, I remember one day this family came in, and the mother asked if we had Guinea Pigs. I said that we didn't normally stock them, but we can order them in. I then asked her what kind of snake she had. The womans daughter started to well up, at which point I said, "Oh, live Guinea Pigs? No, sorry, we only have dead Rodents here, try down the road." I love seeing children cry.
> 
> Ok, so I know that Guineas aren't rodents...
> 
> I've also lost track of the amount of times I have been asked whether an animal on display is dead, because it isn't moving... what the hell do you damned people want? Do you want the flipping Snake to jig for you?


The *guinea pig* (_Cavia porcellus_),is a species of rodent .


----------



## IceBloodExotics

Customer: my daughter wants to breed her hamsters, what do we do?
Me: what are your plans for them once she gives birth?
Customer: we are just going to take them to the rspca...
Me: why?
Customer: so they can get new homes.....
Me: why would you breed something to put it in a animal shelter?
Customer: because we don't want baby hamsters.....
Me: ok, I'm not to sure how to breed them.....

Ah! When will people learn that pets aren't toys!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :censor::censor::censor:


----------



## Drayvan

Not really customer/shop related... but my mum recently started a new job and was asked what pets we had. When she got to Cedrick, my House snake they were like 'What, like a house rabbit? You let it wander around!?' 


/facepalm :lol2:


----------



## Twiglet

Tyrael said:


> Haha, some of those are brilliant.
> 
> However, some like this one;
> ""can I have some Crocusts/Lucus?/locus/locustses?"
> No, but you CAN have some LOCUSTS!"
> 
> I think needs a bit more understanding, because I'm sure there's things you don't know/get the name of wrong that they could get right instantly :2thumb:


Oh totally! It does however become immensely infuriating when even after you have used the correct pronunciation of the word 'locusts' in a sentence to that customer multiple times they still insist on calling them crocusts... 



IceBloodExotics said:


> Customer: my daughter wants to breed her hamsters, what do we do?
> Me: what are your plans for them once she gives birth?
> Customer: we are just going to take them to the rspca...
> Me: why?
> Customer: so they can get new homes.....
> Me: why would you breed something to put it in a animal shelter?
> Customer: because we don't want baby hamsters.....
> Me: ok, I'm not to sure how to breed them.....
> 
> Ah! When will people learn that pets aren't toys!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :censor::censor::censor:


Oh. Dear. God. 

(did you shoot them?)



Drayvan said:


> Not really customer/shop related... but my mum recently started a new job and was asked what pets we had. When she got to Cedrick, my House snake they were like 'What, like a house rabbit? You let it wander around!?'
> 
> 
> /facepalm :lol2:


Bahahaha! I guess if you don't know any better... that's almost cute!


Todays maverlous customer comment...

Customer: "I have to be honest, I think it's a bit cruel keeping that animal in there" *points at very large boa in big viv*
Me: "I understand that if you don't understand the snakes physiology and needs it'd probably look a little small for her" *goes on to explain that boas are ambush predators, don't need a forty foot viv etc and so on"
Customer: "Oh, I see... But, wouldn't she be happier outside?"
Me: "Outside? As in... in the garden?"
Customer: "Yes. In the grass. And fresh air. It's quite hot in here."
Me: "These boas originate from central and south america. She requires it even hotter than the ambient temperature of this room. If I left her outside on a day like this she'd soon develop a nasty chest infection, just like you'd get pneumonia if left in the cold and damp."
*and this is the clanger* 
Customer: "Oh really! So they're not native then?"
Me: "No, sadly the UK is devoid of native boas..."
Customer: "Isn't that fascinating!" 

Well, she was extremely enthusiastic and really very lovely. So I'll forgive her for thinking there's boas in s****horp...

Yesterdays comment:
Customer (on seeing contents of freezer): "urgh, it's so cruel feeding snakes dead mice. Why can't you feed them chicken for gods sake!"
Me: "chickens would still have to die if snakes ate them"
Customer: "But... that's different! Chickens are just ... chickens!"


Kat


----------



## Ophexis

Not customer comments, but 99% of the time when I first tell people I keep 4 species of reptiles, the immediate questions are thus:
- "Do you keep them all in the same cage?" No, they are different species and have very different care requirements so are kept separately.
"Oh okay. Do you breed them together?" *facepalm*


----------



## becky89

Ophexis said:


> Not customer comments, but 99% of the time when I first tell people I keep 4 species of reptiles, the immediate questions are thus:
> - "Do you keep them all in the same cage?" No, they are different species and have very different care requirements so are kept separately.
> "Oh okay. Do you breed them together?" *facepalm*


I usually get similar, I think most people have visions of 60+ reptiles roaming the house :lol2:


----------



## Twiglet

becky89 said:


> I usually get similar, I think most people have visions of 60+ reptiles roaming the house :lol2:


It's odd isn't it. When I had a large collection of rodents, no one ever asked me if I kept them all roaming the house... Or the lizards for that matter. Just the snakes. *ponders*


----------



## DazzyDazDaz

I over heard a woman in my local reptile shop last week as this question. She asked this with no hint of sarcasm or jest. The animal in question was a leopard tortoise. 

"those turtles over there, do you have to take them out of their shells to wash them".


----------



## Drayvan

So I was admiring a nice set up of Madagascar Day Geckos when a little kid runs up...

'Mummy what's in there!?' 
'That's a Madagascar'

Eeeeeerm, could you not even spare the time to fully read 3 words before misinforming your child!? 

Either that or Madagascar got really :censor:'ing small :lol2:


----------



## trogdorable

not a customer, just a woman i overheard today.
she bought a 6 month old female beardie off gumtree to go straight in with her adult male, thinking they should be the same size.
when her new beardie is delivered, its only a hatchling, and only after trying to introduce it too the adult did she realise it would probably get eaten.
so she put the baby beardie in with her baby leos until its big enough too go in with the male.:2wallbang:


----------



## genevie

Africandragoncorn said:


> When I bought my corn from my local pet store (it wasn't a reptile store just a general pet shop with a tiny reptile section) my housemate saw them and phoned me straight away as he knew I'd be after a snake. I told him to reserve one for me. Anyway when I got to the store and saw her I immediately decide she was mine. She was the last left. So I asked the lady if I could take her to which she responded. Of course you can. But you will have to get her out I'm petrified of snakes. 'then why the hell are selling them ya goon' lol


Haha this has happened to me before. When I got one of my hamsters, the employee made me get her out because he didn't like rodents. She almost escaped out of my hands as well!


