# Horrible situation - Cat needs to be PTS but sister wont allow it?



## 9Red (May 30, 2008)

I'm so upset today and I really need to vent. Sorry in advance but please bare with me;

My sister and her family have gone on holiday and left my mother in charge of feeding their very elderly cat. My mum and I both agree that Tinkerbell needs to be PTS - she is literally a skeleton, not drinking and has been breathing heavily for over a week. I strongly suspect she also has hyperthyroidism and kidney failure. I tried to talk about this with my sister and her husband last week only to be told 'they would keep an eye on it.' 

Today we went round and Tink is looking aweful. We actually couldn't find her then spotted her across the street where some kindly neighbours were with her on the pavement giving her food as they assumed she was a sick stray (don't blame them from the look of the poor thing). We phoned my sister to say we needed to take her to the vet to be PTS, only to be told it was not our decision to make and she would not allow it.

I'm disgusted with my sister for being so selfish. She says she doesn't want it done while they are away as it wont be fair on the children to not be able to say goodbye. They don't get back until Saturday. 

Now normally I wouldn't think twice about this - if it was anybody else I would take the cat to the vet straight away and have her PTS. I'm even considering calling the RSPCA even though I dislike them immensely. However if I do this I know it will cause a MASSIVE fight and I will be punished by the whole family for 'interferring'.

Is there anything I can do to resolve this? I know if I contact the police for help they will tell me to call the RSPCA.


----------



## feorag (Jul 31, 2007)

Your sister is being incredibly selfish! surely she is able to explain to her children that it will be cruel to the cat to keep it alive until they come home from holiday.

If she needs her children to have the chance to say goodbye, then the answer (the way that I see it) is to take the cat, get her euthanased because that is the right thing to do for the cat. Then bring the body home and put it in the freezer until your sister comes home. Then the children can see that the cat looks peacefully asleep and they can have a burial so that the children understand the finality of it all.

It is not right to make the cat stay alive just to appease her children - you are dead right on that one.

However, I personally wouldn't bring the RSPCA in, as that could open up a whole new can of worms that might affect your relationship with your sister forever.

What happens if it dies when it's outside and you can't find the body??? :gasp: How will the children say goodbye then?


----------



## naja-naja (Aug 26, 2009)

have it euthenised and then tell your sister that it passed away of natural causes?


----------



## gecko lady (Jun 26, 2010)

totally agree with feorag! another thing you could say that the cat died of normal circumstances and have it PTS without her knowing? although im sure she would probably be suspicious .. very difficult situation for you


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws (May 25, 2010)

personally i would have the poor thing PTS and i would tell your sister it died from the condition she left it in.

its the hardest decision to ever make but to prolong suffering is unnecessarily cruel.


----------



## jaykickboxer (Feb 11, 2008)

Txt her a link to this thread and say seriously u gotta do the right thing for the cat I'm sure it will be full of people all agreeing its the right thing to do


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws (May 25, 2010)

some people just dont see the suffering before their eyes and need other people to tell them what needs done and sometimes make that hard decision. 

i was in a similar situation with my dad and his corn snake a few months back, he didnt want me to take it to a vet because he thought i'd put it to sleep, so instead of letting me help her, he left her to suffer until i managed to get her to a vet but by then it was too late and i did indeed need to put her to sleep. i had to call my dad before the vet did it because it technically wasnt my decision (much like you and your sister) but my vet would not release the snake in her condition so technically the Vet made that decision and it was humanely put to sleep.

i made the call, got hell from my dad, felt like utter crap that day but in the end he understood and thanked me for doing what he didnt have the balls to do himself.


----------



## vgorst (Sep 27, 2011)

When I was younger my cat, fish, mouse and guinea pig died when I was on holiday (not all the same holiday!). Of course I was upset but we don't always get the chance to say goodbye. If I was given the choice of keeping them alive but suffering or to put them out of their misery peacefully I know what I would have chosen, even at a young age.


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws (May 25, 2010)

vgorst said:


> When I was younger my cat, fish, mouse and guinea pig died when I was on holiday (not all the same holiday!). Of course I was upset but we don't always get the chance to say goodbye. If I was given the choice of keeping them alive but suffering or to put them out of their misery peacefully I know what I would have chosen, even at a young age.


i wont say what i was gonna say to that.

it's the right choice, i'd hate the thought of having one of my cats suffering just so i could 'say goodbye' as long as someone the cat knows is there at the end that should be enough comfort for the owner.


