# I want to keep a human!



## Ron Magpie (Oct 11, 2009)

I'll keep it in a nice cage- maybe 2 foot by 6, 'cos that'll fit in my alcove, I'll feed it a nutritious diet, and maybe have it's teeth removed, in case it bites. I know it will be happy, 'cos I will really love it- but I may have to put nappies on it, so it doesn't mess up my laminate floor. I'm sure it will grow up without any mental health problems, 'cos, as I said, I will love it, but, if it does, I will re-home it to HumanWorld, where it will learn mugging and tying it's shoelaces from the other re-homed humans.

What dya think?


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## s6t6nic6l (May 15, 2010)

Ron Magpie said:


> I'll keep it in a nice cage- maybe 2 foot by 6, 'cos that'll fit in my alcove, I'll feed it a nutritious diet, and maybe have it's teeth removed, in case it bites. I know it will be happy, 'cos I will really love it- but I may have to put nappies on it, so it doesn't mess up my laminate floor. I'm sure it will grow up without any mental health problems, 'cos, as I said, I will love it, but, if it does, I will re-home it to HumanWorld, where it will learn mugging and tying it's shoelaces from the other re-homed humans.
> 
> *What dya think*?


i think it maybe worth setting an alarm on your phone to remind you that is now is the time to take your medicine :2thumb:

Facetious sod :lol2:


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## westie1 (Oct 28, 2009)

Ron Magpie said:


> I'll keep it in a nice cage- maybe 2 foot by 6, 'cos that'll fit in my alcove, I'll feed it a nutritious diet, and maybe have it's teeth removed, in case it bites. I know it will be happy, 'cos I will really love it- but I may have to put nappies on it, so it doesn't mess up my laminate floor. I'm sure it will grow up without any mental health problems, 'cos, as I said, I will love it, but, if it does, I will re-home it to HumanWorld, where it will learn mugging and tying it's shoelaces from the other re-homed humans.
> 
> What dya think?


if this is a joke its not very funny,
if your anti exotics your in the Wrong place bud.


_Posted from Reptileforums.co.uk App for Android_


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## Ron Magpie (Oct 11, 2009)

s6t6nic6l said:


> i think it maybe worth setting an alarm on your phone to remind you that is now is the time to take your medicine :2thumb:
> 
> Facetious sod :lol2:


Facetious? Me? I'm offering a good home, here for unwanted pet humans! :gasp:

I saw a programme once, on that do-gooding channel on TV, so it must be right!


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## Ron Magpie (Oct 11, 2009)

westie1 said:


> if this is a joke its not very funny,
> if your anti exotics your in the Wrong place bud.
> 
> 
> _Posted from Reptileforums.co.uk App for Android_


Of course I'm not anti-exotics, you idiot! If you had read the thread by the stupid woman after a monkey, you'd have got the joke.

Idiot.


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## westie1 (Oct 28, 2009)

Lmao I just came to post that iv read that post nd now understand yours but as you called me an idiot twice in that short space you can swivel.

As a stand alone post yours is idiotic!

Social wizkids on here lmao


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## Ron Magpie (Oct 11, 2009)

westie1 said:


> Lmao I just came to post that iv read that post nd now understand yours but as you called me an idiot twice in that short space you can swivel.
> 
> As a stand alone post yours is idiotic!
> 
> Social wizkids on here lmao


Lol. Actually, I faffed about on Edit, taking the last 'idiot' out, putting it back in, taking it out, putting it back in- and so-on ad nauseum. Then I left it in. : victory:


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## westie1 (Oct 28, 2009)

Ye I noticed lol, bored?


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## Ron Magpie (Oct 11, 2009)

westie1 said:


> Ye I noticed lol, bored?


And a bit ruder than needed- sorry for that! But at least you know what I was on about, now.


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## yugimon121 (Oct 4, 2009)

Ron Magpie said:


> Of course I'm not anti-exotics, you idiot! If you had read the thread by the stupid woman after a monkey, you'd have got the joke.
> 
> Idiot.


Which one? theres some new uneducated person looking for a monkey here each week!
But that was hilarious :lol2:


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## westie1 (Oct 28, 2009)

In context yeah it was quite good tbf, good move not putting it on thread shed have had a fit. I cringe at primate questions there not humans. 
Take it easy:cheers:


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## Ron Magpie (Oct 11, 2009)

westie1 said:


> In context yeah it was quite good tbf, good move not putting it on thread shed have had a fit. I cringe at primate questions there not humans.
> Take it easy:cheers:


No worries mate!


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## Pirate7 (Apr 7, 2008)

I'd say go for it mate, if it does poo on your laminate floor remember to smack it one. No one likes a disobedient pet.


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## feorag (Jul 31, 2007)

:gasp: No you mustn't do that - you're supposed to rub their nose in it aren't you? :whistling2:


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## Pirate7 (Apr 7, 2008)

feorag said:


> :gasp: No you mustn't do that - you're supposed to rub their nose in it aren't you? :whistling2:


Your right actually, my mistake. That will always stop them from doing it again. :gasp:


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## colinm (Sep 20, 2008)

Ron, be careful this is how Fred West and Josef Fritzel started.