----------



## L00kr

This isn't a customer but it's really bad. I just saw this at a video in youtube


You are putting snakes into a giant tub of ICE water?! These people should be shot.
bassofacappella há 2 dias 84 

Im pretty sure they take the temperature of the water in to consideration before putting snakes in there. Snakes are cold blooded reptiles, cold water should be better suited for them than warm water.
remelsheikh em resposta a bassofacappella há 1 dia

The video is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNaL...-Jj3Tk7l__Qtf6ylCo&index=3&feature=plpp_video

By the way great thread, always making my day.


----------



## IceBloodExotics

Could go on and on and on with the things I have heard in the shop i work in....

-womans terrapin had laid to infertile eggs-

Customer- hi, I was wondering if you would be interested in some baby terrapins, mine have laid some eggs?
My Boss- what species are they?
Customer- the mum is a yellow bellied terrapin.
My Boss- and the male?
Customer- we dont have a male........?
My Boss- so was she in with a male at some point?
Customer- no, she has been in a tank with only her for 3 years...
My Boss- I would guess they are infertile then.
Customer- what does that mean?
My Boss- that there is no baby in the egg.
Customer- if I pay you will you fertilize them for me?
:bash:

-------------------
-Customer wants a leopard gecko female leopard gecko to introduce to his female-

Customer - can I see the geckos you have for sale?
Me- yup (walks over the geckos, and gets geckos out)
Customer - it needs to be a female (looks under tail for no longer than a second, desided 1 is male and 1 is female)
Customer- im quite intrested in the female.
Me- what size is the gecko you have at the minute?
Customer- its about a year old..
Me- you couldnt intruduce them with the age and size diffrence between them.
Customer- no, it should be fine aslong as I keep an eye on them.
Me- no, this wee one would end up being dinner for yours.
Customer- ok I will get one on gumtree
---------------

Me- hello, can I help you?
Customer- what salad do snakes eat?
----------------

Customers child- what do snakes eat?
Mother- crickets and worms
---------------

Customer- do you sell mice?
Me- yes we have three in the cage over there.
Customer- no, I mean dead ones.
Me- oh, ok what size do you need?
Customer- just a mouse size.
Me- ok I will let you see them (shows them sizes and they want a medium mouse)
Me- what kind of snake do you have?
Customer- its for my cat...
:hmm:


----------



## IceBloodExotics

Oops forgot this one...

Phoned a shop a few years ago...

Me- hey, what reptiles do you stock?
Staff- we have a tortoise, a snake and a wee green lizard.
Me- what species is the lizard?
Staff- to be honest we dont know, we have been trying to find out for days
:bash::bash::bash:


----------



## retics100

Not from a shop but heard some funny ones about my giant snails

"Omg you can't keep them they give you meningitis"...only if I ate one, RAW, from the wild. 

"What would happen if one of them got out?"
"..I'd put it back"

"Euuueeeeerrrrrgggghhhh that's minging" mg: Your dog looks like it's been smacked in the face with a spade and dribbles excessively, and _my_ pets are disgusting?

On the pet snail forum a few months ago I girl had posted a lovely computer generated model of her new snail house, it was a school project and was really sweet, but the bottom was made of turf, it had a fence of cocktail sticks and a had a miniture chicken coop as shelter. 
Very hard to say, "Well nice...but it would be better if you did everything different". 
I liked the innocence in her thinking that just because the snail had food and water it wouldn't climb the fence and hop it!


----------



## Hannah81

My mother doesn't quite understand why my snakes got bigger and why I couldn't just keep the small baby ones!


----------



## addictedtoreptiles

i was at a local pets at home buying some live food and i got talking to one of the workers in there about the snakes they might start to stock and we were just chatting away when he said "yeah a friend of mine had a boa constrictor 24ft long that slept with him in his bed whilst he slept the snake 'measured' him up and he was lucky not to not been killed." i then walked home thinking to myself , and these people sell reptiles pretty funny:lol2: the ammount of times ive heard that


----------



## 123dragon

lisadew24 said:


> I had a lady come in to my work. " I would like a harness for my springer" me this will fit a springer spaniel. " no I have a springer not a springer spaniel. Me trying not to laugh they are the same thing. At this point my colleague get a Calendar and shows her the dog while covering the name. "That's my dog" he then shows her the springer spaniel name on the calendar. Also had this with people thinking German shepherds and Alsatian is different and also jack Russell's and parson jack Russell's


actully jack russells and parsons jack russells are different 
parsons jack russells are the pure, true bred parson jack russells
jack russell is the name given to any terrier that looks like a jack russell, 

(disclaimer- i own both, have worked with both and have bred jack russells)


----------



## Rhianna.J

Customer: so, is this tub going to be big enough for my python then?
Me: Yeah this will do fine for royals when they are young
Customer(as if im a total idiot): Im not getting a royal, im getting a python
Me: Yeah, a Royal Python. 
Customer: Oh...... 

*donk*

Id love to know what idiot sold him a royal!


----------



## slizard

I was getting some crickets recently and heard a woman talking to her husband as he bought some frozen mice
W-"its not stupid its that frozen people thing, frozen animals come back to life."
H-"its cryogenics love and they are definitely dead.'
W-"Well I am going to be holding a hammer just in case!"

Cashier offered me a smile and I stood next in line trying not to laugh,could just imagine her stood as the mice thawed going "one twitch you little :censor: and your getting squished."


----------



## Embo

This came from my OH as he went to go and sign our updated Tenancy agreement to include our newly rescued cats:

Woman: So that's the Pet Clause added to your contract to include two cats and an Iguana.
Joe: No, we don't have an Iguana - we have a Bearded Dragon.
Woman: Oh... are they not the same thing?

Joe then had to explain the difference lol I don't think we'd be able to fit a vivarium big enough for an Iguana in our flat!


----------



## ChazzieJo

The most recent ones I can think of:

Child (points at bearded dragon): Mum, what's that?
Parent: That's a snake.

_Yeah seriously... that happened._

-------------------------

We had some discounted live food at till area.

Young girl picks up box of locusts: eww, come and look at these spiders.

-------------------------

Guy: I'd love a lizard, they're so cool (watches me feed the beardie a locust) That's disgusting. You have to feed them insects?! No way.

-------------------------

This happened to a colleague of mine whilst at the till.

Woman holding her new puppy Chihuahua:

C: Cute chihuahua, how old is it?
W: Oh, no, it's not a chihuahua, it's a rottweiler.
C: .... that's a chihuahua.
W: Is it really?... Oh, I don't care, I love her anyway!

:gasp:

It had the rottie markings..but was quite clearly a chihuahua.. where the hell did she get this puppy from?!