----------



## Tequila (Jan 13, 2012)

I may be weird, but an innocent animal's suffering is far more important to me than to tiptoe around a selfish person's feelings. Bring the cat to a vet to get it checked and make the vet talk some sense into your sister. 
I've been in the exact same situatuon, only with a dog instead of a cat, and it was humanely put to sleep at the vet's office when the owner (a close family member) was out of town. The poor thing lived years in pain because the owner wouldn't take the responsibility that comes with having a sick and elderly pet. If you need to bring in the RSPCA, do it.


----------



## vgorst (Sep 27, 2011)

Evilshiddenclaws said:


> i wont say what i was gonna say to that.


I don't see what was so wrong with what I said but ok...


----------



## FreddiesMum (Jan 10, 2007)

Awful situation for you but please don't let the poor cat suffer any longer. You can't allow the cat to suffer to keep your sister happy.


----------



## Tarron (May 30, 2010)

It is a very terrible and sensitive situation to be in, I empathise incredibly with you.

Your best bet would be to take it to the vet, not mentioning euthanasia to see what his opinion on the cats health is. Get the facts from a proffesional, is she suffering, what is wrong, etc. At least that way, you can contact your sister, tell her what the vet said (give an exscuse as to why you went in the first place, if you must) and hopefully a proffesionals opinion will count for something.


----------



## VixxieandTrixxie (Mar 20, 2012)

Take her to the vet and ring your sister while your there so the vet can explain to her whats wrong and what needs to be done asap.


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws (May 25, 2010)

VixxieandTrixxie said:


> Take her to the vet and ring your sister while your there so the vet can explain to her whats wrong and what needs to be done asap.


this could be the best way to do it


----------



## Kare (Mar 9, 2010)

It is possible if you took the cat to the vets they may be able to do something short term to alleviate some of the symptoms until she returns. If the cat is in kidney failure even a basic diuretic could great ease her breathing and could help the cat, limiting the suffering until your sister and her family can make the decision

I would definitely stop the cat getting out again, she is in no fit state and dying on the road or getting caught by something is the worse way to go


----------



## blueflash (Jul 29, 2012)

Kare said:


> It is possible if you took the cat to the vets they may be able to do something short term to alleviate some of the <a class="ktg6us78hf8vdu7" href="#">symptoms</a> until she returns. If the cat is in kidney failure even a basic diuretic could great ease her breathing and could help the cat, limiting the suffering until your sister and her family can make the decision
> 
> I would definitely stop the cat getting out again, she is in no fit state and dying on the road or getting caught by something is the worse way to go


i would disagree with the last part tbh, 
depending on the cat shutting her in could make her last few days miserable and stressful, 
i personally would never do that to an animal in the last stage of its life


----------



## VixxieandTrixxie (Mar 20, 2012)

Evilshiddenclaws said:


> this could be the best way to do it


Cheers :2thumb: Just hope the OP takes her to the vets.


----------



## selina20 (May 28, 2008)

I would be tempted to go get it PTS and then tell her u found the cat in a bush down the road :/


----------



## Christie_ZXR (May 14, 2011)

I'd get the cat to a vet and go from there.

Maybe tell her the laboured breathing was getting worse, and you wanted to make sure the cat made it until they were back from holls? Then you can let the vet make the decision as to what needs doing, and he/she can be the bad guy that gives the news!


----------



## feorag (Jul 31, 2007)

If you're unhappy with making the decision yourself, then I would definitely take it to the vet and ask the vet's opinion. If the vet says the cats is very ill and needs to be euthanased, then the decision has been taken out of your hands.


----------



## em_40 (Sep 29, 2010)

I can't believe how many are saying to get it put down and lie about it, I'd never forgive my sibling they did that. You said that you suspect it has things wrong with it and that it's skinny. Lots of cats look skinny as they get older and there's nothing wrong with them. I would personally take it to the vet and see what he says, if it has the problems that you suspect that it does then there will either be treatment or he will say that he recommends that it is put to sleep. Then even if he recommends it gets put to sleep, atleast you can say it's what the vet thought was best.


----------



## 9Red (May 30, 2008)

Thank you all for your replies. 

I had suggested taking her to the vets anyway to get a professionals opinion but my sister has forbidden it, saying 'If she goes to the vets, she wont come back, they will want to put her down'. Basically she knows Tink needs to be PTS but wont allow us to, purely out of spite because it's 'her decision, not ours'. My mum is also now taking her side and refusing to help me talk her round, I think because she is scared of my sisters' foul temper.

