# Trying to explain to your parents



## Jasoon (Dec 14, 2009)

That you want more reptiles and weird critters? I suppose most of you don't live with your parents (mostly becuase you're alot older than me lol)
I first got a Bosc Monitor, brang it home and my mum went nuts lol, she didn't have a clue I bought it, then she found out that he'll grow to over 3ft long.. she wasn't happy, not one bit lol.
Now it's growing on me, I want more!  I've finally convinced her to let me get a snake, which is going to be a king snake, I told her that it only grows to a foot in length.. let's see what she says in a year or two haha.
Then I started to go on at her that I want to get some baby turtels.. I nearly got kicked out :/
Honestly, if I could, I'd have my room full of vivs xD
Anyone ever have the same problem with your parents?


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## SNAKEWISPERA (Aug 27, 2007)

My dad buys more than I do


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## KarlW (Oct 6, 2009)

My parents stricly forbid me to have any pets, so when i moved out i bought some beardies within a month.

The downside - i need permission for every pet where i currently am - if i had the money i would rent a shop unit and fill it with pets.


Karl


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## Gina. (Sep 9, 2009)

My dad doesn't seem to understand the addiction. Theres no way to explain it though..
I'm already at my limit with 6 reps (and a hedgehog next week!) But hopefully moving out next year so will have a house full of reps :2thumb:


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## naja-naja (Aug 26, 2009)

i just kind of blank out what they say and keep getting more lol.


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## SNAKEWISPERA (Aug 27, 2007)

Gina. said:


> My dad doesn't seem to understand the addiction. Theres no way to explain it though..
> I'm already at my limit with 6 reps (and a hedgehog next week!) But hopefully moving out next year so will have a house full of reps :2thumb:



My dads more addicted :lol: he picks me up and is like just bought a pair of Irian Jayas :lol2:


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## Gina. (Sep 9, 2009)

SNAKEWISPERA said:


> My dads more addicted :lol: he picks me up and is like just bought a pair of Irian Jayas :lol2:


Your dad sounds awesome!


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## LizardFTI (Dec 2, 2006)

when I first got into the hobby I was still at home. My mother let me get whatever I wanted, but never really understood the appeal, until I got her a cornsnake of her own ^_____^


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## Jasoon (Dec 14, 2009)

ELZ1985 said:


> when I first got into the hobby I was still at home. My mother let me get whatever I wanted, but never really understood the appeal, until I got her a cornsnake of her own ^_____^


My mum hates the idea of me having pets lol I apperently 'have to much stuff' because I go out and buy stuff every day, it's like xmas every day haha.


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## SNAKEWISPERA (Aug 27, 2007)

Gina. said:


> Your dad sounds awesome!


he even uses the forums :flrt:


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## Dave W (May 6, 2009)

im easy my folks have passes away

suppose when they were around though they would not entertain reps as they were proper old school


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## Tommy123 (Sep 19, 2008)

I have sorta the same problem, I can't just 'come home' with a reptile. (I'm 12) I've got a tortoise and thats it. (Other than chickens, pigs etc) She would let me have a lizard it's just she thinks there ugly. She's not easy to persuade, well one of the hardest people around I say.. my dad doesn't give the stuff anyway. I'm slowly getting there though, I write to her, by letter and leave it somewhere, she seems more convinced then; because if I say it to her face she just shouts at me. I done one the other night, and she seems quite convinced, but she hasn't said nothing yet. Let's just hope she says yes.​


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## Jasoon (Dec 14, 2009)

I'm now really f*cked off, my mum said I was allowed a snake, I got my heart set on it, now she's saying I ain't, stupid f*cking woman changes her mind like the wind :bash:


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## LizardFTI (Dec 2, 2006)

Jasoon said:


> I'm now really f*cked off, my mum said I was allowed a snake, I got my heart set on it, now she's saying I ain't, stupid f*cking woman changes her mind like the wind :bash:




say that you already ordered it and its too late to cancel >_>


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## Jasoon (Dec 14, 2009)

ELZ1985 said:


> say that you already ordered it and its too late to cancel >_>


Still going to get one, just won't let her find out about it


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## RawrItsOllie (Sep 17, 2009)