Hard to believe, I know.. these are the people we have to deal with. Good old public.
:bash:


----------



## IceBloodExotics

Hey guys,*Today I took some of my adult reptiles into work today to try and change peoples opinion on reptiles....so took an adult royal, adult snow corn snake and an adult leopard gecko in..

The following situation happened and I thought it was to good to not share with you...

Guy comes into shop and starts going mental because im holding a royal python and all snakes are venomus and can kill you in with bite...then goes on to tell me that his friend in african has 3 snakes , one is 150ft, the second is 250ft long and the third is 450ft long and all were venomous...apparently togerter they have ate an elephant, a zebra, a lion, a tiger, lots of humans and last but not least, a tarantula...oh and may I add that he witnessed the 450ft 'venomous' snake eat a elephant while the rest of its body was half way out to sea...He then woke while he was in african one morning to see a man holding this 450ft venomus snake in the air...( this must have been a very tall/strong man)After explaining that the snake I was holding in my hand (adult royal python) was not venomus, or as he called it 'vermnous', he still insisted that it was venomus and that there is only one species of python, which I had explained there were more that 150 species of python...I decided to try and convince him that I was right, as I was trying to educate people about reptiles, I decided to try and let him understand that I did infact know what I was talking about by telling him that I had studied and owned reptiles and exotics for eight years and that I currently own 40 at home...but he said I dont know about them and he knows more as he has watched 4 wildlife (im guessing programs) this week...and he had seen every snakes there is then listed grass snake, rattle snake, and a yellow snake aswell hasAparantly his friend in kenya has ooleameol snake that is a baby and 150ft long, venomous, and eats people in one bite and had ate a lion a few months ago...

All in a days work for a Pet Shop Staff Member...*
FYI: im not making this up, nor am I even exaggerating...whether or not I should have called the an ambulance is a different story hahaMake this into a thread few days ago, may aswell put it here aswell...


----------



## ChazzieJo

IceBloodExotics said:


> Hey guys,*Today I took some of my adult reptiles into work today to try and change peoples opinion on reptiles....so took an adult royal, adult snow corn snake and an adult leopard gecko in..
> 
> The following situation happened and I thought it was to good to not share with you...
> 
> Guy comes into shop and starts going mental because im holding a royal python and all snakes are venomus and can kill you in with bite...then goes on to tell me that his friend in african has 3 snakes , one is 150ft, the second is 250ft long and the third is 450ft long and all were venomous...apparently togerter they have ate an elephant, a zebra, a lion, a tiger, lots of humans and last but not least, a tarantula...oh and may I add that he witnessed the 450ft 'venomous' snake eat a elephant while the rest of its body was half way out to sea...He then woke while he was in african one morning to see a man holding this 450ft venomus snake in the air...( this must have been a very tall/strong man)After explaining that the snake I was holding in my hand (adult royal python) was not venomus, or as he called it 'vermnous', he still insisted that it was venomus and that there is only one species of python, which I had explained there were more that 150 species of python...I decided to try and convince him that I was right, as I was trying to educate people about reptiles, I decided to try and let him understand that I did infact know what I was talking about by telling him that I had studied and owned reptiles and exotics for eight years and that I currently own 40 at home...but he said I dont know about them and he knows more as he has watched 4 wildlife (im guessing programs) this week...and he had seen every snakes there is then listed grass snake, rattle snake, and a yellow snake aswell hasAparantly his friend in kenya has ooleameol snake that is a baby and 150ft long, venomous, and eats people in one bite and had ate a lion a few months ago...
> 
> All in a days work for a Pet Shop Staff Member...*
> FYI: im not making this up, nor am I even exaggerating...whether or not I should have called the an ambulance is a different story hahaMake this into a thread few days ago, may aswell put it here aswell...


Wow. I hope he doesn't pro-create. We held a reptile day at work and it was fantastic, we had everything from a 7ft snake to a Bosc Monitor. A lot of people who were initially frightened overcame their fears and it was a really educational day for everyone involved. Good fun!


----------



## J4MES

This thread just makes me want to move further and further away from the trade.. 

The amount of people that have mistaken my blue tongue skink on events with work for a snake is unreal...

passer by ' what kind of snake is that? '
me 'its not a snake, its a blue tongue skink. It has legs *points out the legs*'
passer by ' no its a snake they have legs too'


----------



## Embo

ChazzieJo said:


> Wow. I hope he doesn't pro-create.


Unfortunately, it seems that this type of person is far more fertile than those with more than 2 brain cells...

One of the reasons why the Jeremy Kyle show has been running for so long. It's concerning that these people are contaminating the gene pool... but heck, they're good for a laugh!


----------



## ChazzieJo

Embo said:


> Unfortunately, it seems that this type of person is far more fertile than those with more than 2 brain cells...
> 
> One of the reasons why the Jeremy Kyle show has been running for so long. It's concerning that these people are contaminating the gene pool... but heck, they're good for a laugh!


So very true. The 'sensible' people are the ones who build a career and wait until they've built themselves up as people before pushing out kids every other year, whereas the idiots seem to jump from school straight into the nearest maternity ward. 
:lol2:


----------



## IceBloodExotics

The days when I take my reptiles into work to educate customer (I work in a shop where most customers have had no experience with exotics) I hear "reptiles arent actually real animals though, they are reptiles"

Or the all time classic, "is that real!"


----------



## Praying_Mantis24

IceBloodExotics said:


> The days when I take my reptiles into work to educate customer (I work in a shop where most customers have had no experience with exotics) I hear "reptiles arent actually real animals though, they are reptiles"
> 
> Or the all time classic, "is that real!"


that is just briliant


----------



## Gratenkutzombie

Over heard a customer asking for 'one of those heat mats that give off UV'. Was told that by design heat mats do not give off UV on more than one occasion i might add. This fell on deaf ears as he bought more than one. Also asked if heat mats work when they're wet and didn't know if he had a mat-stat, dimmer or pulse. Let's say I'm glad I'm not his pet.


----------



## destinys_only_sin

Not a stupid customer, more my blissfully unaware younger brother. 

He opened the freezer to get a leg of lamb out, and noticed a big bag of substrate. The conversation then went like this . . 

Brother - "Tom, why is there a bag of substrate in the freezer?"

Me - "Because I bought it somewhere I don't really trust, so it's being frozen to get rid of nasties. I'll then whack it in the microwave to get rid of any that may still be there in a few days." 

Brother - "Oh, ok. Can't you just like, sieve it or something?" 

Not stupid, sort of cute in a way I think . . Made me laugh though.


----------



## SamWest

Buuump


----------



## IceBloodExotics

I had the weirdest for a while back...