I am now trying to find a way to get hold of a key to the house so I can take Tink myself.


----------



## em_40 (Sep 29, 2010)

aah that's a shame. If they had known before they went on holiday they should have said goodbye then...


----------



## bbav (Oct 17, 2007)

Take her to the vets and tell your sister someone took her off the street and took her to the vets.


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws (May 25, 2010)

What a horrid position to be in. Let us know what happens. Just remember that none of this is your fault, don't let them blame you when your doing right by the cat.


----------



## feorag (Jul 31, 2007)

em_40 said:


> aah that's a shame. If they had known before they went on holiday they should have said goodbye then...


Absolutely right - if she's convinced the vet would put her down if you took her, then she knows the poor cat is in need of euthanasing - that makes it all worse in my eyes - sorry!

I don't think I could forgive my sister, or my mother for taking her side in a case like this!


----------



## RawrIsDinosaurForILoveYou (Apr 11, 2009)

I think you need to tell your mum the facts, I'm sure neither your sister or mum would like to be in pain because someone doesn't want anyone to help them until they get back.

I know that it would be upsetting but, surely if she knows how bad the cat is, she should understand that its been left too long already?

How long is it until she comes back?


----------



## feorag (Jul 31, 2007)

They're coming back on Saturday according to her first post. So still another 4 days to go - minimum!!


----------



## RawrIsDinosaurForILoveYou (Apr 11, 2009)

Thats just not fair.


----------



## DavieB (Mar 15, 2011)

Ge5t the cat take it to the vet do what the vet recommends if its pts, tell the sister the cat was out and hasn't come home. "simples"


----------



## FreddiesMum (Jan 10, 2007)

Any news about this poor wee puss?


----------



## 9Red (May 30, 2008)

Update: Tink has now been missing for 2 days, her food and water bowls remain untouched. The last time my mum saw her she said she 'looked at her strange, as if she couldn't understand what was going on around her'. 

I'm heartbroken. Of course we will continue to go round to the house several times a day to look for her and call her, but sadly I expect poor Tink has gone away somewhere private and died.

I just hope she wasn't suffering too much. 

I will never forgive my sister for her selfishness.


----------



## VixxieandTrixxie (Mar 20, 2012)

Oh no!! I hope she hasnt died a painful and lonely death ​


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws (May 25, 2010)

oh dear... not so good.

thoughts are with you. and do not blame yourself, blame your ignorant and selfish sister.


----------



## Daisyy (Jan 15, 2010)

I'm sorry but your sister sounds like a foul selfish person. She put her needs and bossiness 100% over the cats health and happiness. I think you were definitely doing the right thing by trying to get her to the vets, it's just sad that you would have had to damage your relationship with your sister and mum!


----------



## feorag (Jul 31, 2007)

If she has died, this would affect my relationship far worse and I wouldn't forgive her either!

Do check the house carefully though, because it is an old wives' tale that cats go away to die - they don't!


----------



## BigHomer (Apr 21, 2012)

Call around local vets and rescue centres as it could be that someone has found her and taken her. Post on Facebook pages for selling items locally and on gumtree incase someone has her.
If you get no response I would assume that she has fallen asleep somewhere outside and just not woken up.


----------



## FreddiesMum (Jan 10, 2007)

Poor wee puss don't blame yourself :sad: It is a pity your selfish sister didn't put the wee cats needs first.


----------



## Kare (Mar 9, 2010)

Yeah ask around, if the neighbours were paying her attention they could have taken her somewhere themselves to have her put down or something.


----------



## feorag (Jul 31, 2007)

If she is in as poor as state as you describe she could easily have been mistaken for an unwanted stray and taken in by someone!


----------



## BirdieBonkers (Sep 23, 2009)

aww the poor thing, i'd take it to a vet might be able to give him treatment to make him more comfortable till she gets back off holiday, but if the vet says it needs to be pts, ask the vet to phone your sister


----------



## feorag (Jul 31, 2007)

Bit late! You need to read the whole thread! :lol2:


----------



## Christie_ZXR (May 14, 2011)

Any news on her? Has she turned back up?


----------



## n3crophile (Dec 14, 2009)

don't the kids know that cats don't care about their owners anyways?

hope that you find her and get everything sorted in the most humane way possible!


----------



## Ophexis (Feb 19, 2010)

n3crophile said:


> *don't the kids know that cats don't care about their owners anyways?
> *
> hope that you find her and get everything sorted in the most humane way possible!