My mums being a right b*tch recently. Ive been allowed critters, but I have to buy them one by one tbh. But after I got my hedgehog my mum continually complained how getting animals is such a hassle for her, when its really not, as I do everything for my pets and all she had to do was email the breeder once. But get this, she finally gave me a reptile room, and the first thing she had to say about it is NO MORE PETS and wont even listen to my points of view :bash: I dont have that many things!
RGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


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## _jake_ (Jul 3, 2008)

Meh. My mums the same, I have a few pets and im really grateful, 2 lizards, turtle, rabbit. Im grateful for what im allowed. But first starting in the hobby, every reptile under the sun I wanted, begged and begged she never let me. I grew up, realised it isnt the end of the world and alot of kids aren't even allowed a golfish. Any new pets I'd like I dont go behind her back, asking them maturely and without going on gets you far. I'm getting a cat after xmas, Its tooken me a few months to get one, but, what the hell?. I didnt go on, I proved my mum im responsible enough and she finally said yes. Going on and on just makes you look a pratt and not responsible enough for them!. 

1) Ask nicely.
2) Show information, ask again
3) Compromise
4) Do compromise
5) Get new pet

If you do what your doing now:

1) Ask, ask, ask and ask and maybe punch something
2) Ask
3) Grounded
4) Bad Times

Seriousley mate, act more mature and it will get you further!.


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## MissCat (Mar 9, 2009)

Speaking both as a parent, and as someone who was once in your position I offer the following advice...

Find out WHY your mum is so against getting anything else.
There are many reasons.​
She many have a phobia, in which case she may need sensitive help in overcoming it.​
She may be concerned about running costs, such as housing, heating, feeding, vets bills etc. Perhaps if you have a job of some sort and agree that YOU provide these things (in this case i suggest insurance or saving for future vet bills). Make it clear to your mother that you will contribute towards the cost of heating. Also make it clear that the moment you falter with the payments or can no longer afford these pets, that you will rehome them.​
She may be concerned about time constraints... Most parents end up having to do the day to day care of an animal once the interest has worn off of their children. Perhaps she has other, more important things to do? This reason will require patience on your part. By researching and learning as much as you can about the pet you want, you will show her that you have the dedication to lend to your new pet.​

Make sure you have an intelligent, calm answer to her questions or concerns. Simply stamping your foot or calling her names until she caves will not suffice. You need to show her that you are mature enough to care for your pet and that you have thought of every scenario, like how you will afford the animals upkeep, installing smoke alarms near the enclosures, who will care for the pets if you are sick or on holiday and (though i don't know your age etc) what will happen to the pets if/when you go to college/uni/leave home/ get a full time job etc etc.
I know that when I threw my dummy out of the pram (and when my kids to it to me) the answer is a resounding NO, no matter how hard i/my kids protest/ed

At the end of the day, communication is the key. You need to know her reasons, she needs to understand your passion. You need to be dedicated to the cause and have patience.
If you can prove your maturity she may say yes.
And if she doesn't say yes after all this, remain calm and respect her wishes.
Being calm and respectful will earn you MAHOOOSIVE brownie points and may melt her heart enough to cave.
But if THAT doesn't work, you'll just have to wait until you move out and have your own place.
I don't suggest getting something and hiding it from her, though it can be amusing and you end up getting what you want...what will happen when you (inevitably) need her assistance? You will destroy any trust or respect shhe may have had for you.
Any way, that's my twopence of advice. Hope it goes well for you.​


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## Jasoon (Dec 14, 2009)

I tried talking to her today, I asked nicely why she didn't want me having a snake, she replied "Because you ain't having one, you had enough pets when you was younger"
So I replied "Okay, but I would pay for it, I would pay to look after it, I would pay more towards the bills"
She replied "You ain't f*cking have one"
Thing that makes me more mad is, she first said I was allowed one, so I ordered a new viv.. now she's saying I ain't, so now I've got a new viv coming for F all.
>.<


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## TIMOTHY AND MATILDA (Oct 31, 2008)

I had the same problem with my hubby,although he was lovely today as my froggy died and he bought me a pacman frog home at lunchtime :flrt::flrt::flrt:


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## maddragon29 (Oct 16, 2008)

Step 1. Dont lie to your parents as they will find out eventually.
Step 2. Grow up. And i dont mean get older. Abide by your parents rules and get your own house before getting more reps if they dont want them in the house.