Woman just randomly walk into the shop,
"Wheres a snakes penis?"
I really didnt know what to say so just told her...which wasnt much fun.
"Ok!"
Straight back out the door....

I was like:gasp:


----------



## NickBenger

IceBloodExotics said:


> I had the weirdest for a while back...
> 
> Woman just randomly walk into the shop,
> "Wheres a snakes penis?"
> I really didnt know what to say so just told her...which wasnt much fun.
> "Ok!"
> Straight back out the door....
> 
> I was like:gasp:


Sounds like she was dared.


----------



## markaveli

A few from a guy i met in a reptile shop yesterday......

"never feed a royal python rats. only multis."

"if your royal keeps hiding. take his hide away"

"i have over 400 royals. none of them has ever missed a feed"

i disagreed with him but he was adamant he was right all the way.


----------



## Twiglet

"Royal pythons... they're them ones wot turned Medusa to stone when they look at her innit...."


*rocks in a corner*


----------



## IceBloodExotics

NickBenger said:


> Sounds like she was dared.


Sadly not, she has problems and comes into the shop most days for upto 2 hours...
Im just to nice to to ask her to leave plus I feel sorry for her...:blush:


----------



## stevenrudge

*reply*

l work in food retail,one day one shop floor and was approached by a customer that asked if we sold salmonella 
l replied not officially


----------



## IceBloodExotics

Talking about food,

I have been asked numerous times if we sell Morrison's own or asda own dog food....have never really understood how people thought that we possibly could...!


----------



## stevenrudge

*reply*

another day on the shop floor l was approached by older women walking what l presumed was her grandchild,l'd say the child was about 3 years old,this women explained to me that it was her first time in looking after her grandchild,she was holding a drink and asked me if the drink was suitable for her 3 years old.
she was holding a can of redbull


----------



## Mujician

stevenrudge said:


> l work in food retail,one day one shop floor and was approached by a customer that asked if we sold salmonella
> l replied not officially


Even I can work out she meant semolina!


----------



## lisadew24

Twiglet said:


> "Royal pythons... they're them ones wot turned Medusa to stone when they look at her innit...."
> 
> 
> *rocks in a corner*


You should have said no that's the rock python.


----------



## bgfaith

I went to a pet shop in Buxton and they had a selection of reps and they had a carpet python. I asked the lady could I have a look and asking what her temp is like saying she was fine she said ill be back in a min to get her out for you. The women returned with a child who must hav been about 9. This kid looked terrified having to go in the viv and he had gloves on he got her out and couldn't pass me the snake fast enough. Whilst in my hands the snake struck at the women and the child. They both took a step back. The kid had taken his gloves off said the snake was striking because in the morning he had been bagging mice so when I was finished looking at the snake I went to pass back to the women she look at the kid to take the snake and he was terrified so I ended up putting it back. Can't understand why you stock snakes if you don't want to handle them. 

When I worked in a pet shop I had a bloke come in looking around and he was inspecting the fire belly toads and just blurts out if I lick these will I get high to which I responded no and he carried on inspecting the animals both me and my boss exchanged a look like what the hell. Then he was looking at the wide mouth toad to which he again asked will this get me high to which my boss responded no its a cane toad that has that affect and he asked then will anything in this shop if I lick it get me high....


----------



## matereac9

WhiteRabbit said:


> Just had Two of these today,
> 
> *Customer 1*. I bought this snake but there is something wrong with it, (places a cardboard box on the table) *Me.* there certainly is since you left the house it's turned into a bearded dragon.


:lol2::lol2::lol2:

love it!!!


----------



## scalestails&shells

Not a customer, but reptile-related and someone I work with:

'What, you keep your frozen rats and mice in the freezer? That's disgusting! What if you accidentally ate one when you were drunk?'

Some I've witnessed in reptile shops:

Guy to his mate: I love reptiles, me. They're proper mint. I'm not scared of them, either. [wanders over to look at the caiman] Argh! [runs away] That one over there's got proper big teeth on it, mate.

Young boy, looking at baby corns: No, I don't like them. I want a big, thick, python.

Many, many people, on approaching the invert section: Oh my god, spiders. I hate spiders. Oh, no, I can't go near them. [stand and stare at the Ts for ages, periodically screaming if one moves]


----------



## ZachyBoy

When I was a volunteer at a zoo I heard some crazy things.
Here's a few I remember.

"Can Tortoises come out of their shells" 
Yeah, of coarse, that's why you get so many tortoise shells lying around!

A visitor is feeding the lambs right next to the sign that says "please do not feed the lambs". When I ask them not to feed the lambs the response is "Sorry, oh there's the sign" :bash:

"Can chicks fly"
Well chickens can't so why should a chick.

:lol2:


----------



## Lori

working in a zoo, you hear A LOT of stupid things, mainly people just calling animals things they arent e.g.
calling the lynx a lion, thinking the noise the rhea makes is the brown bear(sounds nothing at all like a brown bear), thinking the mara are giant rabbits, thinking the goats are sheep, thinking the donkey is the pony and vice versa, and the one that gets on my nerves A LOT *standing by tortoise enclosure* 'aww look at the turtles' no one nowadays knows the difference between a tortoise and a turtle?!?! 
to make all this even more stupid, there are signs with pictures of the animal outside every enclosure clearly stating what is inside and what it looks like!:lol2:
theres a lot more stupid things people say, and by people i mean adults, the kids seem to know more not a days!


----------



## ZachyBoy

Once we had not put up the sign for the naked rats and because they are next to the gerbils the visitors thought that the naked rats were gerbils!!

One of the other common mix ups is between a Gorilla and a Gibbon. 
Once I head that a teacher had called the Gibbon a Gorilla. :gasp:


----------



## IceBloodExotics

I work in a local pet shop that selss rodents, birds, fish and reptiles.
One day we were getting a inspection to get our pet shop license renewed...
The inspector then turned round to a member of staff and asked "what is this...?"
To which the member of staff replied "syrian hamsters???"
Then from the inspector "ok their cage is far to big for them."