I'd have to disagree with that I'm afraid. Cats can show great love for their owners and it's not always cupboard love either! 

I really hope you manage to at least find her and bring some closure to the family, if she has passed xx


----------



## feorag (Jul 31, 2007)

n3crophile said:


> don't the kids know that cats don't care about their owners anyways?


That's the daftest statement I've ever read on this forum and I've read a few! :roll:

As with every animal you get back what you give and cats are no different. If you spend time with them they will spend time with you - the cats I've owned have always cared about myself and my husband and have interacted with us all the time.

You're obviously not familiar with keeping cats as pets!


----------



## 9Red (May 30, 2008)

Update: Tink was found today in a neighbours garden looking even worse. I went and collected her and had her PTS.

Bless her soul, she started purring as soon as the vet took her out of the carrier and didn't stop until her heart did. She kept eye contact with me the whole time, and the expression of relief in the split second before she passed was overwhelming. The vet said she could tell just by looking that she had something seriously wrong inside her, probably cancer from the distended and distorted look of her abdomen. 

I will deal with my sister tommorow when they come back off holiday. I'm beyond upset now - I'm absolutely, completely furious. 

R.I.P Tinkerbell. You didn't deserve this.


----------



## FreddiesMum (Jan 10, 2007)

9Red said:


> Update: Tink was found today in a neighbours garden looking even worse. I went and collected her and had her PTS.
> 
> Bless her soul, she started purring as soon as the vet took her out of the carrier and didn't stop until her heart did. She kept eye contact with me the whole time, and the expression of relief in the split second before she passed was overwhelming. The vet said she could tell just by looking that she had something seriously wrong inside her, probably cancer from the distended and distorted look of her abdomen.
> 
> ...


:grouphug: For you I know you will be upset but you have done the right thing for the wee puss. Your sister should be ashamed of herself. RIP Tinkerbell.


----------



## EVIEMAY (Mar 6, 2008)

Thank god you found her - she is finally at peace

Sleep tight little one x


----------



## Kat91 (Sep 19, 2008)

Well done for doing the right thing and relieving her of her suffering. She's at peace now and that's all that matters. RIP Tinks xx


----------



## feorag (Jul 31, 2007)

I'm with everyone else - you put the cat first and for that you are to be commended. :notworthy: 

I'm just so pleased you found her, otherwise she could have just laid and died there and then been found dead, maybe by a child, or even your sister's child. At least you know she had a quiet peaceful death with someone she knew by her side. I'm a firm believer that you can see in their eyes when an animal has had enough and it was obvious from what you've said that Tinks had had enough.

Deal with your sister - she should be slapped around the face with a wet fish (and that's me being kind!!!) 

RIP to Tinks and :grouphug: to you.


----------



## PresqueVu (Jul 27, 2008)

I'm glad you found her. It is incredible someone could put an animal through that - good luck for when your sister returns, I know firsthand how hard that can be when people just don't see the cruelty and neglect they put something through - and then have the audacity to claim to be an animal lover! :devil:

Tinkerbell, be at peace now x


----------



## LizardFTI (Dec 2, 2006)

If I were so adament that the children see the cat before it was PTS, id have cut the holiday short and I certainly wouldnt have left it to go on holiday in the first place.

OP you did the right thing to end the poor little cats suffering. Your sister had no right to force you to make this hard decision the way she did.

RIP Tinks.


----------



## 9Red (May 30, 2008)

Thank you everyone for your kind words. 

I'm glad she's at peace now, but am still annoyed with myself for not following my gut instinct and having her PTS at the start of the week when I knew she needed it. I am so upset that I was put in a position that tested my morals and sense of ethics to breaking point. 

All I can hope for now is that they don't ever decide to get more pets!


----------



## VixxieandTrixxie (Mar 20, 2012)

9Red said:


> Update: Tink was found today in a neighbours garden looking even worse. I went and collected her and had her PTS.
> 
> Bless her soul, she started purring as soon as the vet took her out of the carrier and didn't stop until her heart did. She kept eye contact with me the whole time, and the expression of relief in the split second before she passed was overwhelming. The vet said she could tell just by looking that she had something seriously wrong inside her, probably cancer from the distended and distorted look of her abdomen.
> 
> ...


Aw see she knew her time had come and that she was going to a better place and she was grateful to you for helping her.

Well done you did the best thing for her.