I'm sick of whinging people saying "my parents wont let me" "how do i convince my parents" 
your parents have every right to tell you you are not allowed an animal in their house. for any reason.


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## Jasoon (Dec 14, 2009)

maddragon29 said:


> Step 1. Dont lie to your parents as they will find out eventually.
> Step 2. Grow up. And i dont mean get older. Abide by your parents rules and get your own house before getting more reps if they dont want them in the house.
> 
> I'm sick of whinging people saying "my parents wont let me" "how do i convince my parents"
> your parents have every right to tell you you are not allowed an animal in their house. for any reason.


I know, that's why I'm going with what she said, going to be keeping GALS in there (she doesn't mind them)


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## Meko (Apr 29, 2007)

Jasoon said:


> That you want more reptiles and weird critters? I suppose most of you don't live with your parents (mostly becuase you're alot older than me lol)
> *I first got a Bosc Monitor, brang it home and my mum went nuts lol, she didn't have a clue I bought it, then she found out that he'll grow to over 3ft long.. she wasn't happy, not one bit lol.*
> 
> 
> ...





Jasoon said:


> My mum hates the idea of me having pets lol* I apperently 'have to much stuff'* because I go out and buy stuff every day, it's like xmas every day haha.


there's your problems..

1 - you lied to her about how big the bosc will get
2 - you lied to her about how big a king snake will get
3 - you still wanted more (baby turtles)
4 - you want more and more and more (vivs everywhere)
5 - you keep buying stuff

the solution

1 - stop lying to her
2 - stop lying to her
3 - stop wanting to collect them like they're pokemon
4 - see 3
5 - act more responsibly and don't keep spending money.

your mum sees you wanting more and more and more without putting enough thought into it all.


Also realise that it's not just you that lives there on your own. Your mum might not want a house full of animals that stops you going on holiday as there's nobody to look after them..


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## Jaxsin (Oct 18, 2009)

When I was living with my parents I just kinda showed up with them and my parents are the type not to say no when its up infront of them then eventually I had so much they just didn't notice anything new I'd just say "I already had that remember you see it when I such and such" now that I live by myself I can get whatever I want whenever I want aslong as I have the money and time for them.


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## Tommy123 (Sep 19, 2008)

I have the same problem with my mum. (In my opinion I'm being quite mature about doing it) I don't 'beg' I actually write to her:blush: Sounds sad, but she seems more convinced by me writing to her. I've been wanting a lizard for about 14 months now, and slowly getting closer. But as I've been reading everything written on here, I'm going to sit her down, and maturely talk to her.

I'll print out a care sheet with photos etc. (By the way, I'm wanting a crested gecko) I just hope it works. But the only problem's are she thinks there ugly, and just cringes when she see's them, and she doesn't think I'm responsible enough. I agree, I do feed my animals, but I think I could do more, so I'm really going to try hard. She's doesn't give in easily, but I think I can prove how dedicated I am in getting one. We'll just have to see....

Also, thanks for the advice people especially to 'MissCat', who gave some great advice. ​


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## Tommy123 (Sep 19, 2008)

Hello again! Well as I said, I'd speak to my mum; which I did. I said to her that I could and will prove I can be very responsible for a long term and carry it on, she said if I did she would consider it. So two words of advice: Be mature! It works for me.​


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## MissCat (Mar 9, 2009)

Tommy123 said:


> Hello again! Well as I said, I'd speak to my mum; which I did. I said to her that I could and will prove I can be very responsible for a long term and carry it on, she said if I did she would consider it. So two words of advice: Be mature! It works for me.​


:2thumb: Go team


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## Tommy123 (Sep 19, 2008)

MissCat said:


> :2thumb: Go team


Haha:2thumb: Well she actually seems quite convinced:no1:
Thanks again:notworthy:​


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## LoveForLizards (Apr 20, 2008)

MissCat said:


> Speaking both as a parent, and as someone who was once in your position I offer the following advice...
> 
> Find out WHY your mum is so against getting anything else.
> There are many reasons.​
> ...