The cage was just short of 2ft by 2ft by 2ft:bash:
How did he not know what a syrian hamster was?:bash:


----------



## palm

Darklas said:


> *Customer:* “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”
> *Me:* _*pause*_ “A pikachu?”
> *Customer:* “Yeah, you know. It looks like a squirrel and a rabbit put together.”
> *Me:* “Do you mean a chinchilla?”
> *Customer:* “Yeah! That’s it!”
> 
> 
> 0.o[/QUOTE
> 
> Is the Pikachu WC or CB


----------



## Ryanb0401

Was in my local the other day to pick up a few bits and bobs, and got chatting to the shopkeeper. Being form Ayrshire, you get your fair share of smackheads. One walks in with his daughter and wanders through to the back room. Me and the shopkeeper are sitting chatting, then we suddenly hear a maniacal junkie laugh from the back room - both of us head through and he's buckled over infront of the breeding pair of corn snakes, who were apparently locking in plain sight

"Hawhawhawhaw mate yer snakes ur shaggin' "

We just left it at that, really. Let him do his own thing before he left...


----------



## Rhianna.J

I hate it when customers ask what a chinchilla is. When i ask them what they mean exactly, they say "well, what do they cross to make a chinchilla, im sure its a rabbit and a degu". I mean really? 

Someone else had a 6 foot bearded dragon from Gumtree. Me and his girlfriend were the idiots when we told him they only grew to about 2 foot.

I cant get over how many people think a turtle is a tortoise.

And another annoying thing was a customer came up ad asked how much the golden geckos were. Thing is, there is a huge sign on their viv that says Golden Gecos and their price, so in order for them to know it was a golden gecko, they would have had to look at that sign, since they 1-lacked any basic reptile knowledge and secondly, the geckos were hiding......

Oscars are related to pirahnas......


----------



## Khonsu

bgfaith said:


> I went to a pet shop in Buxton....


You're lucky, I have to live in Buxton

Seriously it's a crap shop


----------



## raymaral

old post but brill, hope more people add to it


----------



## raymaral

My other half brought me a bosc for our anniversary, yes she knows me way to well lol. While in the shop this total numpty (being polite) comes in and starts asking the shop keeper for a Cali king, out of curiosity the guy asks about her setup and experience and her reply is 'ive got corns and a royal python and this one will have same setup... A shoebox in the airing cupboard' some people need slapping :lol2:


----------



## TTYY

Customer "I want to get my first snake"
Me "Royal Pythons are a good first snake"
Customer "aw no I don't want a snake that constricts, thats well dangerous" 
:bash:
____________________________________________
Customer " I've tried everything to get my snake to eat"
Me " Ok how long has it been, has it lost any weight"?
Customer " its been about 6 months, and his spine is sticking right out"
Me " sounds like you may have to try him on live food"
Customer " don't be stupid! Thats illegal"
:bash:
____________________________________________
Customer " I'm thinking of putting my corn up to fluffs"
Me " ok how big is it? "
Customer " its about 3 ft " 
:gasp:
_____________________________________________
Customer " My snake is having trouble shredding " 
:2wallbang:
_____________________________________________
Customer " I want to return this fantasy frog, it just sits there"
:?:
_____________________________________________
Customer " Can i get one of those terrainiums?"
Me " yeah sure, whats going in it? "
Customer " my new tortoise"
:whip:
______________________________________________
Customer " dose my bearded dragon need u.v " ?
:censor:
______________________________________________

It really dose go on and on and on.......


----------



## TTYY

rhianna-j

I find the quickest way to explain to a customer the difference between a turtle and a tortoise is done thusly..

" turtles swim, tortoises sink. Turtle wet, tortoise dry"


----------



## Liz41

Ophexis said:


> Not customer comments, but 99% of the time when I first tell people I keep 4 species of reptiles, the immediate questions are thus:
> - "Do you keep them all in the same cage?" No, they are different species and have very different care requirements so are kept separately.
> "Oh okay. Do you breed them together?" *facepalm*


 
I've had this one too! I used to have a beardie and a panther chameleon and someone at work (admittedly not a reptile shop!) asked if they lived in the same cage and if they could breed. I explained that they were very different and why and she said "But why can't you breed them? Can't you just try it?" Errr....no....eventually I told her it would be a bit like breeding a cat with a dog and finally she said, "oh, right, yeah that wouldn't work...."


----------



## Drayvan

Not really a customer again but was paying for a PRK magazine and the woman asked what reptiles I had....so after rattling them off she then asked if I had had any of my snakes 'done' so they couldn't bite anyone??? :bash::bash::bash: it worries me that people are so unaware that mutilating an animal is illegal even if I actually wanted to do it!


----------



## jayjay10125

Oh man .. some of the things people ask .. common sense has gone right out of the window :whistling2:


----------



## CPT BJ

A customer called the Green Anoles 'Green Anal' the other day, had a good chuckle at that haha!


----------



## IceBloodExotics

Supose I should one that I heard a complete stupid twat (aka me) saying the other day while half asleep after being awake for 27 hours and on my way to do a 8 hour shift...

''Dad I dont believe in dinosaurs."
:blush::bash:


----------



## lisadew24

Well today I had a woman who thought her cat would get cat flu if she didn't dry it properly after washing it


----------



## Exo

I don't get customers, but I do get very annoying members of the public. The joys of being a 'polis'


"Eh you can't do that"
"Eh, yes I can"

"Are you not too young to be in the police?"
"Are you not too old to be breaking the law?"

"What's your involvement in this"
"Nothing sorry, I'm just watching"

"What's your first name sir?"
"Mafan"
"Your second name Mafan"
"Nysrotten"
"Right your nicked"

"I smell bacon"
"I'd rather smell like bacon than body oder"

"Why are you not out catching real criminals"
"I never knew assaulting police wasn't a crime"

"These handcuffs are too tight"
"They weren't designed for comfort"

"Don't try and run mate, you'll only go to jail tired"

"Can't you give me a warning?"
"Ok then, I warn you not to do it again or you'll get another ticket"

"What speed do you think you were going then?"
"I don't know, 80?"
"Not even close, 127"
"Am I going to loose my licence?"
"Is the pope a catholic?"


Ahh the joys.


----------



## legallyblonde

Issa said:


> I actually managed to convince my old boss that my beardie did actually breath fire when you annoyed him and the black beard display were actually scorch marks, but he only has stumpy little wings so can't really fly well. Worst bit, the silly cow actually believed me and asked honestly how I could keep a pet like that.


:lol2::lol2::lol2:

I am going to try that I know so many people who'd believe it!


----------



## legallyblonde

sanderson said:


> Its in Bath, come along :2thumb:


Does she still work there? I want to go :lol2: and its a short trip there for me


----------



## Twiglet

Work experience: "excuse me, where do I put the fish milk?"
Me: "Pardon?"
Work exp: "Fish milk." 
Me: "Sorry love... WHAT fish milk?!"
Work exp: "This." *waves a cardboard carton at me*
Me: "That's tonic salt love. It goes over there...." 
Work exp: "Oh. Do fish drink tea then?"