----------



## Christie_ZXR (May 14, 2011)

Well done. Must have been such a horrible thing to have to do, but I defo agree you've done the right thing for her 

Best of luck dealing with your sister! Hopefully she'll understand xxx


----------



## Daisyy (Jan 15, 2010)

RIP Tinkerbell, I'm sure she's so thankful to you for letting her go. Your sister should be ashamed of herself.


----------



## sarahlou67 (Jul 10, 2012)

RIP Tinkerbell. So sad, but OP you did the right thing for her and everyone knows that. Hope your sister comes round to your way of thinking.


----------



## SezzyJay (Oct 8, 2009)

n3crophile said:


> don't the kids know that cats don't care about their owners anyways?
> 
> hope that you find her and get everything sorted in the most humane way possible!


That is just complete and utter :censor: 

My cat follows me down the road, he knows my car and sits at the door step waiting for me._ I _rescued him from the streets as a kitten & the love I have for him is unconditional. He comes to me when im sad, upset & ill and doesnt leave my side untill im better! 

Opinions like that are unfounded and an attitude like that will get you no where with a pet. If thats how you think a cat will never want to come to you. They understand & know!


----------



## SezzyJay (Oct 8, 2009)

9Red you have my deepest sympathy. You have done a brave thing within such a hard situation. 

A situation you should never have been put in & I hope you remind your mother & sister of that! If they want any clarification on that send them to the vets & let them hear what the vet has said first hand! Perhaps they will go though someone with what you have said about your sister I dont think she would - as she knew the cat was near the end! That is disgraceful! 

You did what you had to do and no matter what is said you have done nothing wrong and should not feel guilty. 
You have saved Tink from a fate far worse than being PTS with someone holding her paw & looking after her. 

RIP Tink


----------



## Evilshiddenclaws (May 25, 2010)

9Red said:


> Update: Tink was found today in a neighbours garden looking even worse. I went and collected her and had her PTS.
> 
> Bless her soul, she started purring as soon as the vet took her out of the carrier and didn't stop until her heart did. She kept eye contact with me the whole time, and the expression of relief in the split second before she passed was overwhelming. The vet said she could tell just by looking that she had something seriously wrong inside her, probably cancer from the distended and distorted look of her abdomen.
> 
> ...


so sorry  RIP little one, you did the right thing. Do not let your sister or mother make you feel bad about your decision, that was an appauling position to be put in and everyone here knows that what you did was the only right thing to do. you're sister should be absolutely ashamed of herself to put an animal through that amount of suffering.

i hope you're ok :grouphug:


----------



## xXFooFooLaFluffXx (Aug 4, 2007)

have you spoken to your sister yet?

rip tinks, you did the right thing


----------



## elmthesofties (Aug 24, 2012)

So sorry to hear you had to choose between keeping a good relationship with your sister or the well-being of an innocent animal.
R.I.P Tinkerbell. At least she found peace eventually.


----------



## Cocoa (Feb 23, 2012)

Oh this post made me cry.
Partly with sadness but also with relief that you found that poor little love and did the right thing by having her PTS, letting her go and ending her suffering.
Your sister should be ashamed but I hope that both herself and your mother werent/arent too hard on you for doing what you know was the right thing.

*hugs*

RIP Tink, sleep peacefully, sweetheart x


----------



## jaykickboxer (Feb 11, 2008)

I wouldn't mind a update find out if her sister did the right thing and agreed it was the right thing to do or went mad


----------



## feorag (Jul 31, 2007)

Me too! :2thumb:


----------



## Christie_ZXR (May 14, 2011)

Me three!

I hope it all turned out okay


----------



## Embo (Jun 7, 2012)

I just read this whole thread and I must sat I'm feeling a little deflated now 

Terribly sad situation. Thankfully the poor puss is finally at peace. 

Would like to know how the OP got on with her sister & family? How did the children take the news?


----------



## TIMOTHY AND MATILDA (Oct 31, 2008)

You did the best thing for Tink and you were with her,Stuff what the owners say,they are selfish and cruel


My two cats are 16 and they still behave like kittens and I think if my cats were ill then I wouldnt go on holiday and if you love your pet and you leave another person relative/friend to care for them in your absence then you trust that person to make the correct decision either alone or with a vet what happens if they are ill
I think if they didnt want her put to sleep for their own selfish reasons then they should have come home from holiday!They didnt so stuff the selfish :devil::devil:
well done you,RIP tinkerbell


----------