So what about when you ask for a reason and they tell you to bugger off, or answer "because I saaaaaaaid NO!!!"/"because I SAID SO!!" ? :whistling2:
I don't care about being told no, just dislike people doing it without showing a valid reason.


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## Lew (May 31, 2009)

My parents arent so bad but they always have ago at me when i say i want another rep , they dont understand !


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## ChloEllie (Jul 18, 2009)

even now im moving in on my own my mum is still telling me im an idiot for getting a bosc.
but thats purely due to the fact shes not sure what my electricity bill will be and doesnt want me to b put in a dodgy situation.


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## spirit975 (May 15, 2007)

Jasoon said:


> I'm now really f*cked off, my mum said I was allowed a snake, I got my heart set on it, now she's saying I ain't, stupid f*cking woman changes her mind like the wind :bash:


To be honest if this is the sort of respect you show your mother i'm surprised you have a roof over your head let alone pets! Lying to her is only going to make her trust you less. Start showing some respect for the woman who brought you up and you might get somewhere.


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## maddragon29 (Oct 16, 2008)

LoveForLizards said:


> So what about when you ask for a reason and they tell you to bugger off, or answer "because I saaaaaaaid NO!!!"/"because I SAID SO!!" ? :whistling2:
> I don't care about being told no, just dislike people doing it without showing a valid reason.



But they have a valid reason.... they've said no and its their house

If you owned a house and someone you simply didn't like wanted to move in you'd just say no too.

Maybe she thinks he isn't mature enough, which in my opinion is great parenting on her part.
And maybe she just doesn't like snakes.
Or maybe she doesn't want to get lumbered with vets bills that could be sky high if something (god forbid) happens to the animal.

These are all things a parent has to think about before letting their child to get a pet whilst living in their house. 

And again, its their house, their rules.

I think a lot of people (and i'm not flaming at op here, dont take offence as i dont know you, i'm now aiming this at the forum kids in general) on here need to grow up and be more mature about this. If their parents say no then wait. If you want it that bad then its not gonna stop you in the future.
Whats the big rush for people to get everything all at once? and if your parent realises that your serious about it, really wanting it and doing the research over time, they might give in and say okay. But if they dont, then just get on with it, its not the end of the world if you need to wait for something you want.


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## maddragon29 (Oct 16, 2008)

ChloEllie said:


> even now im moving in on my own my mum is still telling me im an idiot for getting a bosc.
> but thats purely due to the fact shes not sure what my electricity bill will be and doesnt want me to b put in a dodgy situation.



My mum still comes over and raises her eyebrows and goes "is that a new one" to which (now) it usually isn't, she genuinely has a bad memory until she sees the said animal.

She loves coming over and seeing them but i think she also loves that she doesn't live with them. Also she knows i have money put aside incase things go wrong with them or the car so she's cool with it.
If i'd had so many when i just moved out though she'd have been freaking


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## ChloEllie (Jul 18, 2009)

maddragon29 said:


> My mum still comes over and raises her eyebrows and goes "is that a new one" to which (now) it usually isn't, she genuinely has a bad memory until she sees the said animal.
> 
> She loves coming over and seeing them but i think she also loves that she doesn't live with them. Also she knows i have money put aside incase things go wrong with them or the car so she's cool with it.
> If i'd had so many when i just moved out though she'd have been freaking



lol yea exactly. although im 22 and have a daughter so its diff to when i was living with her as she didnt want them coz she was scared of them. which is fair enough.
only i never knew she was scared of them lol hence wanting to get one.
i knew she disliked them but she dislikes every animal lol
so i only get them out when she isnt around so i dont rub it in her face. although they r in the dining room at the mo till the house is sorted lol and she doesnt mind. think shes warming up tbh.


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## maddragon29 (Oct 16, 2008)

My mum hated rats... so i wasn't allowed them. Now she comes over and takes them out herself.
She hated snakes, and freaked when i said i had a boa constrictor.
Now she always wants a shot of it and loves how its growing.
Shes the same with most of my animals. However she loves the tortoises and there has never been any doubt about that..... who couldn't love my timmy :lol2:




ChloEllie said:


> lol yea exactly. although im 22 and have a daughter so its diff to when i was living with her as she didnt want them coz she was scared of them. which is fair enough.
> only i never knew she was scared of them lol hence wanting to get one.
> i knew she disliked them but she dislikes every animal lol
> so i only get them out when she isnt around so i dont rub it in her face. although they r in the dining room at the mo till the house is sorted lol and she doesnt mind. think shes warming up tbh.