WHO thinks a carton with the words "Tonic Salt" written on it must be full of bovine mammary excreations? 
And HOW would a fish drink tea ffs?!?!


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws

Exo said:


> I don't get customers, but I do get very annoying members of the public. The joys of being a 'polis'
> 
> 
> "Eh you can't do that"
> "Eh, yes I can"
> 
> "Are you not too young to be in the police?"
> "Are you not too old to be breaking the law?"
> 
> "What's your involvement in this"
> "Nothing sorry, I'm just watching"
> 
> "What's your first name sir?"
> "Mafan"
> "Your second name Mafan"
> "Nysrotten"
> "Right your nicked"
> 
> "I smell bacon"
> "I'd rather smell like bacon than body oder"
> 
> "Why are you not out catching real criminals"
> "I never knew assaulting police wasn't a crime"
> 
> "These handcuffs are too tight"
> "They weren't designed for comfort"
> 
> "Don't try and run mate, you'll only go to jail tired"
> 
> "Can't you give me a warning?"
> "Ok then, I warn you not to do it again or you'll get another ticket"
> 
> "What speed do you think you were going then?"
> "I don't know, 80?"
> "Not even close, 127"
> "Am I going to loose my licence?"
> "Is the pope a catholic?"
> 
> 
> Ahh the joys.


heh heh love it. you dont meet many polices with a sense of humour


----------



## AilsaM

Twiglet said:


> Work experience: "excuse me, where do I put the fish milk?"
> Me: "Pardon?"
> Work exp: "Fish milk."
> Me: "Sorry love... WHAT fish milk?!"
> Work exp: "This." *waves a cardboard carton at me*
> Me: "That's tonic salt love. It goes over there...."
> Work exp: "Oh. Do fish drink tea then?"
> 
> WHO thinks a carton with the words "Tonic Salt" written on it must be full of bovine mammary excreations?
> And HOW would a fish drink tea ffs?!?!


:rotfl::roll2::roll2::roll2:


----------



## legallyblonde

By someone in my family talking about my bearded dragons:

Them: They're horrible they are all gooey ad squishy and all hard on top, nothing like the cat. 

Me: that's because they are reptiles

Them: nothing like the rabbit either and it's disgusting that their fur falls off

:bash:


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Zerox Z21

Not *quite* the same thing, but in the Natural History Museum recently.

Some children ask what a skeleton is. It is labelled as a moa. Her parents proceed to tell her it's an ostrich.
Later on we go past them again in another exhibit, which has some iguanadon teeth. Child asks what they are, parents tell her that they are the teeth of that bird skeleton they went past earlier.

Oh the horror. If you don't know, don't fill your child's head with crap!!


----------



## manda88

People that say 'locusses' instead of 'locusts'....:whip:


----------



## vetdebbie

The number of people who ask me to 'spade' their animals - truly horrifying.


----------



## Lord Vetinari

vetdebbie said:


> The number of people who ask me to 'spade' their animals - truly horrifying.


I have no clue as to what that means/....

Litterally hit with a spade?


----------



## Robbie

A junkie ran up to me a few weeks ago practically in tears because one of the Bearded Dragons had apparently been speared through the head like Jesus on the cross.

It was it's ears.


----------



## vukic

Squirrel said:


> My standard answer had become 'Tortoises sink' until I saw one on youtube swimming dammit!



Ouch!

but.... 



they can swim??? :gasp:


----------



## bampoisongirl

Lord Vetinari said:


> I have no clue as to what that means/....
> 
> Litterally hit with a spade?


Instead of 'spayed'


----------



## lisadew24

bampoisongirl said:


> Instead of 'spayed'


But arent spayed and spade are pronounced the same, maybe if it was spay then it would be wrong
Eg "can you spay my cat" rather than "my cat was spayed last week"


----------



## vetdebbie

Lord Vetinari said:


> I have no clue as to what that means/....
> 
> Litterally hit with a spade?


Nor do I!

They mean 'spey'


----------



## Chance

Its worse when they say 'yes my cat needs to be spaded so she doesn't have any more kittens'. :gasp:


----------



## destinys_only_sin

Chance said:


> Its worse when they say 'yes my cat needs to be spaded so she doesn't have any more kittens'. :gasp:


Can always spade them a few times. Make sure they can't breed more muppets :whistling2:


----------



## vukic

ink&reps said:


> havent read every1 of he postt but i get this one loads....... Do you work here? No i wear this t'shirt with the company name on in big letters for fun!


i get peole asking me for things when i dont work!!! no matter what i'm wearing.. :lol2:


----------



## Twiglet

I had a woman the other day argue the toss with me that she ran her ph at 2.5 on her marine tank and that absolutely everyone else does too so I cant possiblely jniw what I'm talking about...

2.5... seriously.


----------



## Lord Vetinari

Twiglet said:


> I had a woman the other day argue the toss with me that she ran her ph at 2.5 on her marine tank and that absolutely everyone else does too so I cant possiblely jniw what I'm talking about...
> 
> 2.5... seriously.


Does she top it up with coke?


----------



## Twiglet

Lord Vetinari said:


> Does she top it up with coke?


Very possibly...
She was one of those that instead of stopping to listen to what I was trying to say and show her in books, was getting arsey with me for not knowing what I was doing. I love people like that. :flrt:


----------



## PinklySmooth

I had a boy ask me if he could empty his garage, and then have loads of snakes free roaming in there (no heat, no vivs), so that they could kill burglars and his neighbours for him...


----------



## PigeonYouDead

I worked in an aquatic centre about 5 years ago, and we, like all of you, used to get ridiculous questions all the time. I think my favourite was this extremely posh man who turned up in a suit on a saturday;
_Man_ "Excuse me do you have any shoebookin?"
_Me_ "Shoe What?"
_Man, slowly and patronisingly_ "Shoe-boo-kin"
_Me_ "Ohhh, do you mean shubunkin? A bit like a tricoloured goldfish?"
_Man_ "No I mean shoebookin, and if you don't know what they are then I shall go elsewhere"

... Bye then.

We also got this man who came in one day and bought 36 blue orfe (I told him he shouldn't be buying that many all together, and 6 or 12 was a more sensible choice, but he wasn't having it). He came in the next day ranting and raving and demanding a refund because apparently, during the night during a HUGE thunderstorm, all 36 orfe had beeched themselves on the deck that overhung his pond.

My manager politely told him that if all 36 had killed themselves, it must have been down to the crappy water in his pond :roll2:


----------



## Twiglet

Just had a woman tell me that she washed her new fair ground goldfish under the tap before putting it in her tank as she'd heard they can be dirty.... this is two days after being asked if we sell enemas....