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## Amber (Jun 11, 2006)

Sounds good, but you might want to give it some environmental enrichment, how about a kong? What animal isn't happy with a kong.


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## PETERAROBERTSON (Jul 2, 2008)

Damn
Just reslised this is a joke.
My son moved bk for a few days
A year n half a go.lol

Was just about to pm you ron...

Hes quite tame and house trained..
Well sort of.
Cant stand too close to toilet after him .
Especially barefoot..

The specialist says his aim is bad because he was thrown out too quick.
Left too young.
And spent to long alone in his bedsit.

What does he know..

Pitty as well as he comes with own bed and wardrobe.


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## gmccurdie (Jun 1, 2012)

Ron Magpie said:


> I'll keep it in a nice cage- maybe 2 foot by 6, 'cos that'll fit in my alcove, I'll feed it a nutritious diet, and maybe have it's teeth removed, in case it bites. I know it will be happy, 'cos I will really love it- but I may have to put nappies on it, so it doesn't mess up my laminate floor. I'm sure it will grow up without any mental health problems, 'cos, as I said, I will love it, but, if it does, I will re-home it to HumanWorld, where it will learn mugging and tying it's shoelaces from the other re-homed humans.
> 
> What dya think?


I believe you have hit the wrong item in your favourites and posted in the wrong forum.

Fortunately there is an over 18's section, but don't forget to put how much you charge for this service.

And please remember letting your human escape by handcuffing them to a radiator may be considered an offence. Always use a secure cage.


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## jaykickboxer (Feb 11, 2008)

Amy preferance as to gender , race , hair colour ?


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## Ron Magpie (Oct 11, 2009)

jaykickboxer said:


> Amy preferance as to gender , race , hair colour ?


Well, *of course* it has to fit into my lifestyle and colour scheme, sweetie! I'm rich enough to stomp all over those dogooders and have exactly the pet I want!

In the Old Days, you could just buy humans from Harrods...


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## jaykickboxer (Feb 11, 2008)

Ron Magpie said:


> Well, *of course* it has to fit into my lifestyle and colour scheme, sweetie! I'm rich enough to stomp all over those dogooders and have exactly the pet I want!
> 
> In the Old Days, you could just buy humans from Harrods...


Just thinking of ur after a fella as I'm assuming u are u might wanna try Asia there genrally smaller so should fit in the 6,
X 2 okay I'd avoid the Germans and Dutch if I was u gonna need too big a enclosure


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## Ron Magpie (Oct 11, 2009)

Oh, this is SO getting out of hand! Thanks for the tolerance, Mods, but anytime you want to remove this thread is fine! I must admit, it was fun, though! :lol2::lol2::lol2:


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## Gryffindor (Jun 24, 2012)

Hi, I'd like a young Australian male. Blonde hair and blue or green eyes. Strong Australian accent is a must and must NOT be neutered, I'm hoping to have a pair eventually. I have a couple of nice big outdoor cages that used to house polar bears that will be perfect and good care will be provided 

If you've got a red haired female that you could sell me also that would be great! Nationality doesn't really matter, but would prefer a Scottish one as I'd like to see if I could breed Aussie-Scottish hybrids. Thanks! :2thumb:


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## yugimon121 (Oct 4, 2009)

Gryffindor said:


> Hi, I'd like a young Australian male. Blonde hair and blue or green eyes. Strong Australian accent is a must and must NOT be neutered, I'm hoping to have a pair eventually. I have a couple of nice big outdoor cages that used to house polar bears that will be perfect and good care will be provided
> 
> If you've got a red haired female that you could sell me also that would be great! Nationality doesn't really matter, but would prefer a Scottish one as I'd like to see if I could breed Aussie-Scottish hybrids. Thanks! :2thumb:



I wouldnt mix breed these two imo. the Australian (**** Aussi) and the scottish (**** Scotty) are in two separate specie families, and this may cause problems for the hybrid children, such as not knowing what nationality they belong in, and gaining a I presume unusual Australian-Scottish accent. However I have met several families who keep these species together and the babies are just adorable! So regardless of your choice,good luck with your new humans!

I got a polar for my sons birthday, but when my son just stopped playing with it i took it back to the wild by throwing it out of my moving car on to a road


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## Pouchie (Feb 9, 2008)

Ron Magpie said:


> Oh, this is SO getting out of hand! Thanks for the tolerance, Mods, but anytime you want to remove this thread is fine! I must admit, it was fun, though! :lol2::lol2::lol2:


 
You tryin to say we don't have a sense of humour? :whistling2:


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## Ron Magpie (Oct 11, 2009)

Pouchie said:


> You tryin to say we don't have a sense of humour? :whistling2:


I stand corrected, Oh Great Moderator in the Sky!


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## geckostar (May 18, 2010)

ive always thought that a african x asian x russian as a long term breeding project


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## Pouchie (Feb 9, 2008)

Ron Magpie said:


> I stand corrected, Oh Great Moderator in the Sky!


LOL that's appropriate. I am painting my spare room at the moment and feeling a bit high off the fumes :lol2:
(and a bit sick  )


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