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## Freakinfreak (May 13, 2009)

*For anyone wanting to persuade a parent...*

I had a long time period of trying to get my snakes.

Firstly i brought snakes up and started to show them pictures etc of the snakes, this gets them interested and a bit in awe of them - snakes are an exotic pet in most eyes and something of a novelty.

Joined this forum and asked lots of questions, researched around to find lots of information; there are a lot of other places other than RFUK that can help too 

Gained information and asked the parents about having a snake. As my mum was the one with the problem, she just said "no, it's my house, you're not having one". I CALMLY and subtley said she would have nothing to do with them, they'd be in my room and i'd pay for everything.
She still said no, VERY firmly. 
I didn't get worked up or stressed out, i simply re-thought my strategy.

I e-mailed her, e-mailing is wonderful because she only checks them at work and she would have the time to read it and be more patient as she couldn't instantly reply to me if it were face-to-face.
I outlined the care for a corn snake and got quotes from websites about how they don't smell, don't make noise, take up little room until 2 years later when they're bigger, etc.

She came home after reading it and we had a civillised conversation, if you can write in a mature manner and act responsible, tidying up without being asked, vacuuming, washing dishes, etc then she will see that you're acting maturely.

Sorry for the long post but this worked for me and if she says no, and MEANS no, then leave it for a while but maybe buy posters of snakes and put them up in your room, if you have a computer or laptop which i'm sure you do if you're reading this then change the background to the rep you're looking to get.

"Accidentally" leave word documents open about their husbandry so she might read it, things like that. Then if she doesn't mention it again bring it up over dinner or bring a book down to where she's sitting in the front room and just get her interested in a picture and ask again.
Don't push her though and certainly do NOT go behind her back to get one. That's just a total crush-age of trust and will make her want to get to you as you've done such a big thing to get to her.

Again, sorry for length of post and good luck!


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## ChloEllie (Jul 18, 2009)

maddragon29 said:


> My mum hated rats... so i wasn't allowed them. Now she comes over and takes them out herself.
> She hated snakes, and freaked when i said i had a boa constrictor.
> Now she always wants a shot of it and loves how its growing.
> Shes the same with most of my animals. However she loves the tortoises and there has never been any doubt about that..... who couldn't love my timmy :lol2:


lol the one thing my mum is absoloutly PETRIFIED of, is tortoises lol
her mum and dad used to won a pet shop and that was back in the day when they would come in in crates packed to the brim with them.
when she unpacked them they would have missing eyes, legs, heads atc where they would eat each other in transit.
so she cant stand them now. cant watch them on tv or anything. makes her feel sick.


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## spend_day (Apr 10, 2008)

Honestly I think the OP has shot himself in the foot. Basically at the end of the day its her house and you've just pretty much stuck your fingers up at her and gone off and done what you like without consulting her. now you have proceeded to lie to her. Both of these things will put you in a bad positions with her and will make you look irresponsible and uncaring about her opinions. why must you have a snake now, why can't you wait while you slowly convince your mum over the next few months.

my advice, just stop asking for the next month or 2 while this all blows over, then broch the subject later on. tell the truth you'll get more respect. dont argue but ask questions on why (and ask for explicit responses) then address these issues in a respectful manner and if this doesn't work remember its her house you can have as many reptiles as you want in a few years when u have your own place. and just chill out good things come to those who wait.

if you just go out and get them, and lie to your parents they may just go out and sell or give them away (or even have the animals put down) this isn't good for the animals who should be your first priority in this


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## Tommy123 (Sep 19, 2008)

Freakinfreak said:


> I had a long time period of trying to get my snakes.
> 
> Firstly i brought snakes up and started to show them pictures etc of the snakes, this gets them interested and a bit in awe of them - snakes are an exotic pet in most eyes and something of a novelty.
> 
> ...


This is exactly what I done except I didn't email, I wrote to her, then put it on her bedside cabinet just before I go to sleep. I also made jokes about them. And after 14months of trying, she seems very convinced, and how dedicated I am to getting one.​


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