----------



## befxxx

i hope there arent any hidden cameras in my flat. 
Im sat here laughing hysterically at the computer. 
... Better lock the doors before the men in white with my new jacket get here...


----------



## RiverTam

Not customer service, but my friend insists that staffies have "special teeth" that means when they bite they can't let go. So presumably they just dehydrate and starve to death while clamped on to some innocent two year old's leg.:bash: I wanted to drop a pile of Daily Fails on her head, sounds like that's what she's been reading.


----------



## PigeonYouDead

RiverTam said:


> Not customer service, but my friend insists that staffies have "special teeth" that means when they bite they can't let go. So presumably they just dehydrate and starve to death while clamped on to some innocent two year old's leg.:bash: I wanted to drop a pile of Daily Fails on her head, sounds like that's what she's been reading.


Not special teeth but I think they do get lockjaw, so when they clamp on to something they are not the kind of dog to let go. Also, as for "innocent 2 year old", can we steer away from breed generalisations that they are vicious dogs that attack unprovoked? Ta.


----------



## destinys_only_sin

PigeonYouDead said:


> *Not special teeth but I think they do get lockjaw*, so when they clamp on to something they are not the kind of dog to let go. Also, as for "innocent 2 year old", can we steer away from breed generalisations that they are vicious dogs that attack unprovoked? Ta.


A common misconception, but actually, they don't. They just have strong jaw muscles, giving them the ability to hold on whilst something tries to escape. More so than most larger 'stronger' breeds. No breed of dog has the ability to lock it's jaw. 

I'd agree with steering away from breed generalisations though. Staffies are called Nanny dogs for a reason afterall.


----------



## RiverTam

I'm not generalising about staffies, she was. I said that to point out how ridiculous it sounded.

And no, staffies don't have locking jaws either.


----------



## Twiglet

Customer comment of the day:
Customer: "I'd like some fish pods."
Me: "Sorry, we don't stock that brand of tank. Would you like me to show you some alternatives?"
Customer: "Fish pods." *looks at me blankly**
Me: "Ok, let me show you our tanks."
Customer: "I've got a tank. I'm after some fish pods. You know, for the fish."*
Me: "Ok.... can you describe them for me?"
Customer: "Yeah. They're pods. But for your fish."
Me: "What do they look like?"
Customer: "Fish pods. They look like pods. I've had them from here before!! They are for you fish."
Me: "I think perhaps they are a line we have discountinued..."
Customer: "Look!! These!" *points to something in a tank*
Me: ".....You mean moss balls?"
Customer: "Yes. I told you. Fish pods."

*sigh*


----------



## trogdorable

female customer came in this week to buy frozen rats and mice, went on to tell me how changing snakes over from mice to rats kills them. it happened to her friend, fed her snake a rat and it died, so that's obviously what happened.


----------



## mstypical

trogdorable said:


> female customer came in this week to buy frozen rats and mice, went on to tell me how changing snakes over from mice to rats kills them. it happened to her friend, fed her snake a rat and it died, so that's obviously what happened.


Oh crap, people need to know about this! Before all snakes everywhere drop dead!


----------



## IceBloodExotics

Where to start, where to start! Its been a while since I have been on here!
have just used him and her as im to lazy to type customer a million times :blush:

1. 
Have you got any gags for dogs? (turns out he wanted a muzzle)


2. *woman wants her dog fitter for a jacket*
me- so what kind of dog is it?
her- ridge back
me- any idea of size?
her- hold on i will go get him he is tied up out side...
me- *starts opening packets of large and xlarge coats* 
her- *walks in with the dog*
me- *looking mind [email protected]@ked as hell* a yorkie?
her- *looking like I just insulted her* no he is a pedigree ridge back!!!
(it was actually a yorkshire terrier, but she wouldn't accept that)


3.
him- can you order me in 3 large rabbits please?
me- sure, let me grab a name and number?.....what is it you keep?
him- its for a huge corn snake mate!
me- *just completely stops what im doing* for a corn????
him- aye mate but is [email protected]@king massive so my mate dared me to feed it a rabbit.
me- *after explaining why it wouldn't work and that it would be harmful for his snake he finally realised what a nob he was being and left disappointed.


4.
me- hi, can I help you at all?
him- im looking for incontinence pads for my snake...


5.
(seen someone had been wandering round the shop for at least 5 mins)

me- hi, can I help you at all?
him- 10 mayfair and a 99 pence bag of wine gums please!


6.
him- my male budgie keeps laying eggs!
me- its a female then.
him- no he is just a rare type that lays eggs but he is definitely a male.
me- *spent the next 5 mins explaining that it must be a female*


7.
him- can I have a dozen goldfish!
me- what size is your tank!?
him- 30 litre...


8.
her- my fish has been sleeping for the last to days, is it hibernating?


9.
(again customer walking around while I am boxing a hamster he has just bought)

him- this shop kinda looks like a pet shop!
me- it is a pet shop...?
him- :gasp:


10.
(some pet food had a 20% food deal on for one month, it was very obvious that the 20% food was actually in the bag)

him- see if I don't take my extra 20% today and I come in and buy 4 more bags this month can I just add the 20% ups to make 100% and get a full free bag at the end on the month?

-----

Anyone else in the pet trade notice that pets at home has a million names? 
pet world, pets r us, pet planet, pet city, ect

And do you ever feel like you are always explaining to people that their 'pitbulls' are actually staffies?


Will add more as they come...:notworthy:


----------



## raymaral

trogdorable said:


> female customer came in this week to buy frozen rats and mice, went on to tell me how changing snakes over from mice to rats kills them. it happened to her friend, fed her snake a rat and it died, so that's obviously what happened.


I feel sorry for those poor retics and boas that have to change not only from mice to rats but then again onto rabbits... how lucky they are to make it full size


----------



## Twiglet

I had a lady at the awareness display I did on saturday be absolutely adamant that male sbakes can lay eggs....


----------



## sharpstrain

Is there a thread for stupid things said by staff?


----------



## raymaral

Just add on here, I know sometimes I've laughed in the face of shopkeepers for their lack of knowledge yet total confidence in what they were saying

Edit: one example being a well known pet shop that I won't shame on here, me and my other half asked simply when they cleaned the rabbits last they said that morning. The sawdust was full of poo, there was wee and spray up the glass and a mass collection of dust and mould in the top corner. Same shop, male and female beardie kept together in a tank 2foot wide and 4foot high. I pointed out the error of their ways as they aren't exactly clued up on reps they said they know its male and female and I quote "if she lays eggs we will bin them"


----------



## SamWest

raymaral said:


> Just add on here, I know sometimes I've laughed in the face of shopkeepers for their lack of knowledge yet total confidence in what they were saying
> 
> Edit: one example being a well known pet shop that I won't shame on here, me and my other half asked simply when they cleaned the rabbits last they said that morning. The sawdust was full of poo, there was wee and spray up the glass and a mass collection of dust and mould in the top corner. Same shop, male and female beardie kept together in a tank 2foot wide and 4foot high. I pointed out the error of their ways as they aren't exactly clued up on reps they said they know its male and female and I quote "if she lays eggs we will bin them"


Is this shop where you live, in Maidstone ?


----------



## raymaral

Yea. Close to it

Sent from my e1902_v77_jblw005 using Tapatalk


----------



## Twiglet

sharpstrain said:


> Is there a thread for stupid things said by staff?


Add it here!! We all love a giggle...


----------



## AubreyGecko

I don't work in a shop but I was in a pet shop talking about a tortoise with my mum and some woman was saying to her kid " look Alfred it's the turtle from nemo" I said it was a horse field tortoise and she said " don't be stupid of course it's a ruddy turtle look it has a shell, do you think I'm daft"

I couldn't resist a smirk (':


----------



## TheMetaphysicalNinja

I work in a store called "Sony Centre" 

SONY. 

It's above the door in 2 foot high letters. 

Regular customer question - "Do you sell ipods/iphone/ipad?"


----------



## westie2345

Corn-Znake-Neil said:


> I hear stupid things by the shop keeper instead. :lol2:
> He tried to tell me that my year old jungle carpet python could break 3 of my ribs if it struck at me, and that they're constricting power is so huge that they're bringing in licenses to England. :bash:


I had a keeper (name :censor tell me false water cobras were DWA, I took great pleasure in pulling him up on it!


----------



## JMM

I was at a rep shop yesterday and the owner told me about a guy desperate to get rid of his bosc. He would constantly text him saying he could have it with setup for £90. The owner was not interested but after a while gave in but would only pay £50 for it all. When it was delivered the glass was cracked and taped up, only 1 bulb for warmth and no UV. The bosc was unfortunately in a bad state, skinny, swollen foot and a damaged tail. The reason for the desperate sale?? The guy wanted to buy some weed...:censor::banghead::devil::bash::2wallbang:


----------



## bigal1982

In a newish pet shop in Gateshead a few days ago, discussing the sale of a few royals. A customer perks up, how often do them corn snakes eat crickets, cos mine won't eat mice, I've wasted the last 3. I thought wtf then realised there was a cricket in the corns viv face to face with the snake.


----------



## XaulZan

My mother works as a receptionist in a vet and I had popped in to see her for a reason I can't remember why. Anyway there was a woman that sounded really mad in one of the consultation rooms as I walked through the door. The vet opened the door to the consultation room, as some young colorfully dressed woman, about 17 years old, stormed out with what seemed to be quite a young cat. As she passed him the vet said,

"No matter what your morals and beleifs are, your cat is a Carnivore and needs to eat meat".

Things seemed to swiftly go back to normality in over 10 seconds, and I later found out of my mum, that the young girl had been sat in reception talking to my mother about how she is a strict vegan etc etc, before she entered the consultation room.

It saddens me that there are these people in the world, that force there own ways upon their animals at times. If you're going to own an animal, look after it well.


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## Shisui uchiha

Wow that made me angry, what an irresponsible, spoilt , brattish young tool she must have been

Sent from my HTC One using Tapatalk


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## bigal1982

XaulZan said:


> My mother works as a receptionist in a vet and I had popped in to see her for a reason I can't remember why. Anyway there was a woman that sounded really mad in one of the consultation rooms as I walked through the door. The vet opened the door to the consultation room, as some young colorfully dressed woman, about 17 years old, stormed out with what seemed to be quite a young cat. As she passed him the vet said,
> 
> "No matter what your morals and beleifs are, your cat is a Carnivore and needs to eat meat".
> 
> Things seemed to swiftly go back to normality in over 10 seconds, and I later found out of my mum, that the young girl had been sat in reception talking to my mother about how she is a strict vegan etc etc, before she entered the consultation room.
> 
> It saddens me that there are these people in the world, that force there own ways upon their animals at times. If you're going to own an animal, look after it well.


I'd of took the cat off her....... And ate it :mf_dribble:


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## Middleton Mouse

I have a very small animal encounters business that basically I do for enjoyment and a little pocket money. Sometimes I get asked to appear in public places such as shopping centres.

One time I was doing such a show and allowing some kids to handle my corn snake. A man in his 40's (I'd guess) barged his way to the front and asked in his best jakie accent "at snake poison-nouse aye?" yes that's why I'm allowing small children to handle it in a crowded shopping centre.

Same day I overheard a lady speaking to her daughter who had pointed out a giant millipede and asked her mum what it was. I should point out that, at the time, the millipede in question was making a bid for freedom by crawling up the side of his tank. Instead of admitting she didn't know what this odd creature was or even asking myself she replied "it's a big worm pet". Eh? A worm that's 12" long with legs? Can only assume her eyesight was a bit mince.


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## sa123

*Hi*

I have had the bearded dragon question , they wanted one that breathed green fire , not the normal red fire , some people , lol


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## JasminaChillibeaner

I've heard the 'snake sizing my friend's aunt's cousin's husband up for dinner' about a quarter of the times I've told people I keep snakes. It got old about the fifth time I had to explain it away.


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## JasminaChillibeaner

sanderson said:


> Its in Bath, come along :2thumb:


I live near you! Sounds like a fun day out. Instead of staring slack-jawed at the animals we can stare slack-jawed at their keepers!


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## ZachyBoy

:jump:Bump to this thread:jump:

Surly people are still saying weird and wonderful things about reptiles...


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## lcpete

Really funny thread 
My one isn't in the same league and I don't work in a shop but still funny
In our garden we have a wildlife pond one summer the frogs had a particularly good year and there were loads of little baby frogs
Our neighbour came round one evening knocked on the door and asked me if they were my frogs and complained that they were coming into her garden 
We had friends round who at this point were in stitches laughing :2thumb:
She did say that she was worried about her dog eating them I tried to keep a straight face as I explained that frogs are not poisonous


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## wilkinss77

Not about a shop, but whenever boiler engineers come round to service the boiler (it's in the reptile room), they look at the snakes. & some of them come out with classics like:
'not _alive, _are they?'
'not gonna get out, are they?'

& then the tedious, time-honoured classic:
'are they poisonous/venomous/dangerous?'


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